Queen of the City 3: The Life of a Female Rapper, page 3
I wiped a tear from my eye as Stacey came back in the room, “Lyric, honey? Are you alright?” I kept my eyes focused in front of me, “Oh, yeah Mama, I’m alright. I was just talking to myself.” There were a few moments of silence before she spoke again, “Okay. Prince has your phone, and he was on his way to dump it into the toilet before I caught him.” I laughed, “That little boy! Thanks for grabbing him.” Suddenly, I felt her hand around my waist. The touch caused me to jump and turn around as she stood right next to me. I couldn’t hide my teary eyes from her.
“Are you sure you’re alright?” she asked, solemnly.
I sighed, “I just miss Big Mama, you know? It seems like I won’t be able to live up to what she wanted me to be.”
“Oh, Lyric, honey,” she said, wrapping her arms around me, “Trust me. Like I said, Big Mama is proud of you. I know she is, and I know she misses you just as much. You just keep doing what you’re doing, and I promise you everything will be okay.”
The tighter she squeezed, the more I felt like a failure. Prince looked over at me as he stood at the table, the usual smile that was plastered on his face was nonexistent this time around and for an instant, it felt as if he knew what I was about to get into. It seemed that he felt the selfishness that was beating inside my heart and there was nothing I could do about it. I turned my head away from him and leaned it on Stacey’s shoulder. At least I tried, I said to myself, at least I tried.
Chapter 4
The sun shined brightly through the blinds when I woke up the next morning. A thick silence coated the house as I laid on my back adjusting my eyes to the glare shooting into the living room. When I sat up, I called out for Stacey, but my voice echoed off the walls, and there was no response. Lazily, I walked throughout the house searching for any sign of Prince or Stacey, but to my surprise they were nowhere to be seen. “Prince?” I called out his name as if he was old enough to respond back to me. The kitchen was spotless, and both the bed in my room and Prince’s room were made up perfectly. The covers were tucked sternly across the mattresses, and all of Prince’s toys were placed in his bin. I just figured that Stacey took him somewhere earlier that morning, so I didn’t think anything of it. She was known just to get up and go with him sometimes, especially since I had begun working. They would both be up and out of the house or preparing to leave before I left to go to work.
I went back down into the living room, plopped onto the couch, and flipped on the television. There was breaking news on every station, all of them covering the same story.
“There was a shootout on the north side of Milwaukee today involving at least a dozen police officers and over a dozen black men who are believed to be members of a street gang. The casualties have not been confirmed, but there are thought to be at least seven at the minimal.”
The camera man zoomed in on the area where the shootout took place, and when everything was in focus, I couldn’t believe what I saw. “That’s Big Mama’s house,” I said in horror as I scooted forward on the couch. Yellow tape circled around the trees in front of the house, and my hands shook uncontrollably as I reached for my phone. Vinny didn’t answer and with that, my heart just about leaped out of my chest through my mouth. I pulled myself to my feet as the room spun, causing me to stumble as I made my way to the front door. When I opened it, Nas was outside leaning against my car. He smiled, “Oh, shit! Look who finally decided to come out the crib. Lyric, aka, Suzy Muthafuckin’ Rock.” I held onto the banister to regain my balance, completely in disbelief at what I was seeing. Loc and Man-Man stood to the left and the right of him as he stood up. “Shit,” he continued, “I thought you were at Big Mama’s house. I would’ve never sent the fellas to the crib had I known you were here.” I looked at the parking lot, but there was nobody else in sight.
“Come on down here. I mean, we obviously got shit we need to discuss.”
“How the hell did you find me?”
He laughed, “Well, yo boy Vinny? He told us. I mean, the information didn’t come out quickly at all. That nigga really had a love for you; you know what I’m saying? He held off for as long as he could, but you know how I am, right?”
“The fuck did you do to him?”
“Don’t worry about that nigga. He is no longer in pain, you know what I’m saying? I wasn’t gonna let the nigga suffer any more than he had to. I mean, I’m not completely heartless.”
Tears rushed to my eyes as I reached for the pistol on my hip that was no longer there. Nas walked closer to the staircase with a cruel smile on his face as I backed into the door but somehow it had locked when it shut behind me. Suddenly, a young boy appeared to my left and began walking towards Nas. I squinted my eyes, trying to make his face clearer as he walked closer to us with his hand inside his pocket. Cedrick, I thought to myself as he kept coming. Loc and Man-Man gripped their pistols as Nas turned in his direction. “Who the fuck is this little nigga?” Nas asked rhetorically. When he was close enough to us, his face became more distinguishable. His lips, the shape of his eyes, and his walk all pointed to one person. “Junie?” I yelled out loud and just then, the young man smiled. His dimple pushed one of his cheeks in as Nas looked perplexed at what he was seeing.
That’s when Nas smiled and walked over to him. The two of them embraced each other, and I didn’t understand what was happening. That can’t be Junie, I said to myself and even though I believed it was him, I knew it wasn’t. They looked just alike though and for a moment, my mind couldn’t tell the two apart. Nas turned around towards me with his arm around the young man and just then, he finally looked directly at me. I squinted my eyes, “Prince?” I said in disbelief as he stood next to his father. “Who the fuck did you think it was?” Nas said, “Junie? Junie is fucking dead and you know it. But this right here? This is my son. Not Junie’s, aight? But I understand how you feel about that nigga. I know that you still love him and shit, and you probably put him in my place sometimes while you were with me. As a matter of fact,” he pulled out a pistol and aimed it at me, “I know that there is one person that you would do anything for. One person that you would end your whole life just to protect.”
Suddenly, the sun’s rays began fading out of the sky and dark clouds covered the horizon. The birds that were once chirping had gone completely silent and both Loc and Man-Man were gone. It was just the three of us standing outside. “Now look, one big happy family, Lyric. This is what you wanted, right?” he chambered a bullet, “I mean, if you had your choice, it would probably be Junie standing in my spot, but hey, you got his brother, so I guess that’s close enough, huh? You know where you fucked up, though? You let me know your weakness. You let me know the one way I could get to you—and me? I don’t want weaknesses anymore. You were my weakness for a second. Prince was my weakness, and well, I know you are going to hate this, but I had to get rid of both of you. I got Prince kidnapped but yo’ ass,” he laughed, “yo’ ass ruined all that shit by going to find him. Not only that, you fucking left town with him, too. It took me a little longer to find you, though, but there is nothing I can’t find. So, now we’re here. And I could just kill you right now.” He laughed, “Well, I should just kill you now, but you know how I am. I like to see bitches suffer before I send them out this muthafucka, you know? Like poison. A slow death, bitch. I’ma make sure you die a slow fuckin’ death.”
He stood with the pistol aimed at me as I held onto the banister, still woozy, trying to make my way down the stairs but stumbling with each step. The volume of his laughter increased as I took each step, struggling to keep my balance. Suddenly, a gunshot went off, and I ducked my head. When I lifted it, Prince stopped smiling. He dropped to his knees and fell over onto the concrete as blood gushed from his head. Nas’s laughter became louder as I screamed Prince’s name loud enough to wake the dead. Nas fired three more shots into his body, and I fell down the rest of the stairs as my legs turned to jelly. He walked out, laughing, as I crawled over to Prince and he laid there with his eyes wide open, blood flowing from his mouth and the hole in the side of his head. I threw my arms around him and yelled out his name louder, begging for someone to come help, but nobody came. There wasn’t an ambulance horn or police siren to be heard as I laid there with my head on my son’s chest. “Kill me!” I yelled out to Nas as he walked away laughing. “Just kill me! Kill me right now!”
I leaped up from the couch as Prince stood in front of me with a toy truck in his hand. If I had stayed asleep any longer, I’m sure he would have clocked me with it. I immediately reached out to him and wrapped him in my arms as he giggled and tears flowed from my eyes. I rocked him back and forth in my arms, clenching onto him as if it was the last time I was going to see him. “Oh, he’s in here,” Stacey said as she stood just outside the room, “I’m going to head to sleep. Let me know if you need anything, alright Lyric?” I shook my head to let her know that I heard her so she wouldn’t come to me and try to get me to talk.
I lost track of time, and before I knew it, Prince was asleep with his head resting on my shoulder. The tears hadn’t stopped coming from my eyes since I woke up and all I could think about was Nas. The dreams I had were usually given to me for a reason and this time I couldn’t help but wonder: Was Nas trying to get us out of town so he could kill both of us? Was Prince’s kidnapping something that he set up on his own to trap me? I remembered how he told me that having a family was a weakness, and with more people coming into Milwaukee to threaten his throne, I knew that we had to be on our way to becoming a liability to him. I could tell by the way he spoke to me, and maybe that is what caused him to change towards me. If I had to put money on that being the reason, I would put everything I owned.
If the dream was real, then I knew what I had to do at this point. Now, it wasn’t about me—it was about Prince. I didn’t want to believe that Nas was ruthless enough to hurt Prince, and I didn’t think he was, but I wouldn’t put anything past him. He always told me that he wanted a son to carry his name. He wanted somebody that he could pass his legacy to whenever he died, so I didn’t think it was possible for him just to switch like that but if he did it to me, then I knew he could turn on anybody else. I laid Prince down next to me and shut off everything in the front room, then repositioned myself back on the couch. I had to figure something out and I had to do it quickly because if everything in the dream was real, I had to be a step ahead of Nas and stop the shit before it had a chance to start.
Chapter 5
The next morning, I woke up after Prince repeatedly backhanded me in my face as he slept. He was a wild sleeper and even though the couch was a decent size, he still found a way to get his hands on my cheeks. I rolled off the sofa and tucked him back in as I walked into the kitchen. Stacey sat at the table with a somber look on her face. “Mom,” I asked, “are you alright?” She looked towards me as if I startled her with my voice and said, “Oh, no, I’m fine baby, I am completely okay.” She stood up from the table and walked to the refrigerator before continuing,
“I see you put up with Prince and his wild sleeping habits last night.”
“Oh. Yeah, I just didn’t feel like taking him back to his bed. I forgot how crazy he could get.”
“Girl, who are you telling? I wake up with arms, legs, hands and feet in my face whenever I decide to let that little boy sleep with me.”
“Yeah, he is a wild one.”
“It just cracks me up because Junie slept the same way. The exact same way.”
She pulled a jug of milk out and grabbed a box of cereal while I sat down at the table.
“You want a bowl?” she asked.
“Yeah, I’ll take one.”
We took turns pouring milk and cereal, remaining silent the whole time. It was odd because she usually had a lot to say but I could tell something was weighing her down. I was never one to force people to talk because I hated when it was done to me, so I glared at the back of the cereal box, giving her the chance to speak up when she was ready. She never did, and moments later, my phone rang. I walked into the front room and picked it up.
“Whassup Vinny?”
“Yo, you’re at apartment 536, right?”
“Yeah, why?”
Moments later, there were knocks at the door. I opened it up, and Vinny stood on the other side. “What the fuck is up, nigga!?” he yelled out as I threw my arms around him. “Man, what’s good, Vinny! Shit! It feels like I haven’t seen you in forever!” I released him as he walked inside, “I know. Shit is boring as hell around the crib without y’all there.” He walked over to Prince and bothered him until he woke up. Once he realized Vinny sat in front of him, he sat up and reached for him as Vinny embraced him back, “Damn, little nigga! I missed you the most! Don’t tell yo mama, though, you know how she gets.” I sat down across from him, smiling at their interaction,
“Shut up, nigga! But man, what’s been up!? You just makin’ surprise visits on niggas now, huh?”
“Yeah, you know? I just wanted to sneak up on y’all and shit, you know? See how you like yo’ new life.”
“Man, this shit is for the birds, fam, for real. I had a regular ass job, and shit and I quit like three weeks later.”
“I remember you telling me about that. It was at the grocery story, right?”
“Hell yeah. That shit was a mistake from day fuckin’ one, bro.”
“I already knew it wasn’t gonna work out for you. I bet you cussed somebody out, didn’t you?”
I laughed, “You know me.”
Just then, Stacey walked into the living room. Vinny looked at her as she came in and his eyes widened. I knew what kind of look that was because Stacey was a very attractive older woman and she only looked to be half her age. To this point, Vinny had only heard about her but he had never seen her. “And who is this young lady?” he asked me while he peered at her. “That is Prince’s grandmother.” He turned towards me, “Grandmother?” Stacey walked over to Vinny and extended her hand, “Oh, hush, Lyric! That makes me sound so much older,” she shook Vinny’s hand, “I am Prince’s G-Ma.” Vinny smiled, “Well, G-Ma, I’m Prince’s uncle/Godfather. I heard so much about you, and it is a pleasure to see you finally, uh, I mean meet you.”
Stacey smiled at his flirtatiousness then glanced at me,
“Lyric, baby, I’m a little tired. Whenever you get finished with Vinny here, can you come to the room? I need to talk to you.”
“You want me to come now?”
“No, no baby. You go ahead and finish up here. I can wait.”
“Alright.”
Vinny had his eyes glued on her ass while she walked away. I shook my head, “Damn nigga, stop undressing her with your eyes.” He laughed, “Man, I didn’t know she was that fine! Shit!” Prince started whining, and moments later, Stacey came back in with his bottle and took him out the room with her. Vinny didn’t speak again until she left, “So, you know Nas is out, right?” A look of concern flooded my face, “He out? What do you mean? How he get out?”
“Shit, his lawyer got his case dropped somehow. I don’t know the details all I know is that nigga is out.”
“For how long?”
“I don’t know,” he looked around the room, “but it’s been some weird shit happening at the crib. Like, doors being left unlocked that I know I locked, and it just feels like somebody else be in the fucking crib sometimes.”
“What? You ain’t talking about no ghosts and shit, are you Vinny? Cuz you know how you can get.”
“Nah, Lyric, this ain’t no fucking ghost… and fuck you but seriously, though, shit is weird. Alarms ain’t going off or nothing though so I just figured I was trippin’, you know what I’m saying?”
“You stay there by yourself?”
“Yeah. Well, I mean, I have some people there from time to time, but I know them, you know what I’m saying? I know they’re not on no bullshit.”
“Well, maybe it’s them.”
“Yeah, I thought so myself. It could be them, but I just wanted to let you know that Nas was out and shit.”
“You came all way here to tell me that?”
“Hell naw, I came here to see y’all! Got-damn, Lyric! A nigga drives a couple hours to come kick it with you, and you make me regret it and shit.”
“Awwww, quit bein sensitive, nigga!”
We sat and talked with each other for a few hours before we went to grab a bite to eat. It was good seeing him, and I don’t know what it was but from time to time, I imagined what it would be like if we weren’t like brother and sister. The thoughts of him sliding between my legs crept in and out of my mind throughout the time he was with me, and I let my mind run wild with it before I tried to block it out. Maybe it was the fact that I hadn’t had sex since Nas fucked me in jail a long ass time ago. As a matter of fact, I knew that is what it was, but even then, I couldn’t stop my imagination from wandering. When it came time for him to leave, I hugged him a little tighter than usual. He looked at me oddly, “Uh, Lyric? You aight?” I quickly released him and cleared my throat, “Um, yeah. Yeah, I’m good. I just missed you, I guess.” He laughed with a hint of uncertainty, “Oh, aight. Well, I umm… missed you, too?” He said it as if he was unsure whether he should say it or not and I understood why. For as long as he knew me, I wasn’t the type to talk that way to him, and I knew it came off weird to him.
