The Unlucky Ones, page 19
“Hey.” He shook me slightly. “Believe me, there is nothing I want more than to keep kissing you. To be inside you. But not now, Freckles…not here.”
Right. My dead mother was lying in the bed near me. Ashamed, I bent my head to the side, wiping away my tears. Who does this? Who makes out with a guy right next to their mother’s body?
“It’s a natural reaction.” Lincoln stood, pulling me up with him. He brushed his thumbs over my jaw, drying off the rest of my tears. “Seeking comfort and relief when you’re in pain is a human response when you are going through a tragedy.”
I peered down at my mom. I knew this was the last time I would ever see her, and I took time to greedily take in her features. Her face was no longer pinched with fear, anger, or pain. Now she would no longer stare vacantly out the windows, her mind deserting her.
She was no longer trapped in a body that killed her spirit. Traditional Navajos believed your body becomes part of new life, plants, and animals. Because my mom was never religious, she always liked the idea our souls were set free to be parts of other things. I hoped now she could soar free. Become part of an eagle along with my father’s soul.
“We’ll be okay. Go to Dad,” I finally said, and leaning over, I kissed her head. “I love you, Mom. Bye.”
Holding me against him, Lincoln escorted me out of the room and down the hall. We reached the nurses’ desk and came to a stop.
Amelia stood at the doors, her arms at her sides in fists, anguish trailing down her face in a steady stream. The moment she saw me, sobs hurtled out of her throat and she ran for me.
As Lincoln had done for me, I wrapped my arms around my sister and gave her a warm, safe place to grieve.
The next few days passed in a blur of planning and dealing with my mother’s funeral and memorial. Until you’ve been through it, you don’t realize how much needs to be done, like picking out a coffin, what she will be dressed in, or all the paperwork involved.
My father’s death and burial had been taken care of by Dad’s tribe, but then I still had Mom to help as well. With Mom’s, one whole afternoon had been spent questioning the leader of my father’s tribe. All tribes were different, but this one was exceptionally strict as to who could be buried on their sacred lands. Even though my mother was married to Jason, she wasn’t Native, and so could not be buried with him. It still hurt my heart to think my parents couldn’t be next to each other.
“They have already found their way back to each other. Space, time, and flesh mean nothing to souls,” Chief Lee told me before we hung up.
I wanted to believe he was right.
Amelia was set on keeping Mom near us. Mom had never been fond of our hometown. She’d stayed because of family obligations. But besides Uncle Gavin, we had no reason to ever go back. Here, we could keep her close. Mia could visit her grandma’s grave.
Everyone was being so generous and helpful: Uncle Gavin, Skylar, even the nurses at the home. Bethany helped me rent a small event space near the cemetery who would cater the memorial. Nat asked why I didn’t ask Lincoln to use the saloon. It was the first thing to make me smile. Holding a memorial at Lincoln’s bar, where my uncle and other sheriffs would be attending? Yeah, it sounded like a disaster in the making.
Just the mention of his name made my heart ache. I longed to hear from him, but I hadn’t seen or heard from Lincoln since he disappeared after Amelia showed up a full week ago at the nursing home. I knew he thought my sister and I needed alone time together, to deal with our loss, but I missed him. Wanted him next to me. He had been so kind to me that day. We weren’t a couple, so I couldn’t ask for more, but I still craved him. Wished for him to step through the door and hold me.
Even when I heard the knock on the door, knew who was on the other side, I couldn’t stop the moment of hope it would be him.
I swung the door open to my best friend, her arms already outstretched. She hugged me without a word. Amelia had been a basket case all week, unable to work, barely able to take care of Mia. Skylar had helped me handle and plan things, calling and emailing people for me.
She was the one to contact my mother’s old friends from town.
“There’s nothing I can say but I love you.” She squeezed me, laying her chin on my shoulder. “And I brought a case of wine.”
A genuine laugh hiccupped up my esophagus. “I frickin’ love you.”
“I figured you would need it by now. This week had to be almost unbearable to get through.” She stepped into apartment, placing her bag next to the sofa. “Where’s Amelia?”
“Work.” Mel had gone back to the salon this morning saying she needed distraction, and truthfully, I was relieved. Her understandable grief had become a little overwhelming.
“I’m more afraid of next week.” I took the bottle of wine she handed me, answering her first question. “When the planning and the things keeping me busy are no longer there.”
I remembered the time after my father’s death when all the commotion died away, and nothing was left to take your mind off the loss. Even worse were the months down the road when others moved on, and yet those moments of debilitating sadness would still rip you apart.
Popping open a bottle, I poured a wine for Skylar and me, then walked back to the sofa. “I’m so glad you are here.”
“She was my other mom. And you’re like a sister to me. There’s nowhere else in the world I should be.”
Emotion burned in my eyes, and I quickly blinked tears away.
“But tonight, no talk of the funeral or anything related.” Skylar flicked off her shoes, sitting on the sofa, motioning me next to her. “We’ve talked all week about it. Sobbed. Grieved. And there is nothing left to plan or decide. Tonight, I want to talk about nothing, laugh, get drunk, and watch stupid movies.” We sat facing each other, and she reached over clasping my arm on the back of the sofa. “Or you will drown in misery.”
Bending forward, I pressed my forehead to her hand in silent gratitude. Skylar knew me so well, knew exactly what I needed. She could sense me sinking under the weight of both mine and Amelia’s sorrow.
“Now drink, because I’m going to start telling you juicy details of my sex life…unless you have anything to add,” she teased.
“Well…actually.”
Skylar’s eyes went wide, not really expecting me to have something to contribute. I usually didn’t.
“Oh my god.” Her hand went to her mouth. “Please, please tell me it’s the sexy man you work for, and it was earth shattering… and Amelia knows.”
“You got one part of it wrong.”
“Which one?”
“Amelia doesn’t know.”
“I knew it!” A squeal bubbled from Skylar. “Wait.” She held up her hand, downed the rest of her glass, and set it on the table. “Okay, now tell me everything.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
The sun shone down on the mild January day, the rays soaking into my black dress and chunky cardigan, but I felt neither cold nor warm. Just vacant. Numb.
Skylar’s hand clutched mine, a pillar preventing me from crumbling to ground. Amelia’s hand was locked in my other, wringing the blood from the tips of my fingers. Uncle Gavin stood on the other side of Amelia, Lucy next to him, as Mia sat at our feet, playing with the flowers lining around the grave, not totally comprehending what was going on.
Skylar’s mom, Vivian, spoke lovely words, but I didn’t really absorb them beyond a superficial level; everything bounced off me as though I was made of rubber.
Amelia sobbed quietly and shielded her eyes under large sunglasses, Uncle Gavin pulling her closer to him. In a brief glance, I saw Lucy had laced her fingers through his, and I hoped it was more than a friendly gesture. He deserved happiness. Lisa had been so awful to him at the end, maliciously going after his mediocre sheriff salary, the house, and most important, the dog. I think the dog was what hurt him the most.
Amelia, Mia, and I moved to the lowered casket, tossing in flowers.
“Bye, Enisi.” Mia kissed the little stuffed animal rabbit she’d been holding for security. Mom had given her when she was first born; it was her favorite. Mia leaned over and tossed it in.
“Mia…” Amelia gaped, staring down at the toy on the coffin below. “We can’t retrieve it.”
“I want Enisi to have it. I don’t want her to be scared and alone.”
My heart surged with love and grief at her pure child innocence.
“Enisi will love it. Thank you, Mia.” Amelia picked up her daughter, hugging her tight.
My teeth carved into my bottom lip. I would not cry…because if I did, I wouldn’t be able to stop. And I needed to keep it together for everyone and for myself.
People mingled, giving their condolences before heading to the venue. My eyes landed on a coworker of mine.
“Nat.” I hugged my friend. “Thank you for coming.”
“I wish I could go to the memorial.” She rubbed my back before stepping out of my embrace. “Lincoln has left me in charge today, so I need to get over to the bar soon.”
“Lincoln’s actually taking a day off?” Lincoln. Just his name evoked butterflies in my stomach.
“He called me an hour ago, so not sure it was planned.” She frowned. “Probably James. He’s been in a lot the past few days.” She brushed her curled hair over her shoulder. “Thank goodness I was able to get a babysitter.”
“Thank you for coming.” I gripped her hand.
“We miss you at work.” She grasped mine back. “Hope you come back soon.”
“Probably later this week. When everything is over, I’ll need something to distract me.”
“Devon, we’re heading out.” Skylar called to me, Mia high on her hip, one hand shading her eyes. Lucy, Amelia, and Gavin advanced toward the car.
“Okay, chica. I love you.” Nat gave me one last hug. I turned to head for the car, my eye catching an outline of a form in the distance, shrouded by the trees.
“You okay?” Skylar came beside me, pulling my attention away. When I looked back the figure was gone.
“Yeah.” I smiled meekly, taking Mia’s fingers. I kissed her hand as the three of us strolled to Lucy’s waiting sedan.
Food lined the tables at the venue, which had a view of the river out the large windows. Soft music played in the background. A couple dozen people were there. Most of the guests were nurses and police from back home. All too recently these same people had been at my father’s funeral, although the entire town showed up for his. My mom had only a handful of friends, never feeling truly happy there. Vivian was her closest friend. Dr. Matheson was here with Jody and a couple other nurses, talking with Bethany and a few of the doctors and nurses from Mom’s latest facility. The few from the sheriff’s office gathered together, near the window, nibbling on canapés.
I moved throughout each group, robotically thanking them for coming and acknowledging their well wishes. No more than a zombie, I nodded, shook hands, and hugged people, their faces blurring together.
Amelia stayed with the women from the salon who could come, drinking a huge glass of red wine.
I cut to the refreshment table where soda, wine, and water were up for offer. I needed something stronger but opted for my own large glass of wine.
“Where’s your mom?” A deep voice at the entrance coasted up my spine, and heat instantly flushed through my body. My heart lunged into my throat.
Swinging around, I spotted Lincoln holding Mia in his arms, her finger pointed toward me. I knew Amelia was by the window behind me, but it looked like Mia was pointing right at me.
His mouth pinched as he walked up to me, his gaze slicing into me. I couldn’t help but notice he wore dark dress slacks and a white button-down shirt. He looked incredible.
“You have an excellent door greeter.” He stopped in front of me.
Mia had a fascination with tall, bearded men. Where other little girls were shy, she’d march right up to them and tell them her name. The gruffer they were, the more intrigued she was, wrapping the huge guys around her finger. Like mother like daughter. Okay…like auntie like niece. The girl had no hope.
“You’re her mother?” Alarm twitched his cheek, his voice going hoarse. “You never mentioned a kid… How old is she?”
“I’m five.” She fanned out her fingers proudly.
“Five, huh?” Each word stressed, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “Really?”
If we weren’t surrounded by cops and people who could recognize him, I would have laughed. I could see where his mind was going. She was at the perfect age.
Taking Mia from his arms, I set her down. “Go find your mom, Mia.” I stroked her silky braided hair, watching her run toward my sister. “My niece.”
“Oh god.” He grabbed his chest. “I think I almost had a mild heart attack there. When she ran up to me, all I could see was a mini version of you. Amelia somehow left out the fact she had a kid.”
“What are you doing here?” I hissed, jumping past the small talk, my gaze darting over the room, seeing all the off-duty cops, who never stopped working. “You shouldn’t be here.”
Lincoln rubbed his chin, not looking at me. “I don’t know. I felt the need to be here for you.”
“You should go. It’s not safe for you.” As if my uncle sensed the one person not supposed to be here, his focus went to Lincoln. He stopped mid-sentence, the bridge of nose creasing, as if he were trying to identify the six-foot-four man.
“Shit.” I grabbed his arm, yanking him down the hall, right when I heard Amelia call out his name.
Damn it.
Hustling for the first door I spotted in the hallway, I shoved him into the one-stall bathroom, slamming and locking the door behind me.
“Are you crazy?” I flayed my arms.
“Possibly.”
I narrowed my gaze at his cheeky answer. “Do you not get there are police out there? All who daily stare at your picture pinned on their wall?” I spat, wanting to pummel the grin growing on his lips. “Like I don’t have enough to deal with? Keeping you from being arrested at my mother’s memorial was not on the list.”
His smile dropped, stepping closer to me. “I’m sorry. I know it was dumb. But of all days…” He trailed off. “I thought you might need someone to be here for you.”
“Now? You’ve disappeared all week.” Placing my hands on my hips, my high heels tapped at the tile.
“I’m sorry I haven’t called.” His voice fell over me, an awkward strain between us. He drew one hand over his head. “Things got kind of complicated… I’ve been dealing with some shit. And I thought it would be best if I stepped away.”
No, my heart screamed. I didn’t want him to step away; I wanted him close. But between my uncle and his past, he should run from me.
“Does it have anything to do with your brother?” Recalling what Nat told me earlier.
He snorted as if I hit the bull’s-eye. “Like I said, it keeps pulling me back in.”
“Can’t you say no?”
“Can you say no to your sister?”
“Fair enough.”
“It’s more than that, but I don’t want to talk about him right now.” He shifted closer to me, his stare growing more forceful, our eyes really finding each other for the first time. “I came here for you.”
“You can’t. It’s too dangerous out there.”
“I don’t need to be out there to be here for you. To make you feel better even for a moment.”
A gulp stuck in throat, hearing the double meaning. He pushed me back against the counter, mischief glinting in his eyes. I didn’t like the brown contacts. He could hide behind them and keep me at a distance. I wanted the real man before me, no games, no walls.
“Take them out,” I demanded.
He tilted his head for a moment before doing as I requested. Tossing them in the trash, he peered down at me, making me gasp for air. Steel-blue eyes roamed over me with such intensity they seemed to shred me of my barriers, his regard as palpable as fingers brushed up my skin.
“There you are,” I whispered. He was no longer the seemingly happy-go-lucky Finn Montgomery I had met so long ago. Prison had carved out this man I knew now. Lincoln Kessler. No matter what his birth certificate said, I wanted this man.
“Now let me discover you.”
“What do you mean?” I whispered.
“Something I’ve wanted to do since the moment I met you.” He grabbed my waist, shoving me up on the counter, stealing my breath. “Is it inappropriate to say you look fucking amazing?” His palm ran down my side to my bare thigh, curling around my calf.
Dresses and heels weren’t my usual clothes, and I had one black dress. It was a sleeveless skater-style dress, far too short for a funeral, but Mom had encouraged me to get it. She would have approved. The black heels accentuated my long legs.
“You look amazing too.” I felt my back arch, his hand running over my other thigh.
“I thought wearing torn jeans and a T-shirt might make me stand out.” He nestled into my neck, nipping my ear.
“As if you don’t already.” I curved my neck for him, my body heating with every touch. “Doesn’t matter what you wear.”
His hand pushed my dress up to my hips, his mouth consuming mine in a ravenous kiss before he dropped down to his knees, his hands continuing to flame every nerve in my body.
“For five years I’ve been dreaming of this.” Seeing his sparkling blue eyes peer up through his lashes, his expression hungry, spiked desire straight through me.
A soft moan parted my mouth as his tongue ran up my inner thigh. The heat of his mouth closed my hands into fists.
Working my other thigh, his fingers hooked over my underpants, snaking them down my legs. He pushed my legs apart, cool air rushing between them, exposing me to him.
“Damn,” he muttered, grabbing my legs and yanking them over his shoulder.
A hissing inhale exploded from my mouth as he blew lightly over my folds, his tongue dividing them, discovering me.
“Oh god.” My hands shot out on either side of the wall, trying to keep me upright. I had only done this a few times with guys passing through town. I had enjoyed it fine at the time. Now I felt none of them had a clue what they were doing. Not compared to Lincoln.
