A Constant Love: A Pride & Prejudice Continuation, page 37
“I will try, Elizabeth.”
Before taking her place in the drawing room, Elizabeth went to Darcy’s study, to report this latest fruitless conversation.
“Georgiana has always had a very sentimental heart,” he said. “I suspected that if she ever fell in love, she would love deeply, and that does leave her very open to heartbreak.”
“But we do not even know if there is cause for heartbreak!”
“There is not. I do not see how there is. I do not know why he would have come here in his condition – twice – to call on us if he intended to commit himself to Lady Julia. It is so simple – both of them seem to love each other. Why can neither of them speak of it?”
“I do not understand it. I will own that uncertainty in love is a most difficult thing, however,” Elizabeth said.
“Uncertainty in love? When have you ever known uncertainty in love? You, who would turn down two marriage proposals within a span of months.”
“When you returned to Netherfield, following Lydia’s marriage, and called on us, I can assure you it was a most difficult uncertainty for me.”
“Why else would I have returned to Hertfordshire, for any other reason than being constant to you?”
“I assure you, my heart created any number of doubts, which prevented my believing such a thing,” Elizabeth said. “After I had refused you as I did, you had no reason to remain constant to me.”
“None except that I love you.”
“Thank God for that,” she said. “But if my heart could create doubts, perhaps their hearts have as well, particularly Georgiana’s, given – given her history.”
“Well, I can hardly stomach any more doubts, with my poor sister’s health as it is. I would be within my rights as Georgiana’s guardian to call him into my study, and ask his intentions towards her. Perhaps I shall. I can tell him he must either enter into a formal courtship with her, or stop calling so frequently.”
“If he is not willing to enter into at least a courtship, it would be best that he ceased calling at all. I am sure he will call today. If he is not engaged to Lady Julia, I will send him to you, and you may press him for his intentions.”
“Thank you, my dear. I cannot say I would look forward to such a conversation, but it seems the best course, at this point. I cannot bear to watch Georgiana continue on with things undecided.”
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He did call soon, and seemed startled to find only Elizabeth in the drawing room, as he limped in, and was seated, “Mrs. Darcy, good day to you. Are the rest of your family out?”
“Mr. Darcy is in his study, attending to some correspondence,” she said. “Georgiana is not feeling well, so Mrs. Annesley is upstairs attending her.”
“Not well? She looked very well yesterday – I hope it is nothing serious,” he said, in a tone of such innocent concern that Elizabeth felt certain the rumour could not be true.
“I believe it just a passing thing,” she said.
“I do hope so – please let her know I hope to see her restored to health quickly.”
“I will, thank you,” Elizabeth said, and then determined she would wait no longer. “I understand there is more pleasant news from your quarter – I understand we are to give you joy on your engagement to Lady Julia Barton.”
“Lady Julia! Well that is one I have not yet heard,” he said. “I suppose it is more realistic, since that lady and I are at least acquainted. Ever since I returned to town, they have been attempting to see me engaged to one lady or another – it seems after capturing a French ship, I must be suitably injured, and also suitably betrothed.”
“So there is no truth to it?”
“There is no truth to it at all,” he said, wearily, and Elizabeth could not prevent the relief from spreading over her countenance, which he noted. “You would not tell me that your family saw any credence in these rumours?”
“We did think it odd, as you had called only yesterday and not mentioned it, however, sometimes these things are kept quiet at first,” she said. “If that is the case and I have spoken of something I should not, please forgive me.”
“That is not at all the case – there is no engagement between myself and Lady Julia, nor will there ever be,” he said. “Miss Darcy – certainly she did not see any credence in these rumours, did she?”
“I am afraid she did.”
Comprehension dawned on his face, and were it possible, he would have turned even paler. “Please do not tell me this had any contribution to Miss Darcy’s not feeling well.”
“You yourself observed she was very well yesterday – surely you can see that it did.”
“I do not understand how she could believe such a thing,” he said, in a tone of more emotion than Elizabeth had ever heard from him. “I do not understand how she could think there is any but her.”
“Why should she not believe such a thing? You must admit you have hardly been forthcoming in the regard you have just indicated! Poor Georgiana has three times been pursued by gentlemen who turned out to be interested only in her fortune. With such a dowry as hers, how should she believe anyone would truly love her?” Elizabeth said, looking at the shock in his expression, and feeling immediate dismay that her anger at his response had caused her to betray Georgiana’s confidence. “I am sorry – I have said far more than I should.”
“I wish you would say more!” he cried, but Elizabeth shook her head – anything more that would be said must be said by Georgiana herself.
She saw no need to send him to Darcy, now that he had at least made his feelings known to her, but neither did she know what else to say. In the long, uncomfortable silence that followed, he finally reached inside his jacket, and pulled out a letter that was very much wrinkled and stained.
“In the navy, before we officers go into battle, we write a note to those we love, in case we do not survive. I wrote this before we engaged the Polonais, and have been carrying it since Captain Campbell returned it to my possession – I could not bring myself to destroy it. It is a letter to Miss Darcy, under cover to you, and you may well determine it is improper to do so, but I wish you would give to her – it seems the only time I have been able to express the depth of my feeling for your sister.”
Elizabeth took the battered letter from him carefully, hoping deeply that inside might be the end of Georgiana’s heartbreak.
“Given the circumstances, I am willing to overlook propriety, so long as you give your word as a gentleman that there is nothing improper in what you write,” she said.
“I said as much in my covering letter,” he said. “And I will confirm it now. If I may, I will take my leave now so that you may deliver it. I will call again tomorrow – if Miss Darcy is feeling better I would wish to speak with her.”
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Elizabeth opened and read the covering letter as she climbed the stairs. Its contents were unsurprising – he had already explained the custom of writing letters to loved ones before battle, and recognised the impropriety of writing to a single lady. He assured her that although he wrote of deep sentiments within the letter to Georgiana, there was nothing unchaste. He wished she would allow a dead man a little bit of leeway, but if she must read it before giving it to Georgiana, he would understand. The letter inside was in better condition, and Elizabeth clasped it in her hand as she entered the hallway and saw Georgiana leaving her chambers, fully dressed.
Georgiana had finally determined that she must meet the situation with the same resolve that had been growing within her since learning that Captain Stanton would live, and asked Hughes to help her dress. If he was engaged to Lady Julia, there would be nothing she could do, and she knew she would face the mortification of a reaction she would not be able to control. But if he was not, she would not go through another day without his knowing where her heart lay.
Her hopes sank, however, upon seeing Elizabeth in the hallway. If he had called – and she could think of no other reason for Elizabeth’s returning upstairs so quickly – he had not called for long, and during such a short call, little else could have occurred, other than a confirmation of his engagement.
“Has he called?” she asked, trembling.
“Yes, and he confirms there is no engagement to Lady Julia. He had not even heard of the rumour, although apparently he has been the subject of so many rumoured engagements that he did not at first pay this one any mind. I suppose we would have heard of more of them if we had been taking callers.”
Georgiana felt such a tremendous rush of relief at Elizabeth’s words that her knees felt weak for a moment. “There is still hope!” she cried, embracing her sister. “You were right, Elizabeth, I should not have doubted him. He is so very different from Lord Alfred; I should not have compared the two situations. Oh, I cannot tell you what a relief it is to have my hopes restored.”
“There is a chance you shall move beyond hope very soon.” Elizabeth smiled gently, indicating they should walk back into Georgiana’s room. They did so, and took up chairs in the little sitting area there. “Captain Stanton was quite upset that you saw any credibility in the rumours about Lady Julia, and that they were cause for your illness. He wondered that you could think there was any but you.”
“He said that? Truly?” In a quarter-hour, Georgiana had gone from such agony to such happiness – to have a confirmation of his affections when she had only wished for more time to make hers known!
“He did,” Elizabeth said. “And here is where my part in the conversation, I am afraid, does not reflect very well on me. I chastised him for wondering how you could believe such a rumour when he had not at all made his regard clear.”
“Elizabeth! I am amazed you could do such a thing, but surely there cannot have been much harm done.”
“Not there, perhaps, but I did also tell him that you had three times been pursued by men interested in only your fortune, and that such a history made it difficult for you to believe anyone could truly love you. Georgiana, I am so sorry – I grew angry and I betrayed your confidence without thinking.”
“Oh, Elizabeth, do not worry yourself. It is nothing I would not have shared with him, if such a conversation arose, and in a way, it is a relief that you have opened the door a little for me,” Georgiana said. “And anyway, I could not be upset for long at the bearer of such news.”
“I have more than news to give you,” Elizabeth said, holding up a slightly discoloured letter addressed simply to Miss Darcy. “Captain Stanton explained that it is tradition for gentlemen in the navy to write a letter to loved ones before going into battle, to be delivered if they do not survive. He had apparently written to you, under cover to myself, before the action against the Polonais.”
“He thought to write to me at such a time?”
“Yes, and he has been carrying the letter since Captain Campbell returned it to him. He says it is the only time he has been able to express the depth of his feelings.”
“What does it say?” Georgiana could hardly breathe; she had rejoiced in the return of her hopes, and in that letter might be, as Elizabeth said, something far beyond hope. She was afraid to wish for more, but some small part of her could not help but think that it just might contain every happiness in the world.
“I have not read it. I believe whatever is contained inside should be a private matter between the two of you,” Elizabeth said, holding it out so that Georgiana could take it in her shaking hand. “He has assured me there is nothing improper beyond the general impropriety of writing to a single lady, and I am willing to overlook that in this situation. I will leave you now, and let you read your letter, but you should know that Captain Stanton intends to call again tomorrow, and hopes you will be well enough to see him.”
Georgiana waited until she heard the door click closed, and even then, although she was all anticipation, she could not bring herself to open the letter quickly. Unfolding the paper, she finally saw that it had been written hastily, but still she had no trouble deciphering his hand as she read:
“My Dearest Georgiana,
“I realise the impropriety of addressing you so, and of writing to you at all, but Dearest Georgiana is what you have been to me for so long, I can hardly think of anything else at such a time.
“As I write this, we have the weather-gage (perhaps Campbell may explain what this means to you, when he delivers this) over a French seventy-four, and attempting an attack on a ship of such superior force may well be the last foolish thing I ever do in my life. Yet I know it is the proper course. The conditions are right, and I trust my crew, although they may not have been together long – I believe in them, and I hope that if you are reading this, it is following the successful capture of the ship by HMS Jupiter, wherein the captain of the Jupiter somehow came to meet his end, and not the horrible alternative.
“This is not what I wished to write to you about, however. The simple truth of things, Georgiana, is that I love you, and if I do survive this engagement, there is nothing I would wish for more than to have a chance to win your heart. If you are reading this letter, then please accept my sincerest apologies for laying such a heavy burden on you, but I must let you know that I love you, that I have for much of our acquaintance. I suppose if I had the same courage in love that I did in war, I should have told you so long ago, but I love you so deeply I could hardly speak of it, and you must know this is my greatest regret.
“I ask of nothing from you but to know that you were loved, and to forgive me for not telling you thus when you might at least have had an opportunity to respond. Please do not let this be an obstruction to you – do not spend a moment more in mourning than you would for any other friend. I would wish for your happiness more than anything else in this world, and the next.
“Yours, always,
“MATTHEW STANTON”
In its first reading, Georgiana could hardly believe the reality of the letter. She returned to the paragraph where he had told her he loved her, and read it again thrice, and only when she had assured herself of its realness did a strange dizziness envelop her. She had thought she could cry no more today, but after a first surprising sob, found herself breaking down again, although from relief and happiness, this time. He loved her, and he had told her so with every warmth of feeling, with a boldness perhaps brought on by his situation.
There could be no doubting his affections, now, to have left these as what might have been his last words to her. Georgiana shuddered at the thought of how the letter might have been delivered, by Captain Campbell, or perhaps Lord Anglesey, with the news of his death. How painful it would have been, to read such a letter, to know that he loved her but had no sense of how much she loved him. To think his love a burden to her, when even in that horrible scenario, it would have been such a comfort!
“I need not face that,” she thought. “Tomorrow he will call, and I may tell him of my affections with every assurance they will be returned. Neither of us need ever be in doubt again.”
The thought of his calling, of making her love known when it would most certainly be returned, sent her spirits fluttering, and it took her quite some time to feel any semblance of tranquillity. She read the letter through several times more, until she had committed much of it to memory, and was in the midst of another reading when there came another knock at her door.
“Georgiana, may I come in?” It was her brother’s voice, and Georgiana rushed to wipe the tears from her cheeks. She should not be looking so poorly – not when all she felt was joy and love.
“Please do,” she said.
He entered, seemed to notice the change in her countenance, and smiled. “Elizabeth told me about your letter.”
“Oh Fitzwilliam, please do not be angry about it. I know it was not the most proper thing, but it has given me every reason for happiness!”
“Why does everyone assume I shall always be stern?” he asked, taking a seat near her.
“You do often look very stern, brother, but you are right,” she said. “You have always been very kind to me, even when I made the most foolish of mistakes.”
“I will share something with you that perhaps Elizabeth did not, and that is that I wrote her a letter even before we were engaged,” he said. “There were a few things I wished to explain to her that I had not been able to in person. So you see, as she reminded me before she told me of your letter, I have no leg to stand on in this matter.”
Georgiana laughed softly.
“So you said the letter has given you every reason for happiness?”
“Yes – he said he loved me, in no uncertain terms. It seems we have both been very much in love with each other, but unable to say so.”
“I am so glad, Georgiana,” he said, his voice catching. “We have been very worried about you.”
“I know, and I am sorry I gave you such cause for worry – yet again.”
“There was little you could do – we cannot control who we fall in love with,” he said, a look of vague fondness crossing his countenance. “At least I know you shall marry with the deepest love, and a secure future, which is all I could ever have wanted for you. I will of course give my consent tomorrow.”
“You believe he will make me an offer of marriage tomorrow?”
“Well I certainly hope he is not going to come here to speak to you of love without offering marriage, or at least an acknowledged courtship,” he said. “If that is the case, I will have to be exceedingly stern.”
“No, I suppose that would be the logical conclusion – my mind had not yet gone that far.”
“You may want to let it do so before you speak with him. I would expect that being a naval captain’s wife is not the easiest of lives, particularly if she is married to a captain who seems to have no fear of taking on a ship of far superior force. You should consider all that being married to him would entail before you accept him.”
“I will, Fitzwilliam, I promise.”
“Very good. Will you get some rest, and perhaps join us for dinner?”
