The Civilized Guide to Tabletop Gaming, page 9
Be Good at Breaking Up
Sometimes personalities clash. Sometimes as you get to know the dynamics within a group, it becomes evident that certain individuals are as useful and positive as a turd in a punchbowl. Maybe they’re bad losers or terrible winners. Maybe they’re Incredible Sulks or rules lawyers. Maybe they’re just gossipy Gladyses. They’ve been warned, over and over. They’ve promised to change but haven’t delivered.
If it’s your group, it’s up to you to handle it. Sometimes you have to break up with a player on behalf of your group, for the sake of the group. If you don’t know how to break up with someone and haven’t mastered the “It’s not me, it’s you” line, then you’ll appreciate this section. In an ideal world, you’d never need this stuff, but we all know how imperfect this world is. Here are some steps to follow if things come to a point where breaking up is all you can do.
Give the Player a Chance to Change
Talk to the player and give him an informal verbal warning before any specific disciplinary action is taken. Talk to the player about what he’s specifically doing that is detracting from the fun of the rest of the group—don’t blame, but just talk about what can be done moving forward.
Playing the Game
Is there a nice way to tell someone to stop being a dick? Yes. I’ve had this type of uncomfortable conversation with folks in the past, which seems uncomfortable but is really just a casual conversation. Here’s what the conversation looked like:
“So Kevin, we’ve noticed that you’ve tended to raise your voice at whomever you’re playing whenever you’re losing the game. I understand, as I’ve felt those same things you’ve felt hundreds of times over. I know you know as much as I do that your opponents don’t want to make you mad, and they don’t control your dice. I know you’re a good person and can help keep this place positive, so I’m going to ask you to help us here and just be more aware of how you talk to everyone else, and stop yelling at people, even when the game isn’t going your way. Do you think you can do that?”
The point is to have people recognize problematic behavior while not being confrontational. What helps make the conversation easier and more palatable is that it expresses empathy and understanding, and it invites the person to join in with the rest of the group rather than isolating the offender for her poor behavior. People respond better to that kind of feedback than one full of blame, which just breeds resentment.
Write Things Down
If you’ve given an informal warning and the player hasn’t followed it, sometimes a written warning outlining behavioral expectations will make things clear. You can also outline consequences if the player has another infraction. Consider suggesting the problem player take a break from the group to give everybody some cooling-off time. Sometimes distance makes things better.
Sometimes Breakups Are Good
If a player continues to behave poorly and makes the gaming experience worse for other players, it’s time to break up. By this point you’ve moved past discussion. Sometimes the conversation is as simple as, “This isn’t working. I’m sorry but we can’t continue gaming with you.”
Sometimes a player may decide that the group isn’t the right fit for him and chooses to no longer participate after having either a verbal or written warning.
However the breakup goes down, breaking up with a player isn’t a comfortable situation, but the discomfort of it is significantly less than the discomfort of gaming with someone who is undermining the group’s fun.
Chapter Six
Hosting Game Nights: Your Martha Stewart LARP Adventure
Live-action role-playing (LARP) as the homemaking host or hostess may seem like a daunting task, but hosting gaming night is a fantastic opportunity to share gaming with friends into the early morning hours, without worrying about how late your FLGS stays open or how to get home on public transit.
The rules in this chapter are intended to help you get through a night unscathed, without having harm done to your home, your games, or your friendships. Grab an apron, skip the casserole, and get rolling.
A Quick Note on Invitations
When inviting people over to your hosted game night, be clear about the arrival time and when dice will start rolling. Be clear about what games will be played, if that’s settled, or if your guests should bring a game to share. Let people know ahead of time if they need to bring something (whether that be dice or food) so they don’t show up unprepared.
Plan the Right Kind of Gaming Night
When hosting a game night, the key rule is to do things that make hosting enjoyable for you rather than stressful. If you’re not having fun at your own gaming night, there’s a serious problem. Sometimes having a structure to a gaming night makes it easier to host, especially since you can know what you need to do to make it happen.
Following are a few ideas to help structure your own gaming night:
The Game Potluck
Everyone who is able brings a game to share and play. You can set up several different tables to play the various games on. People mix and mingle throughout the night. Break the night out into a few sections so games should wrap up around the same time and people can try other games. Feel free to also ask guests to bring something to eat, to go with the potluck theme.
The Theme Night
You give your guests a theme for the evening, which is mirrored in both the food and games. A zombie-themed game night is great for Halloween, with games like Zombie Dice and Zombicide on the game menu and undead Halloween treats and eats for the food portion. Similarly, a Japanese-themed night might include games like Sushi Go!, Machi Koro, and King of Tokyo with sushi, noodles, and sake served for noshing.
The Campaign Night
If you’re hosting a campaign in your home (whether RPG or some other kind), having a sustainable schedule and manageable task list for yourself is the key to success for longevity. Keep a set schedule if regular gaming is going to occur weekly or monthly. Have people come an hour before to eat and set up, and have the game start rolling at a regular time, with a regular end time. Building predictability into the schedule and making preparations beforehand makes RPG nights fit into people’s lives, not just for the players or DMs, but also for you as the host.
The Party Game Night
This is a great structure if you’re looking to have a small house party that also includes gaming, because many tabletop games don’t support more than six players. Spend an evening playing a number of games that are relatively short, have high replayability, and support large numbers. This gives natural breaks for people to see to their needs, mingle, and nibble on the food, and it gives people a chance to step out from playing without impacting the other people present who want to play.
No matter how you structure your game night, you want to make sure that you are able to enjoy yourself as much as your guests.
Protect Your Friendships by Protecting Your Games
I love the feel of a new board game. There’s always an excitement, quickly tempered by having to pop out what feels like an infinite number of tokens, markers, and other accessories from their cardboard sheets.
And then there’s the twenty-plus-page rulebook that you have to read.
While tiresome, there is no better way to show your games love than to take the time to protect them. Games are a significant investment—even small-box games that easily fit in a pocket or purse can cost upward of $30.
Games are the things you’re more likely to want to pass down to future generations rather than destroy by loving them too much. In terms of assets, the value of my tabletop gaming collection easily exceeds the value of my car (and will probably be better appreciated in forty years’ time).
Yes, paper and cardboard will eventually deteriorate, but there are ways to slow that and fortify your games against the act of being handled, played, and even flipped (it happens).
There are a few things you’ll want to have on hand when you first crack open a modern board game:
Card sleeves in appropriate sizes
Rubber bands or hair elastics (I favor hair elastics because they’re gentler on cards)
Snack- and sandwich-sized ziptop bags
Small binder clips or paper clips
Matte spray lacquer (optional)
Most if not all the items listed should be available at your FLGS, craft store, or dollar store.
Because we handle cards and our hands are covered in natural oils and moisture, they break down first, so sleeving them substantially increases their longevity.
Most cards are standard sizes, like phone-charging cables. Further, most games will tell you on the back of the box what size of cards are contained inside, making it easy to buy appropriately sized card sleeves. The most common size of cards is standard size—the size of cards for collectible card games like Magic: The Gathering. There are also standard and mini-sized card sleeves for European games and American games, as well as oversized cards, referred to as tarot-sized.
Even if your card sleeve doesn’t fit perfectly, you’re better off with cards that are inside sleeves than ones that are not. There’s no board game police who will come knocking at your door because you decided to put your mini cards into standard card sleeves since that’s what you had on hand. You can always get better-fitting ones later.
In many games, cards are separated into different uses; this is where your elastics and clips come in. Separate out the cards by their groupings and bind them together using either an elastic band if there are handfuls of cards or clips if there are just a few. This not only helps keep your box organized but helps make setup of future games a lot faster.
All those pushed-out tokens need a home, and that’s what the ziptop bags are for. Sometimes games include bags, sometimes they don’t, so having some on hand is always a good idea. Again, separate the tokens by their uses within the game for easier future game setup.
If you have a large board, game tiles, or other cardboard components you want to protect, give them a spray with some matte spray lacquer—I prefer Testors Spray Lacquer Dullcote. One or two thin coats won’t affect the look of the board, but it will provide some protection from drops of liquid, greasy fingers, and the occasional wipe down, which is always a good thing.
When Accidents Happen
Sometimes things happen to our beloved board games. Components get lost, boards get damaged, accidents happen. In situations like this, the first thing to do is reach out to the game publisher. If the game is still in print, many publishers will happily send replacement components for their games that have been lost or damaged, often for free.
A good host is always prepared. Paper towels should always be at the ready in case something gets knocked over or spilled. If any paper components get wet, dry them as best as possible. Sticky, sugary drinks can typically be sopped up initially, and then the sticky residue that remains can be wiped away with a baby wipe (I’ll get to the importance of them later). Wood and plastic components are generally easily wiped or washed.
With all that said, don’t expect to be able to pick up the game where you left off. Picking up the game board and pulling off game pieces to protect them will disrupt the game so much that you may have to reset the game or start a different game if it’s later into the evening.
A spilled drink doesn’t have to be a catastrophe if it’s dealt with immediately. Just don’t expect to be able to go back in time when it comes to playing the game from when the drink was spilled.
Consider Your Gaming Space and Furnishings
A good host considers how many guests she’ll have and prepares for that number, whether that’s for a dinner party where you have to figure out how much shrimp to serve or a gaming night where you need to know how many chairs and how big a table you’ll need.
The rule is simple. Make sure each person has a reasonable amount of space to play the game around your table. There should be room for the gaming components that each person will be playing with without anyone encroaching on another player’s space.
The amount of room will differ from game to game. Some games for four can be played with as little space as the seat of a chair. Another game may require more space than a dining room table for six.
Pick the game you’ll be playing and lay it out on the table, leaving space for each player to manage his or her player components. See how it feels—the only way to know if everything will be comfortable is to see for yourself. You may realize you need to put the leaf in your table or that you’ll need to get a couple of plywood boards to put on top of the table and increase the gaming area.
You may also realize everything is fine, in which case, hooray!
Similarly, if you’re hosting a party game night, make sure there’s a reasonable amount of furniture for at least half of your guests to sit on and there’s enough room for your guests to play the games you’ve selected for the evening. You can presume reasonably that some invitees will not show up, and others will be mingling about or playing games in various states of standing, sitting, or laying on the floor, like Werewolf (in which the dead lie, the living sit, and the moderator stands) or Two Rooms and a Boom (where people are standing and moving between two rooms—the perfect house-party game.)
Look around and account for your gaming night needs in terms of space and furnishings—nothing is more of a party downer than having planned to play a game and realizing that there isn’t enough room to play it.
Serve Food and Drink While Avoiding Disaster
There are two fundamental truths that require food to be present at gaming nights. The first is that low blood sugar makes it impossible to have the most fun you can have, and the second is that we as humans share food to develop cooperative bonds (read: friendship).
But there’s also the undeniable fact that food can be damaging to games, and preparing food for an entire gaming night may seem overwhelming. Here are the basic rules to ensure food doesn’t end up damaging your games, and possibly your friendships.
If It Needs Utensils, Eat It Before Game Time
If it requires a vessel and utensils to eat, it’s not food to be eaten during a game. Similarly, if it’s greasy, leaky, saucy, crumby, or otherwise messy, it is not fit for consumption while gaming.
Don’t Feel Compelled to Supply All the Food
Organize with attendees to share snacks that everyone can bring. This isn’t some 1950s dinner party, where you’re expected to shake martinis and slave in the kitchen for hours as a host. It’s perfectly reasonable to host a gaming night with food provided in a potluck style. After all, you’re still doing the dishes.
Limit the Food That Is Consumed and Available During Game Time
Leave out a small selection of game-friendly snackable food. This is where 1950s homemaker skills really can pay off—great snacks for games usually come in the form of veggie sticks. Other great options include cookies and pretzels. You’ll notice all these foods are easily handled, are not greasy, and also run the gamut of snacking preferences—healthy, sweet, and salty.
Big Gulps Are Better Than Wine Glasses
So here’s the straight fact: Tippy glasses filled with colored drinks that stain are a surefire way to heartbreak on gaming night. They will inevitably ruin your games. Lidded drinks with stable bases, on the other hand, are a safe choice.
Water is the preferred liquid consumable for gaming night (both because it doesn’t induce sweating like alcohol and because it’s clear). Sometimes, of course, having something with caffeine or alcohol just makes gaming night better. Think about serving fancy water or fizzy soda water. Throw a few cranberries and slices of citrus or cucumber into a jug of water so your guests have a few options apart from soda or alcohol. Serve in heavy-bottomed glasses that are hard to knock over.
Have Breaks
Taking regular formal breaks between games or during a game to see to personal needs allows people to grab something more substantial to eat or drink if they need it or go to the bathroom. Formalizing time for self-care during gaming night will help the group’s overall stamina for gaming as well as allow people to still enjoy the munchies they want without destroying your games or feeling as though they’re interrupting play.
As humans, we’ve evolved to bond with each other over the sharing of food. But those bonds are easily shattered when the food destroys a $90 game. You want to do everything you can to avoid that, and that sometimes includes being thoughtfully restrictive about the kinds of food and drink available.
On Baby Wipes
Baby wipes are an excellent thing to have on hand for gaming night, even though you may not have a baby. They can wipe up sticky or greasy fingers, let you give a quick wipe to the table before laying down your game, and they pick up little crumbs or small spills before they turn into big things. Buy a box and keep it handy—I swear you’ll use it.
Assess Your Success
After the dust has settled on your successfully hosted gaming night, reach out to your guests to make sure they had a good time. It’s also a good idea to get a feel for what your guests thought of the games that were played. If a game is really popular, it might be a hint that you should invest in expansions. If a game isn’t so well received, find out what didn’t work. It’ll help you make better decisions about games to play in the future. It’s completely appropriate to ask your guests if they had a good time so that you can ensure the next gaming night goes off without a hitch.
