Works of Ellen Wood, page 787
“If I mention this to you now, Mrs. Darling, it is not done in the light of a complaint. I married your daughter, and I must abide—” he paused here, as if he would have altered or softened the phrase, but went on with it immediately—” by the bargain. She is my wife; the mistress of my house; and I have no wish that it should be otherwise: but my object in speaking to you is, to inquire whether you can suggest any means by which these violent attacks of temper can be prevented.”
Still there was no answer. Mrs. Darling looked cold, white, frightened; and she turned her head further away than before.
“You have had a life’s experience with her; you must know a great deal more of this failing than I,” resumed Mr. St. John. “Has she been subject to it all her life?”
“Yes,” said Mrs. Darling, speaking at last. “But not often. I speak the truth in all sincerity, when I say that until she married I cannot remember that she had been so put out more than three or four times. It is an unhappy failing; I acknowledge it to be so; but it is over in a minute, Mr. Carleton.”
“But think of what it is for the minute! She might — she might kill some one in one of them. I am sure she had no control whatever over herself the day I saw her.”
Mrs. Darling looked distressed, and spoke in pleading tones of excuse. “She is always so sorry for it afterwards, Mr. Carleton; she is repentant as a child. You are very sweet-tempered yourself, and perhaps cannot make allowance for those who are otherwise,” she added, turning to him with a smile. “If you only knew how many thousands of violent tempers there are in the world! Charlotte’s is only one amongst the number.”
“That is not the question,” he hastily replied. “I have said I am not complaining of the fact, and I am vexed at having to speak to you at all; I only wish to know whether they can be in any way prevented.”
“I don’t know of any. It is very stupid of Charlotte; very. One might have thought her last illness would be a warning to her; and now this one again! She will never have another child to live, if this is to go on.”
“It is not only the injury she does herself; there’s the fear of her doing injury to others. She might, I say, strike a fatal blow; she is mad in these—”
“No, no; not that,” interrupted Mrs. Darling. “Pray do not say so, Mr. St. John. She is not mad.”
“I am sorry to pain you. I mean, of course, that while the paroxysm is upon her, she is no more capable of self-control than a woman absolutely mad would be. If there were any means, any line of conduct we could adopt, likely to act as a preventive, it should be tried. I thought it possible you might have learnt how to check it in the past years.”
“I never knew yet that there was any effectual remedy for violent temper. A clergyman will tell you it may be controlled by prayer; a surgeon, by the help of drugs; but I suppose neither is certain always to answer. I had a servant once, a very good and valuable servant too, who would fly into the most frightful passion once or twice a year, and break all the crockery.”
Mrs. Darling spoke with a laugh, as if she would make light of the whole. It jarred on the feelings of Mr. St. John, and he knit his brow.
“Then there’s nothing at all that you know of to be suggested, Mrs. Darling?”
“I really do not. But I think they will wear out of themselves: as Charlotte grows older, she must grow wiser. I will take an opportunity of speaking to her. And she is so sweet-tempered in a general way, Mr. Carleton, though a little haughty, perhaps, that these few lapses may surely be pardoned.”
Mr. St. John made no answering remark. He rose and stretched himself, and was moving away. Mrs. Darling detained him with a question.
“How did you learn that this illness was so brought on? Did Honour tell you?”
“No! I was not aware that Honour knew of it.”
“Neither am I aware that she does. I mentioned Honour, because I should suppose her to be more of a confidential servant to you than are the rest, and might acquaint you with what takes place here in your absence.”
Mr. St. John brought his clear truthful eyes to bear steadfastly on those looking at him. He was open, honourable, unsuspicious as the day; but he could not help wondering whether the words concealed any double meaning.
“I have no confidential servant, Mrs. Darling. If I had, I should not allow him, or her, to repeat tales to me of the home of which my wife is mistress. When Honour speaks to me, it is of Benja; and all the world might hear, patience permitting, for I believe she takes him to be a cherub without wings. The one to tell me of it was Charlotte.”
“Charlotte!”
The echo fell upon empty air. Mr. St. John had turned off in the direction of the children.
“Is it this that has been worrying you in London?” asked Mrs. Darling, following him.
“Worrying me in London? Nothing has been worrying me in London.”
“Has it not? You were looking so ill when you got down here: thin, and worn, and changed. I said nothing, for fear of alarming Charlotte.”
“I have not felt well for some little time. But it is really my health that is in fault, Mrs. Darling; not worry.”
“You were worn out with the long session: those late hours do fag a man. This country air will restore you.”
“I hope so,” he replied in a dreamy tone, and his eyes had a far-off dreamy look in them. “It would not be well just yet for you little fellow to be the master of Alnwick.”
Mrs. Darling thought nothing of the remark: perhaps George St. John thought as little. It was an indisputable fact that he was looking thin, ill, not so strong as he used to look: but many men, wearied with the late hours, the wear and tear of a London season, look so every autumn, and grow robust again by spring.
The fact was, he began to suspect that his health was failing. And when a man, neither a coddler nor a hypochondriac, suspects this, rely upon it, it is time he looked into the cause. Mr. St. John was careless of himself, as men mostly are; a year ago he would have laughed outright at the idea of going to a doctor. But the feeling of intense weariness, of almost utter want of strength, which had come upon him in London, coupled with a rapid wasting away, and all without any cause, had forced him to wonder what was the matter. He had made an engagement for a walking-tour, and then doubted whether his strength would be equal to it. That somewhat aroused him; not to alarm, more to a curiosity as to what could be wrong; and close upon that, came the summons to Alnwick.
For a day or two after his return, he felt refreshed, stronger, better in all ways. But the momentary renovation faded again, and by the time he had been a week at Alnwick he felt weaker than he had felt at all. The day previous to this conversation with Mrs. Darling, he spoke to Mr. Pym, telling that gentleman that he thought he wanted tonics.
“Tonics!” repeated Mr. Pym. “What’s the matter with you?”
“Nothing that I know of. There it is. I haven’t an ailment in the world, and yet I feel so weak and get so thin. It seems a sort of wasting away.”
A recollection, sharp as a needle, and causing a great deal more pain, darted into Mr. Pym’s mind as he looked at him. Other of the St. Johns of Alnwick had wasted away without apparent cause; wasted to death.
“We’ll soon set you right again,” said he, a shade more quickness in his speech than usual. “You shall have some tonics.”
The tonics came; and Mr. St. John took them. He tried other means; cold bathing, driving out, living almost in the open air; but he did not grow stronger.
“Didn’t my father waste away like this?” he suddenly said to Mr. Pym, one day.
“Oh, pooh, no!” quite angrily replied the surgeon. “Your father had a peck of troubles upon him — and I’m sure you can’t remember anything about him, for you were only five years old when he died.”
George St. John laughed. “You need not fear frightening me, Pym. I think he did waste away; but that’s no reason, you know, why I should do so.”
He said nothing to his wife of this feeling of indisposition, or that he was consulting Mr. Pym. This was from no particular wish of suppressing it; more, that he really did not think it sufficiently important to speak about. But it came to her knowledge incidentally.
She grew strong again, and was sitting on the slopes one afternoon with her embroidery, quiet, gentle, smiling, as if not a cloud of anger had ever distorted her fair features, when she saw Mr. Pym approach and enter the house. It suddenly occurred to her that she had so seen him once or twice lately, and had wondered, in a passing way, what he wanted. Certainly his visits were not to her now.
“What can it be that he comes for?” she said aloud, pausing in her work, and gazing at the door through which Mr. Pym had disappeared.
If the question was not addressed to air, it must have been meant for Benja, that young gentleman being the only person within sight and hearing. He was sitting astride on the arm of the bench at Mrs. St. John’s elbow, absorbed in a new picture-book that Honour had bought him, and teasing Mrs. St. John’s patience out with his demands that she should admire its marvels.
“Mr. Pym comes for papa,” said quick Benja.
“For papa!” she repeated. “Nonsense, Benja! Papa’s not ill. He’s looking very thin, but I am sure he’s not ill.”
“Mr. Pym comes for him, and he sends him physic,” persisted Benja. “For I was in the room yesterday, mamma, and heard them talking.”
Mrs. St. John thought this rather singular. Presently she saw Mr. Pym and her husband come out and go strolling down the avenue together. The latter soon turned back.
“Benja, go and tell papa that I want him.”
Mr. St. John caught up Benja when the boy met him, kissed him, fondly put him down again, and the two came on together; Benja leaping and holding his papa’s hand. Mrs. St. John was watching with compressed lips. Even still she could not bear to see the love of her husband for Benja. It was very foolish of her, very wrong, and she knew herself that it was so: but, strive against it as she would, as she did, the feeling kept its mastery over her.
“George, what is the matter with you?” she asked, as her husband sat down beside her, and Benja ran off with his pictures. “Why does Mr. Pym come?”
“I think he comes partly because he likes the walk,” was the answer, given with a smile. “I asked him for some tonics during the time he was attending you, and he constituted me a patient directly. It’s the way with doctors.”
“Don’t you feel well?”
“I don’t feel strong. It’s nothing, I suppose. You need not look alarmed, Charlotte.”
Mrs. St. John was looking more surprised than alarmed. She wondered her husband had concealed it, she said, half reproachfully.
“My dear, there was no concealment in the case. I felt languid, and spoke to Pym: that was all. It was not worth mentioning.”
“You have no complaint, George?”
“None whatever, that I know of.”
“And are in no pain?”
“None.”
“Then it can’t be anything serious,” she said, reassured.
“Of course it can’t. Unless any one chooses to look at it ominously. I accuse Pym of doing so, and he retorts by wanting to know if I think him superstitious. There’s an old belief abroad, you must know, Charlotte, that the St. Johns of Alnwick never live to see their thirty-third birthday.”
She looked up at him. He was speaking half jestingly, half seriously; with a smile, but not a gay one, on his lips.
“But that’s not true, George?”
“As true as most of such sayings are, invented by old women over their tea-cups. It need not alarm either of us, Charlotte.”
“But I mean, it is not true that such a belief is abroad?”
“Oh, that’s true enough. Ask Pym. A great many of us have died just about that age; there’s no denying it; and I presume that this has given rise to the popular fancy.”
“What have they died of?”
“Some of one thing, some of another. A large proportion of the whole have fallen in battle. My great-grandfather died early, leaving seven little sons. Three of them were taken in childhood; the other four lived to see thirty, but not one of them saw thirty-three. I imagine that the premature death of so large a number of sons must have chiefly given rise to the superstition. Any way, there’s no denying the fact that the St. Johns of Alnwick have not been long-lived.”
“And the St. Johns of Castle Wafer?”
“It does not apply to them. Why, Isaac St. John is now all but fifty. It is owing to this mortality that Alnwick has been so often held by a minor. The Hall came to me when I was five years old.”
“But George” — and she spoke hesitatingly and wistfully— “you don’t think there’s anything in it?”
“Of course I don’t. Should I be telling you this gossip if I did?”
She thought not, either. She glanced at his fresh complexion, so bright and clear; at the rose-red on his cheeks, speaking, apparently, of health; and her mind grew easy, and she laughed with him.
“George! you are now thirty-three!”
“No. I shall be thirty-three next May, if I live until then.”
“If you live till then,” she echoed. “Does that imply a doubt of it in your own mind?”
“Not at all. I dare say I am in no more danger of dying than others — than Mr. Pym — than old Dr. Graves — than any man you like to think of. In one sense we are all in danger of it, danger continually; and, Charlotte, when any circumstance brings this fact to our minds — for we forget it too much — I think it should serve to make us very regardful of each other, more cautious to avoid inflicting pain on those we love.”
His words and tone conveyed a pointed meaning. She raised her eyes inquiringly.
“Subdue those fits of temper for my sake, Charlotte,” he whispered, letting his hand fall on hers. “You don’t know how they pain me. I might recall to you their unseemliness, I might urge the sad example they give the children; but I would rather ask it by your love for me. A little effort of will; a little patient self-control, and you would subdue them.”
“I will, George, I will,” she answered, with earnest, willing acquiescence. And there was a look that told of resolution in her strange and dreamy eyes, as they seemed to gaze before her into a far-off vision of the future.
And all in a moment a thought rose up within her — a conviction, if you will — that this fancy, belief, superstition — call it what you please — of the premature deaths of the masters of Alnwick, must have been the secret and still unexplained cause of her mother’s opposition to the match.
CHAPTER VII.
A SHADOW OF THE FUTURE.
OCTOBER came in, and was passing. George St. John sat at his desk, reading over a letter he had just penned, preparatory to folding it. It may facilitate matters if we read it also.
“MY DEAR MR. ST. JOHN, “‘It behoves all sane men to make a will.’ Do you recognize the sentence? It was from your own lips I heard it spoken, years ago, when I was a little chap in tunics, and somehow it has never left my memory. Then, you will say, why have you, George St. John, lived to your present age and never made one? And in truth I can only plead carelessness as the excuse. I am about to remedy the omission. Not that there would be much trouble with my affairs were I to die without leaving a will, as Benja takes nearly all I possess; and there’s my wife’s marriage-settlement — you know how poor it is — to claim the remainder. On that score, therefore, the obligation is not a very onerous one; and perhaps that fact may have induced the carelessness I admit. But there is another phase of the question that has latterly forced itself on my attention — the necessity for providing proper guardians for my children in the event of my death.
“Will you, Isaac St. John, good and true man that you are, be this guardian? I say, ‘this guardian;’ for though another will be associated with you for form’s sake, I shall wish you to be the acting one. The other of whom I have thought is General Carleton, my late wife’s uncle; and the General, being a bilious old Indian, will not like to have any active trouble thrust upon him. I hope, however, the charge would not entail trouble upon you, any more than upon him; as my present wife will be constituted the children’s personal guardian. Let me have an answer from you at your convenience, but do not refuse my request.
“Give my kind regards to Mrs. St. John. Is Fred with you? What about Lady Anne?
“Believe me,
“Ever your sincere friend and cousin,
GEORGE CARLETON ST. JOHN.”
The letter was folded, sealed, and addressed to Isaac St. John, Esquire, of Castle Wafer. George St. John laid it aside with others for the post, and then turned to a mass of papers, which he began to sort and look into. Indeed, he seemed latterly to have taken quite a mania for arranging his affairs and putting them in order: and his steward said privately to a friend, that Mr. St. John was growing as methodical as he had formerly been careless.
Whilst he was thus engaged, his wife came in, Georgy in her arms, whom she was making believe to scold. The two-year-old boy, indulged, wilful, rather passionate, did just as he liked, and he had now chosen to pull his mamma’s hair down. He was a loving, charming little fellow; and whatever there was of wilfulness in his conduct, was the fault of his mother’s great indulgence.
“Look at this dreadful little boy, papa!” she exclaimed, standing before her husband, her luxuriant hair, dark and shining as a gipsy’s, flowing on to her light muslin dress. “See what he has done to poor mamma. Don’t you think we must sell him to the old cobbler at Alnwick?”
Mr. St. John looked up from his crowded desk, speaking half crossly. The interruption annoyed him.
“How can you let him pull you about so, Charlotte? George, you want a whipping.”
She sat down, clasping the boy to her heart in an access of love. “Whipping for Georgy!” she fondly murmured in the child’s ear. “No, no: Georgy pull mamma’s hair down if he likes.” But Honour could have told a tale to prove that she was not always so tolerant. Benja had once pulled her hair down in play — it was just after she came to the Hall — and she had left the marks of her fingers on his face for it. It is true she seemed sorry afterwards, and soothed him when he cried: but she did it. — .
