Blushing Maid, page 17
But eventually, as our second courses were being cleared away, I noticed something pass between them. Mom glanced over at Dad, and he nodded, as though he was sure that it was time.
"There’s something that we wanted to talk to you about," Mom admitted. "That’s why we came down here on such short notice."
"Oh...?"
"Yes," Dad agreed, and he took his wife’s hand and squeezed it tight. It had been a long time since I had seen them exchange any kind of affection, and I had to admit, it was pretty sweet to see them like that with one another.
"We’ve been doing a lot of thinking about what you told us when you came down to visit," Mom continued for him. "About...about your girlfriend. And your sexuality. All of it."
I held my breath. They wouldn’t have come all the way down here just to tell me that they hated every part of that and never wanted me to darken their doorsteps again, right?
"And we realized that we should have been more accepting," Mom confessed. "We were...we jumped to conclusions. We were surprised, that’s all, we didn’t think we would have to handle you being so...out, so soon."
I stared at her. This was the closest I was ever going to get to an apology from my parents for the way they had acted, and I felt like punching the air.
"You mean it?" I replied, voice so tiny I was surprised either of them could actually make it out. They both nodded.
"You’re our little girl," Dad replied, and he reached out and patted me on the arm, a little awkwardly, but with genuine affection. "Whatever you need to do to be happy, we support you."
I closed my eyes for a moment. Wishing that these words had come a little sooner. But still, the joy in knowing that my parents took me for who I was, that was a relief greater than I had felt in a long time. I felt a huge smile cracking over my face, and when I opened my eyes, they were both beaming back at me.
"I can’t even tell you how much this means to me," I replied, and the words felt inadequate in the face of everything that I wanted to express to them. They glanced at each other and smiled, and then back to me.
"And we were so touched that you would bring your girlfriend to meet us," Mom told me. "I know we didn’t act it, but we were. It means a lot to us that you want to involve us in your life like that."
"Well, I don’t know if you’ll have to worry about her anymore," I replied, trying to keep my voice light and failing utterly. "We...uh, I don’t think we’re exactly together right now."
"It doesn’t matter," Dad told me firmly. "You’re an amazing girl, Billie. You’ll find someone else to love you. And when you do, we’ll love her, too. And you. And..."
He trailed off a little, and I noticed his eyes shining with wetness. I couldn’t remember the last time that I had seen my father cry, if it had ever happened at all. He reached for a napkin and dabbed his eyes and I couldn’t help but giggle at the sight of him, so overtaken with emotion.
"Thank you," I told them both. "So much. This is...this is exactly what I needed to hear."
"Anytime," My mother replied. And this time, I knew that she really meant it.
Chapter 29
Invitation to the unknown
Moving on is one of the hardest things you’ll ever want to avoid.
I mean, I knew that break-ups were meant to be hard, I got that – I had been told that by pop culture at every turn for as long as I could remember. But there was something very different about living a break-up all of my own, and I wanted nothing more than to jump forward in time and forget that any of this had ever happened.
Had Alana ever loved me? I had asked myself that question more times than I would have cared to admit over the course of the last few weeks, since I had walked out of our life together. I wanted to believe that she did, but I wasn’t even totally sure that it was the truth. Perhaps she had been more taken with the idea of me than she had with the reality. The idea of having a girlfriend who loved her but wouldn’t break the flow of her normal life. Who wouldn’t challenge her for a newness that she knew she must have been ready for.
My parents had gone back home after a few days with me, and since they had left, I had been focused on trying to put my life back together in the wake of Alana for good. I had even gotten a new apartment – well, actually, I was just apartment sitting for a classmate who was out of the state for a month, but it was something. Better than paying out of pocket for hotel rooms that I could hardly afford in the first place, anyway. I had a forwarding address, and the beginnings of a new life, and a tiny, fluffy little cat to look after, which helped keep my mind busy.
But I missed her. God, I fucking missed her. I missed the way she looked at me, the way it made me feel when our eyes locked and the whole world seemed to slow down to half-speed. I missed the way she smelled and the way she tasted and I missed her, God, I missed her...
But I couldn’t let myself get stuck on that. There was too much else out there in the world for me to take on. I had to think about my studies, and my future – hell, maybe even actually dating again once I had given myself enough time to move on from her. I had loved her, for sure, but that didn’t mean that I had to just go on loving her blindly even when she had made it clear that she wanted to move on with her life. She would have reached out to me, somehow, would have told me that there was something she needed to tell me, but nothing. Rick had tried a couple of times, telling me that there was something he needed to share with me, but I had always hung up before he could go further. I wasn’t going to let Alana send him on her errands for her. I needed to hear it from her, once and for all, no more doubts, no questions, no nothing.
And that’s honestly where my mind was when I heard that little scrap of paper coming under the door. I was ready to let go – well, maybe not ready, but I was ready to be ready to think about getting ready to let go, and that was something. I could see now that I could have a life outside of her, and that I didn’t have to stay closeted any longer.
I wouldn’t have even noticed it, but at the very moment that the noise came, I happened to be leaning back from my work and pulling out my headphones to take a brief break. Call it fate, because as soon as I did, I heard that tiny noise, and my head whipped around towards the door to see what had made it.
And, sure enough, there it was – the little envelope sitting there, politely waiting for me to get to my feet and open it already. I smiled, a little furrow in my brow, and I stood up and headed over to it. I had no idea what to expect here, but I leaned down, and took the stiff little thing in my hand and flipped it over. On the front, my name was written in handsome cursive. This looked expensive. Like an invitation to an event that I should never really be allowed to go to unaccompanied.
I opened it up, and I noticed that my heart was beating a little faster. Because I recognized this little scrap of paper; I recognized the handwriting. They belonged to Alana. And unless I was much mistaken...
A smile spread over my face when I saw what was waiting for me on the inside. An invitation. An invitation to an art show. It didn’t make it clear who was hosting this particular gathering, but I was pretty damn sure that I already knew who it was. And it was taking place this weekend. And you better believe that I was going to put on what little finery I could dig up, and turn out to see what the hell this was all about.
Chapter 30
Real life
I stood there outside the door, breathing hard, trying to gather myself before I walked inside. I could do this. One-hundred-percent, I could do this. Okay, I might have been a little scared, but that didn’t mean...
Someone knocked into me from behind, reminding me that I was standing right in the entrance to this art show, and I quickly picked up the pace and headed inside. No point standing around out here. I was expected. Or, at least, I hoped I was.
I had dressed up in the best clothes I could find for the occasion – I had had to do a little thrifting to find something that worked, but I was sure that I looked event-appropriate. The show was taking place in this gorgeous old vintage cinema that had been repurposed into a beautiful gallery, and I felt like a movie star floating up the red carpet as I stepped inside.
And as soon as I did, as soon as I joined the crowd of bustling people, and saw the paintings hanging high on the walls around us, my jaw dropped. Because I recognized them.
Not that I had seen the paintings before, but because I had seen the people in them. Because they were portraits, somehow, of me and Alana.
I didn’t know how she had had the time to put these together, or how she had so beautifully managed to capture the two of us in such abstract form, but there was no doubt in my mind that those images were of the two of us together. See, I could see the color of my eyes there, could see the curve of her hip here, the shape our bodies made together when we were sleeping – it was all there, all laid out in front of me to see in perfect, glorious detail.
And all these other people could see it, too. Which meant...
I felt a hand closing around mine, and I spun around on the spot and found myself looking at the one woman I had been waiting for all this time.
"Alana," I breathed, and I leaned towards her and planted a kiss on her cheek. I knew it was dangerous, but I didn’t care. I wanted everyone to see. And, to my surprise, as soon as I pulled back, she leaned in and again – and kissed me square on the lips.
My heart felt like it had exploded in my chest. It was true. Everything that I had dreamed of being true for so long, it was finally here. She didn’t want to hide me away anymore, and she didn’t want to hide herself, either. When she released me from her hold, I had a huge smile on my face, waiting for the penny to drop for a moment, like this was all about to fall away after all.
"I love you," she told me, clasping my face in her hands. "And I’m sorry I let you believe anything different. Ever."
She gestured around the pictures that surrounded us.
"I painted these the last few weeks," she explained. "Rick helped me organize this event. I wanted you to see them in person. I wanted everyone to see them. For real."
"Does this mean...?” I asked, barely daring to hang on to the last hope of a dream. She nodded.
"I think this counts as me coming out," she replied, and she laughed and closed her eyes for a moment as though the words still felt totally alien to her. "Sorry, I’m still getting used to that a little. It’s just...strange. I never thought I would actually do it. And yet..."
"Here you are," I finished up for her. She leaned her head against mine.
"Here I am," She agreed. "After you left, I realized that I couldn’t do this without you. And that I was asking you to give up so much by staying in the closet for me when you already know who you are. So I figured...well, I figured maybe a leap of faith was in order."
"This is one hell of a leap," I replied, looking around again. People were admiring the paintings everywhere I glanced, and a few of them were looking over at us, too, as though they were just putting the pieces together about exactly what the paintings might have represented.
"What about Rick?" I asked, suddenly, remembering the other person in this equation.
"He’s been trying to get in touch with you," she explained. "He actually found someone else. One of the women he’s been involved with for all these years, it turns out that she recently got divorced, and she basically declared her love for him. And he realized that he loved her, too."
"So?"
"So, they’re going to go ahead and get married," she replied. "Which means, of course, that Rick isn’t going to be married to me anymore."
"Seriously?”
"Seriously," she replied. "No hard feelings, either. He says he wants to stay friends with both of us. I think it’s going to be about the most pleasant divorce anyone’s ever had in their life."
I burst out laughing. It wasn’t even that her joke was that funny, but finally, after so long, I felt like I could just laugh. That I could just have fun. Everything wasn’t so caught up in the intensity of hiding a secret, and now I could let go and just enjoy being with the woman I had loved so much for so long.
"I love you so fucking much," I told her, and I kissed her again, properly, deeply, not caring if every single person in the room turned to look at that very moment.
"I love you too," she breathed in my ear.
"And I know just which one of those paintings I want hanging over the bed," I told her, as I glanced around the room to take it all in.
"You’re already thinking about bed, huh?" She teased, waggling her eyebrows at me playfully. I shrugged.
"Well, can you blame me?" I pointed out. "We’ve been apart for weeks now."
"I can’t," she reasoned. "But I have to stick around here just a little longer, alright? Before we make a hasty retreat."
And she did. We did. She held my hand and introduced me around the room, to practically anyone who would listen. Like she was proud of me. She called me her girlfriend, and I swear it had to be about the sexiest thing I had ever heard in my life. I felt like I was dreaming, like my feet were barely touching the ground. But it was real. All of this was real. This woman who loved me, she was the most real thing of all. And I was going to show her just how real I was as soon as I got a chance to have her to myself once more.
Chapter 31
Wuff wuff
"Hey, careful!” Alana laughed as the two of us tripped over the doorway to the apartment. She was wearing heels, and I had to catch her to stop her tumbling down to the ground right there and then.
"I’ve got you, I've got you," I told her, a little tipsily, giving the champagne I had been working on since I had arrived at the art show.
"You sure do," she replied, and she pulled me into a deep, passionate kiss, right there against the door.
We hadn’t been able to keep our hands off one another all night long. How could we? We were finally out together, really out together, and it felt like all these pieces that we had been hiding were there for the world to see.
She pushed her hand up under my dress, her fingers brushing against my inner thigh, and I squirmed and pushed back against her. God, she knew just how to touch me, how she could make me feel so good. It was crazy to me that even in all the time we had spent apart, she still remembered just how I liked to be pleasured. Like it was built into her, a muscle memory.
Hooking her fingers around my panties, she pulled them aside and rubbed her fingers against my pussy, back and forth, getting them slippery with my wetness.
"Mmm," She moaned, pressing her lips to my neck. "You’ve been waiting for this, haven’t you?"
"Of course," I breathed, and I groaned helplessly as she pushed a finger inside of me. I looked at her, intently, watching the way that her mouth opened as she felt me for the first time. I loved how much she wanted me. I loved that more than anything. The feeling of it, of being wanted like this, would always be enough for me when it came from the right person.
"I love you," she murmured to me, her mouth against my ear as she pushed another finger inside of me. "I love you so much, Billie..."
I had never known until that moment just how sexy it could be to hear that someone loved you. To be wanted that way, so utterly and completely. My body began to give under her touch, and I knew I was helpless to resist her.
She reached her thumb up to stroke my clit as she pleasured me with her fingers, curling them round a little so that she could hit my G-spot. Fuck, that felt so good; I tipped my head back against the door, praying that Rick wasn’t going to make an unwelcome entrance before I had finished. I needed this. Needed her. Right now, no debates, no waiting. If I couldn’t have her...
She kissed me again, tongue in my mouth, breath mingling with mine seductively. I moaned and began to grind back against her hand, drawing her in deeper. I wanted to feel her fingers moving inside of me. I needed that reminder of our connection, that reminder that no matter what happened, she would always own me so utterly.
"I want to feel you cum," she told me, whispering the words against my mouth as though this was how she planned to speak them into being. I could feel my knees getting weak. Everything that had happened tonight should have been overwhelming, but as it was, I felt like it was all crystallizing in this moment, coming to shape and form as she pushed me closer and closer and closer...
When I came, I clutched hold to her for dear life. I didn’t want to let her go, not now, not ever, and I needed her to know that. I needed her to promise me with everything that she had that she was never going to let that happen again. We belonged to each other, and, as she sent the pleasure rushing up and through me, I knew that she felt it, too. I knew that she could sense that connection, the one that burned bright between us and always would. She held her fingers still for a long moment, and let me ride out the last of the waves of my release against her. How could it be that she felt so good when we had done this so many times before? Surely, by now, it would have grown a little familiar? But no – now, somehow, I felt like the first time. As though we were exploring each other all over again.
We spent the rest of that night together, in her bed – well, in the shower, too, and a few other places, as Rick had the decency to stay out all night and not to bother us. By the time that we crashed into bed, utterly naked and utterly exhausted, I laid my head on her stomach and let out a long, satisfied sigh.
"God, I missed you," I told her. She trailed her fingers over my collarbone lazily.
"I missed you too," she agreed. We lay there in silence for a moment, comfortable, not needing to say anything to fill the space between us. And then, she spoke again.
"You know, I was thinking," she remarked. "We should get our own place."
"You think?" I asked, propping my head up on my hand and looking over at her. She nodded.
"Now that Rick and I are getting divorced, I don’t think he’s going to want me living here any longer," she pointed out. "And besides, I want to have a proper life. With you. Just the two of us. I don’t think we’re going to be able to do that starting out here, do you?”
