Seeking Home, page 10
part #1 of Family Bonds Series
Then Tanner turned to her. “Did you want to go over a few things with the ranch right now? Maybe check out the dispersal listing? You can go over the items for sale beforehand.”
“I should help your grandmother,” Sabine said.
“Go. Olivia and I are fine here.” Jennie waved her off with a smile. Olivia didn’t even look at them.
A few minutes later, Sabine and Tanner were sitting at the desk, a pad of paper in front of Tanner. He turned on a desk lamp and a few moths beat themselves against it.
“Excuse me a moment,” he said as he got up to close the window. “Nana forgot to put the screens on this one.” He gave her an apologetic look as he returned, walking with that easy lope of a man who seemed comfortable in his own skin. As he dropped into the chair, he shot her another easy smile, which created a low-level thrum of appeal.
“Like we noticed when we went riding, the lower pasture fence looks good, so you can put any cattle you purchase in there pretty quick.” He picked up a pencil and with a few quick flourishes scratched out a rough outline of the cattle fences in the main yard. “You’d have to do some work here and here when you get your herd,” he said, pointing with his pencil. “And you’ll need to install the head gate. I’ve got it in the machine shed.”
“Why did you take it out?”
“The wood it was attached to needed to be replaced. From what I know of him, Mr. Anderson ran a clean operation, so you probably don’t have to treat the cows, but you’ll need to run them through before winter. Which means you’ll need to fix up the chutes and head gate by then.”
Again Sabine felt a clutch of panic as Tanner spoke, his deep, modulated voice laying out all that needed to be done. Was she truly up to this?
She pushed the questions aside. She had crunched the numbers. Done her homework. She was ready and she could do this.
Besides, she had to do this. The unwelcome emotions of her past rose up, humiliating and embarrassing. Difficult. Wrenching.
She shook them off, focusing on what Tanner was telling her.
“I’ll need help with that,” she said. “Who would you suggest I hire?”
“I can ask around. Been a few years since I’ve been here. Maybe someone new has gotten into the construction business. You might get someone who’s starting out and needs to establish a reputation. They might give you a deal.”
She nodded, recognizing the wisdom in that.
“I’m assuming you have all your financing in place?”
“Yeah. My operating loan is approved, so I’m good to go,” Sabine said, fighting down another rush of panic at the amount she’d had to borrow. She used as much as she could from the insurance policy for the down payment leaving herself some, what she called ‘fun money’ and living expenses for half a year, so she needed the operating loan.
Just numbers, she kept telling herself. The same advice she gave other people when doing their books. But somehow it was easier to be objective with other people’s debits and credits than her own.
“Smart. Clearly you’ve done your homework.”
His praise and his crooked smile warmed her heart. Created a quiver of appeal. And as their eyes held she saw something shift in his expression. She recognized the vague increase in tension, the sense of waiting, humming between them.
He was far too good-looking for her self-control, and when his expression softened, as it had just now, it was a devastating combination.
She shook off the reaction, focusing on the paper, clenching her fists to fight off their trembling as he laid out a plan.
Loneliness. That was all she was dealing with. Plain ordinary loneliness was what caused this heady reaction to him.
And even as she reasoned with herself she knew the reaction wasn’t one-sided. Sensed that he was feeling the same.
But this couldn’t happen. Not with someone who was still, she sensed, holding too much back. Unable to face his repressed emotions and how they were potentially damaging him.
For a heartbeat she regretted asking his help, but what else could she do?
He clicked on the computer as she studied his rough sketch, thinking of what needed to happen. Thinking of buying a herd of cows.
“So here’s the listing,” Tanner said, turning the screen toward her. “I would suggest making a list of the things you’ll want to buy, do some research on prices so you know how much you should bid going in.”
She nodded, thinking. She could use her laptop. Thankfully, the ranch was up to date with Wi-Fi. Olivia had complained about how slow it was, but it did the job.
“Where do you suggest I look for prices?”
“Check the cattle markets and previous sales. I can give you the name of a cattle broker. He can give you some idea of prices. Or you can just call the local auction mart. They’ll have a listing of sales they’ve run through.”
More information. More thinking. Sabine took a breath to still the surge of panic. That was why she was here now. To get this all set up.
“Okay. I can do that.”
His arm brushed hers as he clicked on the mouse again, the rough hair tickling her bare arm on the desk. She caught the lingering scent of soap combined with the outdoors that created a reaction out of proportion to what had just happened.
What do I think? I think I need to stop spending so much time with you. Your smile is devastating and you smell good and you’re too tall and attractive.
And too wounded.
Sabine yanked her wandering thoughts back to the listing then to the pad of paper, looking intently at it, her mind scrambling to catch up to what he had been talking about.
“I guess...all this work depends on whether I’m able to purchase the herd or not,” Sabine said, forcing herself back to the topic at hand.
“That’s true, but it wouldn’t hurt to get something done for now. Sooner or later you’ll need to buy cows, and you’ll need to be ready for them.” He sounded maddeningly calm, and Sabine chastised herself for her silly response to a casual touch.
She sent another glance at him only to find him looking at her as well. Once again their gazes locked. Once again that sense of breathless anticipation hummed between them.
Unbelievably he reached over, his hand touching her hair.
“You...have a bug...” He sounded strangely breathless as he plucked a small trapped dragonfly out of her hair.
Reflexively, she reached up, and their hands brushed each other. Tanner’s fingers twined with hers, tightened for a heartbeat, his eyes delving into her soul, as if hoping she had an answer to something he was searching for.
Accidental touch? Or deliberate?
At any rate, she recognized the delicate dance of give and take that created an anxious, unsettled feeling she knew she couldn’t delve into.
She tore her gaze away, jumping to her feet to put distance between them.
“Excellent. Great. Thanks for the advice.” Was that her voice, so breathless and confused?
She bit her lip, clenched her fists, and prayed desperately for self-control.
Just a blip, she told herself as he picked up the papers.
“I should go help your grandmother...” Her voice faded as she took a step away, turned, and scurried out of the office.
She walked down the hall, fighting to regain control, chastising herself for her childish, teenage reaction to his mere touch, a look from his grey eyes.
But Jennie and Olivia weren’t in the kitchen, and it looked like everything had been cleaned up.
She heard the office door open and close, and she went to the sink to get a drink of water, looking for something to do.
But Tanner didn’t come into the kitchen.
Instead, she heard his heavy tread going up the stairs. Headed to his room, she assumed with a flicker of relief.
She took a drink, composed herself, and caught her reflection in the window above the sink. Her cheeks were flushed, her hair mussed from where Tanner had removed the dragonfly.
Her hands came up to touch her cheeks, cool them down, and she sucked in a long, steadying breath, finger-combing her hair.
Get a grip, girl.
You can’t afford to even start this nonsense. He’s too complicated and he’s leaving.
Two great reasons to keep your distance.
She turned and left the kitchen, gathering her scattered emotions. Centering herself and reminding herself that Olivia came first.
Always.
Chapter 7
Tanner waited for Sabine to come around his truck, unable to look away, a spring breeze lifting her hair, burnishing it a glorious copper. A pair of large sunglasses shaded her eyes.
Her green leather jacket and ripped blue jeans seemed out of place for a farm sale. As did the large leather bag, and the short suede boots she’d worn the first time she arrived at the ranch.
When she had gotten into his truck this morning he thought she looked more fashion model, less future rancher.
Though he knew he shouldn’t care, her clothing choices surprised him. It was just such a juxtaposition compared to the worn blue jeans and casual shirts, hoodies, and denim jackets she favored back at the ranch.
“The sale has already started,” he said as she came to join him. She tucked her sunglasses up on her head, shifting her purse strap on her shoulder. “But usually the house stuff sells first. I didn’t think you’d be interested in that so I figured on coming a little later.”
“No. I’ve got my own furniture back at the apartment.” She sounded distant, almost defensive.
He wondered if she was thinking about those few moments in his office.
He knew he had been. Last night he couldn’t sleep, reminding himself that this situation with Sabine could never happen. His thoughts had briefly flitted to Paulette. Dana.
Too close.
So he had tried to shut his mind off and stifle the increased pounding of his heart.
But it had been hard. Now, seeing her again, it all came back too easily.
They walked down the driveway onto the yard, slowing as they had to make their way past a cluster of people who were checking over the furniture spread out on the front yard of the house. Some people were sitting on the chairs, as if staking their claim.
“I hate this part,” she said, that harsh tone back again. “It seems so...unseemly. Stuff that’s usually private, tucked inside a house, paraded out for everyone to see. Stuff these people worked hard to purchase, possibly cherish. Now just sold for a pittance.”
He flashed back to the auction sale of her father’s property. Remembered her as a teen, sitting on the couch, as if daring anyone to buy it. He wondered what memories were attached to the things that had been sold. “That must have been difficult for you. Having to go through that.”
Sabine had dropped her sunglasses over her face as if to hide her emotions. “It was hard. My whole life was turned upside down. My home and my sanctuary were invaded at that farm sale.” Then she released a laugh devoid of humor. As if she was trying for a casual tone but couldn’t get there. “Of course, it’s a small thing compared to what you’ve had to deal with. And it was a while back. Most people would think I should be over it by now.”
That may be, but Tanner sensed it had had a much larger impact on her life than she was willing to admit.
“So you have mixed feelings about being here,” he said.
“I do, but this is all part of it.” She glanced around one more time, then looked directly ahead to where the auctioneer was moving toward the equipment lined up in a tidy row, ready to be sold. But he saw her swallow hard again, and he sensed she was slipping back to that time despite her brave words.
While he had sold his place, it was different. It was his choice. They didn’t need an auction, because the cows and equipment had been sold piecemeal and to private purchasers.
“If it’s any consolation, the Andersons are an older couple who are tired of the responsibility of the ranch. They were happy here. Had a long and satisfying life.” He felt a need to reassure her. To ease the tension he sensed she felt. “She had a garden that she loved to take care of. She’d share the produce but it got to be too much for her, so she stopped doing that. He had been injured in a horse wreck so he was checking his cows with his ATV the last few years. Something he didn’t particularly enjoy. Everything got to be too much. Then they won an Alaskan cruise and enjoyed it so much they decided they wanted to do it again. So they realized they were moving on and decided to sell the ranch.”
“You’re not making that up, are you?” Sabine asked, turning her face toward him.
He couldn’t see anything behind the sunglasses, so he couldn’t read her expression. But her mouth was quirked in a careful smile, so he guessed she was doing okay.
“It’s all true except the part about the Alaskan cruise.” He tossed her another grin, and this time her answering smile wrapped around his heart. “But I did hear they had talked about going on one once everything was gone.”
“Hey Tanner,” a voice called out from the crowd beside them. Tanner looked to see who was calling him and had to grin. Connor LaCroix strode up to them, his loopy smile lighting up his face.
“Hey yourself,” Tanner said, genuinely glad to see Connor. He was the kind of guy who was friends with everyone and had an easy way about him. He and Tanner used to hang around with Jess Schroder, another old-time Rockyview resident as well as Elliot Tye. “What brings you here?”
“Apparently Anderson had this awesome workshop. I hope to score his band saw and table saw for my finishing carpentry business.” He glanced over at Sabine, staring at her a moment. “Okay, this is kind of lame, but have we met before?”
“I used to live around Rockyview,” Sabine said. “I’m Sabine. Sabine Radowski.”
Was it Tanner’s imagination, or did her chin lift a little? Her voice take on a defensive tone?
Connor frowned, then he snapped his fingers. “Right. You were Rag...” He stopped then shrugged his large shoulders. “Sorry. That almost slipped out.”
“Ragowski the Rag Girl,” Sabine finished for him with a shrug. But Tanner sensed how much her casual attitude cost her. “But that was years ago.”
“I’ll say,” Connor said with an appreciative grin that gave Tanner a strange sense of protectiveness. Connor was a great guy but a flirt.
“And why are you here?” Connor asked Tanner, his eyes shifting from Sabine to him, his eyes taking on a knowing look. “I thought if anything you’d be hosting your own auction. Heard you dumped the place, not that I blame you. I can understand why you would. Who did you get to take it over?”
Tanner couldn’t miss the subdued sympathy in Connor’s voice. What happened on the ranch was no secret, of course. But despite his friend’s compassionate understanding Tanner found himself feeling just a little annoyed at his words.
Dumped it.
As if the ranch was some piece of garbage to dispose of.
And hasn’t it been that to you? You know you can’t wait to get rid of it.
Tanner wanted to dismiss the accusing voice. Wanted to balance it with the riding he and Sabine had done through the back pastures of the ranch. How much he had missed being on a horse, out in the back hills.
And, if he were honest, the nugget he now wore constantly was doing exactly what Nana Bond had said she wanted it to.
Remind him of his past. His earthly inheritance.
“I bought the ranch,” Sabine said into the awkward silence that followed Connor’s remarks. “And I’m hoping to pick up some of the Andersons’ equipment and cows.”
Thankfully, Connor turned his attention back to Sabine, his smile shifting from sympathetic to flirty.
“Really? You and your husband are ranching?”
“No. Just me. My husband passed away.”
“Oh. My goodness. I’m sorry to hear that. I didn’t know...” Connor shook his head, as if trying to get his thoughts together. “But that means you’re doing this on your own?”
“Yes. I am, though I hope to hire some help for some of the busier times.”
“Really?” Connor’s solicitous look turned to puzzlement. “So why would you want to do this? Tanner’s spread is pretty big. It would be a lot of work. Too bad Anderson isn’t selling his place. It would be more manageable.”
“I think I know what I’m getting into.” Again that defensive tone of bravado. “I’ve done it before.”
“Right. I forgot. Your old man owned a place too. But he lost it didn’t he? I remember hearing that he wasn’t such a great rancher. That kind of sucked all the way around.”
Connor was shoving both size thirteen feet in his mouth. Time to intervene.
“We better get moving if we want to check out the equipment,” Tanner said, putting his hand on the small of Sabine’s back. A signal to start walking.
“Sure. Of course. See you later.” Connor gave them a sheepish look, as if he finally realized his blunder.
Tanner knew he should remove his hand as they left but wanted to maintain the connection. And as he saw Sabine’s shoulders loosen and felt the tension leave her, he was glad he hadn’t.
“Connor runs off at the mouth sometimes,” Tanner said as they walked away. “Lacks a filter, but he’s got a good heart.”
“I guess.”
Tanner thought of a comment of his that she finished. Rag Girl. He wanted to ask her more but sensed now was not the time.
“We’ll need to get a bid card and set up an account,” Tanner said, guiding her to a table to one side of where the equipment was lined up.
“Of course.”
She still sounded terse, and Tanner wondered if bringing her to the auction was such a good idea. Clearly it brought back some difficult memories.
They registered at the table where the auctioneer’s mother, Debbie Vanderwell, sat, keeping track of bids and buyers. When Sabine gave her name, Debbie looked up at her then frowned. Tanner could see exactly when realization dawned. Confusion shifted to bewilderment then to shocked comprehension.
“Oh hey, Sabine. I didn’t recognize you.” Debbie said, sounding surprised. “You look so chic and citified.”
