In His Dreams, page 16
Barb headed back to the beach, looking happier than she had in a long time, and Marsha could only imagine that lifting the burden from her shoulders had made a difference. They hadn’t talked about it anymore, but the news had given Marsha a brand new understanding of her sister and the sorrow she bore in silence.
“I’ve had enough,” Barb said, settling into a beach chair. “I’ll dry off for a minute. Then I’m getting dressed.” She threw a towel over her lap and stretched out her legs.
Curious, Marsha couldn’t hold back her question. “What do you think of Al?”
“He seems like a nice man, but I worry about his daughter. She’s headed for trouble. She’s too grown up for twelve years of age.”
“I was thinking the same.” She glanced above the tall grasses toward the top of the hill. “They should be here soon.”
“You’re probably right.” Barb craned her neck toward the cottage. “I’m going up. I don’t want to be caught in my bathing suit.” She stood, wrapped the large towel around her waist and headed up the hill.
Marsha leaned back, letting her mind drift while she watched the girls. She missed Jeff. He’d called a couple of times, once to let her know the girls would go golfing with him yesterday and then later, when Jeff had said they’d take her up on the offer to watch them while he and Al fished today. Apparently, golfing with the girls in tow hadn’t gone that well.
She realized it had only been three days, but the special time, the sharing time, they hadn’t had that even on Sunday. She’d had no chance to find out what he thought about church, positive or negative. Nothing. Al had been standing nearby when he’d dropped off the girls, and it made talking about anything personal too difficult. She liked Al, but—
“Daddy!”
Marsha sat up and glanced over her shoulder when she heard Bonnie’s cry. She hadn’t seen Jeff and Al coming down the path because the tall shrubs and grass blocked her view.
“Hi,” Jeff said, moving to her side and squeezing her shoulder. “How’d it go?”
“Fine. No problems.” Not totally accurate though. She smiled at Al, unable to tell Jeff the total truth. Lindsey had called Bonnie a retard, and Bonnie had gotten teary eyed. Marsha had let the girl know how she felt, then felt badly for being so angry. The girl had looked surprised, but had finally said she was sorry. From her expression, Marsha figured she didn’t really feel sorry, but at least she’d apologized. That was a step in the right direction.
“Let’s go,” Jeff called, beckoning the girls from the water. “We’re going to Daddy Frank’s for lunch. Guess who picked the spot?”
Marsha waited, hoping to hear an invitation to join them, but she didn’t.
Bonnie bounded from the water with Lindsey following behind as if she didn’t want to respond to Jeff’s call but knew she’d better.
Jeff guided Bonnie toward Marsha. “Thank Aunt Marsha for letting you stay here.”
Bonnie leaned down and gave Marsha a wet hug. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” she said, feeling the chill of the icy water she’d convinced herself earlier wasn’t too cold.
“We’ll talk later.” He rested his hand on Bonnie’s back and followed Lindsey and Al up the path while Marsha watched them go, feeling as if she’d had sand kicked in her face.
After she figured they’d gone, she climbed the hill and went to her room. She dressed and tried to swallow some fruit, but it stuck in her throat. What had she expected? Somehow, in her delusional world, she’d thought Jeff cared for her enough to have her fit into his life—even as a friend. She’d tried to quash her feelings for so long, but she’d finally given up and faced the truth. She’d begun to fall in love. It had nothing to do with purpose or being needed. She’d finally understood this was a totally selfish motive. She wanted to love and be loved again. It was that simple.
Simple? How could she put that word in the same sentence with her and Jeff? Nothing was simple. The situation reeked of complications. They’d been in-laws; his life was devoted to Bonnie; he’d lost his personal relationship with the Lord. She’d pushed him away because of that. She’d given up on romance. She’d let caregiving be her focus; she’d invited Barb to live with her, and Barb had given up her apartment and moved in. Even if she and Jeff had fallen in love, what could she do now? Oh, by the way Barb, I’m marrying Jeff so get out now that you’ve just settled in.
Her stomach twisted with confusion as she eyed Barb sitting in her favorite spot, writing again on the yellow legal pad.
“I’m going back down to get some sun,” Marsha said, grabbing a magazine.
“Would you like to read some of my novel?”
Marsha’s pulse tripped. “I’d love to, if you don’t mind.”
Her sister reached down and handed her a thick legal pad. “Here’s the beginning.”
Marsha took the stack of paper and held it to her chest. “This means a lot to me, Barb.”
“It means a lot to me, too.”
Tears prickled in Marsha’s eyes for Barb and for her own misery. She opened the door and made her way down to the beach. A breeze ruffled the pages when she lifted the pad to her lap, and she began at the beginning.
The sun warmed her arms, but her body felt chilled from the sadness in the words her sister had written. In this story, a young woman had been attacked and brutally hurt by a predator who continued to stalk her.
She turned the pages. Chapter one. Chapter two. Chapter three.
Holding her breath, Marsha contemplated what she’d read. She didn’t know anything about writing, but this was good. Barb had brought this woman to life and created emotions that raced from the paper to her fingers as she turned the yellow pages as fast as her eyes could take in the story.
“Barb said you were here.”
Marsha jumped, hearing Jeff’s voice. “What are you doing here? I thought you had plans.”
“I skipped lunch. Al said he’d take the girls to town. He dropped me off.”
She searched his face, wondering if something was wrong. “Any particular reason?”
“I’ve missed you.”
She caught her breath. “I’ve missed you.”
“I’m glad.” He looked behind him and drew the chair up to the recliner. “I wanted to tell you a couple of things.”
She searched his eyes, fearing what he had to say.
He gave her a knowing look. “So much has happened. I don’t know where to begin.”
Her shoulders knotted and she felt a frown settle on her face.
“First, you were right about regular kids and disabled. Lindsey and Bonnie are like oil and water. Nothing in common, and I don’t like some of the things she says or her looks. I wouldn’t have let Bonnie go today except, when Al is there, Lindsey seems to behave.”
Relief washed over her. One more thing she didn’t have to tell him.
“She rolls her eyes and says things that hurt Bonnie’s feelings.”
Marsha nodded. Like retard, she told herself. “She’s spoiled.”
“I understand how those things happen, and Al feels badly but it’s not good.” He grasped her hand and wove his fingers through hers. “The other thing I want to tell you is that I prayed yesterday. It happened as naturally as breathing.”
A prayer answered. Marsha swallowed back her emotion. “I’m glad. It’s a door opening.”
“A door that’s been closed too long.”
“You’ve been reading the Bible, haven’t you?”
He gave her a sly grin and nodded. “Curious, I suppose, about the verses you mentioned, and they hit home. They made me think, especially how I was cheating Bonnie, later how I was cheating myself.”
With gratefulness flying to heaven, she placed her palm over his hands. “That warms my heart. I can’t tell you how much.”
“And I want to talk about another door that’s been closed too long.”
She looked into his eyes and felt weak.
“Let’s take a walk.” He rose and held out his hand.
Marsha grasped it, hope spiraling through her. When she stood, Jeff wove his fingers through hers. She strode beside him along the sand, her thoughts shifting to the footprints they’d talked about, what seemed so long ago.
As they walked, he released her hand and slipped his arm around her waist. He didn’t say anything, but she sensed he was struggling. She recognized the look in his eyes, and now anticipated what he might say.
“Ready?”
She lifted her gaze to his, hoping she was right. “I’ve been ready for a while now.”
He drew her closer to his side. “You know this is about us.”
She looked into his tender gaze. “I hoped so.”
Jeff stopped and turned her toward him. “We’ve been kidding ourselves about this friendship thing. I know we’ve both struggled with guilty feelings and questions as to motivation. I’ve asked myself, how does she really feel?”
“And I asked myself how does he really feel?” she added.
“I know, now, you’ve been concerned about my lack of faith, and I think that’s what’s been holding you back.”
She nodded, trying to control the tears pooling in her eyes. “What you said today makes all the difference.”
He brushed away the tears from her cheek. “I’ve always admired you, Marsha. Your strength and courage. Your stamina and spirit. You could find humor in the worst situations and make me laugh. Your wisdom. Your love for Bonnie.” He tilted her chin upward. “I think our relationship has gone far beyond friendship.”
“So do I.”
“So what do we do about it?”
She searched his eyes, and he gave her the answer without words. His mouth lowered to hers and, instead of fighting the emotion, she drank in the sweetness. She wrapped her arms around his neck, feeling her heart beat against his chest, his body trembling against hers.
They stood alone, bound in each other’s arms, the sound of the waves lapping against the shore, a gull dipping toward the water as their only witness, and it was all she wanted.
She drew back to catch her breath and felt like a young girl with her first love. With no words to say, she tiptoed to meet his mouth again, lingering in the joy of the experience and the giving that she’d withheld for so long.
He eased back and gazed into her eyes. “You’ve made me so happy. I know this is new, but I trust my heart. I trust what’s happened to me these past four weeks. I don’t think meeting here was a coincidence. I believe it was God-guided.”
Marsha’s heart sang with his admission, and she sent up a prayer of thanksgiving for what God had done for them, but she felt herself hesitate. “I trust my heart, too, but we need time, Jeff. I hope you agree.”
“Time?”
“We’re caught up in these wonderful feelings of wholeness, but we don’t want to hurt anyone. We need to go home and see how it works there in real time, not summer time.”
He put a palm on each side of her face. “Do you think this is a summer romance? It’s not for me, Marsha. I know the difference. I’ve been alone for two years. I’ve tried to date women, but it’s empty. The feelings I had for them can’t compare to anything I’ve experienced with you on the island.”
“I know.” Her chest ached with the worries that tumbled through her mind. “But there’s Barb. She just moved in with me. What can I say to her?”
“Tell her the truth.”
“Yes, but…I’ve learned some things recently. She’s trusted me with some horrible experiences from her past, and I don’t want to make her feel she’s in the way. Not today. Not while we’re here.” She saw disappointment in his eyes and she wanted to scream at the situation, but even Bonnie seemed to be growing out of her tantrums, and she couldn’t give way to her frustration. “I’m not doubting my feelings. I’m just asking you to give us time before we say anything. Let Barb get used to the idea of seeing you around when we get back home.”
He held her at arm’s length and gave her a faint smile. “My Marsha. She’s still taking care of people.”
His comment stabbed her. She didn’t feel free to tell him Barb’s secret, but he had to understand. “Trust me just a little more, Jeff. Please.”
He closed his eyes and drew her into his embrace. “I trust you. You can have your time, but I’m disappointed. Tomorrow’s the Fourth. I want to put your name up in lights. I want to sing this revelation from the housetops.”
So did she, but she had responsibilities. She needed to explain things to Barb, first. She needed to—What? Her excuse sounded so shallow, even to her.
Jeff had to hogtie Bonnie to get her ready for the town’s festivities, and it made him laugh. Both girls seemed excited over the morning Fourth of July activities. He’d explained the events were a full day with the parades, skydivers, a carnival and fireworks at the end of the day. They didn’t celebrate the Fourth nearly as fully in the big cities downstate.
“Let’s hurry,” he said, prodding Bonnie to finish combing her hair. “Aunt Marsha is ready and wants to get a good spot for the parade.”
Aunt Marsha. Bonnie adored her, and so did he, but she’d knocked the wind out of his sails yesterday when he’d admitted his feelings. The words I love you had nearly fallen from his lips and, with her caution to wait, he was grateful he’d controlled himself. But no matter what he called it, Jeff knew he had fallen in love—the proverbial head-over-heels kind that almost made him feel giddy.
Lindsey fussed over her hair and makeup, which upset Bonnie. She wanted eye shadow and lipstick, too, but Jeff took her aside and tried to explain Lindsey was older. Even then, he wasn’t happy about seeing the girl decked out like one of the floats they would see in the parade.
Finally, with threats of staying home from the celebration, Bonnie gave in, but her mouth curved down to a miserable look, and he hoped it would fade by the time they arrived at Marsha’s.
Al packed the trunk with chairs while Jeff gathered his contribution to the picnic and, once loaded, they made the short trip to Marsha’s. He wanted to tell Al what had happened after his talk with Marsha—get his advice—but he decided not to dwell on it. He only hoped that Marsha hadn’t let their discussion ruin the day.
His fears were lifted when he pulled up to the A-frame. Barb and Marsha were at the door, ready to load her trunk. Jeff jumped from the driver’s seat. “Can we fit everything in one car? Parking could be a problem. I think we can put the four smallest people into the backseat.”
He saw Barb pat her hips, and he chuckled. “You can sit in front with Al. He’ll have to drive.”
She shrugged and Marsha smiled as she handed him a picnic hamper. “We have more chairs and a large Thermos of lemonade. That should do it.”
Al grasped the chairs from Barb while Jeff carried the box. In minutes, the trunk was packed and so was the car. He and Marsha squeezed together—pure pleasure for him—while the girls scrunched into the rest of the seat. He was grateful the trip was short. They found a space on Donegal Bay Road near Main Street and, with everyone lugging something, they walked to a grassy spot across from the Shamrock Restaurant and opened the folding chairs while the girls spread a blanket on the grass.
The day was perfect and, as Jeff watched, near noon he saw a band gathering on the stage. Christian music filled the air, songs he didn’t know, but he clapped his hands and tapped his toe. When his gaze drifted to Marsha, she smiled, but he thought he saw something questioning in her eyes.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
“Perfect. The day’s beautiful and the company is even better.”
Her comment reassured him. Maybe they could get through these trials. She’d said Barb had confessed something to her, something important from the way she’d talked, and he had to respect that. Still, her hesitation bothered him. He feared this might be only an excuse. She’d been single for four years. For him, it had only been two. Yet, she hadn’t mentioned dating or seeking company, and he knew that Don’s illness had dealt a horrible blow to romance in their lives. Yet, she’d remained a devoted wife, showing him love and caring for him to the end.
What did Jeff expect? Sometimes he seemed to second-guess too many things. He needed to let things happen and not push them. If Marsha loved him, he would know soon enough. She’d asked for time, not a lifetime.
Marsha gave him a questioning look, and he managed a smile, then focused on the band’s message of salvation, which, until recently, he’d forced from his life.
She motioned to the picnic basket and, as they listened, she passed out the plates and laid the food in containers on the blanket. Marsha had even thought to bring a jar of peanut butter, just in case.
When they were eating, Jeff noticed a couple of teenage boys hanging around, and he saw Lindsey looking at them. He needed to keep tabs on her or caution Al, but he hated to put a damper on everyone’s fun. He’d be alert himself.
Jeff’s thoughts shifted to Lindsey’s behavior, and he surprised himself feeling proud of Bonnie. He couldn’t believe how well she’d behaved since Al had arrived. She’d had one temper tantrum at the golf course, but other than that, she hadn’t caused an uproar, and he was grateful. Marsha had said sometimes kids grow out of it, and maybe so. What he had noticed was she’d gotten moodier and cried more easily. He wondered if Lindsey had triggered that problem.
Tap dancers were followed by a community choir singing “God Bless America” and “You’re a Grand Old Flag.” People in the crowd lifted their small American flags and waved them. Marsha sang along with the choir, and pride filled Jeff’s chest hearing her excellent voice.
“Look!” Bonnie called as the choir left the stage.
Jeff stared into the sky as jets flew over in formation. Then they all gasped when a biplane appeared next doing loop-the-loops and, finally, the skydivers glided through the air.
“Wow!” Lindsey yelled, and Bonnie followed suit. Lindsey rose and Bonnie followed, moving behind the chairs. Jeff glanced over his shoulder, and they had their eyes aimed at the sky so he relaxed.
When the show ended, Jeff looked again, and the girls were leaning against someone’s car, watching as the parade came down Main Street—floats and music, bicycles decorated with colorful plastic ribbons—each one extolling the theme, the beauty of Beaver Island.
