Once Time Passed (A Burdened Novel Book 4), page 22
Grabbing another sandwich from our basket, I say, “Yeah. When I was younger I had a friend named Tarleton. He and I were nearly tied at the hip until he passed.”
“Oh, I’m sorry.” She rubs my arm.
“It was a long time ago. Don’t be sorry. You’re turn.”
She stands and lifts her shirt, revealing a scar the length of my hand, dug into her abdomen. I lift my hand and rub my thumb across it. “Jesus Christ. How’d you get that?”
She sucks in a breath. “A Qualm morphed my thoughts for their pleasure and tricked me to believe my mate was alive.” She swallows hard. “He convinced me to kill myself, so I took the knife and drove it through my stomach.” She’s reenacting the movement, and I snatch her hands away before they meet her body.
“Why would you--?”
“You’re supposed to guess true of false.”
I hesitate to answer, not wanting to know if it’s true. “Dammit, Tracey!” I say pulling her down. She drops to her knees in front of me, and I want to hug her, but I don’t. I don’t want her to think I feel sorry for her, but I want to relieve her from the growing sadness in her eyes. Sweats begun to bead along her hairline, and I push my hands from her forehead over her hair. Against my inner will, I push my arms around her, and in her brown curly hair, I bury my face and inhale a scent that’s too close to ringing the bells of familiarity.
She sighs with a contentment of relief that causes a stress to tighten my shoulders. My Burdened works its way to a forward thought, wanting Tracey in a way we shouldn’t deserve her. It aches my muscles for her, and I force myself to let her go to not squeeze the shit out of her when it wants me to hug her tighter.
It remembers her in the way I can’t. “I want to remember you the way you remember me, Tracey,” breaks past me, but it’s not something I wanted to say. I don’t take it back.
“When I found out you were alive, I debated coming for you and not. There’s a curse on us. By us just being together, we’re putting it in play. I don’t want the curse, but I can’t live without having you. I promised a long time ago that I’d always fight for you. When I was taken from you, you traveled through every storm, took on every obstacle to find me. Why wouldn’t I do that same thing for you? We never cared about the consequences, Nathan. Why start now?”
My Burdened sends a shiver up my spine. It’s trying to take over and it’s taking every bit of control to calm it down. Goddammit, what do you want from me? I ask it. A heat rushes over my face and a prickling feeling on my lips makes me draw my bottom lip between my teeth. I squeeze my eyes shut, and I try to get my Burdened under control. I have no idea what it’s trying to tell me, but I don’t need it taking over while I’m with Tracey. No telling what this beast will do.
A small hand wraps around my wrist and glides to my hands. “It’s okay. You don’t have to force it. We’ll figure it out.” Her smile is soft. “Once, you didn’t remember me at all.”
I meet her eyes. “I remember that. We had a spot. That, huh, old, abandoned carnival on 6th. We’d sit all night and talk.”
She sits on her knees and is silenced by a thought.
My Burdened is slowly taking over, less aggressive and more in a way to be informative, wanting to point something out to me.
“I have an idea,” Tracey says, “I’m hopeful, but I don’t know.”
“Anything you want,” spills from my mouth without crossing my mind. My beast’s creeping through, and I’m losing control of myself. To it, I warn to remain cool and not hurt her. There’s a sting in the back of my neck, as it’s insulted by my warning. I’ll share this with you, but don’t make any appearances, and stop speaking for me. It relaxes.
“You don’t remember me, but you trust me?” Tracey asks.
I lift my right brow and let it fall. “If you wanted to harm me, I think you would’ve done so already. Like, a long time ago. What’s your idea?”
She scoots closer and takes my hand. From her palm, a vine of fire slithers and forms a small serpent. It circles our wrists before knotting around them. Its heat is chilly, and its shine is brilliant. It binds our hands and a brighter display of light shines above it, morphing into two single flames. They form the figures of a man and a woman. The female takes the male by the hand. Confidently, he complies and they walk until meeting a tree, also formed by flames. Leaves fall from the tree like rain around them. In the sway of falling leaves, the two-stand face-to-face, hands clasped near her ears. They share a kiss. One that displays their goodbye instead of reuniting, but, their bodies conjoin, and a flame around them blooms like a rose. They spin in the center of it, held on to each other in a way of affection enveloping their embrace. Shortly, they’re swallowed by the bloomed flower closing over them, and a firework’s spark concludes the reveal.
The slithering serpent unknots itself and snakes back into Tracey’s palm. She breaks our contact, and I keep her from retracting too far. “I thought it could help us figure out something, but it means nothing useful, or I don’t understand,” she says.
The shape of a feather is smoldering on her cheekbone. I brush my finger over its glow and am shocked by how hot it is. “It’s burdened?” I mutter.
“It is,” she follows.
“I know what it’s telling us.”
Hope brightens her eyes. “What?”
Pushing my hand behind her neck, I draw her near to me, and kiss her mouth. From her lips I search for a feeling. There’s one, but not the one I’m hunting for. But I give in to it, being it’s the one that will accommodate the bonding. Nerves shake my hands as I fear her decline, but my Burdened is confident my next moves will be accepted with indulgence.
Tracey’s breaths are warm and eager. She grabs my neck between her hands and pushes one in my hair. Her tug is gentle but it’s forceful. She’s wanted this and isn’t thinking twice, like I thought she would.
I slip my hands beneath her shirt and ease it over her head. She lets it fall away from her wrist and reacquaints her lips with mine. I’m hesitant to touch her bare skin, leaving my hands on her jean clad hips. My Burdened continues to push for control, forcing me to slide my graze from her hips to her waist. I dip my head to her chest and taste her flesh. She’s warm and nearly familiar to my touch. I expect her to flinch away when I unhook her bra and take her breast in my hands before easing my tongue over one and drawing her tight nipple in my mouth. But she sighs as the ease of tension softens her muscles, and she shoves her hands in my hair.
Back down over her hips, I unbutton her jeans. She comes out of them and is eager to get back over me, as I undress.
She’s knelt above me, knees buried in the dirt, hands wrapped around my neck, lips magnetically bound to mine. Our breaths are heavy but don’t out sound over the crackling wood behind her. The light of the fire dances off her body in a way of excellence, and I hold her back to admire it. The light hits her curves and glazes them with a shine I recall. If I’m running my recollection or my Burdened’s, I don’t know. It—my beast—is in love with this girl I’m about to bag, outside in the woods. Neither of them having a care for their publicly happening actions.
Chilled bumps begin forming on Tracey’s skin as she allows me to watch her. She says nothing, just surveys me with her hair blowing in the earthy breeze. She is fucking gorgeous, I tell my beast. It sends a sensual urge over me, and I comply.
I kiss the skin between Tracey’s breast, as I glide my hands from her shoulders down over her curves to her hips, and draw her forward. Her heartbeat’s strong and quick, pounding against my lips.
Tracey lowers in her kneel, but I stop before we can connect. She’s not the least bit hesitant, and I’d claim to not be either, but I do, again, hesitate.
I press my ear to her chest, and listen as I imagine the feeling in mine. What the fuck could’ve been strong enough to erase something as strong as bounding, as mating?
Tracey steadily slips through my arms, down on top of me, and I slide inside her. Our bodies shudder from the contact. She makes me hold my breath.
That’s a first.
I bury my face in her neck and breathe in her lilac scent as she rocks her hips. Her gentle moans are to die for, forcing a lustful high over me that drives me into aggression. “Shh,” I plea, wanting to hold on to the last bit of control I have, while my Burdened has other plans. It nearly begs for control as I let Tracey drive our actions.
She feels phenomenal, and I lose one control for giving into another. My Burdened takes over, opening all my senses to the girl that’s now beneath me, clutching me between her thighs. Every breath she releases, I take. Every sensation she’s filled with I embrace. Her kiss is over taking and her body is inundating.
I sink down on her, keeping my teeth from digging deep into her shoulder, and instead stroke deeper inside her, connecting our bodies in a way that’d never be possible if we were human. My Burdened feeds off her pleasure and transfers it back to her for she can feel mine.
She’s melting beneath me, hands trembling as she claws at me, legs shaking as they wrap around me.
The more she coos, my beast’s driven into action. I kiss her mouth, brushing my tongue over hers, helping keep her quiet. I take her breath and fill my hand with her ass. Anywhere my lips and hands can touch, I fill that desire and she doesn’t give out. She should be broken by now, if she were human, but she’s sucking up ever bit my pain and pleasure, taking every inch of me and the power I put behind it.
Keeping her quiet has an adverse effect. Tracey bursts into flames, blazing vines grow off her body and wrap around my arms. Her eyes don’t turn black but there’s a fire in them. She doesn’t burn me but heightens whatever this is we’re having. It can’t just be sex.
The fire has burnt out and the night’s gotten chilly. In the tent, I coddle us in the sleeping bags and an extra cover.
Tracey clears her throat, but pulls the cover over her head.
“Spit it out, Tracey.”
“Did that make you feel weird?” There’s a soft smile on her words.
I laugh softly. “It does now. And we’re covered in dirt. And every time I remember why I’m covered in dirt, I think about it. And while it was pretty fucking mind-blowing, it does kinda feel like we shouldn’t have.”
She turns on her back and covers her face with her hands. “Ugh. Me too.”
We share a laugh. “Should I apologize?” I ask.
“No. Don’t. We’re both responsible.” Tracey turns on to her side and her arm brushes my ribs. An angered thought charges before my eyes but quickly goes away. Her skin brushes me again and the same thing happens. I lay my hand on her shoulder and watch her sadness and anger play through my memory.
She screams, blocked by something not allowing her to make it to her target. Me. My throat’s sliced, and I hit the ground. Life drains from her in the way water would a cracked fish tank; slowly like a fallen tear and then rushing like a broken damn.
I scoot away from her and she cowers in a corner of the tent. “D-did, you just see that?” she asks.
“Is that your memory of the past me? You see that every day? Feel it?”
“Every hour,” she whispers. “It never goes away. I ignore it.”
“Every day, you’re dying over and over again?”
Tracey nods. She lifts my shirt she threw on and reveals her dirt smudged stomach where the scar rests that she showed me earlier. “I wanted so bad to give up. I didn’t care if he was real or not. If but to silence the memory and eliminate the pain.” She meets my eyes. “But then I met you.” she scoffs, “I re-met you and you lightened every bit of pain I had and I’m willing to keep you as my friend even if I can’t have you as my mate. As you are, you make me happy, and I love you for that.”
I grab her ankle and yank her to me. “I’m glad I can help. And I’m sorry I had sex with you. But, it was the best sex I ever had in my fucking life, so that’s something to over shadow the worse.”
“Your jokes are so poorly timed,” she says in a laugh. “Does this mean things are going to change between us now?”
“No more drastically than they’ve already changed. We kinda live together now.”
She nods. “But I mean, you won’t start acting weird about it. Like always. You’re always taking longer to not say the wrong things, like it’s going to affect me in some huge way.”
“You’re very observant,” I say with a hint of embarrassment.
She shrugs. “I know you pretty well. Just stop. I’ve told you over and over. I get it. . . And now, you get it too.”
“Then you won’t feel bad if I don’t cuddle with you tonight? Like most people do just because they had sex.”
“Nope.” She meets my eyes and grins. “Actually, I kinda would. But don’t feel obligated or nothing.”
“Mm, hmm.”
Tracey talks about this and that until she dozes off. All I’m thinking and begging is ‘remember her in the way she wants so you can make her happy.’ If every day, she recalls the death of her mate and relives it as though it were happening throughout her day, I just want to release that agony forever. I know exactly what that feels like, and yeah, death is so much better. Forgetting is far better.
I push my hands over my empty chest. “Looks like trying to re-bond didn’t work. . .” I say to myself. I close my eyes and am flooded with an onslaught of memories of events and experienced I shared with Tracey. Reincarnated feelings I’ve long forgotten crashes over me.
Is this you? I ask my Burdened.
“Is what me?” Tracey asks, stretching her arms over her head.
“What?” I ask her, sitting up. “Did you just respond to my thought?”
She sits up beside me and looks toward her left shoulder. “Did I? Say something again.”
Are you peeking in my head with a superpower? I say in my mind, directing the thought to Tracey.
Tracey squeals and throws her hand to my chest. I move out of her reach, knowing she’s seeing if her heart’s found its way back in my chest, and I don’t want to discourage her. Catching her hand, I lift my brows high, and expectantly ask, “Well, did you hear me?”
She smiles brightly and cheers, “Yes! Yes, I did.”
This confirms she and I are growing closer, but for her she probably thinks we’re bound, and I’m not ready to correct her just yet.
My Nightmare’s Dream
Nathan
“Have a good day ask school, dear!” Olar’s hanging out the window, yelling at Tracey. She’ll be here all day and told me not to worry about picking her up, that she’ll be sticking around after her last class so she can catch up on the ton of work she’s missed. I’m a record of emotions, thoughts, and sensation spinning round, a needle digging into my spin as I play the same track on repeat. Every time Tracey brushed against me last night, a different thought resurfaced bringing life to memories I’m starting to wish I can’t remember. She thought long about Lunis and the Qualms. I couldn’t bring them up, we were having a decent night, and the more shit we talked about, the more it lowered the high. We ended our night on a good note, and I didn’t want to turn those tables.
Something leads her to believe Lunis is behind every inkling of turmoil she’s been through. It’s really me who’s the reason for most of her strife; the worse of my returning memories and one I’ve held secret from her since we’ve met. It puts a sinking feeling in my stomach to think on it and even sends my Burdened shuddering. So, for now, I’ll agree that Lunis is the source of her anger and won’t deny it until I can find a way to fix my own errors.
“How’s everything coming together for you, Nate? Feeling better?” Olar asks, rolling up the window. He’s made friendly with a few school goers, likely while waiting on the others.
“A bit.”
“Good. I have a gift for you that I know will make you feel loads better.”
I survey him from the corner of my eye. “Oh really?”
“For sure. Take a left up here.”
I hate surprises, but he’s positive I’m going to love this one. Turn for turn, we drive about an hour out, and he’s still not told me where the hell we’re going. “Bro, the last time I blindly followed you somewhere, you got me murdered. I’m uncomfortable.”
He laughs loudly. I join in, though I’m serious. “Swear I’m fully me. Stop right up there.” He points to a brown, brick bungalow.
I scan the idle neighborhood streets. The silence is compelling. No children play or lawn mowers run, not a car passes. At seven fifty in the morning, maybe they’re still resting. “Alright, now what’s in there?”
“Lunis,” he states simply.
My Burdened racks with excitement, and I fold my hands around the steering wheel so tightly it sounds. I try to resist the urge to quickly follow this through. Precautious, I grill Olar. “How do you know he’s in there? Where’d you get the lead? Who else is in there with him? Is he expecting company?”
He cuts me off. “I’ve been on the hunt for him for years. Finally, night before last, Lana let the thought slip. Some time ago, Tracey and I burned down his home and found a note between him and my mate. She’s known what’s been up with him the entire time.” He shrugs one shoulder. “I can’t help who I mate with, and I’m forced to love her forever no matter how she betrays me. But, there’s no way, after what Lunis did to me and Tracey and you, can I let him walk our earth and smile about it.”
Nodding, I’m convinced and out of the truck, gently pushing the door closed. I cross the street and crack my neck, welcoming my beast with desire. It sucks in a breath of air reeking with the scent of Lunis. The sun is high and it’s likely there may be one nosey old lady looking out her window, wondering why the hell Olar and I are studying this house.
Oh yes, I’m willing to snatch Lunis right in front of her.
The front door’s likely locked, Olar says.
Yeah. I was thinking of walking around back and finding another.
He nods and we round the house, finding a sliding door. I ease aside the curtains and gracefully step through and on to the wood floor without it making a sound. We creep through the small house, avoiding being seen and heard. Allowing my senses to search out Lunis, down a short hallway, I round a corner to a closed door.
