Racing Heart, page 22
As soon as I step off the plane, the heat hits me. It’s probably not hot to Americans but Jesus Christ, to me, it’s scorching. I mean, when I left early this morning, it was only four degrees Celsius. It feels like it’s forty-three here right now. It’s almost November for fucking, Christ's sake.
Once I’m in baggage claim, I grab my case from the conveyor belt and pull it behind me as I go through customs and into arrivals. Stopping and looking around, I can’t see who I need. I push my case through the crowds of people who are here and hope when I get through the other side, I’ll still be breathing. I might die of claustrophobia before then.
Fighting through and making it out the other side, I see a large white sign that says Princess Kennedy in big, black letters. Braydon is holding the sign above his head, with a big goofy smile on his face, making me smile back at him.
“You fool,” I tell him as I approach him. He leans, giving me a kiss on my cheek and takes my case from me, before slinging the sign on top of a rubbish bin.
“How was your flight, gorgeous?” He asks, throwing an arm around my shoulder.
“Tiring. I had some arsehole sitting next to me who kept elbowing me every time he moved and he smelt so bad and pretty much snored for the whole eleven hours. I felt like breaking his nose so he couldn't snore anymore.”
“Same old Jordan…”
“Missed me?” I smirk, punching him softly in the arm.
“Come on. I know someone who has missed ya.”
It’s about a forty-minute drive from the airport to Finn's house, Braydon tells me. Let me tell you, though, the trip we’ve just made in his car - oh my god, I’m in love. He’s a got a jet-black Mustang. It’s a beauty that’s for sure. The red leather interior sets it off and is as comfy as fuck.
The highways here are so much busier than our motorways; I didn’t think that was actually possible. I’ve looked out of the window all through the journey. It’s beautiful here, so scenic but then I suppose the sun shining down always makes everything look better and prettier.
As we pull in the huge driveway and up the small rise towards the front of the house, I assume that we’re here. My eyes widen at the scene before me. I should be mesmerised at the actual size of his house, but it’s not that which has me wide-eyed. In all fairness, I ought to be jumping out of this car and ripping into both of them. A gasping sound comes from Braydon at the side of me. Even he can’t believe what he’s seeing. Sucking in a breath and blowing it out calmly, I go to open the door. Brandon’s hand on my leg stalls me though.
“Jord, I swear I don’t have a clue what’s happening right now.”
I watch the events play out before me. They still haven’t seen the car. Finn’s hands are at his sides, while that slut’s lips are stuck to his, and I know that she’s driving this.
Well, no more...
Nodding at Braydon’s solemn voice and sad eyes, I get out of the car. Slamming the car door loud enough to get their attention, I storm towards them both, swinging her around to face me. When she realises who I am, her face is somewhat a picture, because I know I’m the last person she expected to see. I don’t stop to gloat in her surprise though. Instead, I stand in the middle of their little tête-à-tête with my hands stuck to my hips and foot tapping away, showing my frustration. Swinging back around, I look her directly in the eyes. From what I saw of Finn, he has a mixture of disbelief and excitement that I’m actually here.
“While the cats away, the slut will play huh?” I shout.
I don’t give her a chance to answer, it wasn’t a question anyway, more like a direct statement. The smug expression she has all over her bitchy face does fuck all for my patience. Before I realise what, I’m doing, my fist is clenched into a ball, and I’m swinging out until it’s connecting with her face.
“Stay away from my boyfriend. We may have been in different countries, but that doesn’t give you the right to make a fucking move on him.”
My feet are lifted from the floor when I realise it’s Finn that physically moved me and carried me away from her.
“I think you’d better leave, Belle,” Finn calls out over his shoulder at her.
“Are you going to let her do that to me, Finlay?” She screeches.
Turning my head to the side as he carries me, I see her holding her nose. The sight amuses me no end, and if I could do a victory air pump with my fist, I so would.
“Finn,” I yell, “Put me down.”
“No chance.”
He carries me back towards the car, then stands me back on my feet.
“Anything you want to tell me?” I question, putting my hands on my hips.
“Yeah, there is… I fucking missed you. What are you doing here?”
Taking a firm hold of my face in his hands, he tugs me forward and sets his lips on mine in a hard kiss. With my hands on his chest, I push him away.
“What’s going on? Why did you let that fucking tramp kiss you?”
“I didn’t. She came here trying to change my mind about the divorce. When I wouldn’t answer her calls, she came by instead. She thought because you weren't here with me, we’d split up. I told her we were still very much together, but she thought by kissing me, she’d change my mind. You just had to turn up, right at that moment...”
“You didn’t push her away though.”
“I didn’t have the chance, you ripped her away.”
“If I see her again, Finn. I swear, that I’m going rip every fucking strand of hair out of her head, and then I’m going to rearrange her fucking face…”
“Jord.” With his hands on my shoulders, he dips his head to look me directly in the eyes. “It doesn’t matter because the divorce is final.”
“What? Really?”
“Yeah, really. Now I promised I would never, ever, cheat on you, baby.”
“You’ll be hearing from my lawyers, you fucking whore.”
Annabelle screams, getting into her little sports car and slamming the door. Before tearing down the drive away from us. I give her my middle finger and hold it up in the air, so she can see it as she drives away.
“Just remind me never to get on the wrong side of you.” Braydon laughs, taking my suitcase form the back of the car and wheels it into the house.
“Now, tell me, Little Miss Kennedy, what are you even doing here? Why didn’t I know about this?”
Making a ball with my fist, I start to feel the sting on my knuckles. Shaking my hand out, thinking that will do it, Finn looks down, before grabbing it in his fingers, lifting it to his lips.
“Come on, Tyson, let's get this hand in some ice. Then you can tell me what’s going on.”
Finn leads me into his massive house and takes me straight to the kitchen to grab some ice from the freezer. Putting it in a towel, he places it on my knuckles, after flattening my hand on top of the breakfast bar.
His lips meet mine once again before he pulls back.
“Fuck me Jord, what’s going on? How is this even possible? How are you feeling now?” He shrugs.
“Too many questions, Superstar. You go first. Tell me why that bitch thought she had the right to kiss you?”
He pulls a stool towards me and perches himself on the edge of it. Taking the weight off his leg and circling his arm around my waist, he pulls me to stand between his legs.
“We had the decree absolute the other day. Her father didn’t like that we’d gotten divorced. Eli, my lawyer, managed to get it pushed through quicker, as long as I gave her something.
“What did you give her?”
“You see that car she was in? That was mine; she loved that car when we were still friends. It’s a limited edition. It’s worth thousands.”
“It is nice but as long as she hasn’t kept your last name, I don’t give a shit. I don’t want her in our lives, Finn.”
“She’s not, I promise. Fuck me, it’s so good to see you.” He breathes.
He turns me to face him full-on, connecting our lips again. Only this time, it’s a deep, longing kiss. One that brings tears to my eyes from the deep emotion that’s running between us, because honestly, I haven’t cried enough at all lately. I sigh, I’m supposed to be strong.
“Heyyy.” Finn croons smoothing away the moisture from under my eyes. I drop my forehead to rest against his.
“I’ve got so much I need to tell you, babe; I don’t know where to start.” My voice shakes as I tell him.
“Why don’t I show you upstairs, you can have a shower, freshen up after your flight… or even have a soak in the tub, it’s entirely up to you. Then we can order in, and you can tell me what’s been going on and why out of the blue, you’ve turned up on my doorstep with my brother.
Nodding, I inhale a deep breath.
“Could I have a shower?”
“Baby, you can have whatever you want.”
A small smile pulls at my lips. I’m so happy to be here with him and in his arms again, but how the next few hours go is anyone’s guess.
Chapter Fifty
Finn
Grabbing a jug of lemonade from the fridge, I put it on the table in the front room and grab two glasses for us. If she wants something stronger, there’s always beer in the fridge.
She really doesn’t seem herself though, I’m a bit worried. I’m assuming she’s just tired from the flight, she’s not used to a jet setting like me and Bray. It’s not like her to be so emotional though.
Opening the pantry door, I grab some chips for us and wait for her to come out of the shower. Maybe she’s still ill, although I never really knew what was wrong. Maria said it was a stomach bug, but Jordan said she was on meds. I suppose it could be sickness meds - who knows. Looking at the lemonade, I think, fuck it and, instead, grab the bottle of Bud that’s calling me. For some unknown reason, I feel a bit nervous. I’m not sure if it’s because we’re together again after a few weeks. Or it’s because she has shit to tell me, but what is it she needs to tell me? I guess I’ll just wait patiently, I’ll find out sooner or later.
Braydon strides into the room after dropping her suitcase upstairs. Going straight to the fridge, he grabs a beer and drops himself onto the couch.
“Alright, dude? You look deep in thought.”
“Did Jordan say much to you on the way over here?”
“Not really why?” Braydon frowns. “She did seem pretty quiet…”
“When did she plan for you to pick her up from the airport?”
“Just the other day.”
“Hmm.”
“You know if there’s questions you want answers to, you only have to ask me, Superstar…”
Suddenly hearing her sweet voice, I lift my head to see her standing at the bottom of the open staircase, her shoulder leaning against the wall, in one of my tee’s.
Putting my beer down, I prowl towards her, hooking my arm around her and tug her against me.
“You look fucking sexy in my shirt.”
“And that’s my cue to leave.” Braydon pipes up. “Jordan, see you soon, beautiful.”
He gives her a kiss on the cheek and makes his way to the front door.
“Thanks again Braydon, for today,” I shout after him keeping Jordan against me.
“Anytime.”
Once the door closes behind him, I lead her off to the couch and sit us down together. She sits as close to me as she can get and rests her head against my chest. I know there’s something on her mind. The tension in her shoulders and the slight frown on her forehead give it away. She’s not fighting me off, and I doubt she’d make the trip all the way here to break up with me. So, it can’t be us that’s bothering her.”
Lifting her head, she pulls back and lays her cheek against the back cushions of the couch.
“How’s your hand?”
“It’s fine. A bit stiff and a little achy, but I’ll live.”
Lifting her hand, I kiss her bruised knuckles.
“It’s not the first time I’ve punched someone.”
“That doesn’t surprise me one bit. You know I won’t hear the end of that. She’ll probably go straight to her lawyer.”
“I’m sorry, but she wound me up. She had the same smug look on her face today, as she did at the hospital. She’s lucky I didn’t hit her harder.”
I smirk at her; I know I shouldn’t because this will cost me to get Jordan out of this. Stroking the backs of my fingers down the side of her face, she smiles, but it’s not the smile I’m used to. It’s a sad smile, a world of worry on her shoulders.
“What’s wrong, baby? What’s going on?” I ask gently, keeping my voice on a low level.
Her chin trembles, and her eyes fill with tears again.
“I have to tell you something. I’m not sure how you’ll take this… Do you love me?”
“You know I do. With every piece of me.”
She tightens her grip on my hand and moves closer.
“I didn’t have a tummy bug. I mean I thought I had, but I was having all this pain. With the puking too, I didn’t know what to think. In four days, I’d barely eaten anything but soup and biscuits. Maria forced me, in the end, to go to the walk-in clinic because I couldn’t get an appointment at my surgery.”
“Go on…” I urge her. Something is destroying her; I need to know what it is.
“Finn, I’m so sorry.”
“Jord, you’re really scaring me. Why are you apologizing, babe? What has happened?”
“After an examination, I was sent to the hospital. I found out I was pregnant.”
“Was?” My heart begins beating through my rib cage. My hands go to my head and I push my fingers through my short hair. “What do you mean, was?”
“Finn, I had an ectopic pregnancy. The baby was growing in one of my tubes, it would have never survived…” Tears roll slowly down her cheek. “I had to have an injection.”
In that moment, I feel the bottom fall out of my world.
“The baby never stood a chance. It was an injection or surgery. The doctor thinks I was seven weeks and because of it being so soon, I could have the injection.”
“Fuck.” I stand up, blowing a shaky breath from my lungs. Clawing my fingers through my hair, I inhale another deep lungful of air and blow it out softly, before turning back around.
“I’m so sorry, Finn.”
Dropping to my knees in front of her, I take her small hands in mine.
“Why are you sorry, sweetheart?”
“Because I couldn’t even carry a child… this has to be my fault...”
“No. This isn’t your fault.” Holding her face, I bring her lips to mine, tasting the salt of her tears. “Shit, I could’ve been a dad.” I sigh...
She nods but looks down, diverting her gaze everywhere but at me.
“Jordan, I love you. Nothing will ever change that.” Lifting her chin with my finger, I gaze into her pretty, green eyes. “How have you coped with this by yourself?”
“I haven’t. Maria’s been with me most of the time. The rest, I’ve just cried or thrown things around in temper, asking why me, why us. We never even spoke about kids, for all I know you might not even want them.”
“I want everything with you, Jordan. The good, the bad and the crazy. I never thought I’d ever want to settle down until you came along. Now I’m done for and there’s no-one else I want to share my life with.”
Her breath shudders.
“There may have been some bumps in the track, but nothing could be more serious than this.”
She fists my tee, “I love you, Superstar, and I’ve missed you more than I ever thought I could. When they told me, what had happened, the only person I wanted was you… I could never have told you over the phone. I’m so sorry I kept you in the dark and lied to you...”
I cut off her apologies with my finger firmly against her lips.
“I don’t care; you did what you had to. I’m just so fucking happy you’re here.”
“There’s something else you need to know…”
“Fuck me, there’s more.”
“Yeah, I’ve have lost my job.”
“What? How?”
“He wouldn’t give me time to come see you. My plan was to come and spend two to three weeks with you as a holiday, but he wouldn’t give me the time off. I told him what I thought of him and that he could shove his job. That was the day after I got sick. That news has kind of faded into the distance with everything else that’s happened.”
I’m not sure how much more news I can take today. I’m still trying to get my head around the thought that I could have been a dad, but to have it and then have it torn away again, is an evil blow. I can only imagine a fraction of what Jordan’s going through, but now she has no job, there’s nothing keeping her there. I smile at her tear-stained face, her beautiful watery green eyes, her swollen lips from crying and her flushed cheeks. If I could freeze-frame this very moment, it’d be my favorite picture, and I’d cherish it forever.
“What are you smiling at?”
“You’re stunning.” I place a small kiss on her lips. “You’re mine.” And another kiss. “Now that I’ve got you here, I’m not letting you leave… I’ve won baby.”
“What do you mean?”
Using the tip of my finger, I smooth over the small crease between her eyes.
“I mean, you’ve got nothing keeping you at home now, so you can live here.”
“My house, I have to keep that running. I suppose I have my family. Oh, and how am I going to run a house with no job. I have to go home to find a job so I can pay the bills.”
“Give up the lease. I want you with me. That’s not so hard, is it? We can live here in the winter, and throughout the superbike season, we can go back to the UK. We’ll lease a bigger house, or I’ll buy us one, and when we’re there that can be our base.”
“This is a big step, Finn…”
“No bigger step than if the pregnancy turned out okay.” I place my hand across her stomach. “In the last hour, I’ve been told I could’ve been a dad and now I’m not. Everything in me and my future flashed in front of my eyes, and the only person I could see was you. You’re my strength, my favorite grid girl. My cheerleader, I don’t want or need anyone or anything else. If I never win the Superbike championship title, at least I have you.”
Once I’m in baggage claim, I grab my case from the conveyor belt and pull it behind me as I go through customs and into arrivals. Stopping and looking around, I can’t see who I need. I push my case through the crowds of people who are here and hope when I get through the other side, I’ll still be breathing. I might die of claustrophobia before then.
Fighting through and making it out the other side, I see a large white sign that says Princess Kennedy in big, black letters. Braydon is holding the sign above his head, with a big goofy smile on his face, making me smile back at him.
“You fool,” I tell him as I approach him. He leans, giving me a kiss on my cheek and takes my case from me, before slinging the sign on top of a rubbish bin.
“How was your flight, gorgeous?” He asks, throwing an arm around my shoulder.
“Tiring. I had some arsehole sitting next to me who kept elbowing me every time he moved and he smelt so bad and pretty much snored for the whole eleven hours. I felt like breaking his nose so he couldn't snore anymore.”
“Same old Jordan…”
“Missed me?” I smirk, punching him softly in the arm.
“Come on. I know someone who has missed ya.”
It’s about a forty-minute drive from the airport to Finn's house, Braydon tells me. Let me tell you, though, the trip we’ve just made in his car - oh my god, I’m in love. He’s a got a jet-black Mustang. It’s a beauty that’s for sure. The red leather interior sets it off and is as comfy as fuck.
The highways here are so much busier than our motorways; I didn’t think that was actually possible. I’ve looked out of the window all through the journey. It’s beautiful here, so scenic but then I suppose the sun shining down always makes everything look better and prettier.
As we pull in the huge driveway and up the small rise towards the front of the house, I assume that we’re here. My eyes widen at the scene before me. I should be mesmerised at the actual size of his house, but it’s not that which has me wide-eyed. In all fairness, I ought to be jumping out of this car and ripping into both of them. A gasping sound comes from Braydon at the side of me. Even he can’t believe what he’s seeing. Sucking in a breath and blowing it out calmly, I go to open the door. Brandon’s hand on my leg stalls me though.
“Jord, I swear I don’t have a clue what’s happening right now.”
I watch the events play out before me. They still haven’t seen the car. Finn’s hands are at his sides, while that slut’s lips are stuck to his, and I know that she’s driving this.
Well, no more...
Nodding at Braydon’s solemn voice and sad eyes, I get out of the car. Slamming the car door loud enough to get their attention, I storm towards them both, swinging her around to face me. When she realises who I am, her face is somewhat a picture, because I know I’m the last person she expected to see. I don’t stop to gloat in her surprise though. Instead, I stand in the middle of their little tête-à-tête with my hands stuck to my hips and foot tapping away, showing my frustration. Swinging back around, I look her directly in the eyes. From what I saw of Finn, he has a mixture of disbelief and excitement that I’m actually here.
“While the cats away, the slut will play huh?” I shout.
I don’t give her a chance to answer, it wasn’t a question anyway, more like a direct statement. The smug expression she has all over her bitchy face does fuck all for my patience. Before I realise what, I’m doing, my fist is clenched into a ball, and I’m swinging out until it’s connecting with her face.
“Stay away from my boyfriend. We may have been in different countries, but that doesn’t give you the right to make a fucking move on him.”
My feet are lifted from the floor when I realise it’s Finn that physically moved me and carried me away from her.
“I think you’d better leave, Belle,” Finn calls out over his shoulder at her.
“Are you going to let her do that to me, Finlay?” She screeches.
Turning my head to the side as he carries me, I see her holding her nose. The sight amuses me no end, and if I could do a victory air pump with my fist, I so would.
“Finn,” I yell, “Put me down.”
“No chance.”
He carries me back towards the car, then stands me back on my feet.
“Anything you want to tell me?” I question, putting my hands on my hips.
“Yeah, there is… I fucking missed you. What are you doing here?”
Taking a firm hold of my face in his hands, he tugs me forward and sets his lips on mine in a hard kiss. With my hands on his chest, I push him away.
“What’s going on? Why did you let that fucking tramp kiss you?”
“I didn’t. She came here trying to change my mind about the divorce. When I wouldn’t answer her calls, she came by instead. She thought because you weren't here with me, we’d split up. I told her we were still very much together, but she thought by kissing me, she’d change my mind. You just had to turn up, right at that moment...”
“You didn’t push her away though.”
“I didn’t have the chance, you ripped her away.”
“If I see her again, Finn. I swear, that I’m going rip every fucking strand of hair out of her head, and then I’m going to rearrange her fucking face…”
“Jord.” With his hands on my shoulders, he dips his head to look me directly in the eyes. “It doesn’t matter because the divorce is final.”
“What? Really?”
“Yeah, really. Now I promised I would never, ever, cheat on you, baby.”
“You’ll be hearing from my lawyers, you fucking whore.”
Annabelle screams, getting into her little sports car and slamming the door. Before tearing down the drive away from us. I give her my middle finger and hold it up in the air, so she can see it as she drives away.
“Just remind me never to get on the wrong side of you.” Braydon laughs, taking my suitcase form the back of the car and wheels it into the house.
“Now, tell me, Little Miss Kennedy, what are you even doing here? Why didn’t I know about this?”
Making a ball with my fist, I start to feel the sting on my knuckles. Shaking my hand out, thinking that will do it, Finn looks down, before grabbing it in his fingers, lifting it to his lips.
“Come on, Tyson, let's get this hand in some ice. Then you can tell me what’s going on.”
Finn leads me into his massive house and takes me straight to the kitchen to grab some ice from the freezer. Putting it in a towel, he places it on my knuckles, after flattening my hand on top of the breakfast bar.
His lips meet mine once again before he pulls back.
“Fuck me Jord, what’s going on? How is this even possible? How are you feeling now?” He shrugs.
“Too many questions, Superstar. You go first. Tell me why that bitch thought she had the right to kiss you?”
He pulls a stool towards me and perches himself on the edge of it. Taking the weight off his leg and circling his arm around my waist, he pulls me to stand between his legs.
“We had the decree absolute the other day. Her father didn’t like that we’d gotten divorced. Eli, my lawyer, managed to get it pushed through quicker, as long as I gave her something.
“What did you give her?”
“You see that car she was in? That was mine; she loved that car when we were still friends. It’s a limited edition. It’s worth thousands.”
“It is nice but as long as she hasn’t kept your last name, I don’t give a shit. I don’t want her in our lives, Finn.”
“She’s not, I promise. Fuck me, it’s so good to see you.” He breathes.
He turns me to face him full-on, connecting our lips again. Only this time, it’s a deep, longing kiss. One that brings tears to my eyes from the deep emotion that’s running between us, because honestly, I haven’t cried enough at all lately. I sigh, I’m supposed to be strong.
“Heyyy.” Finn croons smoothing away the moisture from under my eyes. I drop my forehead to rest against his.
“I’ve got so much I need to tell you, babe; I don’t know where to start.” My voice shakes as I tell him.
“Why don’t I show you upstairs, you can have a shower, freshen up after your flight… or even have a soak in the tub, it’s entirely up to you. Then we can order in, and you can tell me what’s been going on and why out of the blue, you’ve turned up on my doorstep with my brother.
Nodding, I inhale a deep breath.
“Could I have a shower?”
“Baby, you can have whatever you want.”
A small smile pulls at my lips. I’m so happy to be here with him and in his arms again, but how the next few hours go is anyone’s guess.
Chapter Fifty
Finn
Grabbing a jug of lemonade from the fridge, I put it on the table in the front room and grab two glasses for us. If she wants something stronger, there’s always beer in the fridge.
She really doesn’t seem herself though, I’m a bit worried. I’m assuming she’s just tired from the flight, she’s not used to a jet setting like me and Bray. It’s not like her to be so emotional though.
Opening the pantry door, I grab some chips for us and wait for her to come out of the shower. Maybe she’s still ill, although I never really knew what was wrong. Maria said it was a stomach bug, but Jordan said she was on meds. I suppose it could be sickness meds - who knows. Looking at the lemonade, I think, fuck it and, instead, grab the bottle of Bud that’s calling me. For some unknown reason, I feel a bit nervous. I’m not sure if it’s because we’re together again after a few weeks. Or it’s because she has shit to tell me, but what is it she needs to tell me? I guess I’ll just wait patiently, I’ll find out sooner or later.
Braydon strides into the room after dropping her suitcase upstairs. Going straight to the fridge, he grabs a beer and drops himself onto the couch.
“Alright, dude? You look deep in thought.”
“Did Jordan say much to you on the way over here?”
“Not really why?” Braydon frowns. “She did seem pretty quiet…”
“When did she plan for you to pick her up from the airport?”
“Just the other day.”
“Hmm.”
“You know if there’s questions you want answers to, you only have to ask me, Superstar…”
Suddenly hearing her sweet voice, I lift my head to see her standing at the bottom of the open staircase, her shoulder leaning against the wall, in one of my tee’s.
Putting my beer down, I prowl towards her, hooking my arm around her and tug her against me.
“You look fucking sexy in my shirt.”
“And that’s my cue to leave.” Braydon pipes up. “Jordan, see you soon, beautiful.”
He gives her a kiss on the cheek and makes his way to the front door.
“Thanks again Braydon, for today,” I shout after him keeping Jordan against me.
“Anytime.”
Once the door closes behind him, I lead her off to the couch and sit us down together. She sits as close to me as she can get and rests her head against my chest. I know there’s something on her mind. The tension in her shoulders and the slight frown on her forehead give it away. She’s not fighting me off, and I doubt she’d make the trip all the way here to break up with me. So, it can’t be us that’s bothering her.”
Lifting her head, she pulls back and lays her cheek against the back cushions of the couch.
“How’s your hand?”
“It’s fine. A bit stiff and a little achy, but I’ll live.”
Lifting her hand, I kiss her bruised knuckles.
“It’s not the first time I’ve punched someone.”
“That doesn’t surprise me one bit. You know I won’t hear the end of that. She’ll probably go straight to her lawyer.”
“I’m sorry, but she wound me up. She had the same smug look on her face today, as she did at the hospital. She’s lucky I didn’t hit her harder.”
I smirk at her; I know I shouldn’t because this will cost me to get Jordan out of this. Stroking the backs of my fingers down the side of her face, she smiles, but it’s not the smile I’m used to. It’s a sad smile, a world of worry on her shoulders.
“What’s wrong, baby? What’s going on?” I ask gently, keeping my voice on a low level.
Her chin trembles, and her eyes fill with tears again.
“I have to tell you something. I’m not sure how you’ll take this… Do you love me?”
“You know I do. With every piece of me.”
She tightens her grip on my hand and moves closer.
“I didn’t have a tummy bug. I mean I thought I had, but I was having all this pain. With the puking too, I didn’t know what to think. In four days, I’d barely eaten anything but soup and biscuits. Maria forced me, in the end, to go to the walk-in clinic because I couldn’t get an appointment at my surgery.”
“Go on…” I urge her. Something is destroying her; I need to know what it is.
“Finn, I’m so sorry.”
“Jord, you’re really scaring me. Why are you apologizing, babe? What has happened?”
“After an examination, I was sent to the hospital. I found out I was pregnant.”
“Was?” My heart begins beating through my rib cage. My hands go to my head and I push my fingers through my short hair. “What do you mean, was?”
“Finn, I had an ectopic pregnancy. The baby was growing in one of my tubes, it would have never survived…” Tears roll slowly down her cheek. “I had to have an injection.”
In that moment, I feel the bottom fall out of my world.
“The baby never stood a chance. It was an injection or surgery. The doctor thinks I was seven weeks and because of it being so soon, I could have the injection.”
“Fuck.” I stand up, blowing a shaky breath from my lungs. Clawing my fingers through my hair, I inhale another deep lungful of air and blow it out softly, before turning back around.
“I’m so sorry, Finn.”
Dropping to my knees in front of her, I take her small hands in mine.
“Why are you sorry, sweetheart?”
“Because I couldn’t even carry a child… this has to be my fault...”
“No. This isn’t your fault.” Holding her face, I bring her lips to mine, tasting the salt of her tears. “Shit, I could’ve been a dad.” I sigh...
She nods but looks down, diverting her gaze everywhere but at me.
“Jordan, I love you. Nothing will ever change that.” Lifting her chin with my finger, I gaze into her pretty, green eyes. “How have you coped with this by yourself?”
“I haven’t. Maria’s been with me most of the time. The rest, I’ve just cried or thrown things around in temper, asking why me, why us. We never even spoke about kids, for all I know you might not even want them.”
“I want everything with you, Jordan. The good, the bad and the crazy. I never thought I’d ever want to settle down until you came along. Now I’m done for and there’s no-one else I want to share my life with.”
Her breath shudders.
“There may have been some bumps in the track, but nothing could be more serious than this.”
She fists my tee, “I love you, Superstar, and I’ve missed you more than I ever thought I could. When they told me, what had happened, the only person I wanted was you… I could never have told you over the phone. I’m so sorry I kept you in the dark and lied to you...”
I cut off her apologies with my finger firmly against her lips.
“I don’t care; you did what you had to. I’m just so fucking happy you’re here.”
“There’s something else you need to know…”
“Fuck me, there’s more.”
“Yeah, I’ve have lost my job.”
“What? How?”
“He wouldn’t give me time to come see you. My plan was to come and spend two to three weeks with you as a holiday, but he wouldn’t give me the time off. I told him what I thought of him and that he could shove his job. That was the day after I got sick. That news has kind of faded into the distance with everything else that’s happened.”
I’m not sure how much more news I can take today. I’m still trying to get my head around the thought that I could have been a dad, but to have it and then have it torn away again, is an evil blow. I can only imagine a fraction of what Jordan’s going through, but now she has no job, there’s nothing keeping her there. I smile at her tear-stained face, her beautiful watery green eyes, her swollen lips from crying and her flushed cheeks. If I could freeze-frame this very moment, it’d be my favorite picture, and I’d cherish it forever.
“What are you smiling at?”
“You’re stunning.” I place a small kiss on her lips. “You’re mine.” And another kiss. “Now that I’ve got you here, I’m not letting you leave… I’ve won baby.”
“What do you mean?”
Using the tip of my finger, I smooth over the small crease between her eyes.
“I mean, you’ve got nothing keeping you at home now, so you can live here.”
“My house, I have to keep that running. I suppose I have my family. Oh, and how am I going to run a house with no job. I have to go home to find a job so I can pay the bills.”
“Give up the lease. I want you with me. That’s not so hard, is it? We can live here in the winter, and throughout the superbike season, we can go back to the UK. We’ll lease a bigger house, or I’ll buy us one, and when we’re there that can be our base.”
“This is a big step, Finn…”
“No bigger step than if the pregnancy turned out okay.” I place my hand across her stomach. “In the last hour, I’ve been told I could’ve been a dad and now I’m not. Everything in me and my future flashed in front of my eyes, and the only person I could see was you. You’re my strength, my favorite grid girl. My cheerleader, I don’t want or need anyone or anything else. If I never win the Superbike championship title, at least I have you.”
