Burn Zone, page 25
part #1 of Hotshots Series
Linc knew what he was asking, knew what he wanted to hear again. Maybe if he said it enough, Jacob would start to believe it. “I love you.”
Jacob’s eyes fluttered shut, almost like he was inhaling the words, absorbing them at some cellular level. Good. Linc didn’t expect him to say them back, not yet. But Jacob believing him would be a good start. And when his lips found Linc’s again, a good start seemed like more than enough for both of them. All they needed was a start.
Chapter Twenty-Three
“I’m not made of kindling,” Linc grumbled as Jacob helped him get settled in the truck. His pinched expression said that his leg was already aching, not that he was about to own up to it, not even after the nurse handed them the discharge paperwork and wheeled away the now-empty chair.
“Just let me help.” Jacob was frustrated too, both with how his own cast made helping Linc hard and with all the red tape surrounding Linc’s discharge.
“Fine.” Linc was still too pale, bumps and bruises on his face stark, and giant black leg cast an imposing presence. It had been a long couple of days—first the observation for the concussion, then the ACL surgery, then recovery from the surgery. Jacob had stayed with him that first night, but the second Linc had chased him away, sending him back with McKenna and Kelley who’d come to visit Linc.
They hadn’t had much alone time at all, due to a steady stream of interruptions from nursing staff and doctors and endless visits from their concerned coworkers and families. His room had filled with balloons and flowers from well-wishers to the point that Linc had sent the balloons to the children’s floor and asked for the flowers to be given to geriatric patients in need of some cheer rather than try to haul them home.
And then they’d be alone where they could talk freely about the future at last. That future still felt a bit... nebulous, a low-hanging smoke cloud that defied efforts to predict its path. Oh, Linc said all the right things, especially after Jacob’s mom had left in a huff the other day. And Jacob did believe he’d changed. It was more that Jacob was still working on trusting those changes to stick around. He hated how off-kilter he felt, like a carabiner with nothing to hold. He was still off work until the following week when he’d be on light duty after the orthopedist cleared him. Not having work and being in this strange, new place with Linc was just weird.
By some unspoken agreement, they still hadn’t told anyone from work. Some people might have suspected something based on how Jacob had glued himself to Linc’s bedside, but that simply couldn’t be helped. He wasn’t going anywhere. And if Jacob’s mom had shared the news, it hadn’t filtered back to him. He’d had a few terse texts from her checking on how he was feeling and decidedly not mentioning Linc. But she ended each with love. So maybe not all hope was lost there. Like Linc said, they had to wait his family out. But, fuck, how he’d hoped all along that Linc would be wrong and that things would be easier.
“Do you want food on the way back?” he asked as he headed for the highway. Driving stick with his wrist cast was tricky but not impossible. Still, he was glad he’d had time earlier to figure out workarounds without an audience. The vibrations from the truck made his arm ache, but he figured he still had it pretty easy, considering.
“Nah. It was late enough when they finally cut me loose. I wanna get back.” Linc shifted in the seat, which he had all the way back and still not adequate room for the leg.
“I should have grabbed your truck. It’s bigger. You would have more room.”
“Yeah. Remind me to give you a key. Not like I’m going to be driving it anytime soon.”
“Yup.” Jacob liked Linc’s ready agreement even if it was likely rooted in practicality, not any relationship-milestone type sentiment. “Dogs are going to go nuts to see you.”
“I bet.” That got a bigger smile from Linc. Linc’s neighbors as well as Ray and his family had been taking care of the dogs. Jacob had checked in that morning himself, throwing the ball for them even as they kept searching around for Linc. It had felt damn weird, being there without Linc. Still, he’d taken the chance to get things ready for Linc’s homecoming and recuperation—managing to put on clean sheets even with his cast and setting up the grab bars and shower stool in the bathroom. He’d grabbed Linc a change of clothes and noted that the freezer was already full of casseroles from friends.
“And there’s cake. The lady you get your eggs from dropped off some carrot cake while I was there checking on the dogs.”
“You can help me eat it.” Linc groaned, flexing his leg again, pained tone doing nothing to settle Jacob’s mind.
“Hey, weren’t you supposed to take a pain pill for the leg?”
“I don’t like feeling stoned.”
“Well, you’re taking one as soon as we’re back at your place.”
“Yes, sir.” Linc managed a little laugh before they settled into a comfortable silence as the familiar countryside raced by. As they got closer to Linc’s house, he shifted in his seat again. “Hey, your phone just buzzed. Want me to check and see if it’s Garrick news?”
“Yeah.” Jacob tried to quiet the dread that raced up his spine. Garrick still wasn’t out of the woods, having survived surgery but still in the ICU in critical condition.
“It’s from Kelley. She heard that he’s doing better today. They’re holding off on more surgery for now, and apparently he said a few words.”
“Oh, thank God. No brain injury would be huge.” He drummed his fingers on the wheel. “Should have been me in that tree. You know I’m a better climber.”
“No, it shouldn’t have.” Linc sounded resigned, as if he’d been wrestling with similar doubts. “And you can’t go feeling guilty about it. It was an accident, plain and simple. You’re the one who told me that after Wyatt, over and over until it got a little easier to believe you.”
“Yeah, I know it wasn’t anyone’s fault, not really. I just feel bad. I only didn’t argue about who was climbing because I was still in a bad mood about our argument the night before. He’s an innocent party.”
“He’s an experienced smoke jumper and firefighter. He knew what he was doing. And if you were pissed about us fighting, then that’s more on me than you. Be mad at me, not yourself.”
“Can’t stay mad at you,” he admitted.
“Then don’t stay mad at yourself either.”
“Okay. I’ll try.” He turned down Linc’s long drive. “Let’s get you in the house, then I’ll free the beasts. And you’re taking those meds.”
It was a slow process with the crutches and uneven path to the house, and they could hear the dogs going nuts in their run. Eventually though he got Linc settled on the couch with a big mug of water to take his pills with and saw to the dogs who hurtled toward Linc like he’d been gone two years.
“Hi, mutts.” Even though clearly exhausted, Linc handed out head pats and didn’t scold too loud when they tried to get up on the couch with him. He gave them attention until Jacob brought him food that he only picked at.
“Okay, to bed with you. We can figure out a shower for you tomorrow.”
That Linc didn’t argue showed how worn out he really was, and he accepted Jacob’s help stripping down to his boxer briefs. But when Jacob would have left the room, he made a noise of protest.
“You’re not tired?” Linc asked as he settled on the bed.
“I should make sure the dogs and dishes and stuff are set for the night. Figured I’d sleep on the couch so that I don’t jostle your leg in the night.”
“You won’t.” Linc opened and shut his mouth, expression strangely vulnerable. “Stay and talk? For a while at least. Just...weird mood. Tired but brain won’t shut off.”
His forehead crinkled as he looked away, the request clearly costing him a little of his considerable pride. Jacob wasn’t about to make him ask again, pulling off his own clothes, leaving on his underwear because he doubted either of them was up to anything resembling sex. But even so, damn it felt good to stretch out next to Linc, cautiously cuddle up to his uninjured side. Linc tugged him closer, pulling Jacob’s arm across his chest until they were spooning in earnest. Usually when they lay like this, it was after bone-melting sex and Linc was often on the outside. Felt strange but good, being the one to hold Linc and having it be more about closeness than anything sexual.
“Better?” he whispered.
“Yeah.” Linc’s breathing was already starting to even out. “Missed you.”
“Missed you too.” Jacob dropped a kiss on the back of his neck, feeling settled himself for the first time all day.
“I need you and I hate needing anyone, but...damn. Glad you’re here. Thanks.”
“Anytime.” Jacob’s throat was tight. There were still a lot of uncertainties, but this right here, it made it all worth it, the sheer rightness of being together.
“I know you think I’m gonna change my mind, but I meant every word I said in the hospital. I want this to work. Even if it’s hard.”
“I don’t want it to be hard for you.” Jacob spoke directly to a doubt that had been making him antsy all day. He wanted to make Linc happy, not be another obligation for him.
“Feeling what I feel for you...caring about you, that’s not hard. I meant everything else.” Linc yawned and pulled Jacob tighter against him.
It was the everything else that made Jacob worried even as his pulse gave a hopeful thrum. He wasn’t ever going to get tired of hearing Linc say he cared. Maybe he simply had to trust that the everything else would work out, difficult as it was to summon that belief. And as Linc drifted off to sleep, he stayed awake, letting himself have the joy in holding him and being there. Everything else could wait.
* * *
“Last time I had you naked and wet was a lot more fun,” Linc joked to distract himself from how awkward showering was, even with a cast cover, shower seat and Jacob’s help.
“I know. We’ll have to work our way back to that.” Jacob had started clothed, but quickly lost his shirt when it got soaked. Getting clean felt amazing and Jacob’s torso was as inspiring as ever, but it was far from the sexy showers they’d shared in the past.
“Soon.” Linc hoped he could keep that promise. They’d shared some sleepy kisses that morning, but then the dogs had interrupted, and his leg had been acting up enough that he’d taken a pain pill with breakfast, which while effective had the side effect of making sex less likely. “You want a shower when I’m done?”
“Nah. I want to get a run in while it’s still not roasting. The dogs need it almost as much as I do. I’ll shower afterward and then see about some brunch for you?”
“You don’t have—”
“Quit trying to talk me out of taking care of you. Or apologizing.” Jacob helped dry him off before assisting him out of the shower. “And I know resting sucks, but maybe you can find us something new to watch on the TV.”
“I’ll try,” he promised as he pulled on stretchy shorts to accommodate the cast. He followed Jacob to the living room and resigned himself to a day on the couch. “Don’t let the dogs pull on your am. You sure you’re cleared for running?”
“Well, they didn’t say not to run.” Jacob offered his classic devilish grin, something Linc was beyond relieved to see again. “I won’t be long, okay?”
He gave Linc a fast kiss on the head before heading out with the dogs. Linc watched preview after preview, nothing holding his interest, nothing that seemed ideal for bingeing with Jacob, who continued to be in an odd mood. Understandable really—Linc had put him through the ringer, then the near-death stuff with the fire, and Garrick being hurt, and him being off work. He was bound to be out of sorts, but still Linc worried about him, about what it meant for their future. He was almost grateful for the knock at the front door, even if hoisting himself off the couch and figuring out the crutches was a job and a half.
“Coming,” he yelled as he made his way to the door. “Hold your horses.”
Sims stood on his porch, covered casserole dish in hand, and usual stern expression in place. Heck. Maybe the TV was the better option after all than having to entertain his boss. But he couldn’t exactly turn her away either.
“Sorry. I...uh...didn’t know it was you.” He ushered her in.
“No worries. I had time off, so I thought I’d check in on you,” she said breezily as she found her way to the kitchen, where she set the casserole on the counter. “It’s some sort of chicken and Spanish rice dish. My husband made it, not me, so you can be sure it’s edible.”
“Thanks.” He offered a smile even as he was trying to figure out how to gracefully go for a shirt.
“Has HR been in contact with you yet? Your case for temporary disability is straightforward if you need it. Shouldn’t be much of an issue, but I’m sure there will be forms for your next doctor’s appointment.” Sims never was much for small talk, which Linc appreciated. It meant this visit might be on the short side, which was good.
“No. I’ll call tomorrow, get the paperwork started for leave or whatever.” Fuck, he didn’t want to think about how long he’d be off work. They’d told him in the hospital that he was looking at anywhere from six to nine months before he was back at pre-injury strength and range of motion, which meant he was for sure missing the rest of this fire season as a jumper, and at least several weeks before even light duty became a real option. “I’ve got plenty of sick days built up. Guess I’ll start with taking that.”
“Yes, that’s a blessing, although we’ve tried for years to get you to take more leave.” She gave him another sharp look.
“What? And miss jumps? No way.” Like all jumpers, he hated using his vacation and sick time during the season. But after all these years with the forest service, he did have enough to fall back on, at least while he was on crutches and dealing with the initial rehab process.
“Well, now you’ve got no choice but to take it easy. Don’t rush it back either. I’ve seen too many knee issues turn chronic when people try to rush the rehab.” Leaning against his counter, she pursed her mouth. “And you out on leave means more time for us to deal with—”
“Hey, we’re back!” The back door banged as Jacob came through the mudroom, dogs rushing ahead of him. Jacob was shirtless again, using his T-shirt to mop his face. “Shower. Then eggs. I bet you can talk me through those at least. And then, it occurred to me that unlike me, you’ve got two working hands...” He trailed off, voice going from seductive to startled as he lowered the shirt. “Oh, h-heck. Hi, boss. Didn’t notice your car.”
“That,” Sims said, voice as dry as August dirt around here. “As I was saying, more time for us to deal with that.”
“Me staying here? Helping Linc?” Jacob wasn’t much good at the whole feigning-ignorance thing and he yanked on his shirt like a guilty teen, but Linc appreciated the try.
“Do I strike you as particularly unobservant, Hartman?” Sims asked.
“No...” Jacob’s mouth quirked. “No, ma’am. Sorry.”
“This is apparently the season when we finally come up with a comprehensive fraternization policy.” Sims pinched the bridge of her nose. “I’ve got...what? Three crews with people dating. It’s past time we had a policy on file. Amendment to the anti-harassment one.”
“It’s on me.” Linc was fast to take responsibility before Jacob could speak up. “If you’re planning consequences, give them to me. Jacob’s one of the best jumpers you have, even as a rookie. He deserves to be back out there as soon as he’s medically cleared.”
“Thanks.” Jacob shot him a grateful look, eyes warm and mouth soft. “But it was both of us. I knew it wasn’t the best idea for work, but I still pursued it. I’ll take whatever discipline you think that needs.”
“I’m not sure.” Sims’s expression was uncharacteristically uncertain. “I don’t know as it’s fair to do retroactive discipline even though that might send a strong message discouraging such behavior. It’s more important what we do going forward. There will be long discussions about whether we can have couples in active relationships on the same crew, especially for small operations. We need a policy we can point to for everyone. So that’s something we’ll try to have in place before Reid is back. Luckily, we have some time.”
“I understand. I mean, I hate the idea of splitting us up, but I get where you’re coming from.” Jacob sounded like he was having to work hard at finding a reasonable tone. “We work well together. No reason to stop that.”
“You do work well together. No one is disputing that.” Sims voice was level, calming. “But we have to think across the board. Situations where losing a crew could mean a family losing both parents. Or where relationship discord spills over into life-and-death decisions. And unless we one-hundred-percent prohibit relationships, that’s the sort of implication we need to be ready for.”
“I get it.” Jacob sounded defeated, but Linc got Sims’s dilemma. The management team had to be fair to everyone and consider all possible contingencies. Jacob’s gaze met Linc’s, and Linc hated the disappointment there, hated knowing that them being together might have real-world consequences for them both.
“It’s going to be months before I jump again.” Linc could be more pragmatic than Jacob. He’d been expecting worse, honestly. “But if the decision is made to prohibit relationships, I’ll be the one to leave.”
“No. You can’t do that. You’ve got years and years—” Jacob was starting to get red in the face and Linc cut him off.
“You’re more important to me than the job. Period.” It had taken him damn long enough to realize that, and no way was he letting some policy tear them apart now. He gave him a hard look before turning to Sims. “I’ll rehab like I’m coming back as soon as possible, but if you make me choose, I’m choosing him. Every time.”
