Mirror Image, page 13
I "You're a bastard, Toby Whitticomb, " she said, as the tears flowed faster. She had never heard anything as disgusting as what he'd just said to her. He had only used her, and he didn't even have the grace to admit it. He tried to blame it on her too, to cheapen her, and make her think that she'd never loved him. The sad thing was that she had, far too much. She had been incredibly stupid.
"I've been called that before, " he smiled, "by people who really know too, not just by babies." She had been a complete innocent, easy prey for him, and he knew it. He had taken every advantage of her, and didn't give a damn what it did to her now, or what even happened.
"We're leaving tomorrow, " she said miserably, as though she still expected him to stop her, but of course he wouldn't.
"I think that's a good thing to do. Am I to expect a visit from your father now too? " he asked unpleasantly. "Or does he only send his minions? "
"You don't deserve more than that, " she said, wanting to hate him, but not there yet. He had broken her heart, and yet a part of her still loved him.
"You know better than that, " he said, looking incredibly seductive again, as he walked her slowly to a taxi. "We had a good time, Victoria .. . let it go at that .. . don't ask more of it than there was.
.
.." It was just a game to him. It always had been.
"You said you loved me." Tears rolled down her face as she said it.
"You said you'd never loved anyone like this .. . you said .
.." He had said he would leave his wife, that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, and wanted her babies. They were going to run away and live in Pads. She was sobbing as she watched him.
"I know what I said, I lied, " he told her as he put her in a cab.
"It doesn't matter now." He looked at her, almost sorry for her this time.
She was such a kid. It wasn't even a fair game this way, but it was too late now anyway. The game was over. "Go home and forget me.
You'll marry someone nice one day, but I'll bet you'll remember this as the most fun you ever had." He grinned at her evilly, and she wanted to slap him again, but there was no point. It was over. He didn't even begin to understand what she had felt for him. He l was so empty he would never know, and her heart ached as she looked at him, and slowly, finally began to hate him. "I know, " he whispered, as he looked at her for a last time, drinking in the way she looked.
She was even pretty when she cried. It was almost too bad she wasn't older.
But he'd had enough fun for a while. It was time to move on now. "I'm a bad one, " he whispered to her. "That's just the way it is sometimes.
" He gave the driver her address and got out of the cab, and then he turned and walked down the street without ever looking back. Victoria Henderson was only a moment in his life. She had come, and gone, and now it was time for something different.
Victoria cried all the way back to the house. She slipped in the back door, and ran quietly up the back stairs, and prayed that no one had found out she was gone. In fact, Olivia had. She had come to bring her a cup of tea and see how she was, and what had happened with their father.
And she had known instinctively what had happened when she saw that Victoria was gone, and she knew that Victoria had probably run off to see Toby. Olivia could feel in her own heart the agony that her sister was in. And without saying a word about Victoria having disappeared, Olivia silently closed the door, and went back to her work in the attic with Bertie.
The two sisters didn't meet again until late that afternoon when Olivia checked on her again, and this time found her in their room.
Victoria was sitting in a chair, holding a handkerchief and staring out the window.
She didn't turn when she heard Olivia come into the room, and just seeing her there that way almost killed Olivia as she watched her.
She walked quietly up to her, and put a hand on her shoulder.
"Are you all right? " Olivia whispered to her. Any anger that had existed between them had vanished that morning. It was as though they had found each other again. And Olivia knew how badly her sister was going to need her.
There was a long silence in answer to her question, and then Victoria shrugged as fresh tears rolled down her cheeks, spilled onto her blouse and her fingers.
"I was so stupid, " she finally whispered. "How could I be so stupid?
" She sounded tragic.
"You wanted to believe him, and he was very exciting. He wanted you to believe him. He's very good at it." But just listening to her sister made Victoria cry more, and finally Olivia just held her. "It'll be all right again, we'll go home, and you won't see him anymore ..
.
you'll forget, and so will everyone else eventually. Nothing like this lasts forever."
"How do you know? " Victoria sobbed in her sister's arms as she asked the question, and Olivia smiled at her. She loved her so much, and wished she could have taken the pain away, the disappointment, and the deception. She was furious with Toby Whitticomb on her sister's behalf, and relieved that Victoria was free of him, and she was also grateful that she and her twin were close to each other again. Toby had very definitely come between them.
"I'm older than you are, " Olivia smiled down at her reassuringly, "I know about things. This won't hurt forever, " she said, trying to sound hopeful.
"I never knew there were people like him .. . so deceitful .
so evil .. . I hate men .
, , .. .. ..
"Don't, " Olivia said, kissing the top of her head wisely. "Just hate him." Victoria looked up at her then, and for an instant there was a familiar look between them. They knew each other so well, every look, every word, every joy, every moment of sorrow. It was frightening to realize that for the past few weeks they had almost lost each other.
But Olivia knew, as she always had, that they could never lose each other.
The bond between them was too tight, too strong, it ran too deep and was too important. It was like shared bone, or a common heart. It was something they owned as one, that neither of them could take from the other.
They held hands together the next day, in the back of the car, as they drove out of town. Olivia knew everything that her sister felt, the sorrow, the pain, the regret, the agony of never seeing him again.
And as Victoria wept silently, holding her sister's hands tightly in her own, their father sat in the front seat in total silence.
Chapter 7.
In some ways, it was a relief for all of them to return to Henderson Manor in Croton-on-Hudson. The two months in New York had been frantic, and the shock of the emotions of her affair had left Victoria completely shattered. It was good for the twins to be alone together again, and to talk, as they had before, of the things that mattered to them.
It seemed as though Victoria had lost sight of everything in New York, except Toby.
He had obscured all her goals, all her dreams, all her fervent beliefs that had once been so important to her. She had given up everything for him, in the end, even her reputation. In five brief weeks of loving him, she had destroyed everything, or so it seemed to Victoria now, and even their father. He spoke very little of it, but it was easy to see how deeply upset he was over what had happened. Only Olivia remained somewhat philosophical, and she did everything possible to cheer them both up.
She pampered her father constantly, bringing him his favorite teas, ordering his favorite meals for him, planning menus, and cutting flowers that she knew would please him. But he had remained extremely stern in their first week back, and very silent with both his daughters.
The sale of the mill was almost complete by then, but he seemed to have a great deal on his mind in the first week of November.
The leaves had completely turned, and Olivia loved that time of year on the Hudson. She urged Victoria to go out walking with her, and even to go riding with her whenever possible, although Victoria far preferred driving to riding horses.
"Oh don't be so spoiled, " Olivia teased her late one afternoon, at the end of their first week home. Things had almost begun to seem normal by then. The house in New York had been completely closed, and Bertie had come back with the rest of their things, and the servants.
"Why don't we ride over to Kykuit? " Olivia urged, but Victoria didn't look enthused about the venture.
"Because the Rockefellers have probably heard what a slut I am, and they'll throw rocks at me if we go near them, " Victoria said, as Olivia chuckled at her sister.
"Stop feeling sorry for yourself. I'll throw rocks at you if you don't ride with me this afternoon. I'm tired of sitting here watching you and Father try to compete for who can be the most gloomy. I want to go riding, and I'm taking you with me." Victoria finally agreed and they didn't ride as far as Kykuit, but they had a lovely ride down by the Aver, and they were most of the way home, when a squirrel ran up a tree unexpectedly, and Victoria's horse bolted. She hadn't ridden him in a while, and she'd never been the enthusiastic equestrian her sister was, and before Olivia could even grab the bridle for her, Victoria had fallen right out of her saddle. She hit the ground with a thud, and looked surprised, as her horse galloped easily back to the stable.
"See what I mean? " Victoria picked herself up and dusted herself off as Olivia laughed at her. "That never happens to me when I steal Father's cars and go driving." She was smiling.
"You're hopeless. Come on up behind me." Olivia gave Victoria a firm hand, and Victoria put a toe into her sister's stirrup and a moment later, she was sitting behind Olivia and they cantered home to the stable. It was a cold November day, and they were both freezing by the time they got home, and stood in front of the fire in the library, warming their hands, and laughing as they told their father about their adventure. He even smiled at them, and Victoria thought it was the first time he had talked to her normally since they got back to Croton.
She commented on it to Olivia as they went back to their bedroom to change for dinner.
"Stop saying that, " Olivia chided her. "He seems to be perfectly all right now."
"Not when he's alone with me. I don't think he'll ever forgive me, " she said quietly, waiting for Olivia to pick their dress for dinner.
"That's nonsense, " Olivia said firmly, but she had noticed that their father was much quieter than he had been, and Victoria herself was far more docile. She seemed to say very little these days and never went anywhere. She seemed far less interested in the suffragists and had stopped going to the meetings. In some ways, her heartbreak over Tobias Whitticomb seemed to have caused her to soften. She wasn't quite as sure of herself, or as adventuresome. It was as though she had ventured whole into the world, confident in herself, and she had returned two months later, broken. And all Olivia wanted now was to see her sister and her father become the people they had been. She knew it would happen eventually, but it was difficult being with either of them in the meantime. The only good thing that had come of the affair was that she had never felt as close to her twin sister. They were as inseparable now suddenly as they had been as children. It was as though in some unspoken way, Victoria needed her desperately and she knew it. And Olivia was happier than ever to be with her. They were never apart now for a single moment. And thus far, fortunately, news of Victoria's misadventure seemed not to have reached Croton.
They had dinner with their father that night, and as usual, everyone went to bed early. Olivia had gone to the library and gotten books for both of them. She was reading O Pioneers and fell asleep at midnight with the book in her hands. Victoria had long since turned her back on her and gone to sleep at ten-thirty. And eventually, at some point in the night, Olivia had woken up and turned their lamp off. There was still a fire in the grate and the room was warm, and as she drifted off to sleep, she thought she was dreaming when she heard a soft moaning beside her. She let the sound lull her to sleep again, but shortly after that, Olivia felt a pain knife through her in the darkness like none other she had ever known. It took her breath from her, and she woke gasping for air, and instinctively reaching for her sister. She instantly clutched Victoria's hand, but as she woke, she realized that the pain wasn't her own, but her twin's. She had felt it as her own, but as she came fully awake, the pain vanished, and what she saw was Victoria's face, contorted in pain, as she grabbed the bedpost. Her knees were pulled up to her chest, and she could barely speak as Olivia bent over her in terror.
"What is it? What's wrong? " They had felt pain for each other before, but Olivia had never before felt anything like this one. It had been like a knife ripping through her, and she could see easily now what agony Victoria was in. She had no idea what it was, but as she threw back the bedclothes on her side of the bed, she saw that there was blood all around them. "Oh my God .. . Victoria .. . speak to me .
.." She had no idea where it was coming from, but it was everywhere, and there seemed to be a lot of it. It was all over Olivia's nightgown, but she was sure that she herself wasn't bleeding.
Victoria's face was deathly pale as she turned to her and grabbed Olivia's hand fiercely in her own. She could hardly speak she was in so much pain, but she forced out the words very clearly. "Don't call a doctor."
"Why not? "
"Don't." She looked wild-eyed, as Olivia watched her, helpless in the face of her sister's agony. "Help me to the bathroom."
Olivia literally carded her, and there was blood everywhere in a trail behind them. Victoria was hemorrhaging, and Olivia didn't know what to do to stop it. She was doubled over in pain, and lay on the bathroom floor, suddenly in even greater agony as she cried and Olivia cried with her. She was terrified that her twin was dying.
"Tell me what's wrong." She sensed that Victoria knew but wouldn't tell her. "If you don't, I'll call Bertie and the doctor."
"I'm pregnant." Victoria's face contorted in pain again, as random pains seemed to rip through her.
"Oh God .. . why didn't you tell me? "
"I couldn't face it, " Victoria said honestly, crying in agony and sorrow.
"What do I do? " Olivia was kneeling beside her on the bathroom floor, praying her sister wouldn't bleed to death. It could have been from the fall from the horse that afternoon, or perhaps it even had something to do with their own mother's history. But that was too frightening to even think of, and there was no time now. Olivia was suddenly terrified that Victoria was going to die in the bathroom.
"I have to call someone, Victoria. You have to let me."
"No .. .
don't .. . stay .. . with .. . me ..
. don't .. .
leave me .. ." She was crying horribly by then, and she seemed to be bleeding more than ever, and then just as Olivia began truly panicking, Victoria was seized by a viselike pain and the source of her misery slipped slowly from her. Neither of them had any idea what was happening at first, and then they both understood what had occurred.
The pain seemed to gap her interminably, but as it receded eventually, the baby that might have been lay in a mass between Victoria's legs in her nightgown.
She began to sob hysterically, and Olivia took it from her, and began cleaning her. And little by little the bleeding began to lessen.
Olivia had wrapped her in blankets by then, and used towels and rags to clean everywhere, as Victoria continued to lie on their bathroom floor, racked by sobs, and despite the blanket Olivia had wrapped her in, convulsed by such terrible trembling that her teeth shook. It was six o'clock in the morning by the time Olivia had cleaned everything and changed both their nightgowns. And then, ever so gently, and with unusual strength, she carded her sister back to bed, and tucked her in like a baby.
"It's all right, Victoria, I'm right here. Nothing's going to happen to you now. You're safe, and I love you. It's all over." Neither of them had said a word about what had just happened, or the horror they'd seen, nor said a word about what could have happened if she hadn't lost the baby. Giving birth to Toby Whitticomb's illegitimate child would truly have destroyed her life forever, and killed their father. But there was no chance of that now. The baby had been formed but was still very early.
Olivia put a log on the fire then, and put another blanket over her twin, and she sat beside her as she watched her drift off to sleep at last, deathly pale, and wondering sadly if there was a curse upon them.
Knowing what had happened to their mother when they had been born, she couldn't help wondering now if either of them would ever be able to have children. She couldn't imagine herself marrying, let alone having a child, but it was intriguing wondering if it was even a possibility, or if they might die in childbirth. No one had ever told them.
Victoria was sleeping soundly by then, and Olivia put a coat over her nightgown, and went downstairs carrying the huge bundle of dirty linens.
She was going to burn them. But much to her chagrin, the kitchen had come to life by then. It was nearly eight o'clock, and as she stepped outside, she was immediately met by Bertie.
"What's all that you've got there? " she asked pleasantly, and Olivia instinctively turned away from her.
"Nothing. I .. . I'll take care of it, " Olivia said firmly, and the old woman caught a note in her voice that surprised her.
"What is it? "
"It's nothing, Bertie, " she said, as the two women's eyes met and Olivia kept a firm gap on the bundle. "I'm going to burn it." There was an endless pause, as Bertie searched her eyes, and then with a slow step backwards, she nodded.
"I'll have Pethe build a fire for you outside. Perhaps we should bury some of it." Olivia nodded. She had made a separate, smaller bundle with what might have been the baby, and that had been her intention.
Olivia and Bertie looked grim as they watched Petae first dig a hole and then build a fire. The linens went onto it, the rest went into the hole and was quickly gone, and the two women stood side by side, shivering in the winter morning. It was a silent vigil that should never have been, and Bertie put a gentle arm around her shoulders.
