Last Chance Texas, page 22
Lifting herself from the floor, she dragged herself toward the bathroom.
When she got to the medicine cabinet, she opened it, nearly knocking the Mizpah hanging from the cabinet to the floor. Picking up the bottle of sleeping pills, she slowly began counting them.
~ ~ ~
“Kelsey, open the damn door or we’re calling the cops.” Meredith jiggled the doorknob to Kelsey’s apartment as Rachel pounded the door with both her fists.
“I’m so worried about her I could die.” Rachel barely got the words out before she broke down.
“One more time and then we’re taking action.” Meredith didn’t realize how loud she was hollering until someone from the next apartment began pounding on the wall.
“Please, God. Let her be all right.” Rachel uttered the words in hushed tones, her head now bowed in what appeared to be prayer. No way. Rachel was praying? So you could take the girl out of the church, but not the church out of the girl. Go figure.
There was complete silence as the door handle clicked twice. The two women stared at one another, both inhaling sharply at the same time. And then it opened.
“What the heck do you think you’re doing?” Kelsey stood in the doorway looking totally disheveled. Her hair was tangled and the dark circles under her eyes so prominent she didn’t even look like herself. As Kelsey stared at the two of them, her dark eyes appeared almost colorless; the rims around them a deep shade of crimson.
Rachel shoved the door completely open, pushing Kelsey back inside. “Geez, Kelsey. You scared the shit out of us.”
“What are you—”
“Kelsey, just hush up and listen for one, will you? Nathan called. The man was absolutely frantic. Said you found out something about Mimi. I could barely make out what he was saying, something about harming yourself.” After Meredith stopped to catch her breath, Kelsey grabbed her friend, and placed both hands squarely on Meredith’s shoulders.
“I’m fine. Nothing happened.” Kelsey quickly escorted both women into the living room to give them an accounting.
Before anyone sat down, both Rachel and Meredith scurried over to the couch, each grabbing one of Kelsey’s arms. Arms linked, they all sat down in unison. In spite of how upset she was, Kelsey felt herself smiling as she thought of the final scene in a Mary Tyler Moore rerun where the entire cast links arms and shuffles across a room.
~ ~ ~
“You were going to harm yourself, weren’t you?” Rachel was glaring at her now, a look so intense it would have scared the mafia.
“No, no. I would never do that.” Kelsey spoke softly, trying her best to reassure everyone, just as she always did. When Meredith dipped her head slightly, cocking one eye, pressing Kelsey for more detail, the truth finally came out. “I thought about it for a few seconds. But then . . .”
Overcome by the events that had occurred within the span of a few hours, Kelsey broke down again, releasing the pent-up emotions. Sobs wracked through her as Rachel and Meredith both wrapped their arms about her, rocking her weary body. Rachel began patting Kelsey’s back, trying to sooth her, just as you would a small child.
“I’ll make us some tea.” After Rachel spoke, she rose from the couch. Kelsey quickly stopped her. “I gather since Mere spoke to Nathan, you already know about Mimi.”
Rachel glanced over at Meredith, and when Meredith nodded, she said, “Yes, he told Mere the news. We’re so sorry, baby. So very sorry you had to find out this way.”
“I’m pretty sure Nathan knew. He said he didn’t, but I have my suspicions.” She heard the bitterness in her own voice and decided not to press the matter. The girls would no doubt side with him, and that was the last thing she needed.
Rachel reached over and patted the top of Kelsey’s head. “I honestly don’t know, but I’m going to make us that tea.” Glancing over at Meredith, she added, “You stay with her. I don’t want her out of your site. Understood?”
Kelsey watched Rachel hurry to the kitchen, trying to wrap her brain around how she’d suddenly become such a risk to herself.
~ ~ ~
Nathan had been on the road for nearly an hour when Meredith finally called him back. He got right to the point. “Is Kelsey okay? That’s all I want to know.”
“Yes, Nathan. As would be expected, she’s devastated about finding out her parents have been lying to her about Mimi. But she’s doing okay. We finally got her to eat something.”
He felt the very same emotions washing through him as he’d felt when they found Jessica after she’d run off. “That’s wonderful news.” Although he wanted to say more, the words wouldn’t come.
“Listen, Nathan. You really don’t need to drive all this way out to be with her. She’s going to be all right.”
“Did she say she didn’t want me to come?” Frustration bubbled up inside him as he struggled to keep a cool head. Truthfully, he didn’t give a rip whether or not Kelsey wanted to see him. He was coming to Dallas anyway.
“No, she didn’t. I just thought that it’s such a long drive for you.”
“Wild horses couldn’t stop me. I’ll be there in about six or seven hours.”
“Nathan, just how fast are you driving?” Meredith was suddenly sounding like a mother hen.
“I’m the only one on the road, Mere. It’s all good.”
She laughed at his remark. But the laughter soon stopped, and Meredith’s tone grew serious. “Kelsey’s been through a lot, Nathan. There’s so much she hasn’t told you. But she’s going to be all right. This is a setback. That’s all. Kelsey always lands on her feet.”
“She’s fragile, Meredith. If anyone should know that, it’s you. I’m going to make damn sure nothing like this ever happens to her again.”
Meredith didn’t respond to the comment, and he suspected she wasn’t on board with his take charge attitude.
“Don’t smother her, Nathan. She’s a free spirit. If you try and protect her too much, she’ll pull away.”
“I just want to help.”
“Nathan, there’s a great deal about Kelsey that you don’t know. She’s not ready for a relationship. Not with you. Not with anyone. The best thing you can do is just give her space.”
They talked for another minute before he hung up the phone. And as he drove through the vast Texas countryside, he wondered just exactly what Kelsey was keeping from him.
~ ~ ~
Kelsey rolled back over on her side as she struggled to go back to sleep. Meredith and Rachel sat across the room from her, each perched on a chair. They’d been vigilant, rarely leaving her side. No president could have asked for better security than this.
“Feel up to talking?” Meredith had been watching her but now stood up and began walking over to the bed. As she got closer, Kelsey sat up, brushing several strands of hair away from her eyes.
Meredith’s perfect hair had several strands out of whack, something that rarely happened. She looked worried, and Kelsey realized she’d given everyone quite a scare; including herself.
“I wouldn’t have gone through with it, you know.”
“We’re not going to sweep this under the rug, Kelsey.”
“No, we’re not. I did get the sleeping pills out of the medicine cabinet. But when I started counting them, I got scared. Really scared. I’ve never done anything like that before, I swear.” She glanced over at both Rachel and Meredith who sat stone-faced, shaking their heads.
“I know you aren’t buying any of this, but when I thought about Mimi, about all she suffered throughout her life, I couldn’t go through with it. Even though I hate the fact she gave me up, there’s a part of me who feels sorry for her. I kept thinking about how heartbroken she’d be if I did something as selfish as ending my life.”
Meredith bent down and wrapped her arms about Kelsey’s neck. “Look at you. You’ve just gone to hell and back, and here you are, worrying about Mimi.”
“I could never give up a child. Not in a million years. I don’t understand how anyone could do that.” Kelsey could hear the judgmental tone in her voice as she spoke, but after what she’d gone through, the notion of giving up a child seemed ludicrous.
“Kelsey. Mimi didn’t just give you away randomly. She gave you to a sister who couldn’t have children. And no matter how you feel right now about your parents, they absolutely adore you. You’re the center of their universe, Kelsey. If you can’t forgive them, it’ll break their hearts. You’ve got to square things with them. If you don’t, you’ll end up punishing yourself.” Meredith stared at Kelsey as she spoke, as though waiting for the assurance that Kelsey was at least trying to understand.
“I’ve learned a lot about myself through all of this. Although, it’s been one hell of a learning curve.” Kelsey tried to smile, but ended up starting to cry again.
Meredith reached over, wiping away the tears. “What have you learned, Kels? Because, in the end, that’s what really counts.”
“I should’ve gone to counseling after I lost the baby.” In spite of how difficult the admission was, Kelsey forced herself to continue talking about it. “Instead of facing my problems head on, I avoided them. I honestly thought time would heal me, but I was wrong.”
“We’ll help you find someone to talk to. There are lots of good therapists around.” Rachel’s concern touched her deeply.
“I behaved badly after I lost the baby. But through it all, the two of you have really stood by me. I can’t believe some of the stunts I pulled.”
“People react differently to loss, Kels. Everyone needs to find their own way.” Meredith patted Kelsey’s arm several times after she said it, and for a brief moment, she felt better.
It was the comment Rachel made that set Kelsey back on edge. “Nathan’s on his way up here? He left late last night.” As Meredith shot her a warning look, Rachel shrugged.
Kelsey considered that at least one of the girls should have intervened and stopped him from wasting his time driving clear out to Dallas. “That’s probably not a great idea. You should have stopped him.”
Meredith threw back her head and laughed, nearly snorting as she struggled to get the words out. “You try stopping a 6-foot-4, 220-pound cowboy. The man told me in no uncertain terms that he was coming to see you and he wouldn’t take no for an answer.”
“It’s ridiculous for him to drive all this way.”
“You get that the guy’s in love with you, right?” Meredith gazed directly into Kelsey’s eyes after she said it, as though waiting for her to say something.
“I need to get myself squared away before I get into any type of relationship.”
“If I was a betting woman, I’d say that once you sort everything out, he’ll be there waiting for you.” Meredith’s eyes welled up as she spoke, and for several seconds, Kelsey couldn’t think of a single thing to say.
She considered arguing the point, insisting that Nathan should stay away. But she didn’t.
~ ~ ~
When Nathan arrived at Kelsey’s apartment early the next morning, he couldn’t decide which exhausted him more; an eight-hour drive after putting in a full day’s work, or the close call Kelsey had. Maybe it was a bit of both.
He followed Meredith down the hall leading to Kelsey’s bedroom, wondering what he’d say to her. Meredith stepped back, motioning him inside. “I think the two of you need to talk things out. I’ll be in the kitchen if you need me.”
As he entered the room, he walked softly so as not to disturb her. He looked about the room, feeling a certain déjà vu. The curtains were drawn, the lights all turned off. It served as a grim reminder of the way he’d kept his room after Michele passed. He’d closed himself off from the world, and darkening the room seemed to make time stand still. Maybe the same was true of Kelsey.
She lay asleep now, curled up in a fetal position, her hands folded together, pressed against her face. The expression on her face was one of total vulnerability. He studied her for several seconds, struggling for just the right words.
She’d no doubt been to hell and back finding out that Mimi was her mother. He was struggling himself to forgive his mother for keeping the secret. But now wasn’t the time to question people’s motives.
He chewed on his lower lip, wondering if Kelsey ever thought about him; ever thought about their time together. Mainly, he wondered if she ever reflected back to the night they’d made love. Or, as Kelsey referred to it as, their ‘one-night stand.’
When he sat down next to her, the bed groaned beneath his weight.
“Nathan.” Kelsey looked up at him, a pinched expression on her face. Finally, her mouth formed into a tiny smile. The redness around the rims of those chocolate eyes told him she’d probably spent most of the night crying.
“Hey there.” Nothing more came to him, so he sat quietly by her bedside, waiting for her to say something.
“I must look a sight.” She sat up quickly, brushing a hand through her hair.
He reached for her hand and pressed it to his lips. “You look beautiful to me, Kels.”
“Been taking charm lessons from your friend, Jake?” Her comment came as a huge relief. She still had that sardonic sense of humor intact.
“Feel up to talking?”
She sighed after he asked, and he suspected she’d turn down his offer. To his surprise, she began sharing with him all that had happened.
“I confronted my parents about Mimi. They finally broke down and confessed that they’d lied to me all these years about Mimi. And after that, things soured pretty quickly.”
Unable to watch Kelsey bear this burden alone, he stretched out his arms to her, praying she’d let him comfort her. She moved closer and leaned against him. It felt like the most natural thing in the world, holding her like this, listening to the tiny hitch in her voice as she shuddered several times.
He held her for several minutes, stroking her, touching her, wanting her more than he thought humanly possible. “I didn’t find out that Mimi was your mother until yesterday, Kelsey. I swear it.”
“Would you have bothered telling me if you’d known?”
Her question didn’t really take him by surprise. Kelsey had a way of holding people accountable for their actions; questioning their motives at any given opportunity.
“I don’t know, Kelsey. Eventually I’d have come clean, but to be honest, seeing you hurt this much isn’t sitting well with me.” He watched the way she squinted, as though trying to decide if he’d given her the answer she wanted. Taking a deep breath, he continued. “I’d like to think we’d have talked about it together when I thought you were ready.”
“You can’t always protect the people you care about, Nathan.” The instant she said it, he thought back to how desperately he’d tried to keep his wife from dying. And later, how he’d struggled to protect his stepdaughter from the judgmental remarks the townspeople made during her pregnancy.
“I’ve been thinking about why Mimi would give me away. But then, Meredith said that I need to remember that she didn’t just give me to anyone. She gave me to her sister who couldn’t have children. And I find that reassuring.” When she stared up at him, her eyes searching his, he fought the urge to kiss all the hurt away.
“Have you spoken to your parents, Kelsey? Since, well, since they told you.”
“Yes, I have.” She released his hold on her and pulled away. “But I’ve asked them to wait a few days before coming over. I’m not ready to see them. Not just yet.”
“It’s a start, Kelsey.”
She exhaled several times, let out a sigh, and then leaned back against him, closing her eyes. “I’m really glad you’re here, Nathan. Really, I mean it.”
I’ll always be here for you, Kels. Always.
Within a minute, she’d nodded off again. He gazed down at her long lashes fluttering as she dreamed. He struggled to try and figure out if the two of them had a future. Of course, as things stood, she wasn’t ready for any kind of relationship. Especially now. An old adage his dad always used came to him: ‘timing is everything.’ And for now, the timing was off. And maybe with him and Kelsey, it always would be.
Chapter 17
Late that afternoon Kelsey awakened to feel Nathan’s strong arms wrapped about her. “I must have slept for a long time. One minute I see you walking into the room, and the next thing I know, I’m zonked out.”
“I never claimed to be much of a conversationalist.” Nathan’s ability to poke fun at himself made her smile.
But as the two of them locked gazes, she decided now would be the perfect opportunity to find out what Nathan knew about her aunt. He’d been less than forthcoming at the cemetery, but she had the feeling this time would be different. This time, he’d level with her.
She studied him closing, noticing the worry lines about his mouth. He was exhausted; that much was clear. But then, the man had driven all night to see her and then stayed up with her once he arrived.
Her quest to find out about her aunt began diminishing when she his eyes flutter several times. The man needed sleep. Her questions about Mimi could wait.
“Nathan, you really should get some sleep.”
Dismissing her advice, he raked a hand through his hair. “I can always sleep, Kelsey.”
She smiled at the remark, suspecting she’d get halfway through a sentence before he nodded off. But that wasn’t the case. He stared directly into her eyes and asked something totally unexpected. “I think finding out Mimi was your mother was just the tip of the iceberg. I think there’s a lot you haven’t told me about yourself.”
