Discovering Truths, page 7
***
Marcus came home at eight that evening, which was late, but not as late as usual.
“I didn’t bother cooking.” I said.
“It’s fine. Had a late lunch, I’m not really even hungry,” he said. “Long day.”
Did he forget that I had an interview today? Was he going to ask me about that? I hadn’t heard a peep from him all day. In his mind, I wasn’t a concern.
“Well, I got that job.” I said.
“Oh gosh, I totally forgot you had that interview.” That figures. “They offered you the job already?”
“Yeah, he offered me the job on the spot actually.”
“Well good for you, babe,” he said, placing a small kiss on my forehead.
He didn’t ask any details about the job, or any specifics from my interview. He carried his things upstairs and said he was going to take a shower. I stood at the kitchen counter in awe. What kind of relationship was this? Normal married people share things with each other, especially big things like a new job. Did he really think I was that ignorant? Of course he does. He thought I really believed that work had him so “busy” and “stressed” that he was having a hard time focusing on other things. Maybe at one time I believed that story, but not anymore. I knew what was occupying his time and mind.
I walked upstairs and heard the shower running. I figured I’d volunteer some information since he wasn’t going to ask. I had to keep things between us semi-normal.
“So, the job is Monday through Thursday and I’ll have Fridays off,” I said, leaning against the bathroom counter.
“That’s nice. What position was it again?”
I rolled my eyes, thankful that the shower curtain was dark and he couldn’t see me. “I’ll be the Administrative Assistant to the Underwriting Manager for Security Financial. It’s a loan company.”
“Oh yeah, I’ve heard of them,” he said. “Nice.”
“Yeah it should be pretty good. I’m excited.”
“We’re finalizing the sale of the firm Friday,” he said, changing the subject. “Then George’s retirement party is Friday night.”
“You prepared for all that?” I was asking about the finalization of the sale; I knew he was prepared for the “retirement party.” She’d be there and they’d probably have their own party afterward.
“As ready as I’ll ever be,” he said. “Let the work begin.”
I didn’t understand how there was going to be much more work than he had already, but hey, what did I know about law, or running a business? At this point, I didn’t care. It was obvious I was no longer his first priority, and he definitely wasn’t mine.
Gage: I have to have you next week.
I laid in bed that night, reading and studying up on my new company while I looked over paperwork that the manager e-mailed to me. This message came through, distracting my work. I switched over to Messenger and smiled, typing a reply.
Me: You do?
His reply was instant.
Gage: Yes. I’m going to get us a room.
Me: A room? Like a hotel room?
Gage: Yes.
Me: That makes me feel like a hooker…
Gage: We don’t really have any other options, baby.
Me: I know…
Gage: I’ve thought about you all day. Every time we’re together it’s amazing. I have to have all of you.
Me: You know I start my job Monday…
Gage: I was thinking I could get us a room Wednesday. Maybe meet at lunch on Wednesday and Thursday? Maybe even Thursday morning?
Me: That can probably work. I’m a little nervous now though.
Gage: Why?
Me: Just taking that step…going that far…and in a hotel…so risqué.
Gage: It is kind of nerve-wracking, I know, but it will be so worth it. I can’t wait to have you entirely, on a bed…damn, Abby, just thinking about it is driving me wild.
Me: I want you too. This is going to be amazing.
Gage: Can’t wait.
I’d never felt so wanted and the more I thought about his words, the more I wanted him too. This would be taking things to a whole other level, but I convinced myself that I was ready. Gage filled the void that had been in my life for so long. I was ready to go all the way.
Chapter Fourteen
It was Wednesday morning and I’d already completed two full days at my new job. I was sure I was going to love it. The work consisted mostly of simple office tasks. I managed a calendar, compiled reports, typed memos, responded to e-mails, and other various things. It felt nice to be out of the house and doing something productive, and it was also a good steppingstone to hopefully move on to bigger and better things. I’d sat on a degree for eight years, it was time I put it, and my skills to use.
Marcus didn’t ask about the job. I offered a few bits of information, but other than that, I gave up. I’d already started slacking on things such as making dinner and preparing his morning coffee. As long as I didn’t miss his dry cleaning, he didn’t care about any of that either.
I had to move to the evening Yoga class which was a relaxing break after work. My boss was awesome and the other co-workers that I interacted with were all nice. They had already planned a dinner out to welcome me to the team. Screw Marcus. I was on to bigger and better things.
Speaking of…I awoke to a message from Gage this morning. He told me he had a room booked, gave me the directions and room number, and told me to meet him there on my lunch break, which he knew was at twelve. My entire relationship with Gage had been filled with all kinds of nerves and excitement, but nothing compared to this. He had a room. We both knew exactly what was going to happen, and although I wanted it more than anything, bits of doubt still slightly lingered. What if someone sees me walking in? What if I do something completely ridiculous? What if this changes things between us?
Oh, it would definitely change things. I just hoped it was for the better.
***
At work, most of my tasks were self-explanatory. The only “new” things I had learned were company specific items. I’d been doing fine, only today was different and I was distracted. Gage always consumed my thoughts, but today’s lunch break and what was going to happen was on my mind heavily.
It seemed like the clock was at a standstill all morning. I was completely zoned in, trying to focus as I typed quickly on the computer. My manager stepped in front of my desk, startling me from my work.
“Hey, Abby. I have lunch today with a couple managers from a few other departments. It will probably last two hours, if not longer, so you can take a longer lunch today. I haven’t had time to put together the rest of your schedule, so once you finish what you have on the list, you are kind of at a standstill. When I get back, I’ll filter through some e-mails and send them your way.”
“Okay, that works. I have an appointment today on my lunch break, so now I won’t have to rush. Thanks, Mike.”
Great. Now I was lying. I hated to think that my life had turned into one huge lie. One that if discovered, could completely ruin me. We wouldn’t go down without a fight though. My lie was the result of a lie. It didn’t matter how I tried to justify it, it was all still wrong, and now I was stacking more lies on top.
“Anytime you have an appointment or something, Abby, just let me know. I’m lenient, and trust me, I know people have lives outside of work. We can always adjust the schedule.”
“Well thank you, Mike. I appreciate that! Anything I can do for you before you head out?”
“No, thank you. Enjoy your lunch. Hopefully you’ll have time to grab something to eat after your appointment with the extra time.”
“You’re right. Thanks again.”
I felt like the biggest piece of crap.
***
I freshened up in the employee bathroom and studied myself in the mirror. Am I really doing this? Am I really taking it to this level? I grabbed my purse and headed for the parking lot. Yes, I am.
Me: Leaving now. Be there in twelve minutes according to the GPS.
Gage: Can’t wait to see you.
He sent me a picture of the room and my heart dropped. It was real. I knew it was, but seeing it sent my emotions running wild.
Me: Should I knock?
Gage: Lol. Just get your butt in here.
Me: Lol okay. See you soon.
I arrived at the hotel quicker than I was prepared for, but I knew the more time I had to stew on my thoughts, the worse it would be. I climbed out and headed for the room before I could talk myself out of it. I really did want this, but I still couldn’t stop the doubt.
When I reached the door of the room, it opened immediately and Gage pulled me in, shutting it firmly. He pushed me against the door, caging me in with his hands, and pressed a long, hard kiss to my lips.
“Finally.” He groaned.
“I know.” I whispered.
Pushing all doubts aside, I decided to take control, so I grabbed his hand, walking him over to the bed. I sat him down and I stood, stepping between his legs. I wrapped my arms around his neck and his were around my waist as we continued to kiss softly. I unbuttoned my pants and shimmied them down before I pulled off my top and slung it across the room. Gage followed, pulling off his shirt and sliding off his pants. I stood before him in my black bra and panties, him in only his boxers. He fell back on the bed and pulled me with him, positioning me on top of him. I could feel his excitement and hear it in his voice when he said so desperately, “I’ve been waiting for this since the moment I met you.” He ripped off my panties, sprung himself free, and before I had a moment to think about what was next, he was inside of me.
I knew I’d never be the same.
***
Every moment with Gage was incredible. I wanted to stay wrapped up in that bed with him all day long. Things between us started rough, full of force, and desperate, as if we couldn’t get enough. The way he touched me and clung to me was indescribable and it brought me closer to him. I didn’t want to let go. When the initial fire finally dimmed, we slowed things down and it was full of heat and passion. Every single thing the man did sent me into an explosion like I’d never felt. In the end, we laid together tangled between the sheets, and his strong arm was wrapped around me, pulling me into him. He stroked my hair and told me how amazing I was. I wanted this every day. Our realities sucked.
On the way back to work, I tried to pull myself together. I was on a roller coaster of emotions, but I didn’t want it to affect my job. When I got to my desk, I focused solely on the tasks I needed to complete. I was finished, and Mike still wasn’t back, so I was at a loss of where to go next. I grabbed my purse and headed to the bathroom. Once inside, I placed it on the counter, and that’s when I lost it.
I burst into tears and even though I attempted, nothing I tried would stop the flow. I sobbed loudly, trying hard to breathe and calm myself down. I grabbed a tissue and dabbed my eyes, sitting down at the bench by the sink. The tears finally started to slow as I took deep breaths in and out.
“What have I done?” I whispered.
Small tears continued to fall as I sat there in silence, willing myself to calm.
Everything hit me all at once. Gage was amazing. Our personalities clicked, our conversations were meaningful, and the physical…was out of this world, but I was a married woman, and I had just broken my vows. No matter how hard I tried to rationalize the situation, given that Marcus was doing the same thing to me, I couldn’t believe that I stooped to his level. I was now so caught up in Gage, that I worried my feelings were too deep. I didn’t know if I could continue our charade, but I didn’t know how I’d move forward without him. Even though everything between us was secret, he’d become such an important part of my life. I needed him. And that scared me.
***
I didn’t go to Yoga that evening. I went home, popped a sleeping pill, climbed in the tub, soaked for an hour, then went straight to bed. It was seven thirty and Marcus wasn’t home. I closed all the curtains in my room to make it as dark as I could. I wanted to go to sleep and forget this day. It’s like my depression was creeping in on me, reminding me that it was still present.
Only this…I brought this on myself. And even though I was sad in this moment, I’d decided I wasn’t ending it. The happiness Gage brought me was so strong that I couldn’t cut the tie. But for now, I had to go to sleep and hope that it washed away all the bad vibes. Before I closed my eyes, I glanced at my phone.
Gage: You okay? Haven’t heard from you…
How did I respond? That I was just having a psycho moment and I’d be alright tomorrow…I hoped?
Me: I’m fine. Just really tired. Going to bed.
Gage: This early? You sure you’re alright?
Me: I’m good. Promise. Today was…amazing.
Gage: Yes. It was. I miss you already.
Me: I miss you too.
I turned off my phone before I attempted to keep the conversation going. For my sanity, I had to go to sleep and shut off the world. The sleeping pill that I took finally kicked in and I dozed off, hoping tomorrow was a better day.
Chapter Fifteen
I slept through the entire night. When I woke up the next morning, sharp pains pierced through my head and down my neck. Marcus was in the shower, so I walked downstairs, chugged a glass of water, and popped a couple Tylenol, along with my other daily medicine. When I sloshed back up the stairs, he was already dressed and rushing around.
When I looked at him, Gage and what we’d done yesterday was the only thing I could see. As much as I tried to tell myself I no longer cared about Marcus, it wasn’t entirely true. Although he’d been betraying me for a while, I still felt a little remorse for what I’d done. I wish I didn’t.
“Morning,” he said, slipping on his shoes.
“Good morning. What time did you get home?”
“Some time after eight. What time did you go to bed?”
“Like, seven thirty. I wasn’t feeling well.”
“I’m sorry. Better now?”
“Yeah…I think so.”
“I’ve got to run. Have a good day.” He said, kissing my cheek as he hurried out the door. I dragged myself to the shower and started the water, hopeful it would help my headache.
Fifteen minutes later, my shower was complete, and my aching head was on the mend. I dried my hair then picked up my phone to glance at the clock and see how much time I had before I had to leave. A message notification awaited me.
Gage: Good morning, beautiful. Sleep well?
Me: I did, but a little too hard. I have a headache now.
Gage: Oh no, hope it gets better. Can I see you today? I understand if it’s too much, but I still have some time on the room.
I wanted this with Gage. I pushed all my doubts aside. My feelings for him were too strong. It wasn’t something I could give up on. Marcus didn’t feel bad for it, why should I?
Me: Today should be fine. I won’t have as much time as I did yesterday, though. I’ll text you when I get on lunch.
Gage: Sounds good. Have a good day, babe.
Me: You too.
Going into work, I was in a great mood. I brushed away all the negative thoughts that tended to creep in on me. I was living my life the way I wanted. I’d finally found a sense of happiness. I wasn’t going to let doubt ruin it.
I was busy all morning and it was nearing twelve o’ clock when Mike approached me.
“Did you have any lunch plans today? I totally forgot that I have another lunch meeting this afternoon. If you could be there to take notes that would help me a ton.”
Crap. I was supposed to meet Gage at lunch. Did I tell my boss that yes, I did have plans, or did I cancel on Gage?
There was no way I was slacking at my new job. My job was Mike’s assistant; I needed to be there for whatever he asked.
“That will be fine. Let me know when you’re ready to go.”
“Thanks again, Abby.”
Me: Boss just asked me to go to a lunch meeting with him. He needs me to take notes. I’m sorry…
Gage: Backing out? Second thoughts?
Me: Definitely not. Trust me, I can’t wait until I can see you again, but I couldn’t tell him no. I’d like to keep my job lol.
Gage: It’s okay, I get it. It’s kind of busy here today anyway. I should probably skip lunch.
Me: I’m so sorry.
Gage: It’s okay, babe, trust me.
Me: Okay…talk soon?
Gage: Of course.
He threw in a kissy face emoji and that made me feel a little better. I really hoped he didn’t think I was making excuses. I couldn’t wait to feel him again, that was the truth.
***
You’d think that riding in a car with someone you’d only been working with for a few days would be weird, but it wasn’t at all. Mike was absolutely hilarious. Older, but full of wisdom and jokes. When he wasn’t making me laugh, we talked about my goals and hopes for my future within the company. I thought if I stayed on his good side, maybe I’d get somewhere.
The meeting was very formal though, and to be honest, I was slightly intimidated. I had a salad for lunch then listened intently as I tried to make all the notes that were pertinent to our department. When we got back in the car, Mike could tell I was overwhelmed.
“You did well.” He said.
“You don’t know that,” I replied. “You haven’t seen my notes yet.”
