Love Inspired April 2021--Box Set 1 of 2, page 33
“When I was two years old, my mother and my aunt decided to take a drunken drive across the mountain. They put me in the back seat of the car with no car seat and no seat belt. No booster seat. I was just sitting back there when we ended up in a terrible accident.”
Compassion brought Sam her way. “Were you hurt?”
She nodded. “Seriously hurt. My head, my legs, my pelvis. I was like a broken doll, lying in the woods, when Doc Mary found me. She heard the ambulance call on her scanner.” Jess pointed out a newer version of the scanner on Mary’s counter. “She got to me even before the ambulance and made sure they took me to the closest hospital first to get me stable, then to the best one.
“And every day she’d be here in Kendrick Creek saving lives and helping kids and getting folks healthy, and every single night she’d drive all the way to that hospital in Knoxville to spend time with me. Hold me. Sing to me.
“For a long time I couldn’t make sense of anything, because I was hurt so badly, but I can still remember smelling her.” She smiled and touched the pillow Jolie clutched. “Vanilla and cinnamon, like an old-fashioned cookie. And I remember her singing to me. Not the words,” she told them. “But the tunes, the feeling of being cradled. Later I realized why that felt so good.” She met Sammy’s gaze with a sad smile. “Because no one had ever cradled me or sung to me before.”
“But she did.”
“Yes. And then she adopted me and brought me home and made sure I had all the therapy I needed to get better because she loved me so much. It didn’t matter that we weren’t related, or that I had a different father and mother. It just mattered that she loved me.”
“Like our mom loved us,” said Sam softly. “And like Pops loves us.”
Jess nodded but stayed quiet because this wasn’t a contest between Shane and their father. This was a yearning for the person who should love you best to step up to the plate, and their biological father hadn’t done that in years.
“I sent him a letter.” Jolie whispered the words into the pillow. “I found an old piece of mail from a long time ago and I wrote him a letter to tell him our mom had died and we missed him.”
“I don’t miss him.” Sam’s honesty brought Jolie’s chin up slightly. “I don’t even know him. I miss my mom and I wish she didn’t die because she snuggled me every single night,” he went on. “Pops does that now, and it’s nice, but it’s different. But I don’t want another dad,” he finished honestly. “Because I’ve got Pops.”
Jolie’s chin quivered. She didn’t look at Sam. She stared beyond him, as if hoping for someone to appear, and Jess laid her hand on Jolie’s arm. “But this isn’t about Pops, is it, darling?”
Jolie darted a glance her way.
“You know Shane loves you. He’s stood by you all along, like Doc Mary did for me, but there’s that little part inside us that wants to know why our father or mother doesn’t want us. And in the end, Jolie, sometimes there are just no answers to that, and that’s when we celebrate the people who do love us. Who care for us, who shrug off our mistakes, who gather us in, who set the good example. Because in the end, it’s the love that matters. Not the biology.”
Knuckles strained white, Jolie clutched the pillow. She didn’t look at Jess. Or at Sam. Eyes forward, she made the whole thing clear. “I just don’t know why someone wouldn’t want their own little boy. Or little girl. But maybe when you have a different family, the old one doesn’t matter so much.” Her lower lip trembled. “When I read a book about a happy family, I want to be that family. With a mom and a dad and maybe a scooter. And books. Lots of books.” She sighed, still looking ahead.
Sam moved forward. “I think about that, too,” he whispered. “When I think about how Mom won’t ever see me play soccer or go fishing or make the best card towers ever. And then I wonder if she’ll see us from Heaven. No one knows, and I think what a sad thing if you can’t even see your own little kids from Heaven. So how can it be happy up there? But Pops told me God’s way is smarter than even the smartest person and that He’s got different things, different ways. And that God will get it right, even if we get sick and our bodies get it wrong.”
The simplicity of Shane’s explanation to the boy touched Jess. He believed in the will of God but understood the frailty of a mortal life.
“He loves you.”
Sam nodded and drew closer to Jess’s side. “He always says that. A lot. And maybe I don’t even want to meet a different dad because maybe I’ve got the best one ever.” He spoke to Jess, but his eyes searched Jolie’s reaction.
Jolie stared forward for a few more seconds. Then, slowly, her fingers loosened their grip on the pillow. She looked at Sam and sighed. “I love Pops, too,” she whispered. Her voice caught on the words, but she went on. “I just thought in my head that if our very own dad found out that Mom died, he’d come to rescue us.”
“Like a hero.”
Her eyes met Jess’s. “Yes.”
“But maybe it’s the everyday heroes we have in our lives that are the best,” said Jess. “The ones we don’t notice because they never make us wait.”
A shadow lifted from Jolie’s gaze. “Because they love us every day. No matter what.”
“No matter what.” This time Jess reached out and hugged the girl, and Jolie let her. And when she was done, she gestured to the kitchen. “Baking therapy is key,” she told both kids. “There’s something about creating wonderful food that makes the day shine brighter, and those brownies aren’t about to make themselves. You in?”
Sam nodded quickly. “I’m in!”
Jolie wasn’t as fast, but she set the pillow down after a few seconds. “Can we add chocolate chips?”
“If Mom’s got some, we can add them,” Jess promised. She stood and when Jolie took the hand Jess offered, her touch meant something more than fancy titles and big offices. It meant love and trust, and Jess realized nothing could be better than that.
* * *
Jolie was trying to find her father.
Jess’s quiet text had knocked Shane for a loop because he knew Rod Sauer. The guy was a jerk and a deserter, but he’d kept his opinions to himself for years because why spoil a kid’s image of their parent? That seemed petty because actions would speak for themselves.
But he’d just realized that kids were different. Jolie’s active imagination had put Rod on a much higher pedestal than the guy deserved, but how could Shane make that clear and not be a jerk himself?
And should he bring this up or let Jolie approach him? The question was answered later that evening. Sam had fallen asleep on the couch and Shane had carried him up to bed. When he came down, Jolie was perched on the edge of the sofa, waiting.
He pulled a small chair up and took a seat. “What’s up, darlin’? Can’t sleep?”
His usual prescription for sleeplessness was cocoa and a story, but the kids had mostly outgrown bedtime stories.
Jolie stood. She wrung her hands then took a deep breath. “I wrote to my father.”
“Oo...kay.” He dragged out the word, waiting for more. A mixture of penitence and confusion shadowed her face, but she clearly had something to say and intended to say it. Shane hunched forward, listening.
“I did it last summer,” she confessed.
That long ago? And not a word. Shane watched her struggle, at a loss for how to help because Rod had made it clear that he’d wanted nothing to do with his wife or kids. Ever. But that wasn’t information Shane or Chrissie had wanted to share with two beloved children.
“I kept waiting for him to come see us.” Her voice went soft. “I figured when he realized that Mommy was in Heaven, that he’d want to see us. At least visit us,” she added, as if explaining it more to herself than to him. “Not because I didn’t love you,” she declared, worry drawing her brows together. “I love you so much, Pops. And it wasn’t even that I wanted to leave you, it was just wanting my mom or my dad to be around and love me. Love us,” she added with a glance toward the stairs.
“Have you heard from him?” Shane asked. He didn’t mention that Rod had signed off rights to the kids years ago, leaving Shane free to adopt them when Chrissie passed away.
She shook her head. “I waited and waited and kept watching. I thought he’d write to us.”
Her pinched face underscored the anguish of no contact.
“Then I thought maybe the address was wrong, so I looked him up on Nettie’s computer.”
“While I applaud your resourcefulness, you know that there’s a lot of stuff on the internet that’s dangerous for children, honey. You could have stumbled into some rough stuff,” he reminded her.
“I know, but we saw a mystery thing on TV and that’s what they did. They just typed a name and a city into the search thing and found the person.”
“So you found him?”
Jolie breathed deeply and nodded. “I wrote to the new address and told him we were with you, that Mom was gone, and I gave him our address and told him I wanted to see him again. I kept hoping he’d show up for my birthday.”
Jolie had turned ten in October.
“And then I thought maybe Christmas.”
Of course, there’d been no visit or communication, so another disappointment. No wonder she’d seemed so glum with the holidays. He’d assumed it was memories of her mother weighing her down. The empty seat at the table. But it was the other empty seat, and he’d never given that a thought.
“Jolie, I’m sorry.” He reached out for her, but she stood just far enough away to maintain her distance.
“I made Sammy promise not to tell.”
“He knows?”
“Yes. But he didn’t care, Pops. Not like I did, and I don’t even know why I cared so much.” Her hands fisted as she fought tears. “I think I just wanted to be normal, like kids in storybooks, and then we had to come here real quick and I just kept thinking that maybe he was up there, in Maryland, looking for us and couldn’t find us and it made him sad. Or he thought I was a liar or something. And I don’t ever tell lies, Pops. You know that.”
“Oh, darlin’.” He tugged her into his arms, even if she didn’t want it, because her pain was his pain. “Not everyone loves being a parent, Jolie. It’s weird, but it’s true, and sometimes folks don’t realize that until after they’ve already got kids. So maybe that’s what happened with your dad.”
“Except he’s got a little boy.”
Shane had to work double time to shove down the anger that rose in his throat.
“I saw a picture of him with my dad and a lady, and they looked happy. So then I thought maybe it was just us he didn’t like.”
How could he tell this beautiful, amazing child that her father would probably do the same thing to this new family at the first sign of trouble?
He couldn’t. “I count my blessings every day, JoJo.” The use of her old nickname inspired a thin smile. “And right there at the top of the list is you and your brother. You make the long days of working worthwhile. When I look at you and see your mama’s smile and her pretty golden hair, I realize that while my sister is in God’s arms, I’ve got the most perfect parts of her right here with me. Her children.
“So don’t ever think that I don’t love you as much as anyone could, honey. You and Sam mean the world to me. But if you want me to help track down your father and make contact with him, I will.” He met and held her gaze deliberately. “I don’t know what the outcome will be, but I’d do it for you, Jolie. Anytime.”
She leaned into him then.
The distance created over the last six months dissolved in one honest conversation. She leaned against him and let him hold her. Talk to her. Parent her. And when he handed her a clutch of tissues from the nearby box, she snuffled, blew her nose and snuffled again. “I’m sorry, Pops.”
“For wanting to be loved?”
She frowned. “I guess.”
“Nothing to apologize for there, darlin’.” He snugged her close and stroked her hair. “We all want to be loved. Every last one of us.”
“But what about when people leave?”
He thrust a brow up and waited.
“Maybe I’m just tired of saying goodbye to people. Like loving them and having them leave. It’s like I don’t even know if I want to love people anymore, you know?”
He bit back a sigh because Jess had nailed this completely, a combination of loss, fear and immaturity.
He held her close. “I know, honey. I know. No one wants to say goodbye to someone they love.”
She sighed against his chest, and that sigh punctuated the decision he had to make. Sam and Jolie had seen enough loss in their young lives. Its impact had hit Jolie hard, so how could he put them right back in harm’s way with Jess and her mom?
He couldn’t.
But that didn’t make the decision any easier because the last thing he wanted to do was to give Jess up again. And yet it was the only choice a loving father would dare to make.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Twelve very long days.
That’s how long it had been since Jess had seen Shane other than from a distance across the road.
She’d been busy, sure. And he was swamped with work. But she was right across the street. If he wanted to stop by to see her, he could.
That could only mean one thing: he didn’t want to.
It wasn’t easy to shove that thought aside, but she had no other choice. Flu season had resurged once the kids were back in school, and though Kendrick Creek wasn’t a big community, one doctor could only do so much. That meant she was working extra hard to keep Mary out of the office and away from germs. No way did she want her immune-compromised mother to catch any wild viral germs, so she’d put Mary on strict lockdown and had taken over the clinic.
And after sitting out the previous year’s pandemic, it felt good to be at the helm this year. As long as she didn’t think too much about Shane across the street.
Sunday afternoon loomed long and empty. Mary was resting, and Jess was pretty sure she was going to go stir crazy if she sat one more hour in the cozy house. She crossed the room, grabbed her jacket and scarf, and slipped out the front door.
Cold, crisp mountain air made her breathe deep.
The air felt good. The cold felt good, too. It was a clean cold, unsullied by crowds and traffic and packed trains. She started for the road as Devlyn’s car turned into the drive. She took one look at Jess as she turned off the car. “Walking?”
“Yes.”
“Can I come with? Jed’s over at Shane’s place and I thought I’d come pester you and your mom.”
Jess hadn’t realized how much she wanted someone else’s company until Devlyn made the offer. “I’d love that, Dev.”
“It’s fairly pleasant for January, I’ll say that,” Devlyn began as she fell into step going down the extended driveway. “I view January and February as months to get through, then March comes along with just enough tease and promise to make me breathe full again. Around the middle of the month, anyway.”
“It’s chilly until mid-April in Manhattan,” noted Jess. “We get a few nice days here and there, but if you miss them because you were working a double or sleeping after a double, you might wait a couple of weeks for the next one.”
“I can’t even.” Devlyn made a face of disbelief. “I like my warm weather, Jess. But I expect the city is fun.”
It had been. She’d loved it for a long time. It had suited her, and she wasn’t sure when that had stopped being the case, but knew it was before her cancer diagnosis. So why hadn’t she ducked out sooner?
She knew why now. Being here had opened her eyes, and maybe her heart. She’d been so focused on the top rung that she hadn’t paid attention to the climb. A foolish mistake on her part. “It used to be, but I realized I was ready to move on even before they gave my job away to someone less qualified and not sick.”
“Oh. Ouch.”
“And my headhunter—”
“Excuse me?”
“A job recruiter.”
“Ah. Got it.”
“She sent my resumé to some great hospitals. Cleveland, Baltimore and Pittsburgh,” she listed, but Devlyn interrupted her.
“The South doesn’t need great doctors?” It was the same question Mary had posed weeks before. “Because I’m pretty sure we do.”
“Emory and Duke are on the list, too.”
“So you’re leaving? For sure?”
“Eventually, yes.” The sadness in Devlyn’s voice thinned Jess’s resolve. “That’s always been the plan.”
“I know, Jess.” Devlyn walked alongside her as they turned toward town. “From the time you were a kid, you loved the idea of big cities and crazy traffic.” Devlyn sighed, then shoulder-nudged Jess good-naturedly. “Ignore me. It’s just been nice having you and Shane back. A part of me remembered how things used to be and I got all nostalgic.”
Nostalgic for Kendrick Creek?
Jess would have scoffed at that notion a few weeks ago. Not now.
“I hoped you’d take over Mary’s practice and teach us all how to be better versions of ourselves.”
“This coming from a woman with a bumper sticker that says ‘We don’t care how they do it in New York.’” Jess sent her an amused look.
“That came with the car, although it’s not an uncommon sentiment. How soon will you be leaving?”
Jess chose her answer carefully. “Waiting on interviews.”
“And Mary’s health.”
Jess winced. “She thinks it’s a secret.”
Devlyn tucked her arm through Jess’s, like they used to do as girls. “I know. She likes her privacy, but a woman who never takes a vacation left for nearly three weeks last winter. That was my red flag, and I saw her fatigue at the fire. She kept going because that’s who she is, but I saw it. Is it bad, Jess?”
