The Ashes of My Soul, page 3
“Don’t give me that. I should have killed him when I had the chance. Lisa died. People got hurt. No more chances.”
She didn’t respond for a couple of minutes, giving me time to recover. “Alistair may not let you.”
“Alistair? Fuck Alistair. He’s just as bad.”
“Have you thought about the situation where Alistair protects Shade?” She looked over at me. “What would you do then? Attack Alistair, and by extension, the Establishment, for your own personal revenge?”
“You know my answer already.”
“I think I do.”
The rest of the ride was in silence. She dropped me off near the dorm and wished me a good night. I trudged back to my room with my thoughts swirling in a dark whirlpool. Shade needed to die, period, otherwise he’d be after me forever. Even if he came back to the Establishment and tried to atone for what he’d done, I wouldn’t be able to believe him. Even if Alistair ordered me to. Even if I had to start a one man war. I couldn’t accept any other outcome.
When I reached my room, I could hear Max’s voice from inside. They’d probably headed straight back after dinner while I had taken a long detour. I considered going down the hall to Andreas’s room, but it would only be delaying the inevitable confrontation. I pushed the door open.
“You just have to know where to look. Oh, shit, Kev!” Jess was sitting on Max’s lap in front of his computer. At his exclamation, she jumped to her feet and both of their faces turned red. “I didn’t know you were around.”
“I just got back,” I said.
“From dinner?” Max asked. I wanted to kick myself. “We went down to our favorite restaurant and saw someone who’s a dead ringer for you. I swear, I thought it was actually you, but turned out to be a less ugly version.”
“No, I was tutoring Stacy.”
“Stacy,” Jess repeated. “Your cute friend from high school, right?”
“Acquaintance from high school, yes.” I crossed the room to my bed. “Look, I’m tired, I don’t want an interrogation tonight.”
“If you don’t want an interrogation, you shouldn’t be acting so damn suspicious.” Jess crossed her arms and glared down at me. “You aren’t cheating on my sister, are you?”
“Do you really think I’d admit to it if I was? I know what you’d do to me.”
“Don’t dodge the question.”
“I didn’t dodge it.”
“So answer it.”
“No, I am not cheating on your sister, Jess.” I looked past her at Max. “Help me out here.”
Max stood up and stretched. “I need to piss for a while.”
“Traitor.”
He paused at the bathroom door. “You caused this, man. Deal with it.”
“Yeah,” Jess said as the door closed behind him. “You have a history. Right?”
“Wrong.” I leaned back on my bed. “I am not cheating on your sister. Never have, never will. You know what Nikki was like. I’m not letting myself get in that state of mind ever again. I’d end things first.”
“So why are you spending all this time with this girl?” Jess sat in my chair. “You have to admit it’s fishy. You’re visiting her pretty often.”
“She’s lonely,” I said. “She doesn’t know anyone around here except me. I think the tutoring is her way of having someone to talk to. But it seems like she’s making some friends now, so I doubt I’ll be going down there as much.”
“Suspicious.”
“What? How?”
“As soon as I call you out, you’re claiming it’s going to happen less. You’ve always been a pretender. I know when you’re hiding shit.”
“Everyone’s hiding something,” I said.
“Dodging the fucking question again. I’m happy for you and my sister, but I will not let her be hurt. You have a reputation.”
“What’s it going to take to make you happy?” I sat up. “I spend time with someone, you suspect me. I plan on spending less time with them, you suspect me. I can’t win. I made a mistake, all right?”
“I don’t want my sister hurt.”
My temper frayed and snapped. “You don’t get it, Jess.”
“What don’t I get?”
“Two things.” I held one finger up. “If I was cheating on her, you’d never find out. You’d never suspect it. I’d make sure you didn’t remember a damn thing about it, even if you walked in on me having an orgy. And if you ever did find out and tell her? You’d never see me coming.”
For the first time I could remember, I truly scared Jess. She pushed the chair back away from me with eyes gone wide. “That’s fucked up, Kev.”
I raised a second finger. “The second reason’s more important. I’d never cheat on her, because I love her.”
Jess’s eyes narrowed again. “Do you?”
“She’s perfect for me and I want to be with her. Forever, if possible.”
“Forever?”
“I wouldn’t mind being your brother in law, is what I’m saying.”
She grimaced. “Now you’ve ruined my night twice.”
“You’re welcome.”
“Max! It’s safe to come out!” she called. Max appeared from the bathroom. “Did you hear anything he was saying?”
“Something about feelings and shit.” He was busy cleaning an ear with a cotton swab.
“Feelings and shit,” she repeated. “You should learn from him, jackass. Fucking feelings and shit.”
“Huh?”
She jumped up, swept past Max and slammed our door on the way out. “Dude,” I said.
“What the hell was that all about?”
“Remember the other night? You really need to say it.”
“I’m trying to wait for the right moment.”
I lay back on my bed. “That might be why she’s so pissed at you.”
Chapter Three
“So what’s on the agenda today, boys?” I glared at Max across the table. He’d woken up far too early and chipper on a Saturday for my liking. To add to his crimes, he’d talked Drew and me into heading over to the Caf for brunch. “Going anywhere? Doing anything?” He looked as if he was going to add something else, but shook his head and just smirked at us instead.
“I’m doing some EMS volunteer work,” Drew said. “Not until second shift, though.”
“Graduated from carrying coffee yet?”
“I’m working on my basic cert now, so they have me helping out with minor shit.” Drew rubbed his head. “I don’t get to do anything gross since I haven’t finished yet, but the dudes in the local ambulance service love having me around.”
Max raised his eyebrows and glanced at me. I was impressed too. Drew didn’t talk much about what he was up to, but after Lisa’s accident, he’d mentioned getting certified. I hadn’t paid enough attention to notice he was actually carrying through. “How close are you to your cert?”
“I’m not too far in. It’s a six month course and I started when we got back here. You might not see a lot of me coming up.”
“How do you balance it with school?” I asked.
“I cut down to minimum credits here. No idea if I’ll bother finishing up.” I sat up straight. Drew wasn’t even looking in my direction. His gaze pointed off into the distance. “I mean, Ripley doesn’t have a medical program, so it’s kind of a waste, right? The other part of me says I might as well finish up here since I’m so close already. Backup plan, right?”
“And here I am getting my paper and going to work for my dad,” Max said.
“Yeah, well, some of us don’t have your connections.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Drew shook his head. “Sorry, that came out wrong. See, you’ve got something waiting for you. Hell, you could drop out and you’d still get a job with your family. Kev, dude, I’m surprised you’re still taking classes. Not like you need them.” He looked between us and then down at the table. “You two are set after you’re done here. I’m not. Not anymore.”
I didn’t know what to say, so I settled for silence. Max wasn’t as tongue-tied. “Shit, Drew, I wanted a nice cheerful morning for once. I don’t want to think about working for a living.”
“Same here,” I said. “Though it’s more working to stay alive, I guess.”
Max looked at me and then threw his hands up in the air. “I’m surrounded by serious. What the fuck, guys, it’s our last year. We haven’t been hanging out as much, I wanted to see if you guys were doing anything this afternoon. Catch a movie or some shit. Get some bro-time in.”
“I hate your phrasing,” Drew said. He looked to me. “I’m down if Kev is.”
“I think I’m tutoring today,” I said, holding my hands up as they glared at me. “I’ll push it back to the evening.”
“Push it back to never,” Max suggested.
“I told you there’s nothing going on. I’m cutting back, all right?”
“I believe you,” Max said. “Drew believes you. Andreas believes you. Even Jess believes you, after what you told her. We don’t have a choice, do we?”
I sighed and wished for the thousandth time I could tell them the truth. “I get it, guys. Give me a break. Trust me.” Neither of them replied right away and I clenched my jaw. “Or don’t. To be honest, this is starting to piss me off. Yeah, I fucked up, I admit it, but I’m sick of being treated like I’m lying about everything.”
“It’s not just that,” Max said. “Nikki’s a bitch and we’re all glad she’s out of the picture, though you fucked up in the process. It’s the other part making people nervous. I know you said you were going to be more open about the shit going on in your world, but I can’t shake the feeling you’re still hiding stuff.”
“Me too,” Drew said.
“And then there’s what you said to Jess the other day,” Max continued. “That was fucked up, Kev. You gave her paranoia fuel.”
I nodded. “Sorry. I went too far.”
“Don’t apologize to us, apologize to Jess. And stop being so damn secretive.” Max shook his head. “Why don’t you bring this girl up to hang out? That’d go a long way toward making people feel better, you know.”
I sincerely wished I could. “I’ll try and talk her into it,” I said.
“We do trust you, dude,” Drew said. He leaned across the table to stare me down. “We understand and we want to help you. Got it?”
I started to respond, but a mental knock on my mind distracted me. “Hang on. Someone’s trying to get a hold of me.” I closed my eyes and put my hands over my eyes as if I had a headache, which wasn’t far from the truth. The knock repeated and I reached outwards with my mind until I met another mind.
The mental room resolved into a familiar layout, Absynthe’s usual black and red furnishings with ornate, antique chairs. I took a seat across from her and she gave me a smile. “Good morning, Kevin.”
“Morning,” I said. Something seemed out of place. I looked to my right and saw a glass vase on an end table, one long stemmed white rose seeming to rise out of the darkness. “Not your usual style.”
She followed my gaze. “I’m not allowed to change things up every once in a while?”
“No, my mentor has to remain the exact same person forever,” I said. “Otherwise I’ll be eternally confused.”
“You’re in a mood,” she said, rolling her eyes.
“It’s been a rough morning so far.”
“It’s going to get worse.” I frowned and she folded her hands in front of her. “I have an idea, but I need your cooperation.”
“Let’s hear it.”
“Bait.”
“Are we going fishing?”
“Yes, but you’re the bait.”
I paused before responding. “Fishing for Shade’s goons?”
“Precisely. I have reports of a small group of them keeping outside our normal perimeter. They won’t come into Troy, but if we take you out, they might make a play.”
“Getting attacked doesn’t make my morning any better. Why?”
“I want a prisoner.” Her smile was predatory. “Someone Alistair can’t play catch and release with. This won’t involve anyone besides you and me. We’ll take a prisoner, stash them at the safehouse with some trusted people, and get some answers.”
“This is a big change from the other day when you were yelling at us for using a flicker of power.” I frowned at her. This didn’t match her attitude the other day. “Why do you suddenly want to take this much risk?”
“First, we have solid information on Shade’s people. We know their location, their numbers, and their relative power. There’s only four, and none of them are strong, so we can easily handle them. Second, they’re leaving tomorrow, so if we want to do something, we have to do it today. Third, Alistair’s away this weekend. Best chance of flying under the radar. Fourth.” She narrowed her eyes at me. “We’re not risking other people’s lives. Only ours.”
“Not bringing Star in on this?”
“No. Better to ask forgiveness than permission.”
“I feel like she’s said that about you before.”
“I’m sure. I’m leaving the decision to you, Kevin. It’s risky, but I don’t know when we’ll have another opportunity like this.”
I sighed. “There’s no guarantee they’ll bite.”
“I know who’ll leak our plans.”
“And you don’t want to involve Star. You know she’s going to kill me if I go through with this?”
“I’ll take all responsibility.”
“I’m supposed to hang out with Max and Drew this afternoon, for the first time this year, and you’re ruining it for me.”
“So, yes?”
The entire situation made me uneasy, but Absynthe didn’t take silly risks. “Yeah. Still wish you’d bring Star in on it, though.”
“Where are you now?” she asked.
“The Caf.”
“I’ll pick you up there in a few minutes.”
She cut the link without a goodbye and I looked back up at my friends. The entire conversation had taken less than a minute. “Sorry, guys, that was Absynthe. I’m have to bail.”
“Everything all right?” Max asked.
“Yeah. We have an opportunity to stop some bad dudes, and she wants to take advantage of it now. Nothing we can’t handle.”
“And here I thought we had some bro-time coming up.”
Drew groaned. “Please stop saying it like that.”
Within five minutes, Absynthe shot me a quick telepathic ping, and I left Max and Drew bitching at each other. As usual, she looked like a model trying to blend in with normal people and failing. “You look tired,” she said as she peered over her sunglasses at me.
“I was up late. And thanks.”
She chuckled and we drove off. “I’ll buy you coffee when we get there.”
“Where’s there?”
“Bookstore with a café.”
Her car was delightfully warm and I felt myself start to drift off. “Do you mind if I sleep until we get there?”
“Not at all.” I closed my eyes. “We’re here.”
“Already?” I opened my eyes to see a parking lot. “I’ve never fallen asleep so quickly.”
“I helped,” she said. “A little rest goes a long way when you’re heading into a combat situation.”
I rubbed my face and yawned. “Well, let’s get this over with.”
We walked into the bookstore and wandered straight to the café. Absynthe whipped out a membership card while paying. I’d never considered her to be a book lover.
“You’re sure about this?” she asked. “Last chance. We can get our coffee and get out of here.”
“Why, are you scared?”
She snorted. “No. But I do feel somewhat guilty about pressuring you into this.”
“Absynthe, look, I trust you. I know you wouldn’t put me in unnecessary danger. If you say this is worth it, I believe you.” She raised her eyebrows and watched me for a moment. “Plus, I’d do anything to find out where he is and what he’s planning.”
“Plus you want to avenge your friend.”
I cleared my throat. “I’ll admit that’s part of it.”
“I’m not going to tell you it shouldn’t be.” Absynthe folded her hands on the table.
“But you don’t want it to consume me.” She nodded. “Don’t worry. The only people I’d break the world for are Star and you.”
“Don’t tell her you put me on the same level,” Absynthe murmured with a hint of a smile.
“Absynthe, as far as I can tell, you’re the only person in the entire fucking organization who isn’t trying to play me, manipulate me, use me, or abuse me. I know we don’t always agree, and we piss each other off from time to time, but you treat me like a person. Not like a kid or a tool.”
She didn’t say anything and I felt my cheeks heat up. “Alex and Kevin!” called the barista. I jumped up and walked over to pick them up. I hadn’t meant to admit so much to her. “Here you go!” The barista smiled at me and lingered by the counter.
“Thanks,” I said. “Busy day?”
She shook her head. “Most days we have a lunch rush, but looks like they all decided to stay home today. Weird, right?”
“Definitely weird.” It was more than weird. I felt a chill run down my spine.
“Maybe you scared them off.” She leaned in and smiled a little more.
“Am I that scary looking?” We both laughed. “Well, hope it picks up a little so you don’t get bored.”
“I’d rather be bored than overwhelmed. Have a nice day!”
I brought the drinks back to our table, where Absynthe sat smirking at me. “Flirting with the barista?”
“She said they usually have a lunch rush around this time.”
“That’s odd.”
“Isn’t it?” I looked off to the side where I had a clear line of sight to the cashiers and the entrance. Customers were leaving, but none were coming in. “It’s almost like someone’s encouraging people to stay away from here. You?”
She sipped her drink before replying. “Not me.”
