In His Dreams, page 12
“It is.”
“Instead of hiding behind buildings.”
Marsha grinned, picturing them hidden behind the old Coast Guard boathouse. “Or climbing a lighthouse.”
He nodded. “Kids change lives. Marriages can lose the romance when the house is filled with kids.”
Or when kids have problems. “I wouldn’t know about that.”
His smile faded. “I didn’t mean to—”
“It was our choice, Jeff. You didn’t offend me. We decided to wait.” She drew in a deep breath. “And then we waited too long. God had other plans for us.”
He squeezed her hand. “Let’s just enjoy dinner.”
Marsha saw the serious look in his eyes and wished they’d never fallen into the topic. His comment about marriage losing its romance made her wonder. Had the stress of Bonnie affected his and Marilou’s relationship? If it had, he’d remained a faithful husband. She felt confident in that, and it gave her a new admiration for Jeff. Sometimes it was too easy to walk away from marriage. It wasn’t what God expected. Until death us do part. For better or worse. She’d said it herself.
During dinner, the conversation stayed on everyday things and, when the delicious meal came to a close, Jeff wouldn’t say no to buying her dessert. They finally agreed to share her favorite mixed-berry cobbler à la mode.
“Sorry,” Jeff said as his fork clanged against hers.
Marsha grinned and lashed toward him, her fork a foil as they pretended to engage in a fencing match over the dessert. Embarrassed at her exuberance, she felt heat rising in her cheeks.
“Ignore the other customers.” He brushed his fingers along her cheek. “They might envy our having fun.”
She shook her head and delved into the serving of berries and vanilla ice cream, enjoying the sweet-tart flavor.
Jeff took the last bite, then placed his fork on the plate and glanced at his watch. “We need to get moving.” He caught the waitress’s eye and motioned for the bill.
During the short ride to the marina, Jeff talked about his friend’s visit. “Captain Weede does outer-island cruises, too. I wonder if Al and his daughter might like to go. Bonnie would enjoy a cruise.”
“I’ve never been to the outer islands,” Marsha said, hoping for an invitation, but none came. She squelched the disappointment before it overtook her. “Since your friend is coming—and his daughter—I was thinking that I might take Bonnie to get her haircut. I’d like Bonnie to—” Meddling again. She stopped herself from saying more, but Jeff took over, saving her the problem.
“She needs a haircut. Her bangs drive me crazy. They’re always in her eyes and, when her hair gets tangled, she throws a fit when I try to help her with the snarls. It’s a battle every time we’re trying to go somewhere.”
“I’ll call East Wind Spa and make an appointment. I could use a trim, myself.”
Marsha relaxed her shoulders and sent up a thank you to the Lord. She’d worked hard to avoid meddling with Jeff’s way of handling Bonnie, and somehow he’d begun to accept her advice. That was all she wanted, to help without interfering.
The marina had quieted as evening approached. Most boaters had settled in for the night and were enjoying dinner somewhere, Marsha guessed, but the cruiser Island Time was boarding. Jeff took her arm and walked beside her up the gangway.
A breeze drifted over the water, and she slipped a beige sweater over her shoulders, glad she’d brought it along. Jeff led her to an empty bench along the side so they could have an unobstructed view of the sunset. The golden ball had lowered in the sky while coral and lavender streaks already painted the darkening clouds.
Jeff slid his arm around her shoulder. “Cold?”
“Not now,” she said, capturing his hand beneath hers and loving the feel of his closeness.
Marsha felt good having a friend so dear to her, someone who knew her past trials and someone who seemed patient with her flaws—more patient than she was sometimes.
She turned her gaze from the water to Jeff’s face. “I’m glad you invited me. It’s nice to get away, and I’ve never done a cruise like this.”
“I haven’t, either, so it’s something new we can share.”
We can share. The words sounded so warm and hopeful. Sharing. She’d had no one to share things with for too long and, now that Jeff had appeared in her life again, she realized she wanted to start living again. But the idea of meeting new men and dating still left her cold. Jeff was different. Totally different. He’d become a wonderful companion who made her feel whole again.
Hearing herself sent out a warning. She knew what God would have her do. An unequal yoke was not His will, and she sensed that Jeff wasn’t going to budge from his self-imposed distance from God.
An unwanted sadness washed over her. She rubbed his hand beneath hers—as if the action might create an opening, a place for the Holy Spirit to enter and begin work in his heart.
The pier appeared to move, and Marsha realized they’d begun to leave the port. The lap of the lake against the hull sent up a rhythmic sound and the breeze blew stronger, sending a chill down her back.
Jeff pulled her closer as if sensing her chill. “You’re quiet.”
“Enjoying the ride,” she said, somewhat the truth, but also far from the thoughts that rankled her.
They leaned back, both quiet in their own thoughts, and felt the hum of the engine against the seat. The hum, the waves, the sound of the breeze created a lulling tune in Marsha’s mind.
“Look,” Jeff said, breaking the silence.
She focused as he pointed to the horizon. They both rose and leaned against the railing, witnessing a glorious sunset display against the slate-blue sky—a buttercup center with petals of orange to coral to magenta and the outer edges melding into deep violet.
Marsha drew in a breath, filled with longing. She looked into Jeff’s eyes and sensed he was feeling the same. His gaze drifted to her mouth, and she felt her heart skip, wishing she hadn’t reacted so uneasily to Jeff’s kiss. At this moment, she longed to feel his mouth on hers, to—
“Amazing, isn’t it?” she whispered, to waylay her yearning.
He drew her in front of him and wrapped his arms around her, drawing her into the warmth of his body. She felt his chin rest on the top of her head, then the tender pressure of his lips on her hair. Oh, Lord, why does it have to be this way? Make him love You, Father. The prayer flew upward from her heart, but reality weighted her chest. God didn’t make anyone love him. He gave them a choice.
She knew she had to stand guard over her heart, but, at this moment, Marsha didn’t want to be anywhere else in the world.
Chapter Twelve
Jeff checked his watch. He’d promised Marsha he’d drop off Bonnie for their girls’ day out. She’d offered to pick her up, but he thought he could save her the trip. Anyway, he’d wanted to head into town to do some shopping while he had time alone. Though he hated to say it, things were always easier without Bonnie.
“Bonnie.”
He stood in the doorway, wondering where she’d gone. In a moment, she came charging up the hill, her bare feet digging into the sand.
“Get some shoes on, please,” he said as she bounded to the deck.
“Where are we going?”
“Aunt Marsha’s. It’s girls’ day out.”
Bonnie’s nose wrinkled. “Aunt Marsha’s not a girl. She’s a woman.”
“So are you, almost.” The admission gave him a punch. He had so much to do to change his attitude about Bonnie’s capabilities and to change Bonnie’s expectations from a child’s to a teenager’s. Marsha had proven the more he expected from Bonnie, the more she was able to accomplish. “Girls’ day out is just a phrase. It means you’re going to do lady things.”
“What kind of lady things?”
“I told you. You’re going shopping and to the salon.”
“Salon?”
“Put your shoes on, please, and we’ll talk about it on the way. You’re going to be late.”
She stood a moment, belligerence growing on her face.
“I can call Aunt Marsha and tell her you don’t want to spend the day with her.”
“Aunt Marsha?” Her arms relaxed.
He nodded, finding himself wanting to pray the way he used to. Somehow putting his frustrations into a prayer had always seemed a release. He figured if he couldn’t handle it, someone bigger could. But then that required faith in God, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to deal with that.
Bonnie didn’t say anything more. She trudged into her room and came out with a pair of sandals dangling in her fingers.
He knelt down to put them on her, then stopped himself.
“While you put those on, I’ll get some things ready.”
She eyed him a moment, then sat and began putting on the shoes.
When he returned, she’d completed the job with no argument. One battle avoided. He handed her the hairbrush. “Would you get out the tangles? I always pull your hair, and you could do it better.”
She stared at the brush, then took it, apparently agreeing that controlling the brush herself made more sense. Though the job wasn’t perfect, she looked neater. Jeff had seen to it that she’d taken a bath in the morning and washed her hair. He stood back watching her and seeing her as a young lady for the first time. She’d shot up overnight, and he’d just realized Bonnie had grown to over five feet tall. She was only a few inches shorter than Marsha.
At Marsha’s, Bonnie lingered in the car longer than usual. Most of the time, Jeff hadn’t unlatched his seat belt and Bonnie had already unhooked hers and was scampering to the door. He opened the driver’s door and paused. “Is something wrong?”
“Girls’ day? I’ve never done that.”
“It’s fun, Bonnie.” His heart clenched in his chest. She was right. Without a mother and with his own mother deceased, she’d never experienced that. Marilou’s parents lived in Oregon and, after Marilou’s death, it was hard to stay connected. They sent birthday and Christmas gifts, but they hadn’t seen each other. Too much to handle, he guessed.
Bonnie thought a moment, then climbed from the car and headed inside at a much slower pace than usual.
Jeff caught up with her and held the door. He watched her from behind as she ambled into the cottage with a kind of timidity he rarely saw in her.
Marsha looked up from the living room and smiled. “I’m just about ready.” She leaned down and buckled her sandals.
“Aunt Marsha?” Bonnie sidled toward her and sat beside her on the edge of the sofa.
“What, sweetie?”
“What’s the words I’m supposed to say to Jesus?”
“Words to Jesus?”
“You know at night when I go to bed.”
Marsha slipped her arm around Bonnie’s shoulders. “You can say any words you want, because you’re talking with Him.”
“But He’s not there.”
An understanding grin filled Marsha’s face. “Sure he is. He’s right here with us. We just can’t see Him.”
Bonnie’s head swiveled from side to side as if searching the room. “Is he a ghost?”
“Not a ghost. He’s God. God the Son, and He has power to be with us without letting us see Him, but He’s still here as sure as I am.”
Jeff listened to the conversation as guilt rose. He’d never spoken to Bonnie about Jesus since Marilou had died. When she was young, she’d gone to church with them, but it had become difficult after she’d gotten older. Most of the time after that they’d taken turns rather than take a chance on one of her tantrums.
“So I can just talk like I talk with you?”
“Right. You can tell Him your problems and ask Him to help you. You can thank Him for the good things in your life.” She looked at Jeff and grinned, but he saw a flicker of question as if she wondered if he minded her talking about Jesus to Bonnie. “Good things, like your daddy.”
“Okay, and I can say thank you for you.”
“You can.” Marsha gave her a hug, then rose. “Are you ready to have some fun?”
Bonnie gave a shrug, and Marsha’s gaze darted to Jeff with a questioning look.
Jeff gave her a half grin, not knowing how to explain. “She’s never had a girls’ day out so…”
Marsha nodded as if she understood.
“We’re going shopping together, and I’m getting my hair cut.”
“You are?” Bonnie’s eyes widened. “Why?”
“Because it’s getting too long. It’s cooler in the summer when it’s shorter.”
Bonnie’s fingers reached to the tips of her hair hanging over her shoulders. “It’s cooler?”
“It sure is, and easier to take care of. Not so many tangles.”
She gave Jeff a hasty look as if expecting him to comment, but he didn’t. He could read Marsha’s psychology and he thought maybe it would work.
Jeff watched as she continued to finger her hair as she and Marsha headed outside. He followed and patted Bonnie’s door as she closed it. “Be good and have fun.”
She only grinned, and Marsha chuckled. “My mom always said that to me and, for a joke, I always told her everything fun was illegal.”
The comment went over Bonnie’s head, but Jeff chuckled and waved as they backed out. He headed for his car, then stopped. He hadn’t said hi to Barb and she’d been so good to put up with Bonnie so often. He changed his course and strode back inside.
Barb sat on the sofa, but, instead of reading a book, she had a legal pad on her lap. She looked up as he approached and gave him a nod. “You’re missing out on the shopping spree.”
“Yes. Thankfully.”
Barb gestured for him to sit, but he didn’t plan to stay. “Working on your novel?”
“Bad news gets around fast.”
He sat where she’d motioned. “Marsha said it was quite good.”
Her face blanched, and Jeff realized too late he’d said something wrong.
“Marsha’s never read my book.”
Realizing he’d goofed, Jeff’s pulse tripped. “Maybe I didn’t hear her right, or she might have guessed you have talent.”
Barb gave a single nod. “I’m learning.” She picked up a thick, large hardcover book and tapped it. “I’m reading how to write a novel. I had no idea there are so many rules.”
“Rules? I didn’t know that, either. I figured people just wrote a book.”
She gave a half grin. “Like me. I’m trying. It’s a catharsis.”
Catharsis? That made him wonder. “I’m heading into town to pick up some groceries.” And do some thinking. He still had the business situation to handle. “Need anything?”
“No, but thanks for asking.” Barb laid the paper on the sofa beside her and leaned back. “Do you mind if I say something?”
He felt his forehead stretch upward. Say something? “No. Go right ahead.”
“I don’t know if Marsha’s said anything to you, but I’m concerned about Bonnie. I know it’s not my business, and I’ll begin to sound like Marsha, butting into your life.”
He grinned at that. “She’s doing better.”
“I’m glad.” Her mouth bent to a crooked smile. “I’m concerned about Bonnie’s physical maturity.”
Whoa! “Bonnie’s what?” Jeff asked. “What do you mean?”
As she spoke, Jeff noticed the depth of her concern. She talked about predators and Bonnie’s safety. Had something like this happened to her? He shook his head, trying to make sense out of what she said. Did he have to live in fear every moment Bonnie was out of his sight?
“I’ve startled you,” Barb said, leaning forward. “I don’t mean to. I just know what can happen, and I hope you’ll make sure she understands what’s right and wrong when it comes to being a young lady.”
“It’s hard for a man to know what it’s like being a young woman, Barb. I’ve just realized that Bonnie is becoming a teen. I still see her as my little girl. I think Marsha’s had the same concern.”
Barb shook her head. “Marsha’s more concerned that she acts and dresses her age. I don’t think she realizes the danger, either.”
Danger? “I’ll give what you said a lot of thought, Barb. I know you mean well and your concern is real. It’s just a bit shocking to hear it. I’ve been in the dark, and I suppose that’s stupid.”
“Not stupid. Just trusting.”
“Thanks for being candid.”
“You’re welcome, and I hope you don’t think I’m being out of order.”
“Not at all. I needed to hear this.”
She studied his face a moment, then nodded. “I didn’t mean to keep you.”
“I’m glad you talked with me.” He rose and took a step toward the door. “I really mean it. I’d never have considered that. It’s something to think about.”
He darted from the house, wanting to escape the whole idea. His little girl…his daughter being harmed by someone. Had he been stupid? He’d heard of men conning girls into cars, but disabled children? He drew in a ragged breath. He needed Marsha’s wisdom.
Marsha. He’d pushed her away, and now he wanted to drag her into his mess. Is that all he was doing? When it came to being with Marsha, could Bonnie’s needs be his motivation? He delved into his thoughts. No. It couldn’t be the only reason. He’d had to fight his instincts to kiss her on the cruise three days earlier. She’d looked so beautiful, so loving, and he realized that all his talk about friendship was trying to convince himself where his heart was headed.
He settled into the driver’s seat and turned on the ignition, letting the air-conditioning take over and cool down his thoughts. He needed to get a grip on himself when it came to Marsha and Bonnie. He needed help, and he was finally admitting it.
Marsha turned in the salon chair to face Bonnie. “What do you think?” She looked at the floor, seeing her curls coiled below her feet, and the fact startled her. She hadn’t cut her hair in years. She turned back to the mirror and eyed herself.
Bonnie frowned. “It’s different.”
Marsha swung back. “But do you like it?”
Touching Marsha’s newly shorn hair, Bonnie nodded. “It looks pretty. Is it cooler?”
