The Civilized Guide to Tabletop Gaming, page 8
Be Decisive—But Be Polite
There’s nothing more annoying than playing a game with a player who takes forever to take his game action. Don’t be that guy; be decisive, announce your action so everyone knows what you’re doing, and then take it. If you want a mulligan on an action, ask all of your opponents, and make sure they agree it’s okay. If it’s a casual game, it should be fine. Just don’t do it often because it’s poor form.
Hemming and hawing over your options, being ambiguous about what actions you’re going to take so that nobody actually knows what you did in your turn, or constantly taking an action then reversing your decision only to take another is rude and annoying. It slows down the game to the point that players may get bored and walk away from the table.
If you’re the player who hems and haws when you’ve had everyone else’s turn to plan what you’re going to do, you’re taking too long.
It’s pretty forgivable if you don’t know the game, but if this is the third time in recent memory you’ve played it, you should have it down. If you’re the kind of player whose friends are always mocking you for taking forever, here are some tips to help you improve your decisiveness and speed:
If you’re a deliberate player who takes time to think out decisions but commits to them, make a concerted effort to deliberate faster. Anticipate the play as it unfolds, and start limiting your options as your turn to act nears so you have fewer options available to you. Use a small timer to help manage your own time so those around you know you’re also sticking to it and can hold you accountable for it.
If you’re an indecisive gamer who continually questions your next move, just commit. Again, a timer may help you make a decision, so the decision you make when the timer dings is the one you’re stuck with. The best way to learn a game is to make mistakes as you go. Through your mistakes you’ll be able to measure the effectiveness of strategies.
Time is a factor when playing games, so don’t hog all of it when your turn comes around. The upside is if you play quickly, you’ll probably be able to sneak in another game or two, which is a darned sweet deal.
Handle Simultaneous Reveals Responsibly
Sometimes a single action needs to be taken by all players at the same time. For example, in Sushi Go! players draft cards for their sushi platter. These are scored at the end of the turn, where drafted cards are revealed at the same time as hands go around the table. In other games, there may be voting, revealing, or claiming actions. No matter the action, the simplest way to do it is to prepare your action, have a player count to three, and on three have all players take their single action.
The countdown ensures that a simultaneous reveal is truly simultaneous. If you don’t have a person to own the countdown, this simple mechanic turns into a hot mess fast.
If the reveal goes sideways for whatever reason (for example, a player didn’t have an action to reveal and missed out on the reveal entirely), you can redo the turn, but everyone involved gets to pick a new reveal and do it all over again. If you can, reset the turn back as far as you can. That may mean resetting the game turn partially or fully and possibly redealing cards to players.
As always when it comes to playing fair, everyone but the offending player gets a say in how far back you go with the game. Choose the option that satisfies the most. That way nobody feels unfairly picked on or disadvantaged, and you’ll nip drama and table-flipping anger in the bud.
Move Your Tokens the Right Way
In games where movement matters, the precision of execution, measurement, and facing make a huge difference in the outcome. (This is very much the case in miniature war gaming.) Thus moving your models in a way that is fair will keep accusations of unfair play to a minimum, quashing any gaming-night drama llamas.
Where movement matters, learn the rules for measurement first. Some games allow for premeasuring before moving; some games require anticipating and estimating where the token will end up. If you don’t know what’s allowed in the game you’re playing, look it up.
As when taking actions, it’s best to announce your movement. Announce which token is activating and what move action (if there are different ones available) it will be taking. Then measure it.
If you’re using a template for movement, hold the model steady first, press the movement template into the token, and steady the template. Then lift the model and move it.
If you’re using a tape measure, steady the tape measure over a part of the model and measure from that point to the end of the tape measure. Move the model, not the tape measure.
If you’re moving a token a set number of spaces on the board, as you move through a space, count up until you reach the maximum number of spaces you’re allowed to move through.
Once you’ve completed your movement, announce that it’s done. Be clear to avoid confusion.
When measuring, measure to the same point on the model when you’re first starting and finishing the move. That way you don’t get any extra movement. When in doubt, presume a model is always out of range rather than in range for whatever it needs to do (that way you don’t lose friends over a disagreement about one-sixteenth of an inch of movement).
Games that rely on movement depend on precision. Practice moving your models so you can visualize the movement and you know how to manage your hands. Turns out that moving one hand while keeping the other one perfectly still takes some practice. It also takes practice to not knock over other things while moving your models. There’s no faster way to a bad reputation at a gaming table than to cheat on your movement and knock models over while you do it. So don’t.
Chapter Five
Gaming Groups: Keeping Your Party from Killing You
One thing that sets gaming apart from other geeky hobbies is that tabletop gaming requires you to share the same space, oxygen, and experiences with another human (or a group of other humans). Because gaming necessitates social interaction, having a regular group makes gaming easier.
Moreover, the culture of gaming is very much about community. This makes your gaming group much like an adopted family. You play together, you fight each other, you die together, and you put away your toys together. That’s why you really want to make sure that your gaming group meshes well. No matter how quirky each of you are, as a group you should all get along and enjoy being together. You only have so many hours you can give yourself the gift of leisure—you don’t want to be spending it with jerks.
My own gaming group, while full of crazy characters, is like family. We’re so close that we can survive one of us slapping the other across the face and still want to hang out and be friends. That kind of friendship, forged because of gaming, is only possible because we mesh and because in the end we’re thoughtful of each other.
And that’s especially important when you have one player whose dice are so bad he’s pretty much a gaming group’s nemesis in any RPG scenario. (In case you were wondering, it’s Nathan. It’s always Nathan.)
Here are some guidelines to help you keep your gaming family healthy and functional.
Treat Your Group Sort of Like You’re Dating
There’s a certain dynamic within gaming groups—every person brings a unique element. You meet people, you regularly hang out, and you generally like being in each other’s company. Like dating, there are a few rules to follow.
Be Open to New Experiences
When you’re going out on a date with someone you like you may do things out of your comfort zone, like eat weird cheeses or go to a bar you only know by reputation. In those cases, the person you’re with matters more than the food or the venue. Same goes for your gaming group: You may never have played a certain game or tried a genre of game, but if you like the people you’re hanging with on gaming night, it’s worth the effort and the risk.
Do Not Bring Old Baggage or Drama to the Table
Nothing ruins a date faster than when you let old relationship baggage surface during your date. Same goes for gaming nights and ex-gaming groups. Yes, that player may remind you of someone you used to game with whom you hated, or someone else may be friends with people whom you didn’t like at your FLGS. And sure, you may have had some pretty traumatic experiences playing Power Grid. But that’s in the past. Growing beyond those experiences is why you’re out gaming with new people. Don’t let that drama and baggage keep you from having a good time.
Be Yourself, but Be Your Best Self
Don’t pretend to be somebody you’re not—faking a personality or being inauthentic to try to impress other people is the direct path to being unhappy and making others unhappy with you. That said, be your best self—the self who follows reasonable gaming and social etiquette (as we’ve covered so far), is thoughtful and considerate of others, and is genial and positive enough for people to want to be around.
Pay for Food, at Least for the First Night
If you’re coming into a new gaming group, bring something to eat. Low blood sugar is the enemy of fun games, and as humans, we bond over food and eating together (it’s also why first dates often involve meals). So bring some easy-to-eat baked goods like cookies, splurge for pizza during a break, or grab a veggie and dip tray and share with your newfound gaming group. This small gesture not only shows thoughtfulness but will make it easier for you to feel more at home with your new group.
Whether you’re joining a gaming group or gaining a new person, remember that you’re all checking each other out, figuring out if you’ll all be fun to game with. So be open, be yourself, and be genial, and let your gaming night play out.
Join or Start Pickup Gaming Groups
So you know how to behave yourself when you’re in a gaming group, but how do you find one? The starting point, as you might have guessed, is your FLGS. After all, that’s where people like you hang out. Here are some things you can do to meet people and get them to sit down and play a game with you.
Be Active in Your FLGS’s Community
Your FLGS might host a weekly or monthly gaming night for a particular game or host an event around a specific game. Those are great ways to find people who like the games you already like—in other words, people with whom you already have something in common. A lot of people turn their regular gaming night at their local FLGS into a loosely affiliated gaming group. When the FLGS changes its gaming night schedule, usually the people who regularly meet on those nights then organize themselves as a gaming group.
You can also ask around at your FLGS, and sometimes the staff can put you in touch with people who organize games.
If there is no gaming night or gaming group, you can talk to your FLGS if you want to start your own as well, which is a great way to both meet people and spread the love you might have for a game (for more about hobby championing, see Chapter 11).
Look at LFG (Looking for Group) Postings at Your FLGS
Some FLGSs have community bulletin boards where people can put up announcements. A group looking for additional players or players looking to join groups or start groups will probably post there. These listings usually focus on long-term campaign games (like role-playing games or campaign-oriented tabletop games).
Some FLGSs even have websites, forums, or even a Facebook group that allow people to look for and find gaming groups for various games as well as organize groups. Just another service provided to you by your FLGS.
The postings read a little bit like dating profiles mixed with wanted ads, describing the personality of the gamers as well as the kinds of games they’re looking to play and what days of the week work best.
Playing the Game
If you want to post an announcement, here are examples of what it should look like:
Experienced and easygoing player looking to start a Pathfinder group. Looking for an experienced DM and 2–4 additional players (no experience required). Able to host on Tuesday, Wednesday, or Saturday nights. E-mail yycpathfinder@gmail.com—let’s make this happen!
Let’s fly casual together! X-Wing Miniatures Game players wanted to start a campaign-style gaming night. Have some homebrew campaign rules to see who can control Endor! Rebel scum and Imperial players welcome. Meet new players, play on your own schedule, report your battle outcomes, and see who ends up on top! Join the Facebook group YYC X-Wing for details and to enlist!
If your FLGS doesn’t have a bulletin board, suggest to the staff they get one—it’s always good to have a community board in a community hub, after all.
Look for Groups Online
There are so many ways to meet gamers online; each different city has a preferred platform. Facebook, Meetup.com, and even Craigslist have postings for groups who regularly meet to play specific games. Just remember basic safety protocol when you’re looking to meet up with strangers on the Internet. Meet up first in a public place (like your FLGS), get to know each other (and feel free to bail if you get weird vibes), and tell friends where you are going.
You can also start your own Meetup or group. Again, you know you’re not a murderer, but for the safety of all, including yourself, consider hosting the first few games in a public venue so you can all get to meet each other before letting strangers into your home.
Avoid Group Drama
When you take a group of individuals and you put them into a social group, it doesn’t matter how nice, friendly, genial, or otherwise cohesive they are—there will be disagreements. Personalities clash, disagreements happen, and competition complicates and amplifies everything. Following are a few rules to avoid gaming group drama:
Set Some Ground Rules
Know that there will be disagreements. If you’re starting your own gaming club or regular event, it’s important to set ground rules for a group to start. Be clear about the expectations for the group. They may be cultural (like how it’s not cool to complain about losing) and/or procedural (what to do in the event of a rules disagreement). Sometimes anticipating the most common causes of disagreements (both in and out of the game) can help keep drama from starting.
Having a list of basic gaming etiquette for everyone to follow is a good idea. Make sure you have many copies of it to share with everyone in the group.
Let the Small Stuff Go
Not every decision will go your way. In cases where things aren’t as you’d like to have them, sometimes you’ve just got to accept it. Complaining openly without any suggestions to improve the situation doesn’t help anyone, and dwelling on things that are in the past and can’t be changed is an exercise in futility.
As a Disney princess once sang, let it go.
Direct Actionable Feedback Appropriately
Sometimes if you have a legitimate complaint, it’s something that can be fixed. If it’s something to do with the group’s organization, talk to the organizer. Be prepared to propose something to make things better for everyone, not just you.
Telling everyone but the person who can actually do something about the problem isn’t the right way to go about fixing it. You can’t hope someone will take the torch from your hands and run with it. If it’s serious enough to precipitate a change, put your big-kid pants on and say something. If it’s not, refer to the previously discussed point about small stuff and letting go.
Don’t Involve Yourself in Gossip
Talking about people disparagingly behind their backs is extremely rude behavior. Worse still is participating in gossip about that person and spreading those untruths as if they were fact. That’s just asking for drama, which you don’t need in your life.
Being complicit as someone gossips is just as bad. Standing idly by in situations of gossip makes you an accessory to it. Sometimes you just have to say, “Hey, that’s not cool. If you’re going to keep going, I’ve got to walk away.” Whether those around you change their behavior or you have to change your location, at least you can be smug in being above gossip.
Don’t Be a Douchebag Online
One of the worst places for drama is social media. Be thoughtful in the things you post, and remember that the previous points in this section apply as much to your online interactions as they do offline. Gossiping, passive-aggressive complaining, whining about the small issues, and ignoring your group’s rules while online is just asking for trouble.
So is starting big fights with people online. If you have a disagreement with someone in your group, handle it face-to-face. A lot of people grow virtual spines when they get online and start saying things they’d never in a million years say to your face. Don’t be like them.
Know How to Apologize
Sometimes it happens: You act like a total dick. Maybe you lost your cool at the table; maybe you got caught up in some weird gossip. Maybe you did something you didn’t mean to do, and someone took it personally.
Owning your part in whatever happened and being a bigger person is sometimes the only way to make things right. Offer a sincere apology, and buy the person you’ve wronged a coffee or a beer in good spirit. Face whatever consequences that may come out of the situation.
Sometimes a sincere apology and the promise of changed behavior goes a long way to avoid explosive drama.
When it comes to addressing drama, you can only do as much as all the parties involved are willing to do. In the best-case scenario, relationships can be mended, but sometimes the only thing you can do is control your own actions and provide sincere apologies and authentic promises of changed behavior. Ideally, though, everyone is following these rules and not doing anything, intentionally or unintentionally, to upset anyone in your group.
