Say It's Forever, page 13
“Yeah. That’s right, Gage in the Cage. Only the best for your mom and dad.”
“Now you got to find a nice wife who’s so pretty like my new mom who makes the best pigs in the blanket ever and reads me stories every night.”
Affection tightened my chest, all mixed up with a knot of agony.
I patted his head and tried to keep the anxiety out. “That’d be nice.”
The words were brittle and a total lie, but I couldn’t help but agree, considering the kid was so damned sweet.
He had dropped to his knee with Trent yesterday, Trent asking Eden to be his wife while Gage had asked her to be his mom.
Think everyone had just about lost it with how adorable it was—mostly my big brother who’d been completely rocked again, like somehow in his head he’d thought there was a chance that Eden wasn’t going to say yes.
Preparing himself for another blow.
Not a chance. He’d found the best girl around. Someone who knew his demons and loved him in spite of them. Saw beyond the scars to what was underneath. The two of them coming together to make each other better.
Old pain cut me to the core.
A dull blade slowly driven through my chest.
Fuck.
Had to beat it back. Wasn’t about to be jealous of my brother. He deserved it.
What didn’t help was the wash of guilt that came rushing in behind it. The kind that wanted to consume.
My mind kept traipsing back to Wednesday evening when I’d dropped Salem at her house.
I’d acted like a total prick.
And did that stop me?
Nope.
I’d just continued to basically ignore her for the rest of the work week. Problem was, I didn’t know what to say. Didn’t know how to explain. Had no way to break through the grief that got bottled in my throat every time she and I were alone.
It would only amplify it when she’d cast those dark blue eyes on me like she’d expected something different.
Something better.
When the only thing I’d felt was shame.
Even when she’d looked at me with disappointment, the draw we both were trying to ignore still had raged.
It was like her spirit was surrounded by a brick wall. Only that wall had a fuckin’ crater gaping open in the middle of it, and there was a part of her silently begging me to find my way through it.
Thing was, we both knew that weak spot shouldn’t have been compromised to begin with.
Thursday had been plain painful, nothing but feigned pleasantries and barely clipped conversations.
Tiptoeing.
Pretending.
At least the whole proposal bit had provided a distraction. I’d cut out of work at noon on Friday to make sure I was at the school in plenty of time for the proposal, then Logan and I had taken Gage camping last night so Eden and Trent could spend the night alone together.
Eden thought we were camping tonight, too, and believed Trent was taking her out for an intimate dinner for the two of them to celebrate.
Little did she know intimate meant about every single person she knew.
“They’re gonna be so surprised that they get to have the best party in ever and ever.”
“That’s right. No thanks to your uncle Jud here. You know, since he never knows what’s right in front of his face.” Tessa sent me a saucy grin filled with some kind of implication.
My brow furrowed. “And what’s that supposed to mean?”
She shrugged. “I’m just sayin’.”
“Just sayin’ what?”
She gave me a confused look that was just a little bit sketchy. “What do you mean?”
That frown deepened. Girl was talking in circles.
I didn’t get to press her, though, because Logan came striding in carrying a present and a grin on his arrogant face.
“The party is here. We may begin.”
Tessa rolled her eyes. “Um…the party begins when Eden and Trent get here, dorkface. Now get your butt over here and help. You were supposed to be here forty-five minutes ago to help set up.”
“I was having a bad hair day that turned into an awesome hair day.” Fucker looked at himself in the mirror above the mantle, touching the poof that he’d probably spent two hours perfecting. He made a bunch of ridiculous faces at his reflection before he turned, tossing out guns with his free hand. “Killin’ it.”
A grunt sprung from my chest. “I’ll show you killin’ it.”
He cracked a smirk. “My, my, testy. Seems to me someone here is in need of some lovin’. Too bad all the ladies come running to his baby brother instead. Damn shame.”
“Dream on.”
“Oh, I’m dreaming all right. Living it.”
I shook my head, holding back the laughter that wanted to rumble out.
Dude was ridiculous.
He set his present on the gift table before he waltzed our way as he took in the opulent room. He let out a low whistle. “I know who’s not paying tonight.”
Luckily, he was close enough that all I had to do was reach out to smack him on the back of the head.
“Dude. What the heck? Why so violent?” Logan spat it like I was in the wrong, that mischief playing around his mouth.
“Manners, man.”
With a roguish smile, he waggled his brows. “Only time I’m willing to spend this much money on dinner is when I’m getting something out of it.”
“Well, you’re not gettin’ dead, so there’s that,” I shot back.
Gage giggled like crazy. “Oh, you better watch it, Uncle Logan, Uncle Jud is about to Take. You. Dowwwwn.”
“That’s right, Gage in the Cage. Uncle Logan is about to go down.” I cocked my head at my crazy-ass brother.
“Pssh. You wish.”
“No wishin’ to it,” I grunted. “I speak facts.”
“Would you two knock it off? We have work to do,” Tessa scolded. “Logan, you put out the favors at each spot at the table. Jud, you set out the name cards. I have them in order, starting at the head of the table with Trent and Eden and working around the right.”
She shoved the stack at me.
“You serious?”
She had a freaking seating chart?
“Dead serious.” She sent me a glare.
Right. Of course.
Fuckin’ Pinterest.
In exasperation, I shook my head, but I figured I wasn’t going to win this one. I moved to the table set for twenty and placed the cards for Eden and Trent at the head of the table. Then I worked my way down the long side to their right, Logan, Gage, then me. Next to me on that side was a few of our employees from Absolution who’d become more like family. I rounded the opposite end then started up the other side where Tessa had sat some of Eden’s teacher friends, herself, Eden’s dad, and then…
What the ever lovin’ fuck?
I froze at the name written on the card.
Salem.
It was set up so she was sitting directly across from me.
My stomach sank and tightened, and then the world shifted. Felt every hair on my body stand at attention, and fuck me, my dick did the same when that energy struck the air.
I looked back just in time to see her standing in the double doorway.
Her hands were latched on the shoulders of the same little girl who’d nearly dropped me to my knees on Wednesday. She seemed unsure, wary to take a step forward because she might just be treading into a field of landmines.
“Juni Bee! My bestest friend in the whole wide world! You came to have a party with us?!” Gage screeched it as he went racing that way.
“Yes!” she squealed. “Miss Tessa said we hads to come because you and your daddy are getting married!”
My chest fucking fisted.
“And look at my pretty party dress! My mommy sewed it up because we gots it at the special store for the seconds and now it fits and now I’m a princess!”
That fist tightened in a death grip.
Had to rip myself from the snare of the sweet little thing.
Only it had me jerking up to meet the ferocity in Salem’s eyes.
Thunderbolt eyes.
They seared through me and sent every sane thought I possessed scattering.
Mindfucked.
She was nothing but hot-as-hell body. Lush curves and tempting shape.
She wore this slinky, cream-colored blouse that had my hands desperate to sink right in. A black, flowy skirt with another pair of those heels, and shit, my heart was doing that stupid, wayward thing.
Emotions ran rampant.
Wild as they tugged and pulled.
Want.
Shame.
Relief.
Regret.
Most foolish one of all?
This feeling that everything that’d gone bad for the last three days had just been made right.
FOURTEEN
SALEM
I froze in the double doorway that led into the private party room.
I should have known better than coming here. I’d rethought it at least fifteen times as I’d gotten ready. I’d finally decided to forget the whole thing since stepping out this way was clearly a horrible idea.
Then I’d received a text from Tessa.
An SOS asking if I could do her a favor and pick up some black ribbon on my way so she could focus on getting set up.
No doubt, that was exactly what this was.
A set up.
Because Tessa shifted to look at me from over her shoulder.
In an instant, I saw the smirk curve her mouth as her attention darted between me and the man who stood stock-still by the table.
A torrent of energy sucked the oxygen from the room and overflowed it with his presence.
Jud stood by the table, blinking like he thought I was a hallucination.
His jaw clenched tight though something soft filtered through his expression. Something that threatened to make my knees go weak.
Curling my hands protectively on Juni’s shoulders, I lifted my chin.
I wanted to refuse any of his attention because he clearly didn’t deserve any of ours.
He’d made me feel safe. Protected.
But the second I’d opened up a fraction, gave him just a little, he’d crushed it under his feet.
I deserved better—Juni deserved better—and maybe being here in Redemption Hills had helped me realize it was okay to dream of something better.
But I was the fool who’d let my mind think that better might be Jud Lawson.
Gage and Juni jumped around at my feet, hugging each other as if they hadn’t seen each other in years when it had just been yesterday morning.
“Come on, you gotta see the cupcakes!” Gage threaded his fingers through Juni’s, and the two of them scampered across the room.
The second Juni was gone, I felt exposed, standing there fidgeting like the outsider I was.
While Jud stared.
Heat blazed and severity throbbed.
I swallowed against the impact of it and forced myself to smile when Tessa moved my way. “Oh, thank god, you’re here! I have no idea what I would have done without that ribbon. My cupcake display is a disaster.”
My eyes narrowed as delight whipped through her features. I handed her the bag with the black fabric ribbon. By the looks of the decorations, she was doing just fine.
“It’s the least I could do.” Sarcasm wound into my voice.
Feigned innocence lined her expression. “Um, I have no idea what you’re implying. You straight-up saved this party. Could you imagine Eden walking in here and there was no matching ribbon on the dessert display?”
“The tragedy.”
Laughing, she wrapped me in a massive hug.
“Seriously, I am so happy you’re here, and you can so be mad at me, but I could tell you were thinking about not coming, and we really can’t have that happen. We’re best friends now, remember?”
My spirit danced and emotion climbed into my throat. Squeezing my eyes closed, I hugged her back.
But I couldn’t escape the heat of the man.
My eyes peeled open to find his gaze slaying me through.
I really hated how good he looked wearing fitted, dark gray dress pants and a light gray button-down, sleeves rolled up his forearms to expose the ink on his flesh.
I hated more how my stomach dipped. The way my thoughts went streaking back to the feel of his hands and mouth on me.
My thighs trembled.
I tore my attention from him when Tessa peeled herself back, and she held onto my upper arms the same way as she’d done when I’d met her. Her gaze swept over me. “Damn girl.”
I reached out and held her the same. “Ha…have you seen you?”
Tessa was wearing this shiny electric blue dress—the same color as her eyes. It was a halter-top, fitted and ruched, and dipped low between her breasts. Her red hair was pressed into giant curls that bounced over her bare shoulders.
She shimmied and winked. “Not too bad for the class nerd, huh?”
“Not bad at all.”
“Okay, I need to finish setting up. The rest of the guests should start arriving soon, and Eden and Trent should be here in fifteen.”
“What can I do?”
“Can you take a peek at the buffet and make sure it looks like they’ve put out everything we need?”
“Sure thing.”
I moved over to the long row of tables where the food was being set out. Chills skated down my spine because with each step, I could feel those eyes hooked on me.
Conflicting and confusing.
I had the urge to peek back. I stopped myself before I slipped into that recklessness.
Jud had already shown his hand, hadn’t he? His knee-jerk reaction had been clear enough. I needed to remember it.
But he never let me go of that connection.
A force came to tower over me from behind. It stole my breath and sent a rash of shivers racing across my flesh.
Citrus and cinnamon and spice.
A warm fall night.
I forced myself to remain turned away because I wasn’t sure I could handle him face-to-face.
“You’re here,” that deep voice rumbled.
I guarded myself against the pull of it, putting up every defense I possessed.
“I was invited.” It came out snippy.
Jud had the audacity to reach out and grip the two outside fingers of my right hand.
Heat zinged up my arm.
“I’m not saying I’m complaining.”
That resolve cracked, but it was fire that came out through the fracture. I whirled on him, and my voice dropped to a hiss. “I don’t think you have the right to say anything, Jud, so why don’t we leave it at that?”
Every rugged, handsome line on his face twisted, and those black eyes flashed.
Flames and seduction.
“Think we need to talk about that.”
A scoff shot from my tongue, and I crossed my arms over my chest to put some space between us. “I tried to talk to you, Jud, to open up, and the second I did, you reminded me of why I can’t. So, like I said, let’s leave it at that.”
Searching for a safer place for my attention, I turned to look to the far side of the room where Gage and Juni were on the floor, sifting through the stash of toys Gage had brought in his backpack.
Giggles rippled from her, her joy so easy and right.
Emotion welled at the base of my throat.
Jud’s attention drifted there, too, and there was no missing the way his hands curled into fists and every muscle in his being tightened.
Was he serious?
I swallowed around the disbelief, around the anger, around what I’d thought had been genuine care that he’d shown me in his office Wednesday when the panic had nearly consumed me.
When he’d promised he would be there.
When he’d kissed me.
Giggles fell from Juni’s mouth, and I shivered with the hope they elicited.
It’s what I wanted most—to give my daughter a normal life.
A good life.
One filled with happiness and safety and friends.
A home.
Jud’s jaw clenched, but there was something beneath it that looked like—sorrow.
I blinked against it, against the care that wanted to press free of my ribs, against the urge I had to reach out and hold a part of that sorrow for him.
A bunch of new guests piled in, and Tessa’s voice lifted over the disorder. “Trent texted, and he and Eden just parked. Get ready, it’s party time people.”
Juni popped up from her perch on the floor and came bounding my way. I reached out to take her hand.
“It’s party time, Mommy!” Then her smile grew. “Look it, Mommy, it’s your motorcycle friend. Did you go so fasts all the way to China?” she asked Jud when she took my hand.
I wanted to wrap her up. Cover her and protect her from the pain of rejection.
Only a rough chuckle slipped from Jud’s mouth, and his expression went soft as he looked down at her.
My ribs clamped around my aching heart, and I swore, in an instant, my entire being went to war.
A battle of intention.
One side that urged me to grab Juni and run, leave this place because I never should have put either of us in this position, and the other that begged for surrender. For a place to belong.
“Yeah, I had to go fast.” Regret filled his voice as he returned his attention to me. “But I came back.”
My throat tingled, and my skin felt sticky, and I tightened my hold on my daughter.
Before this could get any harder, I whispered, “Excuse me.”
I wound around him and led Juni away.
Away from the connection I could feel pulling taut behind me.
A lure I knew better than to heed.
The pull that was making me question my sanity.
Juni pranced along beside me, so adorable in her princess dress. “We are gonna haves the bestest time, Mommy.”
“Is that so?”
“Yep! Did you smells the food? And there are so many kinds, and my belly is rumbling and I’m gonna eat it all gone so I can have a cupcake because Gage said they’re super extra special all the way to the sky.”
She hopped three times when she said that, yanking me to a stop.
