Love Inspired April 2021--Box Set 1 of 2, page 52
“I want to see him.”
Dave indicated the small alcove. “He’s asleep.”
Clay returned a few moments later and sat down, scraping his fingertips across his scalp. “I can’t lose him.”
Dave rested an arm across his son’s shoulders. “We won’t. The doctor said he’ll be fine. They are going to keep him overnight for observation, though.”
Neither of them noticed her in their tight moment of familial connection. Melody suddenly felt out of place. As much as she loved Eli, she wasn’t part of this family. They needed to deal with this themselves. Quietly she stood up and moved away. She pushed aside the disappointment cutting through her veins. Foolishly, she’d wanted them to ask her to stay, to include her in the wait.
She stopped at the nurses’ station and asked directions to the hospital chapel. She found it tucked away in a quiet section on the second floor. Taking a seat in the back, she let the sweet peace of the room calm her raw nerves. Her gaze focused on the burnished cross on the wall behind the altar as she searched for words to pray for her son. She couldn’t find any. Thankfully, she knew words weren’t really necessary for prayer. Her groaning would be understood.
* * *
Clay sat by his son’s bedside, sending up prayers of gratitude without ceasing. He’d sent his dad off to get something to eat. Eli was sleeping, and the doctors had assured him he’d be fine when he woke up, though probably scared. The doctor had given him a preliminary rundown of the situation. He had a lot to learn about caring for an asthmatic child.
Unfortunately, no one had answers as to why this had happened. The best they could tell him was that, sometimes, it just happens. The serious bronchitis he’d had a few years ago might have been an indicator of what was to come, but there was no way to say for certain.
They’d told him how close Eli had been to dying when the paramedics arrived. He couldn’t even allow himself to think about that.
Clay sensed his dad entering the room. “He’s still asleep.”
His dad squeezed his shoulder. “I’m so sorry. I should have paid closer attention. I thought it was just a cold.”
“Don’t, Dad. It wasn’t your fault. No one could have seen this coming.”
“I suppose not. All I know is that Melody and I were in a full panic. I’m surprised she could even think straight to call 911.”
Clay frowned. “Melody. She was there?”
“Yes, of course. She came by to sit with Eli while I went to get cold medicine. She followed me here and waited until she knew he was going to be all right. She was distraught to say the least. She was here when you got here.”
Clay ran a hand down the back of his neck. “She was? All I saw was you. Is she in the waiting room?”
“Not now. Maybe she went home.”
Clay shook his head. “She wouldn’t leave without seeing Eli.” He reached over and held his son’s hand, silently urging him to wake up.
“Clay, I think this might be a good time to tell Melody the truth.”
At least this was one thing Clay could settle. “I already told her. She’d figured it out when she saw Eli’s baby book.”
His dad mouthed a silent oh.
Before either of them could say anything more, Eli squeezed Clay’s hand. Relief surged through him as he looked into his boy’s wide eyes.
“Hey, buddy. Welcome back.”
“What happened?”
Clay brushed the hair off Eli’s forehead. “They think you had an asthma attack.”
Eli frowned. “I couldn’t breathe. I was scared.”
“I know. But it’ll be all right now. We’ll just have to pay attention to what you do and maybe change a few things. Don’t worry. We’ll figure out what set you off, then we’ll take care of it.”
Eli smiled at Dave. “Hey, Grandpa.”
“Hey, kiddo. You gave us quite a scare.”
“Where’s Miss Melody?”
Clay exchanged a look with his father. “I’m not sure. Would you like to see her?”
Eli nodded.
Dave patted Eli’s leg. “I’ll see if I can find her.”
Clay released his son’s hand and stood. “No, Dad. I’ll find her. I want to talk to the doctor, too.”
In the corridor, Clay let the emotion take over. Tears stung his eyes as his chest contracted painfully. He leaned against the wall. He could have lost everything this afternoon. His whole world could have ended. But God in His grace had allowed Eli to survive. “Thank You, Lord,” he whispered.
Pushing away from the wall, he went in search of the chapel. He needed some alone time before he talked to Melody.
Clay located the chapel easily and slipped inside. Someone was already there. He started to leave when he realized it was Melody. He weighed his options. Should he find another place to be alone or join her?
Before he could decide, she turned and saw him, only to quickly look away and bow her head. There was no way he could leave now.
He took a seat beside her, waiting for her to speak. He stole a glance and realized how upset she was. She loved Eli. There could be no doubt about that.
He reached over and took her hand. “You all right?”
“I will be. I’m just so grateful that he’s all right. I didn’t know what to do. He was fighting to breathe, and I felt so helpless, just like when—” She stopped.
“When what?”
“Nothing. How are you?”
“Grateful. Thankful. Blessed.”
Melody nodded. “I’m so glad. I couldn’t stand it if anything had happened to Eli.”
Clay pulled her close. Offering comfort and needing some himself.
“Do the doctors know what caused it?”
“Right now, they’re saying it’s late-onset asthma. I don’t understand it, though, because there’s no history of asthma in our family. Apparently, it can be hereditary.”
“Hereditary?”
Clay’s phone buzzed. He pulled it out and read the text. “I have to go. The doctor wants to meet with me. Do you want to come? Eli’s awake and he’s asking to see you.”
Melody shook her head. “I need a little more time here. I’ll find you.”
Clay studied her expression. There was a strange look in her eyes he couldn’t define. “All right.” He squeezed her hand and was rewarded with a small smile. “We’ll be waiting in Eli’s room. They’ve put him in 312.”
“Clay, tell Eli I love him.”
He smiled. “I think he knows that, but I’ll tell him.”
He stepped into the corridor, then glanced back at the chapel door, uneasy. There was a strange note of finality in her tone, almost as if she were saying goodbye.
He shook off the notion. His emotions were too jumbled to think clearly.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
The moment Clay left, Melody bent over in pain. Her heart burned; her mind was wrenched in two. It was her fault! Eli had inherited his asthma from her. Her mistakes kept compounding. Now her son would suffer the rest of his life from an illness he’d gotten from her. The mother who was supposed to protect him had condemned him to a life of restrictions. How could she tell Eli the truth now? She’d given him another reason to resent her and hate her.
Her chest constricted, making it hard to breathe herself. There was only one thing to do. It was time to leave Blessing. It was best for everyone. Clay would hate her, too, when he realized that Eli’s asthma was her fault. She had to do what was best for Eli, even if that meant giving him up. Again.
Time to go to the only place she’d ever belonged.
A few days later, safe in her foster mother’s home, Melody curled up in the floral club chair near the living room window and looked out on the spring landscape at Mama Kay’s. As lovely as it was, her heart longed for Blessing. She missed Barney, too. She could use some of his furry comfort right now. She’d put him in the garage with Lady when she’d left, and she’d left the jump drive with the completed Blessing history book on the desk in the Reynoldses’ library.
She’d severed every tie.
A shaft of pain lanced through her veins as she thought of Clay and Eli. Eli, her son. Her prayers had been answered far beyond her deepest dreams. He’d been raised in a loving home, and he was happy and safe. It was more than she’d ever expected. God had made it all work for good, just as He promised.
The only thing missing was her. That lovely family picture would never include her.
“I thought I’d find you here.” Mama Kay settled in her rocker, peering at her from over her glasses. “You always curled up here when you were troubled.”
“Did I?”
Mama Kay nodded. “I knew you had something scary on your mind when I found you here. Sandy preferred the window seat in her room.”
“I never realized we were so predictable.”
“Most people are.” Mama Kay faced her. “Talk to me. I can’t help if you don’t share.”
Melody brushed her hair from her forehead. “We talked it all out last night.”
“No, you told me what happened. You didn’t tell me why you ran away again.”
“I didn’t run away. I did what was best for Clay and Eli.”
“Did you? Or did you do what was easiest for you?”
She bristled at the suggestion. “Of course not. I want Eli to have the close relationship he’s always had with his father. He can’t have that if we tell him the truth. He’ll be angry at both of us.”
“You don’t know that. You said you and the boy had grown close. How do you know he wouldn’t be delighted to learn you are his mother?”
“Not when he realizes I gave him up.”
Mama Kay shrugged. “Maybe at first. But I imagine he’d come around. Love is a great motivator. Of course, you won’t know that until you stop running and turn around and face this.”
“I am not running away.” Melody set her jaw. Her foster mother was usually so wise and comforting. Not confrontational.
Mama Kay scooted forward in her rocker. Then she reached out and touched Melody’s scarred arm. “You’ve been running since the moment you came to me, Melly. You ran away to college in Georgia, you ran away from Clay when you got pregnant. You even chose a career path that would keep you running from place to place so you wouldn’t have to stop and look at yourself too closely. Frankly, I think you’ve been running since your little brother, Ronnie, died.”
Melody’s heart skipped a beat. She’d never talked about that. To anyone. “How do you know about him?”
“I like to know about all my kids, especially the ones I get close to like you and Sandy. Ronnie wasn’t your fault. You were eight years old.”
Melody chewed her lip, as the old memory pulled her down. “I should have been able to do something to help him. But Mom wasn’t home and there was no medicine and when he couldn’t breathe, I didn’t know what to do.”
Mama Kay moved and sat beside her. “Of course you didn’t, but you’re all grown up now. It’s time to look at what happened and accept you’re not to blame. You don’t have to run anymore.”
Melody shook her head. “No. Eli has asthma because of me. He inherited it from me.” Her throat closed up. “What if he has an attack, and I can’t help him?”
“Melody. You’re an adult. What would you do in that situation?”
“I don’t know.”
“Think. What would you do?”
She tried to think logically. Step by step. “I’d make sure he always had medicine on hand. I’d learn what to look for, to recognize when an attack might happen. I’d call the doctor or an ambulance if necessary. I’d make sure he had—” She stopped as realization settled in.
Mama Kay patted her arm. “See? You’re not a child anymore. You’re not your mother. You would take care of Eli, make sure he had his medication.”
The clouds surrounding the death of her brother began to clear. For the first time she looked at the situation through the eyes of a grown-up. Not the child she’d been.
Mama Kay sat back, a satisfied smile on her face. “Now, what are you going to do about Clay? Don’t you think it’s time you stopped running away from him, too?”
Melody shook her head. How could he love someone like her? “No. Things between us are too complicated.”
“No, they’re not. You’re just running away again. You’ve faced the truth about Ronnie and about Eli. Don’t you think you should find out what the situation is with Clay?”
“I don’t know.”
Mama Kay stood. “Well, I do. He’ll be here in an hour. Go get dressed and start clearing away the cobwebs in your brain. Decide how you really feel and what you really want. No more running or denial. It is time for you to turn around and deal with life, sweetie. Trust me. It’ll work out for the best.”
Melody fought the knot in her chest as she got ready to see Clay again. She changed clothes three times, finally settling on a dark gray skirt, a white blouse and her favorite denim jacket that always made her feel confident. It wasn’t working very well today, however.
The doorbell rang as she ran a brush through her hair. Her heart stopped beating. What would she say to him? How could she explain and make him understand?
Mama Kay’s assessment of her behavior had stung, but the more she thought about it, the more she realized it was true. She’d spent her whole life running away. Did she have the courage now to stop and walk toward the future?
She closed her eyes and listened as her foster mother greeted Clay. She couldn’t make out what they were saying, but she knew Mama Kay would be warm and gracious.
Time to face the music. Taking a deep breath, she opened the door and stepped into the hallway, walking toward the only man she’d ever loved.
* * *
Clay stood anxiously in the cozy living room, waiting for Melody to appear. He’d been stunned when Mama Kay Davis had called and told him Melody was with her. When he’d realized Melody had left, he’d been furious, then hurt, then puzzled. He’d been torn between finding her again and leaving her alone. Eli had been upset. Before he could decide what to do, however, he’d gotten the phone call.
What if Melody didn’t want to see him? Mama Kay had told him Melody was heartbroken, that she loved him and Eli, but had some misguided notion that they’d be better off without her in their lives. He was here to convince her otherwise.
“Hello, Clay.”
He turned and saw her, and his heart leaped into his throat. She’d been gone only a few days, but somehow she was more beautiful than he remembered. The light blue denim jacket highlighted the pink in her cheeks.
“Hi.”
An awkward silence hung between them. She pressed her lips together, then gestured toward the sofa. “Have a seat.”
He sat, unable to take his eyes off her. “You look good.”
“You, too.”
He opened his mouth to speak but she beat him to it.
“How’s Eli?”
“He’s fine. Back to normal. We’re still adjusting to the situation. It’ll take a while to work out all the do’s and don’ts. He misses you, too. He wants to know when you’re coming home. He was very upset you left without saying goodbye.”
Melody wrapped her arms around her waist. “What did you say?”
Clay grinned. “I told him the truth. I didn’t know why you’d gone.” He kept his distance, not trusting his emotions if he got too close. “Why did you leave again?”
She turned away. “I’m sorry I left the way I did, but I told you, I’m not cut out to be a mother. You have good paternal instincts.”
“Why would you say that? You’re great with Eli. He loves you. I’ve seen the bond between you.”
Melody shook her head. “No. You don’t understand. It’s my fault he got sick.”
He had no idea what she was talking about. “That’s ridiculous. No one’s to blame for that.”
“I am. You said the asthma was hereditary. He inherited it from me.” She crossed her arms and looked at the floor. “I had a little brother. His name was Ronnie. He had asthma. He died when he was six.”
Clay’s heart wrenched. “I didn’t know. How old were you at the time?”
“Eight.”
Clay took a step toward her. “That must have been—”
She faced him, her eyes filled with pain. “It was my fault he died.”
She couldn’t be serious. “You were a child.”
Melody turned away, wringing her hands. “He had an attack, and he couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t help him.” Her voice broke.
Clay wanted to go to her, but he sensed she was too fragile to accept his comfort right now. “Where was your mother?”
Melody wiped her eyes. “Um. Mom left us alone. She did that a lot. She’d been gone two days when Ronnie had the attack. He didn’t have any medicine, our phone didn’t work and I couldn’t do anything to save him.”
Clay’s chest constricted. “I’m so sorry. That’s a horrible thing for a child to go through.”
She shrugged. “That’s when I went into foster care. When I was fourteen, I came to live with Mama Kay, and my whole life changed.”
His heart hurt for her, but he had to ask. “I still don’t understand why you left, Melody.”
She turned and faced him. “I’m the reason Eli has asthma now. He inherited it from me. I couldn’t save my brother from his asthma attack—what if I can’t save Eli? It’s too big a risk. He’s better off without me. All he needs is you.”
Clay went to her, taking her shoulders in his hands. “That is not true,” he protested. “It’s just something that happened. No one’s to blame. For all you know, he could have inherited his asthma from a distant relative of mine.”
He pulled her around to face him. “Melody, you’re not making sense. Eli won’t be left alone, and he’ll have everything he needs. I’m new to this asthma thing, too. We can learn together how to care for Eli.”
