The Ashes of My Soul, page 6
It took some effort to unclench my jaw. “So you talk me into this shitstorm and now you’re punishing me for it?”
“Do you really think anyone can let your actions go without some level of consequences?”
“Yes,” Star said. She had finished cleaning up the blood and was now using very low level psionic healing to knit my bones back together. “Considering you put him in this situation, you absolutely fucking could.”
“For fuck’s sake,” Absynthe snapped. “Are you both idiots? If I don’t slap his wrists, Alistair will break them.”
“You could always wait to talk to him,” Star said. “I mean, something like negotiating, or seeing how he reacts first, or maybe not being a complete bitch.”
Absynthe slapped her hands on her knees and rose to her feet. “Come on, Kevin. We’re going back to the campus. The infirmary will see to the rest of your wounds.” I didn’t move and simply held her gaze. Star didn’t move an inch. The older woman’s hands curled into fists. “Fine. Sarah, I will be registering a complaint with Todd. Your team is barred from campus. Kevin, I will see you tomorrow.”
“See you,” I said.
After she stormed out, Star looked up at me. “Do you want me to twist her?”
“What? No!”
“She’s not acting like herself.” Star sat on the couch next to me. My hands were still throbbing, but much less than before. “If you ask me, I think she’s scared.”
“Scared of me.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“You didn’t need to.” I still couldn’t clench my fists. Frustration was building up in me and I couldn’t let it out except through words. “God, Star, you didn’t need to antagonize her.”
“Excuse me? I didn’t see you trying to defuse the situation.”
“Why bother? No matter what I do, it’s wrong. One way or the other, someone’s pissed off at me.”
“That’s fucking life, Kevin.”
I pulled my hands away from hers. “Don’t lecture me.”
“Lecture you?” Her voice rose an octave. “If I was going to lecture you, I would be telling you exactly how fucking irresponsible you were today. What on earth made you think you should just follow her insane plan and not tell anyone? Especially me? Do you have any idea how it felt when I found out you were in trouble? Don’t you understand what you put me through?”
“Do you have any idea what I went through?” I snapped back.
“Yes, I’m healing your fucked up hands, so I have some clue. Why didn’t you tell me, Kevin? You could have texted me saying you were going somewhere with her. You didn’t need to mention why. I could have been there sooner. I could have done something.”
“What could you have done?” I asked. She flinched backwards. “Gotten yourself in trouble like she did? Given me someone else to lose control over?”
“Kevin. You’re being an ass.”
“So are you going to stay off campus like she said to?”
“Considering I don’t go up there at all, I don’t see why not.”
“So you’re fine not seeing me?”
“I didn’t say that. Are you implying you’re going to stay on campus like she said to?”
I lifted my hands. “Does it look like I want to get hunted down by the entire Establishment?”
“So why do you expect me to?” She crossed her arms over her chest. “Honestly, Kevin, what’s gotten into you? You’re being a complete ass to me and it’s pissing me off.”
“Well, sorry.” I stood up. “I’ll get my ass out of here then.”
“Jesus. Fine. We’ll talk later, I guess.”
“I guess.”
She didn’t say anything as I shut the door behind me. Fury clouded my entire mind as I got on the elevator. She didn’t give a fuck. Absynthe didn’t give a fuck. I was the one with blood on my hands today, literally and figuratively. Both of them only wanted to add to my misery.
I stepped off the elevator on the ground floor just as Grace entered the building. “Judging by your hands and your expression, you’ve had a bad day.”
“You should see the other guy.”
“I did.” She gave me a half-smile, half-smirk, which faded immediately. “But seriously, if you’re storming out of here still looking like you just went six rounds without gloves, I’m guessing you got in a fight with Star.”
“None of your business,” I said.
“Shut up and come over here.” She beckoned me off to the side, took a quick look at my hands, then pushed me toward the women’s bathroom. “Don’t get any ideas.”
“What are you doing?”
“Finishing the job.” She pushed me into a stall, closed it behind her, got on her knees, and manifested a pale blue glow. “Now, don’t get any ideas. I’ve seen this before in this bathroom. Now what are you so pissed off about?”
“I fucked up today, I know it, and everyone wants to make it worse.”
“Been there.” Her fingers touched mine and I felt bones and tendons shifting around. Her psionic touch was so focused I almost couldn’t detect it. “Absynthe called me a couple of minutes ago. Said we weren’t allowed up on your campus and to let her know if you showed up down here. She’s considering me in charge for the moment. Now I’m no Sherlock Holmes, but I’ve deduced all three of you are pissed at each other.”
“Astounding, yes. Any suggestions?”
“Apologize. Someone’s got to.”
“Even when I’m the one who had the most fucked up day of all?”
She looked up at me. “They both think the same thing, you know. They think you’re being as unresponsive to their pain as you think they’re being to yours. Damn, man. I haven’t seen hands this screwed up since the time I worked on this guy who punched his way through a brick wall. You should have seen the look on his face when I told him there was a door just around the corner.”
“Why was he punching his way through a wall?”
“You know, I don’t think the topic ever came up.” She looked up at me with another half-smile. “Much like the topic of how your hands got this way.”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Neither did he.” She ran her fingers up to my wrists. “In case you haven’t figured it out yet, other people have their own beliefs and such, which tend to matter more than someone else’s.”
“So other people are people too.”
“Succinct, yes.”
I sighed. “I know. I just can’t deal with dealing with other people right now.”
“I’m sure they feel the same way.” She slapped my hands, which didn’t quite make me jump through the ceiling in pain. “Don’t punch anything for a few days if you can help it. And like I said, apologize. You’re going to sooner or later, and the sooner you do, the easier it’ll be to get things back to normal.”
Chapter Five
I carefully opened the door to my room and peered inside. “Anyone home?” When no one answered, I walked in and sat down on my bed. My hands were throbbing and burning and I didn’t want anyone to witness my whimpering. It had been almost a week since the bookstore. The Establishment infirmary had finished treatment and also scheduled me for physical therapy to make sure the internal injuries healed properly. The doctor hadn’t said anything, but every time he looked at my hands, I could see a hint of a grimace on his face.
Before I could indulge myself in some well-earned whining, the door swung open again. Max waved at me as he walked in. “Hey, Kev. Thought you might get back soon so I didn’t lock up. How was it?”
“Not as bad as before,” I said. I’d told Max and Drew I’d hurt my hands in a scuffle without going into detail. I didn’t want to admit I’d killed a bunch of people. Even if they were my close friends, even if they’d understand why, I didn’t want to see the look on their faces.
“I can’t imagine hurting my hands so badly. They’re precious to me.”
I avoided the obvious rejoinder. “Where were you?”
“Down the hall, saying good night to Jess.” He smiled. “She’s got this new idea in her head that saying good night should be done in person, not over text or chat. Silly, right? It’s weird. She’s always been this super geek, but she’s changing. Is that weird or is it just me?”
“She’s not the only one changing.”
“Bullshit. I’m still the avatar of the god of sarcasm.”
“You’re getting soft.”
“I am not.”
“Cuddly.”
“Definitely not.”
I leaned forward. “I heard her call you her big blonde teddy bear the other day.”
“What?” Max’s expression shifted through a range of emotions before settling on confusion. “I don’t know what to say. What’s happened to me? Shit, maybe you’re right. I’m losing my edge in my old age.”
“You did look flattered for a moment, though.”
“Fuck. I need to channel my inner asshole. Where’s Drew when you need him?”
We both laughed. It felt good to let go of a little tension. They’d both been annoyed about me bailing on them to go with Absynthe, but the atmosphere was getting back to normal now. “Where’s Drew?”
“What’s today, Thursday? I think he’s riding along with the EMS he’s volunteering with. Should be back soon.”
“I see.” I started to ask him something else, but Max’s phone buzzed several times in quick succession. He picked it up and frowned at the screen. “What is it?”
“Jess asked if you’re here.”
“Why doesn’t she come down the hall to check?”
“Maybe she’s already in her pajamas. Are you here?”
I shrugged. “Sure, why not? Is she pissed at me?”
“Not as far as I know. All right, told her.” His phone buzzed again. “She says not to let you run. That sounds bad.”
I sighed. “What did I do now?”
Our door flew open and slammed shut. Jess stormed in. She was wearing a t-shirt, shorts, and a furious expression. “What the fuck did you do to my sister?”
“I don’t know?”
“She said you’re not on speaking terms right now. Haven’t talked in almost a week. She called you an asshole, and it didn’t sound affectionate for once. What’s the deal?”
I shrugged and leaned back on my bed. “We got in a fight.”
“No shit, Kev. That much is obvious. Why haven’t you done something about it?”
“Why does it have to be me?”
“Because my sister is stubborn as hell.” Jess folded her arms over her chest. “More stubborn than you. So if you want to fix things, you’re the one who’s going to need to take steps. I bet it was your fault anyways.”
“Oh, come on. You’re not being fair.”
“I’m not here to be fair. She was crying, you asshole. You made my sister cry. Give me a reason to not castrate you with a dull butter knife. Or with Max’s teeth. Not sure which one’s worse.”
“Could you keep my mouth out of this?” Max asked.
“So explain what’s going on.” Jess stepped over to my desk and pulled my chair out to sit down.
I looked between them and tried not to let my throbbing fingers annoy me too much. I didn’t want to lose my temper here. “Before I talk about it, I want you both to promise not to flip your shit at me.”
“No promises,” Jess said. “None whatsoever.”
“At least let me finish the whole story before flipping shit.”
“I’ll try.” She crossed her arms again. “Now stop stalling.”
“Well, remember how I bailed last weekend?” Max nodded and Jess glanced at him before returning her gaze to me. “It was an impromptu idea to bait some of Shade’s guys into attacking us.”
I summarized the story as best I could while leaving Star’s presence out. Jess’s expression morphed from anger to surprise to revulsion before I finished. Max simply closed his eyes. “So. That’s what happened while I was gone. That’s why my hands are all fucked up. Now do you understand why I didn’t want to tell you? Go ahead and flip your shit now.”
Jess shook her head. “Not going to lie, Kev. Pretty fucked up.”
“I know.”
She sighed and let her head roll back. “But you know what, I get it. You’re in a different type of world. I get it. People are trying to kill you and you killed them.” She swallowed hard. “It makes me want to throw up, but I get it. The only thing I don’t get is why you did that to the last guy.”
“No more threats,” Max said. He had opened his eyes at some point. “Not after what happened to Lisa.”
Jess’s head came back up and she blinked a few times. “What’s Lisa got to do with this?”
“It’s sending a message,” Max replied. “Threatening his friends and family is going to end badly. It won’t stop the really crazy ones, but the rest are going to think twice.”
I bit my tongue until it hurt. His analysis made sense. It was a better explanation than I’d come up with myself. “I shouldn’t have done it,” I said. “I lost control. Scared the shit out of me.”
“I bet.” Jess paused for a second before continuing. “Now, how does this connect to why my sister is pissed off at you?”
“I didn’t tell her about the plan ahead of time, and she was not happy I put myself in so much danger. We yelled at each other a bit. Maybe said a few things we shouldn’t have.”
“It was pretty stupid,” Max said. “Just pointing it out. You would have had a much better day if we had hung out.”
“No shit.”
“You need to talk to her about this,” Jess added. “Yes, it was a fucked up day, and I can’t even comprehend how fucked up you are because of it. But that doesn’t give you the right to take it out on her. She was scared for you.”
I rubbed my face and winced as my fingers and my temples seemed to throb in sync. “I know. It’s hard to take this step, you know?”
“You have to learn to lose sometimes, you know?” Max threw in. “Especially to your girlfriend.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Jess asked.
“It means letting her win keeps her happy.”
“Letting?” Jess’s tone changed and her focus moved from me to Max. “So you’re letting me win?”
“I’m going to get some air and think while you two fight,” I said.
“Go call Sarah,” Jess said, her eyes on Max.
I slipped out before the shouting could start. The hallway was bright, fully lit up no matter the time of day. I headed for the stairwell before I realized I had left my coat in the room. It was late and cold and dark and I didn’t feel like going back. A minute of frosty air would wake me up and get me thinking.
“Kev?” I looked down the stairwell to see Drew’s face looking back up at me. “What’s up, dude?”
He came up the stairs in his work clothes, moving slower than usual. “Not too much. I wouldn’t go in there. Max and Jess are fighting.”
“Fighting? Or fighting?” He grinned at me.
“Either way, probably not a great idea to interrupt.”
“Either way, it’d be hilarious.” He turned to walk down the hall, beckoning me to follow him. We stopped in front of Andreas’s door and he knocked. “Hey, Andreas, you up?”
The door popped open a few seconds later. As usual, he gave off an aura of being both disheveled yet completely under control. A tie hung loose around his neck. “Drew, you are aware of quiet hours, are you not? Please control your volume.”
“Sorry, dude. Can we chill for a little bit? Max and Jess are fighting in our room.”
Andreas hesitated for a moment, then stood back from the door. I followed Drew in and immediately felt like something was different. His room was suspiciously uncluttered and everything looked as if it had been dusted or wiped off within the past week. His work area in the back even looked organized. When I turned to ask him what was going on, I realized his hair had been trimmed. “Andreas, this place is almost spotless. What brought this on?”
He held a finger to his lips and pointed toward the bedroom. “Kaitlyn is asleep.”
That answered all of my questions and then some. “When did this happen?”
“After I returned from Norway. She came here to welcome me back, and she did not leave until morning.” He grinned, looking decidedly pleased with himself.
“How was it, by the way?” Drew had flopped down on a couch and showed no signs of moving.
“A gentleman does not kiss and tell.”
“Not that part. Going home.”
The grin faded. “The skiing was excellent. The family, less so. My little sister is not so little any more, and she has been acting out. My parents are concerned and asked me to impress upon her the importance of higher education. It seems her grades are declining.”
“I don’t know how the school system works over there, but she’s not about to fail out or anything, right?” Drew asked.
“No. She may slip from first in her class.”
Drew sighed. “Your family has high expectations, doesn’t it?”
“It is traditional to graduate first in our class.” Andreas shrugged. “Juliane is less interested in academics than I am. So, I told her to maintain the minimal effort needed to meet our parents’ expectations, and then live her life the way she wants to once she leaves home.”
I decided to sit at the far end of the couch from Drew. “You sound like a good brother.”
Andreas sat down in a chair facing us. “Based on what I have learned here, science and academics are somewhat less important than they were before.”
“Yeah, I understand.” Drew’s sounded amused. He’d know all about priorities shifting.
I leaned forward and cleared my throat. “Hey. I need to tell you guys about what happened the other week. I told Max and Jess a few minutes ago and I don’t want to get accused of holding back.”
“Accused?” Drew glanced at me.
“You know what I mean.” I told the story of the bookstore again, making sure I kept Star’s part consistent. “So now, I have a lot of people pissed at me.”
