Seeking Home, page 3
part #1 of Family Bonds Series
“I would say he succeeded,” Sabine said, again with that wry tone.
Tanner was surprised at her pleasure. When Dana saw the house he had hoped to move into once Nana moved to town, she was dismissive. She wanted something new and modern.
Hence the unfinished house down the road.
Sabine wandered around the upstairs, looking into cupboards, standing in rooms looking around as if imagining her and her daughter in there.
“The bathroom used to be a bedroom,” Tanner said, opening the door of the oversized room. “But of course, time and convenience decreed that the house be modernized.”
Sabine smiled again as she stepped into the room, checking out the large claw-foot tub and the built-in shower stall. “I was surprised at how large it was and figured something like that had happened.”
Again, he gave her time to look around then pulled down a ladder that led to the attic.
“We can go up here if you like,” he said, but she waved off his offer.
“That’s not necessary,” she said. “I’m sure it’s full of stuff your grandmother would probably want to keep to herself. Besides, that’s where ghosts hang out.”
“The ghosts are all sleeping this time of day,” he teased, surprised at the humor this girl brought out in him.
“I’m sure they are, but attics give me the creeps.”
“Fair enough. It will be empty once you...once you move in.” The words were hard to say. He had wanted to be shed of this place, but showing Sabine through the house resurrected a raft of memories.
Yes, many were of Paulette and Dana, but there were also wonderful memories of cousin sleepovers in the winter with Hailey, Shannon, and Naomi. Games of hide-and-seek in the attic. Puzzles and games spread out on the table in the dining room.
He was staying here for now, sleeping in his old room, and though the posters of his favorite hockey players were off the wall and the bookshelf holding all his beloved books was gone, opening the door brought a flood of memories.
Though the memories would always be his, the place that anchored them wouldn’t be.
“So, that’s the house,” Sabine said, a brisk tone in her voice, as if sensing his mental wanderings. “Do you have time to show me the yard? Let me know what I need to do there before I bring in livestock?”
“If you have time?”
“I have nothing waiting for me in Rockyview except a promise to Olivia to take her to that coffee shop called Mug Shots. She got a kick out of the name.”
“Good place for a light supper,” Tanner said. “Kerry, the lady that runs it, loves Aga stoves too. At least she and Nana would talk about theirs every time we went there.”
“Excellent. She can give me some tips.”
“More than some,” Tanner said. “She’s full of advice and gossip.”
“I’ll need some of that too,” Sabine said, turning and walking down the flight of stairs. “I must find some way to catch up on the goings-on in the community since I left.”
Tanner chuckled at that, again surprised at how easy it was to be around this woman. She had gained some self-confidence since leaving Rockyview. Time had smoothed out the rough edges of her personality. At least what he remembered of her.
“I’ll call Joe. See if he can come here tomorrow.”
Sabine nodded as she strode through the dining room, then walked back into the kitchen. “I just have to touch that stove again,” she said, walking toward it, doing exactly that.
“I heard they’re on all the time, isn’t it hot?”
“Not to the touch. Otherwise there would be many a British child with burns on their hands,” Sabine said, flashing him a quirky smile.
He felt disconcerted at her grin, surprised at his reaction to her innate appeal. Perhaps in another time and place...
Then the door of the house burst open.
“Mom? Are you here? Come and see this barn. And the cabin.” The little girl’s voice rang through the house, and Sabine gave Tanner an apologetic look.
“Sorry. She gets loud when she’s excited.”
Memories crested over him at the sound of Olivia’s voice. Memories so unexpectedly alive and present he felt he had to physically swallow to push them down, clench his fists to hold them in.
He hadn’t let them out in three years. He couldn’t now.
And as they walked down the stairs just as Olivia came through the dining room toward them, he knew for a fact he couldn’t spend any more time around this woman and her daughter than the few hours he was granting them today.
Joe would have to take care of her after this.
“I wish we could stay at that cabin. It was so cozy and fun.”
Ever since they’d left the ranch, Olivia had been campaigning steadily to stay at the Circle K instead of at the hotel. She had pulled out all the stops.
They could be right at the ranch so they wouldn’t have to drive. They could save money. They could see the mountains when they woke up in the morning. They would have more room than their stuffy little room at the inn with sketchy air conditioning.
Sabine was deaf to all of Olivia’s reasons for staying, though she agreed with the air conditioning part. Last night the unit had literally blown hot and cold, making it hard to sleep.
But it was her daughter’s comment about seeing the mountains every morning that gave her pause.
“They look even more awesome than what you told me,” Olivia said, sensing her mother’s weakness. “And the air would be so fresh. Mountain air is great for you.”
“So you keep saying, though technically we are not directly in the mountains at the ranch,” Sabine corrected as she turned into the winding driveway leading to the Hidden Creek Inn.
“But the air comes down from the mountains,” Olivia said, her definite tone signaling to Sabine that her daughter’s logic was irrefutable.
How wonderful to be eight years old and right about everything. Confident about all that was going on. Sabine envied her certitude.
“I’d like to stay there too,” she said, “but it’s not our place yet, and I don’t want to intrude.” She hoped she sounded firm enough. Olivia could sense even the smallest waver in her defenses.
Sabine pulled into the parking lot just as a few spatters of rain ticked against her windshield. All the way back from the ranch, dark clouds had been chasing them to Rockyview, threatening to dump on them.
“I’m glad it wasn’t raining when we were at the ranch,” Olivia said as they stepped out of the truck and hurried up the steps to the inn.
“No kidding,” Sabine agreed, holding Olivia’s hand. “I don’t think I would want to be in those corrals in the rain in my unsuitable boots.” She directed a quick glance at her impractical footwear and made a face. She doubted she could get the grass and dirt stains off of them. Her heart twisted at the thought of having to replace them. They had cost enough.
But the reality of her situation immediately chased away that regret.
You have money. You can buy another pair.
It would take time to get accustomed to that idea, Sabine thought as she pulled open one of the double doors leading to the foyer of the inn. After pinching pennies, nickels, and dimes for so many years, to think she could ease off financially was still a pleasant surprise to her.
Inside, Larissa Weir, the owner, greeted them from behind the large wooden desk that took up most of the reception area. “You made it back just in time,” she said with a grin. “Looks like we’re getting a true Rockyview rain.”
“Do you have hot chocolate?” Olivia asked. “My mom always makes hot chocolate when it rains.”
“I think we can rustle some up for you,” Larissa said. “I’ll be leaving for another meeting but I can make sure Bridget gets it for you before I go. Did you want to have it in the dining room?”
“Can we have it in our bedroom?” Olivia asked.
“Actually, we’ll drink it in the dining room,” Sabine said, looking down at her daughter. “That way we can sit down at a table. Maybe there're cookies too?”
“Oh, yes. We have cookies.” Larissa flashed them a smile. “Just go on in, and I’ll tell Bridget what you want.”
The doors behind them opened, letting in a gust of wet, cold air and a noisy, gaggling group of young women, screeching with laughter. One of them was wearing a feather boa and a crown and the rest of them wore T-shirts that proclaimed they were friends of the bride.
“What’s going on with them?” Olivia asked, scrunching her face up in a puzzled frown.
“I’m thinking some pre-wedding party for the bride,” Sabine said, hoping they wouldn’t get too noisy. The inn wasn’t that large, only two floors, so their room might not be that quiet.
Don’t be pessimistic. They’re just having fun.
“Can I play on your phone?” Olivia asked as Sabine ushered her into the dining room.
“For ten minutes,” Sabine said, handing it over to her.
As Olivia scrolled through the screen, Sabine looked back at the girls, now standing in a cluster around the reception desk. If they were all bridesmaids, that would be one massively expensive wedding, she thought.
The sight of the girls brought back memories of her own bachelorette party with her bridesmaids before her wedding to Tim. She and her two best friends went camping for three nights. Each evening they sat around a crackling fire, drinking hot chocolate or wine and talking wedding plans, future life plans.
We had so many expectations, Sabine thought.
Now Deirdre was living in Seattle, adjusting to a new country, and living close to in-laws she had never truly cared for.
Sally had broken off her engagement with her would-be-lawyer, and had recently eloped with a guy who fixed motorcycles for a living. They were holidaying in South America now.
Though they texted periodically, they were slowly losing touch. Now Sabine was starting a new life.
Sabine settled Olivia at the table and stroked her daughter’s hair, smiling as Olivia frowned at the phone screen, trying to navigate a ball through what looked like a series of pipes.
Sabine’s marriage to Tim had been so full of hopes and dreams. Olivia was two years old when they got married, and Sabine had hopes for her daughter for an intact family. A mother who wouldn’t have to work full-time at some cramped office downtown. A mother who could stay home once in a while and take care of her daughter in the house Tim talked about buying in the suburbs of Edmonton. A father who cared for her.
That dream faded with each year. The house never came up again. They continued to live in an apartment, watching their expenses. Olivia ceased being cute for Tim and started being precocious and difficult. That’s when Tim started resenting Olivia and her strong will and quick temper.
He had thankfully, never been abusive. Just angry. Frustrated. Sabine intervened as much as she could, trying to keep Olivia in line and resenting the fact that she had to. Olivia wasn’t a horrible child, she was just a child. And the more Tim’s frustration grew the more Olivia acted up.
He left them both once but then returned full of remorse, promising to be a better husband and father. Promising that they would finally save up enough to buy a house.
When Olivia was six, Tim took on a long-haul trucking job, which kept him away for days at a time. The days became weeks, and though Sabine had pleaded with him to come to marriage counseling with her, to find a way to make their relationship work, he only found reasons not to go. Finally, after she pushed him to decide, he told her flat out that he was tired of taking care of someone else’s kid. That he was tired of trying to save for a house he wasn’t sure he wanted to live in with her and Olivia.
Two months later he moved out, and Sabine found out from his lawyer he was thinking of a separation. But nothing came after that, and Sabine wasn’t sure what to do.
Six months later, while he was driving his semi on the long-hauls he had taken on, he hit a moose. The moose was killed, the truck was totaled, and Tim died on the scene.
It took a month to settle everything out, and it was during this process that Sabine found out about Tim’s life insurance policy naming her chief beneficiary. The payout was a substantial sum, much more than she could imagine. Tim had never told her about the policy.
It was paid out two months ago, and Sabine started looking around for a place to live. That’s when she found out about the Bond ranch going up for sale. She spent hours calculating, planning, filling in spreadsheets, talking to her friends Sally and Deirdre, who both cautioned her to be careful.
But she didn’t want to be careful. She wanted to buy the ranch. So she started dealing, taking mortgage stress tests. The cash in the bank helped enormously, but she used most of it up for the down payment. She took out an operating loan to buy cattle and farm equipment. It would all work out, as long as she followed her plan.
So now, here she was. Back in Rockyview. Returning to her roots. Living the life her father could never give her. Coming back with her head held high, no longer the poor girl who couldn’t afford to buy new clothes. Who often came to school hungry because there was no food in the cupboard. Who, towards the end of their stay in Rockyview, had to drag her father to his bed because he was too drunk to get there himself.
Stop. That’s over. Don’t go there.
“Here’s your hot chocolate.” Bridget’s voice broke into the memories. She dropped two steaming mugs in front of them, tiny marshmallows floating on the surface. “I heard you want cookies?” She sounded abrupt. As if they were wasting her time.
“Only if they’re chocolate chip,” Olivia said, dragging her attention away from the game she was playing. “Please,” she added as Sabine shot her a frown.
“They are peanut butter chocolate chip. I hope you’re not allergic to peanut butter?”
“Unfortunately, I am,” Olivia said with a pout.
“Well, that’s all I have.” Bridget just frowned, and Sabine was puzzled at her daughter’s response.
“You’re not allergic to peanut butter,” Sabine said to Olivia.
“Yes, I am,” Olivia insisted. “I don’t like it.”
Sabine shook her head and had to smile. “That’s not the same thing.” She glanced up at the cook. “Thanks for offering, but I think we’re okay.”
Bridget shrugged again and strode away. For a moment Sabine felt as if she had put the woman out, she seemed that annoyed.
Another raucous burst of laughter resounded through the inn, and Olivia glanced through the opening to the foyer. “I hope they’re not doing that all night.” She released a long-suffering and rather self-righteous sigh. “We won’t be able to sleep.”
Sabine hoped so too but took a positive view. “I think they’re just excited, that’s all. Like you when you get together with your friends.”
Olivia nodded then let out a slow sigh. “I’ll miss my friends, I think.”
“Of course you will,” Sabine said, forgoing the obvious response of ‘you’ll make new friends,’ the same thing her father told her when they sold their ranch and moved.
She did make new friends, her father was right about that, but it took a couple of years, and for someone who struggled with self-esteem, who never wore the “right” clothes, it was even harder.
“But I think it’ll be fun to have my own horse,” Olivia said, with a practicality and wisdom beyond her years.
Once again Sabine’s concern for her daughter battled with her decision to purchase the ranch. She had gone over and over all the pros and cons. Staying in the city, buying a house. Having money left over to do some traveling. She wouldn’t have to work as much. But she would still have to work and live in a place she had never seen as home.
The thought of moving back to Rockyview had teased and haunted her.
The ranch would be a home-based business. She knew how a successful ranch should work. Yes, she would have busy seasons, yes it would be hard work, but she would be around when Olivia came home from school. Having lived a ranching life, she knew what to expect. How to plan for it.
Sort of.
She quashed the doubts, determined to be positive. To look ahead. Tim had doused enough of her dreams and plans. She wasn’t going to do that on her own.
“It’ll be hard, I know that,” Sabine said, covering Olivia’s hand with her own. “But this is a good move. I’ll be around more. We can do more things together.”
“I know.” But Sabine heard the note of concern in Olivia’s voice, which only dished up more guilt. Olivia switched to another app and started chuckling. “Hey, Mom, here’s a good joke. What do you call a funny mountain?”
“I have no idea, sweetie.”
“Try.”
Sabine fiddled with the handle of her mug then ventured, “A stony joke?”
Olivia rolled her eyes. “No. Hilarious. Get it? Hills? Hilarious?”
“Yes. I get it.”
Olivia chortled at her own joke just as a rumble of thunder rolled over them. “I think the storm is getting worse.”
Sabine looked out at the water streaming down the large windows of the dining room, the falling rain obscuring the lawn and the driveway. “Which makes me glad we’re staying here at the inn and not staying in that cabin. I bet it leaks.”
Olivia shook her head. “I don’t think so. Mrs. Bond said that if we stayed there we’d be as snug as a bug in a rug.”
They finished their hot chocolate, talking about the ranch, making plans, sharing in the future that lay ahead of them.
They ordered hamburgers and fries as a treat to themselves. As they were eating, other people who were staying at the inn joined them in the dining room, as did the bridal party, still in high spirits.
Olivia rolled her eyes and heaved out a sigh. Sabine shot her a frown, hoping no one noticed. But they finished their burgers and quickly escaped the now-noisy dining hall.
“Might not be so quiet tonight,” Sabine said as they headed to their room.
“Maybe we should have bought earplugs like I suggested,” Olivia said, in that self-righteous tone.
