The Ashes of My Soul, page 26
The last one stood. He lifted his chin and snarled at us, defiant to the end. “You brought this upon yourself,” I said. Shards of wood and masonry rose from the destruction and slammed them through his arms and legs, pinning him to the intact wall. He howled in pain, but his eyes still held nothing but hatred. “I don’t know what you were thinking,” I continued, slamming piece after piece into his limbs. “Did you think we’d leave after that? Did you think you’d get away with it? Were you trying to send a message? Well, you did.” I stood before him and crossed my arms. “You told us you were animals. Dangerous, rabid animals.”
“And so you put us down like dogs?” he snarled. I was impressed he was still able to speak.
“Yes,” I said. “Except for you. I was thinking about leaving you alive, but crippled, to send a message. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that wasn’t the message I wanted to send.”
“What message do you want to send, then?” Star had disappeared into the bathroom, but now she returned, wiping blood from her hands with a towel.
I shrugged. “Nothing. No one listens. I think I’ve learned something.”
“What’s that?”
“Living enemies come back. Dead ones don’t.” I looked over at her, saw her nod, and then returned my gaze to the helpless man pinned to the wall. I couldn’t even see him as a man anymore. He was an animal. “Tell me one thing. If you tell me the truth, I’ll let you die cleanly. Did you make them suffer?”
He looked down on me. “Yes.”
I turned my head away. “Sweetheart? Would you like to do the honors?”
“Gladly.” She lifted a finger and a tiny flame burned above it. “I think setting the room on fire and letting him burn sounds about right. Maybe better than he deserves.”
“You said you’d let me die cleanly!” He screamed at me, thrashing against everything pinning him to the wall.
“I lied.”
Chapter Eighteen
In an unusual departure from her normal style, Star stuck to the speed limit as we drove east. Border security had been on alert and it’d taken psionic trickery to avoid being detained. Neither of us said anything. I didn’t know what was on her mind, but foremost on my mind was getting in touch with Absynthe. I reached out to her and the connection formed almost immediately. “We left,” I said.
“Anything to do with the rather brutal murders yesterday?” she asked.
“Maybe.”
She studied me for a few moments without speaking before asking, “Are you all right?”
“Physically, yes. Mentally? Not sure.”
“That concerns me more than the other.”
I sighed and let my gaze drop to the floor. “Yeah. Sorry to worry you. Give me a couple of days to gather my thoughts.”
“Sure. Are you heading home now?”
“I don’t know. Let me ask.” I turned my head to Star. “Absynthe wants to know if we’re heading home.”
“Montreal,” she said. “We’ll change our looks along the way. Use different passports. We’re lucky the car wasn’t mentioned, but we need new plates.”
I turned back to my mental connection and reported to Absynthe. She sighed, but didn’t argue. “Try not to cause any more trouble.”
“I don’t cause it. I always have to finish it.”
We pulled off the Thruway a few cities away and covertly swapped plates with a car that looked unused. One quick trip to the local DMV and we were able to finagle the re-registration with only a little psionic prodding. We took two leisurely days to make the trip, staying at cheap motels and making random detours. One of those detours let us burn the old passports and the Establishment card we’d used for the hotel. Burke’s card was still clean and we could rely on it for the rest of the trip.
The night before we headed over the border, Star curled up around me. We’d caught a news snippet about the horrific events in Niagara Falls. The attention of two whole nations was on us. I’d never wanted fame, let alone infamy. “I don’t want to think about it,” she whispered.
“We didn’t do anything wrong.”
“Didn’t we?” She pulled away. “We killed them for revenge, pure and simple. Not for justice. Not for self-defense.”
“We could argue it was self-defense.” I pulled away myself. “But I think it was justified.”
“Justified for us, maybe. Was it just, in the broader sense? Do we even have definite proof? No, did we have definite proof before we marched in there?”
“No, but I’m not the only one who wanted to go right in there.”
“Not saying you were.” She sat up and leaned back against the headboard. I stayed flat on my back. “I know this is bizarre, coming from the Resistance girl, someone who’s considered a terrorist by more than a couple of groups. But I keep remembering there are rules and laws, spoken and unspoken, and we broke so many of them. We’re not above the law and we’re not supposed to enforce it either.”
I put a hand on her knee. “Maybe not enforce it, but I’d say we have a moral duty to stop others.”
“Not like that. It’s not normal. Didn’t you always want to be normal?”
“I wanted to live a normal life,” I said. “I don’t know if that’s what you mean. Every kid dreams of having superpowers at some point. Hell, I bet most adults do too.”
“Do you think you’ll ever be able to have a normal life?”
“Not a chance. But I can try.”
“If you were normal, would you have done what we did?” she asked. “Vigilante justice.”
“No,” I had to admit. “I’d leave it for the police and justice system.”
“So what makes us different? The fact we have this power?”
I squeezed her knee. “I don’t think we’re simply normal people who have these powers. I think these powers change us. I think we have a responsibility to those who don’t.”
“A responsibility?”
“Yeah. People like Alistair don’t care about normal people. They’ll go through the motions, like how they compensated Lisa’s family, but there’s no feeling behind it. That’s why his plan doesn’t take normal people into account. They don’t matter.”
“But they matter to you?”
I nodded. “I didn’t kill those people because they hurt me. They were willing to murder innocent normal people. Normal people can’t stop us. We have rules against doing things like that, but are there universal laws? Even if there are, what about groups like the Inuinnaqtun, who don’t consider themselves bound by those laws? That’s why I think we have a moral duty. Protect the people who can’t protect themselves.”
“Doesn’t that make normal people children? Or pets? Or even animals?” She drew her knees up to her chest, letting my hand fall. “How would you feel in their position?”
I pushed myself to sit up beside her. She leaned into me and rested her head on my shoulder. “I wouldn’t like it,” I admitted. “But, and this is an important distinction, I’d also recognize it’s so much better than the alternative.”
“I still don’t think we were truly in the right.”
“We did go overboard.” I leaned my head against hers. “The only defense I can offer is we were out of our skulls with rage.”
“I agree with you, but then, I remember that’s one of the reasons we’re fighting the Establishment. They do awful things to people, and we stop people from doing those things, but it’s hard to justify to myself that I’m one of the good guys after I literally tore a man’s guts out with my bare hands.”
I didn’t argue her point. She’d have to come to terms with that herself. While I knew she’d killed people before she met me, I suspected it’d never been so direct, so visceral. The first night on the road, she’d gone into the shower and sat in the tub, letting the water wash over her until it turned cold. She continued, “You know, I’d give up these powers in a heartbeat if I could. I know it’s possible, but I can’t give them up while people like Ripley exist. If I don’t fight him, who will?” She laughed. “Rhetorical question. I never told you what happened after we met in Washington. The Bureau only underestimated us once. We relocated across the river, but it didn’t matter. A week later they came for us. Grace and I are the only ones who got away. What for? I have no idea. Todd’s got wheels within wheels and he doesn’t have a direct hand in everything. He came back from Europe and he was furious. Four of our people gone and nothing to show for it.
“It’s the same pattern, over and over. We make some progress, the hammer comes down, and we run away. I’ve been running away since I was sixteen. Todd’s been the only constant, up until I met you.”
“And then?” I asked when she tapered off.
“And then life got more interesting. I went to the west coast partially to get away from you. I thought being thousands of miles away would let my heart settle down. Almost worked, up until you called me. Now here I am, with the one I love, and it’s both the best and worst time of my life.”
“I’m flattered, maybe?”
“It’s only the worst because I know it’s all coming to an end.” She pulled away and took a hold of my chin, turning my face toward hers. “Alistair’s deal is bullshit. He ties up loose ends. Tries to, in Todd’s case. The best case scenario is he keeps us in a walled garden and waits for us to die.”
“That’s a bit pessimistic.”
“Am I wrong?” she asked softly.
I couldn’t deny it.
The next day, we set out for the border crossing at the north end of the state, heading back into Canada. Star had dyed her hair and the sparkle was gone. I’d grown a shitty looking beard with a little psionic encouragement from her. The disguises were weak, but a little psionic push would be more than enough to discourage any closer examination. We were almost to the checkpoint when a psionic call hit me like a hammer. I sat bolt upright in my seat. Star’s head turned to me. “Everything all right?”
“Not sure.” I answered the call and everything was on fire.
“Kevin!” I heard Absynthe’s voice, but it was far away, even though I was in her mental realm. The furniture was burning. An end table was scrap, as if someone had been thrown through it. Most disturbing to me was the dress on the floor, ripped and torn.
I focused on her voice and shifted across the room to where she was, but it was as if a glass wall separated us. I could see shadows behind it. They circled her crumpled form like sharks. I hammered on the wall, the shield, as one approached. I slammed my fist into the wall again.
The third time I hit it, I did so with the full fury of my power. The wall vanished and I strode through it to her side. The shadows fled at my approach, except for the one standing over her. It swung down at her with a sword made of smoke, but I caught the blade, snapped it, and stabbed the shadow with its own essence. It reeled backwards and evaporated into ash.
“Kevin,” she whispered. I knelt and inspected her. Wounds and bruises covered her body. She must have been fighting for hours. “Not a lot of time. They’ll cut you off at this distance, second tier or not. Have to tell you something.”
“Save your strength,” I said. “I’ll teleport home.”
“You won’t make it in time.” The finality in her tone stopped me from even trying to draw the shell around me. “Listen to me. I found out a few things I shouldn’t. I found out where Shade’s accessing the Establishment network. How he knows so damn much.”
“Through Alistair.”
“Through Alistair,” she confirmed. “But that’s not all. I found out what’s in their files. Shade’s still part of the Establishment, Kevin. He’s making regular progress reports. Project Diaspora isn’t just giving power to everyone.”
“What is it, then?”
She winced. I could sense something burrowing through the outskirts of her mind. “I can’t tell you. If I tell you, Alistair or Shade will find out, and then you’re dead. Trust me. It’s better if you don’t know, but I want you to understand.” She grabbed my collar. “Stop him. It’s worse for you. It’s worse for everyone.”
“You can’t leave me in suspense like this!” I grabbed her hand. “Hold on as long as you can. I’ll get Star linked in. We can defend you.”
“Don’t be an idiot.” Her grip tightened and she pulled me down. “I have a couple of people loyal to me lighting off mindflares to make some chaos, cover up this communication as much as we can. If you succeed at driving them off, they’re going to assume the worst, and then you’re dead. Don’t admit anything. Deny you even talked to me. Don’t even hint.”
“No, I’m not going to let you sacrifice yourself like this!”
“I’m pulling rank on you, trainee.” She grinned and I could see blood on her teeth. The presence outside her mind was getting closer. “Kevin. I know we’ve had our problems, you and me, Star and me. But I’m proud of you. I know you’ll get through this and do the right thing. And right now, the right thing is to let me make this sacrifice for you.”
I squeezed her hand and tried to hold my voice steady. “I swear to you, Absynthe. I’ll fucking get them for this.”
“Good,” she murmured, and then with surprising strength, pulled me down and wrapped her arms around me in a hug. I felt her lips brush my forehead. “They’re almost in. Do me a favor? Tell Todd, Alex loves him.”
“Don’t be so fucking melodramatic,” I said. “Give them hell and tell him yourself. Tell him yourself, Absynthe. Alex.”
“I’ll give them all nine hells and then some,” she promised. “Now get out of here.”
She pushed me away, out of her embrace, and then out of her mind. The connection between us quivered, then snapped. The last thing I felt from her was the hideous, foreign presence of someone, something else invading her mind. I blinked when the sun hit me in the real world. “Kevin?” Star’s voice was louder than before.
“Pull over,” I said. Bile was rising in the back of my throat. “Please.”
She pulled over and I jumped out of the car before it even came to a complete stop. I made it a few steps away from the car before my stomach clenched and I dropped to my knees. I heaved over and over until there was nothing left, then a few times more for good measure. I felt her hand on my back and I heard her saying something, trying to soothe me, for all the good it’d do. All I could feel was the crawling, burrowing sensation of a mind being violated.
The connection vanished. I leaned back and closed my eyes and reached out. Absynthe’s mental signature was gone. I couldn’t find it.
“What’s wrong?” Star’s voice registered for the first time since we’d pulled over. “Kevin, talk to me! Why are you crying?”
I didn’t even know I was sobbing until she said so. My stomach hurt. I’d clenched hard enough to cramp up. “We need to go home. Now.” I managed to speak between cramps and the words were almost enough to make me throw up again.
“Ok. But tell me why.” Her words were calm and for a moment, just one moment, I felt myself relax.
It couldn’t last. I pushed myself to my feet. My vision went dark for a handful of beats. “I have a funeral to plan and motherfuckers to kill.”
“What?”
“Absynthe’s gone.”
“What?”
“She’s fucking gone.”
“No!” Star’s voice grew hoarse. “She can’t be. Not Absynthe.”
“Let’s go.”
I didn’t even register how she did it, but she pulled a U-turn right in front of the border checkpoint and we blew through the speed limit in seconds. The drive south averaged well over a hundred miles an hour and she wasn’t even being careful about hiding the psionic signature. Miles ahead, drivers had sudden compulsions to get the fuck out of the left lane.
We stopped once for gas and a bathroom break. I risked looking at myself in the mirror. Sunken eyes. Harsh lines around my mouth and brow. I looked like hell. I washed my face and tried to will some life back into my expression. Alistair would have sent Shade after her. He wouldn’t get his own hands dirty until the very end. I’d left Shade alive over and over again. No more. I’d said it to the murderer in Niagara Falls and I said it again to the grim-faced specter in the mirror. No more.
My phone rang around the time we blew past the exit leading to a local amusement park. My mom. I answered and tapped the speaker button. “Mom?”
“Can you hear me?” I’d never heard my mom sound frazzled before. “Kevin, Star, are you both there?”
“You’re on speaker,” I said.
“You’re the giant psionic signature flying down the Northway, right? What are you doing?”
“Coming home early.”
She didn’t answer for a moment. I heard shouting in the background. Star glanced over at me. Both of us knew that wasn’t normal. “Sorry. Kevin, this is a bad time for you to come back. We’re under attack.”
“I think that’s an ideal time for me to come back,” I said. My voice was flat, monotone even to myself.
“Kevin, no. It’s Shade’s people. It’s been a running battle for the past three hours. We’ve been losing contact with agents. Including…” Her voice trailed off at the end.
“Absynthe.”
“I’m so sorry. We managed to find her and get her to safety before they could...do anything else to her.” Mom’s voice nearly cracked at the end.
“They did enough.”
She went silent again for a moment. “Did you know?”
Star flicked a hand at me for attention and shook her head. Absynthe had said to deny it to everything and everyone. Did that include my mom, one of her closest allies in the Establishment? Or did I hide it from my own family because she was part of the organization?
