Release: Symbols of Love, page 31
But, I can’t tell her before I tell Lilly, so I’ll deal with her lack of faith in me - I know I’ve earned it - and just show her what my intentions are.
When I leave her in the car, waiting for Lilly’s dad to come out, the only thing I say before I walk in the house is “You’ll see.”
Now Lilly’s in my arms and every single word I’d planned on saying is forgotten. The way she’d looked at me, like she’d won the lottery, made me hard.
Instantly.
I didn’t even say hello to her father.
Fuck me, but she was all I could see and I couldn’t get to her fast enough.
I walk us into her bedroom and lay us down her bed without breaking our kiss. Her kiss is like a drug. Everything in my world feels right and so fucking easy.
I pull my lips from her reluctantly, drawing them between my teeth for a quick nip. When her tongue darts out to lick the place I bit, all I can think about is how silken that tongue had felt swirling around my cock last time we’d been together.
I hop off the bed and pull off my clothes as fast as I can while she watches me, her bright golden eyes glazed with lust, her pink lips wet and swollen from our kiss and her hands squeezing her breasts, her finger twisting her nipples through her t-shirt. She moans low and when I fist my cock. Want radiates from her as she licks her lips when give it a long stroke.
“Feed me. I’m so hungry for it.” She whispers and holds out her hands to me.
I crawl onto the bed and move up so that I’m kneeling next to her head. She grabs my cock with one hand and pulls me into her mouth. My eyes close and flickers of light burst behind my lids as her hot, soft as sin mouth slides down my cock. When her tongue presses into the head, my hips thrust forward on their own and hit the back of her throat. She coughs and when I start to pull out her hand cups my ass to hold me where I am.
She uses her hand to control the thrusts of my hips into her mouth and I gaze down at her. Her eyes are closed in ecstasy while she uses my dick to fuck her mouth. She’s so goddam beautiful. I let me eyes roam, taking in the rest of her. Her hand is still teasing her nipple. My mouth waters and grab her hips, turn her to the side and then lay down so that my head is in between her legs. I flip up the skirt of her dress, push her panties to the side and press my nose into her.
“I have missed this.” I lick her in long lazy strokes. I lose my rhythm when I feel the vibration from her groan against the head of my cock.
I pull her lips apart, “I love how fucking pretty your pussy is,” I tell her before I take a long lick. Then, I pull her clit into my mouth. I eat her, she sucks me, and I come first. I try to pull out but she grabs my ass and holds me there while she takes every drop.
When she’s taken everything, my cock slips from her mouth. I turn myself around so I can lay between her legs. And then I eat the sweetest pussy that God ever made until she’s pulling my hair and calling my name while her silken thighs tremble on their perch over my shoulders.
“Harry. Oh, God,” she rasps as I move up her body and press a kiss to her lips.
I taste myself and her on my lips, and I enjoying knowing that this is our taste. The unique blend of us.
And then, we fall apart. Both of us lying on our backs trying to catch out breath.
I’m trying to figure out how we ended up doing sixty-nine when I’d planned on walking in here and begging her to forgive me.
She speaks first. “I’m so happy you’re here.”
I grab her hand and sit up. Pulling her up to sitting, too When we’re facing each other, our legs crossed underneath us, I start to beg for my life.
“I’m sorry for what I said in Coventry. I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you. I’m sorry that I didn’t understand. But more than anything, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that I love you.”
She squeezes my hand to silence me and I stop speaking. “Harry, it’s me who should be saying sorry. I didn’t mean what I said. Not at all.” She shakes her head for emphasis.
I was just so scared because everything was happening so fast. I was so happy one moment, and then everything seemed to be falling apart. And then you asked me to give up the one thing I’d thought I couldn’t.”
“Lilly, I—” She squeezes my hands again and leans forward and looks me squarely in the eyes. Those eyes that I love so much are full of that naked honesty that drew me to her in Ghana.
“But, you were right. You told me the truth and it helped me start to see what I was doing in a different light.”
She tells me in detail what happened with the Michaela’s mother’s profile. She keeps her eyes on our interlocked fingers the whole time she’s talking. My heart breaks with sadness and guilt. I wish I could have been here for her. I make a silent vow to her - that I’ll always be here to support her.
“So how do you feel now?” I ask her when she’s done.
When she looks up at me, my chest constricts with relief to see the peace in her eyes.
Her voice is steady as she speaks, “There are days I regret everything. But, I know I did the right thing for me and for her. I wasn’t prepared, mentally or emotionally, to be her mother. Not the mother she needed. It was my first lesson in unconditional love, Harry. I did what I thought would be best for her.” She shivers and presses her lips together on a hard swallow.
“I’ll never stop missing her. I can’t help but love her, a piece of my heart will always be hers. I hope you can understand that.” I can hear the fear in her voice — the concern that maybe I won’t. But, she’s not letting that prevent her from speaking her truth.
She gives me a small smile and my heart skips a beat. She’s amazing. I smile back and say what I came to say.
“I’m proud of you. And of course I understand. I understood then and I shouldn’t have given you that ultimatum.” My thumb brushes the tiny beauty mark under her eye and I see some of the tension leave her body.
“I should have told you… I would do anything for you.” I press a kiss to the tip of her nose. The corners of her mouth turn up in a smile and I press forward.
“I should have said that I would stand beside you so that you didn’t have to face anything alone. That I would sooner die than see you hurt. I won’t ever forgive myself for not telling you that. You didn’t owe anyone that story. I wanted to say so many things, babe.” I let my fingers trace the shell of her ear. I cup her jaw and look into her remarkable eyes.
“Knowing everything, only confirmed what I already knew. You’re strong. Selfless in a way that I can’t comprehend. I know it hasn’t been very long, but the way I feel about you – it feels better than anything else I’ve ever known. Even when I’m miserable and pissed, there’s a part of me that’s always so damn happy…” I stroke her bottom lip when it starts to quiver. “Because I’ve known you at all. No matter what happens between us, there’s a part of me that only you own, that is irretrievably yours,” I whisper. My heart is in my throat, in my words, in my eyes, and in her hands.
A tear rolls down her cheek. I brush it away with my thumb and rub my lips, moistening them with the essence of her.
“I didn’t even know having my mind blown was possible until I met you. And every time I think about you, every time, it happens. I can’t believe my luck. That you decided I was worthy of your trust, your love, your grace.” My voice is strained, the words struggling to escape my tight, dry throat.
She blinks, her eyelashes fluttering as they shadow her high cheekbone. When she looks back at me, her tears are gone. Her teeth bite into her lower lip and her gaze is contemplative. She licks her lips and says quietly, “Harry, I—” I’m afraid of what she’s going to say so, I cut her off. I let go of her face and grasp both of her hands.
“I know that we have stuff to work out. But, I’m going to do whatever it takes to turn things around.” I can see she wants to respond, but, I’m desperate for her to hear everything. “I know I let you down. I know I hurt you. That I wasn’t there when I should have been. But I swear to God, Lilly, that won’t happen again. Please, give me another chance. Let me prove I can take care of your heart,” I grin at her and add, trying to lighten the mood and hoping to remind her… “Even better than I take care of your body.”
She pulls close to me and we wrap our arms around each other.
“Oh, my love. You’ve already shown me.” She cries into my shoulder. “No one has ever taken care of me the way you have. And I’m so happy you’re here.” She presses a kiss to my shoulder tucks her face into my neck. Her breath tickles my throat and when she whispers, “I don’t want to be apart again.”
“No baby, we won’t. We may have our issues, our families have shit to work out.” We groan as we think of our siblings. And then, I get to the part I’ve been dreading, but also looking forward to.
“I want to know everything you want to tell me. I know you’re just getting settled here and I can stay as long as you need me to. I’ve taken some time off and Louis’ home helping my dad until I get back. But I am praying like a motherfucker that when I have to leave, I can persuade you to come home with me,” I say and she jerks in my lap.
I pull back to look at her. “Not right away if you’re not ready, but that’s what I want.” I tell her, my eyes firm, my voice steady, my heart beating calmly even after being laid bare. I know that when it comes to her, I have nothing to fear. My heart is in excellent hands. Our love is effortless. Our feelings don’t need divining or translation. We found each other. Everything else, all the drama and the logistics, are just details.
“It’s what I want too. So much. Because, Harry wherever I am, wherever I go - if you’re there, it feels like home. Your heart is my home.”
Her face softens, “I just ask this. Please, be patient with me. I’m not one hundred percent there yet. I’m in therapy, it’s online but I have two sessions every week. I’m going to stumble…I don’t want you to be sorry you chose me.” She says, her eyes glistening.
I stare into her eyes and I can see forever. I brush the unruly mass of silky curls off her face and press a kiss to her forehead. I give myself a minute to savor the way she feels pressed up against me. Her body still clothed, while mine is naked. The way she smells, the cadence of her breaths and heat of her skin.
“I love you.” She kisses me, a soft lingering kiss and she melts into me as the rest of the tension leaves her body. When we pull away, I cup her jaw, tracing the soft underside with my thumb.
“If you stumble, I stumble with you and we will catch each other.” As I talk a smile starts to spread across her face and by the time I’m done it’s dazzling. My heart trips and my lungs squeeze as I take in the living miracle that somehow fell in love with me.
“I’m so happy. I’m smiling in every cell of my body.” She says and I smile at her in return.
“Yeah Lilly, that’s what it looks like too.” She laughs and throws her arms around my neck and press lips to her ear, her hair tickling my nose and I whisper, “And baby when you smile that smile…”
“Tell me,” she says, nudging me slightly with her hips, when I don’t continue.
“Mind blown.”
Epilogue
Two Years Later
Cape Coast, Ghana
* * *
Lilly
* * *
“Let’s stay here forever.” Harry murmurs into my neck, his lips tickling the sensitive skin below my ear. I sigh. It’s a contented sound and reflection of my soul deep and self- replenishing happiness. I cup the back of his neck, pulling his closer to me and love how his hair tickles my hands. I will never get tired of touching him. Ever.
His muscles are relaxed and they cushion my body like we were two halves of the same whole coming back together.
We’re standing on the balcony outside our bedroom. The view is the sun setting along the horizon. It’s what sold us the house, this constant reminder that earth and sky are made possible by each other.
Just like us.
We still love dusk, it’s the time of day where we both feel most alive and connected. It’s like the rest of the world is getting ready to slumber, but Harry and I are just getting started. The breeze tonight is cool but refreshing. Harry props his chin on my shoulder, his check is pressed to mine and my hair blows in long curling ribbons all around us.
The setting sun and the rising moon both sit on the horizon, washing the sky in swaths of mauve and coral.
“Yeah right, two more days and you’ll be itching to get back to Coventry.” I tease him and the arms he has wrapped around my waist tighten enough to make me gasp.
“It’s true,” I protest with a laugh and he laughs back good naturedly.
“Fine, but I love it here. It’s as close as I’ve ever been to paradise,” he says and my heart swells at the satisfaction I hear in his voice.
Keeping Harry happy is my personal mission. My fingers play with the silky, feather soft curls at the base of his neck and he nips my ear.
“And after yesterday, it feels like we should be on our honeymoon and not rushing back to England.” He says his lips dancing on my skin as he talks.
“Yeah, I know what you mean.” I say on a sigh, “But after the church wedding, we’ll be doing just that, so let’s just enjoy this and be excited that we’re going to England to get married, like legally and forever.”
Suddenly, he steps back and spins me around to face him. He frowns down at me.
“Your Aunt said that after yesterday, we’re good and married. That we didn’t need to anything else after that.” He demands.
“Um, Harry, that’s just in the traditional sense. Even in Ghana people still have church weddings or registry wedding after the traditional ceremony to make it legally binding. Customary Law is just that, silly.” I explain, laughing at how his face drops as I explain.
“You didn’t correct me when I told the driver you were my wife.” He counters.
“Why would I do that?” I rise up on my bare toes to press a kiss to his mouth and I stay there, putting us nose to nose, eye to eye. “Ceremonies like yesterdays, pledging our love before God and our families, signing a piece of paper – none of those things change anything about us or our relationship. It was just us telling everyone what we’ve been for a long time. Committed. Each other’s. Husband and wife. Partners… whatever.” I shrug and pat his cheek.
“None of the ceremonies would mean anything if we weren’t all of those things in our hearts.” I hold his gaze, and see all the love I feel for him mirrored there.
He smiles a little roguishly and says “Yeah yeah yeah. Okay, that’s nice. But, I’m so fucking happy that now, in every way that matters and to everyone that cares – we’re married and next week, I’m going to kiss you constantly while the vicar is marrying us. I don’t need his you may now kiss the bride to kiss my wife.” I giggle at how emphatic he sounds. “Took us long enough to get here, I’m going to savor every moment.” He grumbles.
“But it was so worth it, right?” I tease before I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him into a hug.
We stand there, two hearts that refuse to be parted and two souls are each other’s reason for everything.
I spent so many years feeling lamenting my wounds. But I forgot that light can only get in through the cracks.
Growth is painful, but the aches are worth the beauty that awaits.
I needed to meet Harry in Ghana. I needed him to push me, to make demands of me and to love me even when we didn’t know that’s what it was.
It’s been a journey, the last two years. I moved to Coventry six months after Harry came to see me. I needed the time, and I wanted the chance to show Harry that he could trust me.
When his father’s illness forced him back home, I wasn’t ready to leave but I promised him I would come as soon as I was. I saw the lingering doubt in his eyes when I dropped him off at the airport, but I was never worried. I just had some work to do first.
I spent the next few months falling in love with myself again. I forgave myself. I showed myself and my loved ones some grace.
When I felt ready to be give the same kind of love that I wanted, did I go to him. I was able to open my arms and embrace the kind of love I deserve – the constant, forgiving, ecstatic, demanding, generous love that only Harry has ever shown me.
I’ve made his huge cottage our home. I still run my cyber security business – but I have an associate now who does most of the leg work. I’m taking on a larger role in the estates business. I founded an organization that mentors young girls interested in science, engineering and computer sciences and I’m finding my place.
My relationship with Freya is… difficult, but I try for him. And Freya does, too — but there is so much water under that bridge. It’s hard to not want to scratch her eyes out every time I see her.
“You fall asleep down there?” Harry’s lips brush the top of my head as he speaks. I realize I’ve been lost in my wandering thoughts and that my head is burrowed into his chest.
“Mmmm…” I hum at him, “No, but I could sleep right here. Your arms are the best place in the world. I love you so much.” I whisper to him. To the universe that blessed with him – my heart shouts an enthused ‘thank you’.
“I love you more.” He says quietly and decide to let him have that; just for today.
I bask in the fairytale that is my life. I had to fight for it, we never once let go of each other. This love is my truth. My release; And it has set me free.”
Playlist
Playlist
click link for entire Spotify Playlist
HIGHLIGHTS
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Waterfall by Stargate, Pink and Sia
Water Under The Bridge by Adele
