Reluctantly, I slipped on the smelly leathers, which were at least two sizes too big for me, then we climbed into the two remaining go-karts.

  As we waited for the race to begin, Kathy turned to me. “We have to win this, Jill, or we’ll never hear the end of it.”

  “Don’t worry. It’s in the bag.”

  “Are you okay, Mikey?” Kathy shouted.

  He looked really excited and gave her the thumbs up.

  The oval track was bordered by walls of tyres, which looked like they’d seen their fair share of crashes. Once we were all lined up on what passed for the grid, the guy in charge stepped forward and raised his arm.

  “Three, two, one. Go!”

  We were off. Peter nosed ahead of Jack; behind him was Mikey. Next came Kathy, and I was bringing up the rear. The track was very narrow, so there were very few opportunities to overtake. With three laps to go, Jack was in the lead, Mikey was second, Peter third, then came Kathy. I was still in last place. One of the two guys looked certain to take this race, which meant that if we were to have any chance, we’d have to do much better in the next one.

  But then, as we approached the penultimate bend, Kathy floored the throttle and overtook Peter and Mikey on the inside. Jack glanced nervously over his shoulder as he sensed her gaining on him. At the final bend, Jack went a little too wide, and Kathy took her chance to overtake him on the inside.

  As she took the chequered flag, she punched the air.

  “First race to us,” she shouted, as we all climbed out of the karts.

  “You forced me off the track, Kathy,” Peter protested.

  “Stop whinging.” She laughed. “All’s fair in love and go-karting.”

  There was a ten-minute break before the start of the next race. Peter, Mikey, and Jack were huddled together at one table. Kathy and I were at another.

  “You can’t pull any more manoeuvres like that, Kathy,” I said. “You could get hurt.”

  “Don’t be silly. It was perfectly safe. No way am I letting those two win.”

  I got a much better start in the next race; I was in second place behind Mikey. I had no idea how the others were doing, and I certainly had no intention of looking back. Mikey had really got the hang of it, and he seemed to be improving on every lap.

  On the penultimate lap, Jack overtook me on the inside. If I didn’t retake the lead, the guys would level the match. I tried to overtake him on the next bend, but he held the corner and I couldn’t get through. The same thing happened on the final bend. The race finished with Jack in first place, Mikey second, and me in third. Peter was next, and Kathy came in last.

  “One race apiece,” Jack said, triumphantly. “Next one will be the decider.”

  “Sorry, Kathy,” I said. “I thought I had that one sewn up.”

  “Don’t worry about it. As long as we win the next race, it’s all good.”

  At the start of the third and final race, Kathy and Peter shot out in front. The lead seemed to change hands on almost every lap. Mikey was in third place, and Jack and I were in joint last position, which meant we were pretty much out of the race.

  The competition looked set to be decided between Peter and Kathy. As they reached the next bend, Peter tried to overtake her, but she refused to give way. Their wheels touched and both karts spun off the course and into the wall of tyres. That meant Mikey was now in first place. More importantly, whoever finished in second place, between Jack and me, would ensure their team took the overall competition. Seeing his opportunity, Jack hit the throttle, and raced ahead of me. There was only one lap to go, and no way that I could allow him to win.

  He was on the final straight when, suddenly, his car ground to a halt. I shot past him and took the chequered flag behind Mikey.

  Kathy and I were out of our karts, hugging one another and dancing around like big kids, celebrating our win.

  “What happened there, mate?” Peter said.

  “I’ve no idea.” Jack shook his head. “It just stopped.” He’d called over the man in charge who was now looking over the stricken vehicle. “What’s wrong with it?”

  “Looks like you ran out of fuel. You must’ve been giving it too much throttle.”

  “Surely, there should be enough fuel to get through the race.”

  “There is. More than enough. To be honest, I’ve never seen this happen before. You must have really been hammering it.”

  Back outside, Kathy and I were in jubilant mood; Jack and Peter looked despondent.

  “Did you enjoy yourself, Mikey?” I asked.

  “It was fantastic, Auntie Jill. Can I come again, Mum?”

  “Of course you can,” Kathy said.

  “You’ve changed your tune.” Peter rolled his eyes. “You were the one who said you didn’t want him to go go-karting.”

  “Yes, but now I’ve seen how competent he is, I’m okay with it. And besides, it’s fun. We enjoyed it, didn’t we, Jill?”

  “We sure did.”

  Kathy, Peter, and Mikey went home in their car, while Jack and I took mine.

  “You’re very quiet, Jack.”

  “You cheated,” he snapped.

  “You’re just a bad loser.”

  “There’s no way that go-kart ran out of petrol. You must have used magic on it.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous.” I laughed. “We won fair and square.”

  Snigger.

  When we arrived home, Ike appeared from behind the house. There was an icicle hanging from what was left of his nose.

  “Are you okay, Ike?” Jack asked.

  “No, I’m freezing. Someone shut the window and locked me out of the house.”

  Oh bum! I’d forgotten all about poor old Ike.

  “Come inside.” I felt terrible. “I’ll make you a warm drink.”

  ***

  Jack and I had a light dinner because we knew there would be food at the fancy dress do. He was still sulking because Kathy and I had beaten them at go-karting. I was pretty sure he still suspected me of using magic, which of course I had, but there was no way I was ever going to admit it.

  “I think I’ll go upstairs and put my costume on,” I said, after we finished eating. “Do I get to see yours now?”

  Before he could answer, his phone rang.

  “Jack Maxwell speaking. What? Isn’t there anyone else? Okay, I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

  “What was that all about?” I asked.

  “There’s an emergency. I have to go into work.”

  “Right now?”

  “Yeah. Two or three people are off with a stomach bug, so I have no choice.”

  “How long will you be there?”

  “I’ve no idea, but from the sound of it, it could be all night.”

  “Never mind.” I sighed. “I’ll just stay in and watch TV.”

  “You can’t do that; everyone is expecting us. If you go, you can explain that I’ve been called into work.”

  “I don’t want to go there by myself.”

  “Come on, Jill. You’re the star of the band. You have to at least make an appearance. You needn’t stay long—just an hour or so, then you can sneak away.”

  “Okay, if I must.”

  Jack had left, and I’d changed into my green witch’s costume. I was just about to leave when Ike called to me from upstairs, “Jill, hold on.”

  “What is it? I’m just on my way out.”

  “I don’t suppose I could come with you, could I?”

  “To the fancy dress do?”

  “Yeah. I mean, who would know? They’ll all think I’m Jack.”

  “I’m really not sure that’s a good idea.”

  “Please, Jill, just for an hour. I’ve been locked out of the house all day. I need something to cheer me up.”

  How could I refuse when I felt at least partly responsible for him being stuck outside in the freezing cold? “Okay, but whatever you do, you mustn’t speak to anyone, or they’ll realise you’re not Jack.”

  “Don’t worry, I won’t say a word.”

  So it was that I found myself walking down the street, dressed in a green witch’s costume, accompanied by a pseudo-zombie.

  Mr Hosey, dressed as a stick of rock, was on the door of the scout hut.

  “I like your outfit, Jill. Wow, Jack, you look spectacular.”

  Ike nodded his head but said nothing.

  Once inside, we both headed straight for the refreshments. Ike was clearly ravenous, and he began to devour the sausage rolls and crisps. Because part of his mouth was missing, he was making an awful mess; crumbs were going everywhere.

  “You can’t let people see you eating like that, Ike,” I said. “Come on. Let’s find a quiet spot somewhere.”

  Tucked away at one end of the room, I figured we’d be safe, but then the Normals came over to talk to us. They appeared to be dressed as alphorns.

  “Hi, Jill. I really like your outfit,” Naomi said.

  “Look at Jack’s costume,” Norm said. “Where did you get that from, Jack?”

  Ike said nothing.

  “Sorry, he can’t talk,” I said. “He wants to stay in character and zombies don’t speak.”

  “Of course. I understand.”

  I figured I’d been there long enough, and I was ready to go home, but I couldn’t leave without Ike, and he’d wandered off somewhere.

  I spotted him near to the door, so I hurried over, but before I could drag him outside, Britt and Kit appeared. Britt was dressed as a fairy and Kit had chosen a gorilla costume.

  “Hi, Jill,” Britt said. “I love your green witch’s outfit.”

  “Thanks.”

  “Who’s your ugly friend? Is that Jack?” Before I could stop him, Kit had reached out to touch Ike’s face.

  This was a disaster. Any moment now, Ike’s head would fall off, and how would I explain that?

  “Do you like it?” Jack said, removing the zombie head.

  I stared at him in disbelief.

  “It’s really great, Jack,” Britt said. “If there was a prize for the best costume, you’d definitely win it.”

  Kit and Britt headed over to the refreshments, leaving me, still open-mouthed, staring at Jack.

  “You? How?” I couldn’t find the words.

  “What do you think? I got this from the fancy dress shop your friends work at.”

  “I thought you were Ike.”

  “Why would you think that?”

  “Because when you couldn’t make it, he came with me instead. How come you’re back, anyway?”

  “I was halfway there when I got a phone call to say I wasn’t needed. Hang on, did you say Ike came here with you?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Where is he now?”

  “I don’t know. We’d better find him and quick.”

  “You take that side, and I’ll take this one,” Jack said. “When one of us finds him, send the other a text. Okay?”

  “Okay.”

  I was pretty sure I knew where Ike would be, so I headed straight for the snacks. Sure enough, he was helping himself to cocktail sausages. I was just about to grab him by the arm and drag him away when it occurred to me that I might actually pull his arm off.

  “Ike!”

  “Hey, Jill. I didn’t know where you’d gone, so I thought I’d—”

  “Come on. We have to leave right now.”

  “But I was just going to get some crisps.”

  “No time. Sorry.” I sent Jack a quick message.

  “Found him. Meet us outside.”

  Five minutes later, the three of us were on our way home.

  “That was too close for comfort,” Jack said. “And I didn’t even manage to get anything to eat.”

  “You can have one of these.” Ike offered him one of the cocktail sausages he’d managed to grab before I made him leave.

  Jack looked at them in Ike’s flaky hands and declined.

  “Jack?” Mr Hosey appeared out of nowhere and glanced back and forth between the two zombies. “How come there are two of you?”

  “I—err—can explain,” Jack spluttered. “It—err—”

  I didn’t have time for this, so I quickly cast the ‘forget’ spell, and the three of us made our escape.

  Chapter 15

  It was Monday morning and Jack had spent the last fifteen minutes regaling me with stories of his TrainCon experience.

  “It was hilarious, Jill.” He laughed. “The diesel engines and steam engines were really going at it.”

  “That’s the bit I don’t understand. If they were all wearing train costumes, how exactly did they manage to fight?”

  “They weren’t exactly fighting. They were just kind of bumping into one another, but it was so funny.”

  “It sounds it. Makes me almost wish I’d been there.” Not. “By the way, you’ve not forgotten that we’re having dinner with Luther and Rebecca tonight, have you?”

  “Is that still on? I thought the ruby fairies were coming tonight?”

  “They’ll be here at six o’clock. All we have to do is pop them into the airing cupboard, and then we’ll be good to go. We’re not seeing Luther until eight.”

  “I’m looking forward to meeting Rebecca. Don’t you find it rather weird that Luther is going out with a werewolf, but he has absolutely no idea?”

  “Not really. When you meet Rebecca, you’ll see that she looks just like a female human. She’s very pretty.”

  “Yes, but she can turn herself into a wolf.”

  “Really? Who knew that’s what werewolves do?”

  “You know what I mean.”

  “It’s not like Luther is the only human who’s in a relationship with a sup but isn’t aware of it. In fact, as I recall, there was a time not so long ago that you fell into that very category.”

  “That was different. You’re a witch, and witches are almost human. It would have been different if you’d been a vampire or a werewolf. I would have known then.”

  “Do you honestly believe that?”

  “Definitely. There’s no doubt in my mind about it.”

  I was just on my way out of the door when I heard a clump, clump, clump on the stairs behind me.

  It could only be one person (creature?).

  “Jill, you won’t forget you have to upgrade your subscription today, will you?” Ike said.

  “Don’t worry, it’s on my list of things to do. You can rest assured that by tonight you should be able to go home.”

  “Thanks, Jill. I can’t wait to see the missus again.”

  ***

  As I had skipped breakfast, I called in at Coffee Games to get a coffee to-go. Thankfully, it was a game-free day, so I wasn’t forced to put up with one of those ridiculous parlour games.

  I’d got my coffee and was just about to leave when, out of the corner of my eye, I spotted Mrs V sitting at a table near the window. I was just about to go over and say hello when I realised that she wasn’t alone; sitting opposite her was a young man. The two of them appeared to be studying some paperwork on the table in front of them, so I figured I shouldn’t intrude.

  ***

  There was a white envelope on my desk addressed to the business owner. The letter was on a Washbridge City Council letterhead and read:

  Notice of new signage regulations.

  To whom it may concern.

  This is to inform you that new signage regulations have been introduced. This will affect all business owners who have signs on the exterior of their buildings.

  With immediate effect, the council have decided that all signage in the city must be of the format:

  Text colour: Navy Blue

  Background: White

  Any signs that do not conform to the new standard must be replaced within twenty-one days from the date of this letter, or a fixed fine of one hundred pounds will be levied. Additional fines (of one hundred pounds) will be levied on the first day of each month until such time as the sign has been replaced.

  “What?” I yelled. “How can they do this? It’s outrageous. This is going to cost the businesspeople of Washbridge a small fortune. How do they expect us to ever make a profit?”

  “Is something the matter?” Winky, who was sitting on the sofa, looked up from his magazine.

  “Yes, something is most definitely the matter. This is bureaucracy gone mad. They’re trying to tell us what colour our signs have to be.”

  “Who are ‘they’?”

  “The city council. According to this letter, unless I replace my sign, they’re going to fine me every month.”

  “That doesn’t seem fair.”

  “It’s not fair, and I intend to tell them precisely that. I’m not going to take this sitting down.”

  “Good for you.”

  I stormed out of my office.

  “Are you okay, Jill?” Mrs V said. “I thought I heard you shouting?”

  “No, I’m not okay.” I told her about the city council’s unreasonable demands.

  “That does sound a little unfair.”

  “It’s more than a little unfair. It’s an outrage. By the way, I saw you in Coffee Games earlier.”

  “Did you, dear?” I thought she might tell me who the man was that I’d seen her with, or what they’d been up to, but she quickly changed the subject. “Don’t go getting into trouble at the city council.”

  “Don’t worry. I won’t.”

  ***

  I was spitting feathers all the way to Washbridge City Council offices. The woman behind the desk in reception was wearing a smart blue uniform. According to the badge on her lapel, her name was Imelda.

  “Good morning, Imelda. Could you please point me in the direction of the department that deals with signage?”

  “Sorry, I’m not sure what you mean.”

  “I want to speak to someone in whichever department is responsible for signage in Washbridge.”

  “Do you mean the council’s own signs?”

  “No, I mean the signs that are displayed by local businesses. I’ve just received a letter informing me that new regulations have been introduced governing those signs.”

 

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