Say It's Forever, page 36
A stalemate.
The motorcycle engine howled, carried on the wind, that hope springing higher while fear battered against it. The need to protect this man. The man I loved wholly. Trusted wholly. One who’d also been caught in the snare of my brother’s foolishness.
Then the sound of the motorcycle slowed and stopped.
No.
I wanted to weep when I realized I’d only conjured it. Imagined something that wasn’t there.
When I had to accept it wasn’t Jud.
That I’d stumbled deeper into the fantasy where I could be his and he could be mine. Where two broken souls could come together. Where they’d find a home.
Agony crushed.
Carlo and Trent continued the writhing, malignant circle.
“I guess I’ll have to take my chance then.” Carlo snarled it as he rammed the gun harder against my skull.
Pain fractured and the world started to tip to the side when I felt his finger tremble on the trigger.
This was it.
It was it.
Then a flurry hit.
The roll of the engine and a moment later the fury of the bike.
It all happened so fast I could barely digest it.
The blur of sound and glinting metal.
But I guessed it was my heart that recognized it. Processed what was happening as if it played out in slow motion.
Jud blew by.
A rifle drawn.
My mouth dropped open, and the gun trembled at my head.
A millisecond later, there was a deafening crack.
A scream tore from my soul as everything shook.
Carlo flew back, his arms no longer bound around me.
I slowly turned to see his lifeless body bleeding out on the ground.
Shock dropped me to my hands and knees. I gasped as I tried to see through the disorder.
To the motorcycle that skidded on the pavement, to the way Jud never fully stopped before he jumped off. The bike tumbled and rolled, while the mountain of a man stalked my way.
His boots a thunder on the pavement.
A pound, pound, pound that filled me to overflowing.
I wheezed and cried, “Juni.”
Jud knelt in front of me. “She’s safe, Salem, she is safe.”
“Oh, god.” I crumbled, no longer able to keep myself upright.
But it was his arms that supported me.
His arms that curled around me as he took me into the safety of his hold. He sank onto his butt on the road and pulled me into the well of his lap.
He hugged me and murmured and whispered, “I have you, I have you.”
I’d known there was something about the man that whispered of his darkness.
Of danger.
Of bloodshed and barbarity.
But I’d never been so sure of the goodness, of the righteous ferocity that burned inside of him—not until right then.
My wicked, wicked savior.
“I have you, Salem. I have you.”
A sob tore free. I released it at the warmth of his neck where I clung to him, my face pressed into his beard, into the disorder of his pulse that drummed so hard I could feel it become one with my being.
Massive arms encircled me.
Held me in their warmth.
Sirens screamed as three police cars arrived on the scene. An ambulance and a firetruck came to a stop behind them.
“Mimi,” I cried. My sobs were uncontrollable as my fingernails sank into Jud’s shoulders.
The loss.
The loss.
“Mimi.”
I felt the movement of him gesturing wildly.
Footsteps stampeded around us.
Curses and shock.
The horror of the massacre that had unfolded on our lawn.
An officer loomed over us.
Jud pressed his mouth to the top of my head. “I’m so sorry, Salem. I am so fuckin’ sorry.”
My head shook beneath his chin, lost beneath the cover of his beard and his giant heart. “You saved us.”
He’d saved us.
His shame had been mine and Juni’s saving grace.
That horrible night four years ago and again today.
Our wicked, beautiful savior.
And I prayed, he’d let me save him from the horror of the past I finally understood.
One that I shared with him.
Our hearts knitted and forever bound.
THIRTY-SEVEN
JUD
I hovered outside the intensive care room where the lights were cut dim and a slew of machines quietly hummed and beeped.
My goddamn heart pressed at my ribs and climbed to form a lump in my throat.
It was funny how Salem had said when she’d first come here that she’d felt like an outsider, like she didn’t belong, when I’d never been so sure of it for myself than right then.
But I didn’t know how to walk. How to turn and go.
Not when this enchantress of a woman had caught me up.
Got me spellbound.
Black-fuckin’-magic.
My feet moved of their own accord, unable to resist the lure.
Still, the shame slowed my steps. Hung my head. Ripped my already mangled heart to shreds.
I slipped through the door that remained open a crack and edged up behind the chair that was pulled close to the hospital bed.
Salem held her grandmother’s hand. Held it firm but soft.
I set mine on the caps of Salem’s shoulders, needing to be there for her, to hold her up when I knew she was close to faltering. My voice was haggard when I said, “She’s going to make it. She’s strong. Crazy strong. A survivor. A fighter. Just like her granddaughter.”
Salem’s chest shook in tiny quivers, like the girl was trying to keep her cries subdued. “I always wanted to make her proud. To grow up and be something. To take care of her. Support her and provide for her the way she’d provided for us.”
A slow chuckle of affection rumbled out. “I might not know all the details of your lives, Salem, but I know the way Mimi looks at you. With pride. With joy. With love. You don’t have to question that.”
“I hate it,” she choked. “I hate that it came to this. Hate that the choices I made when I was young caused so much pain and loss. I hate what Darius did. Hate that he’s gone. Hate that I’m so thankful that because he did, Juni can finally experience the life I always dreamed she might have.”
Salem reached up and took my left hand, clasped it tight.
I tried not to weep. “And I hate what I cost you.”
Visions flashed.
A fire. The child. The misery.
Salem squeezed tighter. “No, Jud.”
Unable to stop myself, I leaned down and wrapped myself around her. I hugged her to me like I didn’t have to let her go. My mouth came to her ear. “It’s okay, darlin’. I know. I know.”
Then I forced myself to straighten and walk away from this woman before I caused her any more pain. Told myself it was all an illusion. That what we’d felt was just a horrible twist of fate.
Most of all, I tried to convince myself the door closing between us wasn’t the biggest blasphemy of them all.
“Fuck!” I shoved the stack of papers off the desk. They scattered onto the barren lobby floor. Where the vacancy shouted and the loneliness throbbed.
All wrong.
All fuckin’ wrong.
I gritted my teeth and jerked open a drawer, digging around the perfectly organized files on a mission to find what I was searching for.
But stepping inside the lobby only reminded me of what was missing.
My motherfuckin’ heart, that was what.
A week had gone by since the shitstorm had gone down.
Darius was gone, along with the monsters he’d sold his soul to. But I had to believe he’d sold it to save Salem and Juni.
Logan had been badly bruised and battered, but I’d known he was going to be just fine when he’d started running his mouth the way he always did while being checked out at the emergency room.
Rubbing it in that I owed him.
Truth was, I’d give the punk everything. Never had I done anything as hard as leave him there that way.
A choice made.
One he’d ended up patting me on the back for and telling me he would have kicked my ass if I’d done it any other way.
Didn’t mean that guilt hadn’t eaten at me.
Found out through Trent that Mimi was home. She’d lost use of her left arm, possibly permanently, but she was alive and breathing. And Juni and Salem?
They were free.
Free.
And in the end, that was the only thing that mattered.
Not the gaping hole carved in my chest where my heart had gone missing.
Not the twisted ache in my gut.
At least that’s what I was trying to convince myself of as I stomped around the office like a beast unchained.
Grunting and groaning and drowning in my own misery.
It was worth it. It was worth it.
Every second of pain, it was worth it.
No, the debt couldn’t be paid, but I was going to count it an honor that I’d gotten to be there to help them through to the other side.
To safety.
To peace.
To life.
When I couldn’t find what I was looking for, I slammed the drawer shut and leaned lower to tug out the bottom one. I started to rummage around when I stilled.
When I felt the shift in the air when the lobby door opened.
A crackle of energy.
A spark of life.
I squeezed my eyes shut, sure I was only dreaming, fantasizing about a girl who’d done me in.
Only I heard the clicking of heels on the hard floor.
Felt the way the earth spun and the ground shook.
Warily, I straightened to look over the high counter.
The breath knocked out of me at the sight of her stepping into the lobby.
The girl was nothing but devastation wrapped in a black, seductive bow.
Black hair and eyes the color of a toiling sea. The darkest, deepest blue.
Thunderbolts that struck straight through me.
Salem was there.
Wearing those fitted black pants and a silky blouse that hugged her in all the right ways, those sky-high heels waltzing across the floor like she owned the place.
A motherfuckin’ knockout.
A fantasy.
A dream.
Every cell in my body clutched, and my fingers itched with the urge to paint.
To mark this beauty that would forever live on inside my memories.
Salem angled her head.
All fierce confidence.
Purpose in her step.
“I hear you’re looking for some help around here.”
I choked out a surprised laugh.
This girl.
I shook my head and planted my palms on the top of the desk because the only thing I wanted to do right then was reach out and take what my spirit screamed was mine.
“You did, huh?”
She nodded, so nonchalant. “Yeah. I heard it was kind of a mess in here, and this burly, giant, oaf of a man was in desperate need of help.”
Disbelief left me on a chuckle, and I arched a brow. “Oaf?”
Another emphatic nod, though there was a tease lighting at the edge of her delicious mouth, and this feeling was gathering quick in my stomach. Something far too light.
“Yeah. It seems the owner of this place is really great at what he does, but not so good at seeing what is right in front of him, at knowing what he needs, at understanding what he deserves, so I’m here to help him out.”
My mouth trembled. Didn’t mean for it to, but there was no controlling the way every nerve in my body came alive.
I edged around the end of the counter.
The girl was five feet away.
Salem’s aura hit me in these overpowering waves that threatened to knock me from my feet.
Toasted coconut and sultry sin.
“Yeah, and what’s that?”
Thunderbolt eyes flamed when she lifted her scarred chin. “Me.”
That single word pierced me.
A confession.
A plea.
All the lightness fled from the room, and I swore I could feel her heart batter and thunder.
“Don’t know how you’re even standing there right now.” The words scraped from my mouth.
“On my own two feet.” She answered it without thought.
“But…”
“But what, Jud? But what? Can you honestly stand there and tell me you don’t love me? That you don’t want me?”
Shaking out a pained laugh, I averted my gaze. “Now that would be an impossibility.”
“Then what? Do you blame me for losing Kennedy and Kye?” Her voice hitched at that, a clasp of remorse and sympathy.
I surged forward a step, the words grunted from my mouth. “What? Are you kidding me, Salem? No. Baby, no.”
She crossed her arms over her flailing chest. “Then what?”
My head hung in shame. “I’m afraid you won’t ever be able to look at me without seeing him.”
Didn’t need to say his name.
It already shouted and banged from the walls.
Lucas.
Lucas.
I hadn’t known it before. I’d only known his weight and his shape and the piece of my soul he’d taken with him when he’d gone.
It’d only required one single moment for the child to leave forever written on me.
Emotion slicked across my flesh when Salem stole forward, when she scratched her fingertips into my beard, into my jaw, when she forced me to look up and meet her eyes. “You’re right, Jud. I will never be able to look at you without seeing him. Without thinking of him. Without recognizing the scars on your back when you tried to save him. Without remembering it was you who gave me the time to get Juni out. Without seeing the man who saved us. The man who saved us twice.”
Torment clutched my spirit. “I was there.”
Said it like a confession.
Salem smiled and ran the pad of her thumb over my lips, her voice so soft when she whispered, “You were there.”
My eyes dropped closed. “Salem.”
Her fingers slipped into my hair. There was no stopping it, nothing I could do to keep my arms from linking around her waist.
From tugging her against me.
From breathing out in relief.
In hope.
My head dropped farther, and my forehead rocked against hers. “We’re a mess,” I murmured.
Salem eased back an inch so she could gaze up at me. She touched my cheek. “A beautiful, fucking mess.”
I grunted a laugh and pulled her tight, burrowed my face in the sweet spot of her neck.
“Darlin’.”
She sighed.
I cocked her a grin, let the tease rain free. “So, you’re looking for a job?”
She bit her lip. “Mmhmm…I’m looking for a job. I’m looking for my home. I’m looking for my purpose. Most of all, I’m looking for my man, the one who promised me forever.”
Then she fisted both hands in my shirt, a gleam in those eyes. “And if he doesn’t kiss me soon, I’ll stab him.”
Rough laughter bolted out, and I had her off her feet and in my arms.
And I kissed her as my heart found its rightful place.
Kissed her hard.
Kissed her fierce.
Kissed her until she was the only thing I could see.
Black. Fuckin’. Magic.
EPILOGUES
Salem
He’d asked me once what I dreamed of most. My answer had come so easy yet had seemed impossible—a home.
A place where my daughter was free. Where we could put down roots so she could grow and flourish. Where we’d know we’d be safe and secure.
A place we could always return to because we knew that’s where we belonged.
I gazed out over the little backyard at the group of people who had become that.
A safe place.
A refuge.
A family.
Our home.
Affection pulled tight across my chest.
There was my mountain of a man angling back to throw the football to Logan who had broken around Trent and was in the makeshift end zone.
My wicked savior.
My rugged, sweet Jud.
So big.
So handsome.
His love so fierce and overwhelming I felt the ground shake.
Like he felt the crack of energy in the air, he stopped to shoot me a grin from where he played on the lawn with his brothers.
Gage and Juni were, of course, in the mix.
He winked at me.
“Well, look at that.” Mimi’s voice hit me from where she sat in the chair next to me on the porch. “That sly dog sure knows how to love a woman up right, doesn’t he? There you are, sitting all the way over here, and he’s still got my girl’s legs shaking.”
“Mimi,” I chastised quick.
Eden giggled from the chair on the other side of her. “Mmhmm…those Lawson Brothers have some tricks up their sleeves.”
“They sure do. Nothing but a swoon fest,” Mimi stated.
“Mimi,” I said again, holding back laughter and shaking my head.
“What? You know it’s true.”
I rolled my eyes and huffed. “Fine.”
It was true.
So true that I still didn’t know what’d hit me.
My life upturned. Upended. Set to right.
So unprepared for the joy we had found.
Tessa laughed from the other side of me. “Fine? Girl, you are legit on fire right now. About to go boom.” She made an exploding motion with her hands. “Like, your mad love has become some crazed love. It’s a little obscene, if I’m being honest. I think I got pregnant just sitting beside you. Get it together, why don’t you?”
I swatted at her arm. “Shush it.”
Grinning, she widened her eyes. “Never.”
Laughter floated, and my head shook as I sank back into the warmth and relished the way love poured through the summer day. The sky bright and blue and stuffed with plumes of white clouds.
Trent handed the football off to Juni.
“Go, Juni, go!” he shouted.
