Billionaire Blaze, page 32
“In this world? Not always.”
“Well, in my world it’s usually what people want. Not money, fame, or anything else. Just to be safe and loved and wanted. And to provide those things in return. Money is…overrated.”
Daniel pursed his lips briefly and gave me a short nod. I couldn’t tell if he believed me, but I could only hope he did. It was the truth as far as I could put into words. Not that it seemed like it would matter much.
Whatever I wanted, it seemed Lukas wasn’t going to provide two important elements of that. He wouldn’t make me feel safe. Not truly. And if he could be cold at any moment, I doubted he was going to fall in love with me.
I had to accept it and figure out what to do.
“Time to go, my dear,” Sarai said, cutting into my thoughts. Daniel immediately got to his feet and politely shook Sarai’s hand again before offering to do the same with me.
There was little choice but to do as I was told and say goodbye. Thankfully, it took several minutes to interrupt every conversation the players were having to say goodbye to them all, but Sarai accompanied me to each of them in turn and said her goodbyes with me. It made it easier to wish them well. I knew I had to let go of this world.
This was the first and the last time I would be in a situation like this. Able to talk to the star players and interact with them. I knew I was saying goodbye to these people forever on some level, but equally, I told them I hoped to talk again soon and all sorts of similar things in the hope it would be true.
Somehow, I wanted today to be a big mistake. I wanted some big explanation that made sense of everything. At the same time, I wanted to go back to the UK. After all the stress and hard work, I just wanted to go home.
Before I could do that, however, I had to get through the rest of this project. I knew there would only be a few more weeks left and I had plenty still to do for the final huts. And before even that, I had to get back to Chicago and go with Lukas wherever he felt it necessary until then.
Trying to stay calm, I said goodbye to the last of the players and let Sarai take my arm again. She walked me over to Richard and Lukas, whether I wanted to go or not. I did my best to smile at them and waited to see what would happen next. Sarai went to Richard’s side, clearly expecting Lukas to want me at his.
Thankfully, he fell in beside me, and the four of us left the stadium together. I didn’t know what to say, but I didn’t dare reach for his hand again despite feeling frustrated with the balls still inside me and wanting some level of comfort. Clearly, I wouldn’t get what I needed from him.
It was blissful to sink into the seat of his car, however. Once again, sitting provided some much-needed relief. Although I wasn’t sure I wanted to be with Lukas, I was grateful he was driving me back to the hotel.
He didn’t talk for some time, and I tried to think of a way to break the ice, but nothing I tried worked. Not even commenting on how nice Daniel seemed to be. Lukas didn’t want to make conversation, either.
CHAPTER SEVENTY-SEVEN
Lukas
It took all my self-control to remain calm as I drove Kit back to the hotel. I knew I was being rude to her and making the atmosphere uncomfortable. She was picking up on it, I could tell. At this point, I was also pretty sure she must have taken the balls out without telling me.
There was no way she had kept them in the whole game. I hadn’t planned for her to do so, and I knew that they would be hurting anyone who had tried. It was irritating that she hadn’t mentioned it, however.
As we reached the hotel, I tried to at least appear more of a gentleman and took her arm to lead her inside. She almost stumbled up the first step, making me wonder how much alcohol she had drunk. It wasn’t the first time I’d noticed she might have had more than was professional.
Still, Sarai and Richard were just behind us and I knew they might want to spend more time together before we went inside. I didn’t know how much more social I could be. The fun was gone from the weekend. This had been designed for me to show off Kit and also enjoy time with friends.
I didn’t think either of those had gone very well. There had been too many leeches, and Kit had spent most of today away from me.
“I think I need to rest for a few hours. Shall we meet for a late dinner on the terrace?” Sarai asked as soon as we were inside the lobby of the country club.
“I’d love that,” Kit replied, beating me to the agreement. “That was exhausting. Wonderful, but exhausting.”
It sounded like Kit had added the last part to make sure Sarai didn’t worry about her or what she thought of everything, and didn’t sound genuine at all. Had she hated the day as much as I had?
Although I tried to smile and agree, I was also tired of pretending and wasn’t sure I did a good job of it. In the end, I was only human, and we had networked far more than I expected to.
Kit let me take her up to the room but headed to the bathroom the second we were behind closed doors. I frowned but went to pour myself a drink and kicked my shoes off. The atmosphere felt like we were brewing for a fight, and I wasn’t sure I minded. I almost needed one to get everything off my chest.
I had finished most of the drink before Kit reappeared, taking what felt like forever in there. When she came out, I was fairly sure she had been crying, her eyes slightly puffy and red.
“I’ve put the balls on the side in the bathroom. I hope that’s okay.” She didn’t look at me as she spoke, but she slipped into the chair nearby and seemed to deflate. I could tell she had been honest about at least one thing. She was exhausted.
“Why didn’t you give them back to me while we were there like I asked you to?” I tried to ask the question gently. To be controlled as her dom, but there was more bite to my words, and her head snapped up to glare at me.
“Why didn’t you let me hold your hand for long when I didn’t feel comfortable?” She did sound angry, each word extra pronounced in her clipped British accent.
I frowned, not appreciating a question in answer to a question. If this was the way the conversation was going to go, I wasn’t sure I wanted any part of it. I got up, downed the rest of my drink, and put the glass down.
“All through today, I did what I felt was best. If you don’t like how I behaved, you don’t have to be my submissive.” The words came out in a rush, and I was almost daring her to accept the offer of release. If she wanted to be gone from my life, she could easily walk out now. If she’d already been given a better offer, she could take it.
She gulped and looked down, however. I wasn’t going to get such an easy and obvious way out of this relationship.
“I thought I was doing as you wanted,” she said after a while, enough of the anger gone from her I felt both guilt and even more anger of my own. Was she trying to suck up so I didn’t discard her?
I considered her statement for several seconds, trying to think through everything she had done, but there was one sticking point and she’d given me the perfect opportunity to challenge it. “Did you think I wanted you to flirt with Peter?”
“Flirt with Peter?” Her brow furrowed.
“Yes. I saw you. By the restroom at the beginning of the last quarter. You were talking business with him and flirting. I came to make sure you were all right and found you sucking up to some other guy to get his business as well.”
She shook her head but wouldn’t look at me.
“I wasn’t flirting with him. He was creepy. A jerk. I’m definitely not doing business with him.”
“There’s no point lying to me. I’ve had this sort of conversation before. I know what I saw.” I exhaled as I finished speaking, most of the anger leaving me. As much as I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt, she wasn’t fighting this anymore. She was just sitting there.
The seconds ticked by, dragging out into minutes. Not sure what else to do, I poured another drink. I’d expected a bigger fight, or begging or something. Not silence.
“This is what you think of me after this weekend?” she asked when she finally spoke again. Her face was still turned away from me.
I tried to get a read on her, but there was none. It was as if she’d become stone.
“Trust me, I wanted this weekend to work. I thought we had something. But now, I think there’s been a misunderstanding in our situation. I thought this was something it isn’t to you.”
“I believe I have been confused about what this is…was, as well. I am sorry that we’ve been upsetting each other this way. Would you like me to sleep somewhere else tonight?”
As Kit got to her feet, I considered the question. Did I want her to sleep somewhere else? Daniel had encouraged me to enjoy her company. Maybe that’s what she had thought this was. Just enjoyment on some level.
“Do you want to sleep somewhere else tonight?” I asked, studying her reaction. She looked confused and finally gazed up at me, returning the study. Although I was sure she was upset on some level, I couldn’t tell exactly why. Was she expecting this to be easy on me? She’d hurt me a lot. I’d thought she was genuine.
“More than knowing where to sleep, I don’t want to fight anymore. I want to rest and recover. Today was difficult, and most of all, I really don’t want to hurt you.” Kit shrugged, and for a second, I wanted to walk over to her and kiss her. I wanted her to apologize. To beg for mercy in a way I could believe.
As soon as I had the thought, I pushed it away. She was never going to do anything to earn my trust back. Yet again I had let someone in only for them to let me down.
“I’ll stay in another room. You’re tired. Stay here. I’ll come back and get my things in the morning and drive us both back to Chicago. Don’t worry, I’m not going to be rude or angry. We can talk about finishing this project on the way back if you like. Keep it business.”
Before Kit could object, I finished my second drink, gulping down the fiery liquid, then walked to the door. She slumped back down again, putting her head in her hands, but I didn’t let it stop me from leaving. We were done.
Walking out on her and knowing I was ending it hurt more than I could have put into words, but with every step I took, it got easier to keep going. This would all be over soon, and I could move on to the next project.
CHAPTER SEVENTY-EIGHT
When I walked from the room and left Kit behind, I wasn’t sure where I wanted to go. I didn’t want to go to the reception immediately. My chest ached in a way I hadn’t expected it to, and it took all my self-control to fight back tears. This wasn’t how this was supposed to have ended.
For a few minutes, I wandered the hotel part of the country club and then I went down toward the gym, considering a workout to see if I could run off everything I was feeling. I was most of the way there before I clocked that I would need to go back to the room for sportswear if I wanted to work out.
Of course, I was rich enough to go buy some. Or have some shipped to me, like I’d done in Chicago to show Kit how interconnected I was and what money could do. But I couldn’t bring myself to do so. Instead I left the more public area. What I really needed was to be alone for a while.
It was time to go to reception and get myself another room. Thankfully I had my wallet and ID on me. If nothing else, that would stop me having to go back tonight. With any luck, I would have my emotions under control again the following day and I wouldn’t have to see Kit again until then.
The emotions that played across her face in what little I had seen of it while talking to her kept running across my memory as I walked down to the main lobby area. I really hoped that I didn’t run into anyone else that I knew. I hadn’t been in the room with Kit for long after Sarai and Richard had gone to lie down.
Before I could get there, I received a phone call. It was Daniel. I picked up immediately.
“You okay?” I asked him before he would be able to do the same to me.
“Just about. I had a chat to a few more folks about your young woman.” Daniel sounded cheery enough, but I knew that I didn’t want to be in the public eye to have this conversation.
“What about her?” I asked as I changed direction and headed toward the gardens this time. I’d seen some quiet spots out of the way. Maybe I could hide somewhere and listen to whatever my friend had to say.
“Honestly, I got a lot of mixed reports. Some of that was bound to be the men having an inflated ego. Some of them like to think that every woman would want them, whether they really do or not.”
I frowned, not sure I liked what I was hearing. At this point, I was more than a little skeptical that it could be any kind of a mistake if she had come on to any of the men. What was it Daniel wasn’t telling me? Or did he truly think that she might be innocent?
As I made my way through the gardens, I listened to him talk about the initial impression that everyone had. Most of them liked her and Daniel started there. Not that it told me anything about how faithful she was.
While I walked, all I did was listen. I didn’t know what to say, and I didn’t know how to process what I was hearing. How did I tell Daniel that this didn’t matter? That we had broken up already anyway. There was no saving this, even if I wanted to.
Once I found somewhere out of the way, I considered how to interrupt Daniel and tell him. It was sweet that he’d gone to this much effort, but it was almost entirely over the top now.
“Daniel?” I said, barely hoping to even get his attention and stop him. Thankfully the flow of words stopped.
“You are saying my name like there’s news, or someone died, or you’re unable to talk right now, or something similar. Are you okay?” Daniel asked the question carefully and slowly, and I tried to consider my response. My heart wanted to scream at him that I was anything but okay. Instead, I exhaled and closed my eyes.
“I’ll be fine. Things with Kit…are already different. But I can talk. I’m alone for now.”
Daniel didn’t reply at first and I heard the sound of movement as he went somewhere more private. “Okay, talk to me, buddy. Because alone sounds like it might actually be bad when you put it like that.”
“I’m not about to do myself any harm. Nothing like that. It isn’t a problem. In fact, alone is good right now.”
“Clear your head sort of deal?” Daniel still sounded concerned for me, but he’d taken it down a notch, and that was enough for now.
“A think about what I want to do next sort of situation. I think some of the information you’ve gathered is probably too late, but I appreciate that you gathered it.” I wanted to be vague, but I knew I wasn’t explaining everything enough for Daniel to let it go.
After a few seconds of silence, he tutted. “You broke up with her already, didn’t you?”
“I did. She pretty much admitted that she’d been talking to Peter in a friendly way.”
“Peter?”
I considered telling Daniel not to worry about it. That it wasn’t someone he knew, but I decided to open up a little. Daniel had always been there for me, and I’d been there for him enough times. Maybe he’d understand some of this. I described him and all our encounters before I talked about finding him out in the corridor with Kit.
“Damn, I’m sorry, man. That’s rough. She didn’t seem like the woman to do something like that.”
“No, she didn’t. But you were right that it was fun while it lasted.”
Daniel let out a wry chuckle. “That’s not always much of a consolation. I’m glad it wasn’t all bad, though. For what it’s worth, I was going to tell you to trust her a little longer, but not to let your guard down too much. See what she did at the end of this project you’re on together? She had me trusting her, too.”
“I don’t know if that makes me think she’s good at what she does or we’re both suckers for a pretty face.” I chuckled and thanked my friend once more. At least I knew he had my back no matter what happened.
Although I hadn’t planned to talk to Daniel, it helped, and I hung up with him feeling a little better. At least my chest didn’t ache so badly. He was right. I had made the most of it, and that should be enough.
I knew it was time to get a room and hole up for the night, though. I still didn’t trust myself to go back to Kit and talk to her before the morning. As much as Daniel had spoken more highly of her than I’d feared, he hadn’t exonerated her either. It was still not enough to make me consider apologizing to her and trying to get her back.
Before I could go very far, I noticed I had a message from Sarai asking what my plans for dinner were. I quickly tapped back that I had gone to the gym, needing some time to myself, and thought nothing more of it. It was a lie, but it was a good-natured one. I didn’t doubt Sarai would find out I was no longer interested in a relationship with Kit.
It was her place to tell Sarai, though. I didn’t doubt that Sarai would be angry with me. I didn’t want to incur that wrath just yet.
Knowing that I wouldn’t have long, I hurried to the front desk to see if I could get another room. If they didn’t have anything available this late in the evening, I knew I could always head somewhere else for a night. I considered doing that anyway, but it would make it harder to get back in the morning to pick Kit back up.
If Kit chose to keep everything to herself, it would out us both. I couldn’t be mean like that.
Thankfully, they had something, although the room wasn’t as good and I wouldn’t have such a good view. I didn’t care tonight and paid for the whole thing then and there. Anything to make the process quicker and less obvious in the morning.
“Here’s your key, sir,” the receptionist said, smiling with the same expression she used for everyone.
I took it and the printout of the receipt before walking away. I only got a few steps before Richard found me.
“Sarai said you were in the gym!” he exclaimed as I tried to quickly hide the new key. I didn’t think he’d seen it.
“I was about to head back there. They had some equipment issues. Hopefully, they’ll have the maintenance man on the way.” I tried not to sound too rushed in my speech while I thought of some way to direct the attention off me. “You and Sarai not going for dinner either?”
