Obsessed with the Heartbreaker: An MM College Romance, page 20
“Henry, listen to me, please.”
There was no begging he could do that would take away the damage he had done.
Nothing could take away the years of loneliness I’d felt, of feeling inadequate and lesser-than.
And now, I had one thing left to do: break things off with Antony.
I probably should feel betrayed. And maybe I did a little bit. But it was nothing compared to the pain and anguish I felt at the thought that a part of Antony might have felt obligated to stay with me because of the favor.
Antony couldn’t lie for shit, and although I knew he wanted me, our happiness had been a mirage.
I was in love with him, and even if he cared for me, he didn’t feel the same. How could he? He deserved someone respectable, someone put together, someone without endless daddy issues, someone who wasn’t messy, manipulative, and who felt strong and brave enough to actually tell him they loved him. Every day. With their entire being.
I would never be that person.
So with the loud thud of my parent’s front door behind me, I left to do the only thing I knew how to do well.
Fuck things up so bad, there would be no repairing them.
Chapter 32
Antony
After taking the bus back to my apartment, I wasted quite a lot of time getting changed, looking at myself in the mirror, procrastinating and worrying and overthinking about how I was going to do it. Tell Henry about my feelings for him, about the stupid favor Connell had asked of me, and how it had always been an excuse, just like his deal with me had been.
We’d been rounding each other for years. I’d been avoiding and fearing this realization, but feelings were about to burst out of my chest, and they wouldn’t be quieted anymore.
So I went to get him.
The first bad sign was the sight of a party already in full swing at the frat house. We were still in the middle of the week. Henry hadn’t hosted any mid-week ‘get-togethers’ since we’d started this whole ruse, none that he’d attended at least, and this was no friendly, cozy hang-out session. This was a step away from a club on a Saturday night.
My gut churned, but I let it go. It was probably nothing. Maybe someone felt like celebrating and they were doing this.
But then, once inside, the ominous feeling didn’t abate. The frat guys who I’d been slowly and unexpectedly getting to know for the past few weeks were now looking at me with a mixture of surprise, relief, and wariness. Even Adam, usually good-natured and chill, was now coming to me like I was the answer to his prayers.
“Ant! Good, you’re here. For a moment I thought…”
“You thought?”
I didn’t like where this was going.
But Adam just shook his head and tried for a smile. Even his dimple was weaker than usual. He gave me a pat on the shoulder. “Never mind. It’s good that you’re here. King is—”
There was the sound of glass shattering somewhere behind me, and Adam excused himself quickly before calling for order in an unexpectedly bossy, no-nonsense tone.
Then there was Maddox.
He approached me, cloudy expression on. “Did something happen?”
“What something? What’s going on?”
My skin felt too tight. Like someone was going to give me terrible news any second now, and I was already bracing myself.
The Hellhound searched my expression, icy eyes inspecting me, before he said. “Henry’s drunk.”
“Drunk?”
I didn’t wait for him to elaborate. I shouldered past him, past all the rowdy students partying like midterms wouldn’t be any day now, and went to find the guy who owned my very heart.
He wasn’t sitting on his usual throne. That lay empty, like a respectful gesture from everyone to him, but he was instead standing alone by a potted plant, looking like a dark cloud hung all around him, drinking deeply from a red cup.
Crossing the distance at record speed, I put a hand on his shoulder. “Henry—”
The cup fell, spilling its contents onto the floor, as Henry whipped his head toward me. “What are you doing here?”
“Why are you drunk?”
Eyes darker than ever, he looked away from me momentarily before his gaze met mine again. Like he couldn’t force himself to look away for too long. “It’s none of your business.”
My chest felt tight with the sting of his rejection. “Don’t give me that bullshit, Henry.”
“It’s not bullshit—”
“Let’s go to the kitchen.” With a hand on his lower back, I guided him there, so at least there wouldn’t be dozens of eyes on us when we talked.
There were some guys and their dates there, but as soon as they saw Henry and me, and as soon as they saw my expression, they all scurried out.
It would have been satisfying if it didn’t feel like my whole world was about to crumble.
Getting a glass from a cupboard and putting some water in it, I handed it to Henry, who reluctantly downed it before almost shattering it on the counter.
“What is going on?” I asked, nerves threatening to eat me alive. “Why are you like this?”
“What’s going on?” His chuckle had an edge I didn’t like one bit. Self-deprecating. Cruel. “Funny question that.”
His tone made the hairs at the back of my neck rise up with trepidation, but our attention was drawn to the intruder currently stepping into the kitchen.
“Keller?”
A punch to the gut.
He had a stupidly satisfied grin on his face, one that fell a bit when he saw both of us here. Henry initially gave him a glare, but his expression then changed into another fake smile. “Have you met my new best friend yet?”
I felt frozen on the spot, and Keller’s eyes widened with fear when Henry said that. “I, uh…are we?”
“No. Get the fuck out of here.”
Keller left.
I stared at Henry, speechless for a long moment. “Were you trying to make me jealous? Because it’s not going to work. Especially if you can’t even stick to the act for longer than two seconds,” I said, even as I felt a little nauseous on the inside.
Henry was a very bad actor, but if one thing was clear by now, it was that he was upset.
Upset, and willing to burn the world down.
“I’m not trying to make you jealous.”
“Then what are you doing?”
Expression pained, his eyes were already reddening, which told me that there was no way tonight was going to end well.
I just knew it.
“I want you to leave,” Henry said, jaw clenching. “I want you to hate me. And most of all, I want to hate you.”
His words knocked the breath out of me. I should have expected them, I should have been prepared for them, but after the past few weeks, I thought we’d gotten over this.
I thought we were finally moving forward.
“Why?” My voice cracked, but I didn’t care. “Why are you doing this now? I thought—”
“Because this is never going anywhere!” he cried out, voice ragged and raw. “And I’m sick and tired of playing make-believe games. Of getting my hopes up for nothing. So just leave.”
This was happening. We were finally facing the precipice.
“No.”
“You want to make it difficult?”
“Yes.” Because I was also tired of games. Tired of hoping and wishing.
But Henry’s eyes sharpened instead of softening. “Then I’ll make it very easy for you. I heard everything you said to my father this afternoon.”
My blood froze inside my veins.
No.
I’d wanted to tell him myself, I’d wanted to explain—
“Henry, let me—”
But he didn’t want to hear any of it. “You’re released from our deal and our pact. You’re free.” Turning around, hands on his hips, looking at the floor like he was trying to keep himself from breaking, he added, “Now goodbye, and have a good life.”
Henry was hurt, very hurt, and I had been the one to do it.
I deserved this. I deserved these words ripping into me.
My voice felt trapped inside my chest. It was a long moment before I managed to ask, “You want me to leave?”
I’d never sounded more pitiful and pathetic to my own ears in my whole life.
But I felt like it.
The guy I loved was slipping from my fingers. I had failed him and now he hated me.
“I don’t want to ever see you again.”
A single tear started falling down my cheek before I could stop it. The first in a river of them, I was sure.
My throat was tight with grief, and I couldn’t even say anything else.
I couldn’t even tell him I loved him.
I saw all of my demons in front of me telling me that Henry was right. That this was how it was supposed to end.
So with my tail between my legs, I gathered the shattered remains of my broken heart and left.
Chapter 33
Henry
My cold words burnt my tongue as I let them out. Never had I ever felt more miserable in my entire life, and when I saw the tear fall from Antony’s face, I knew for sure that I was the biggest piece of shit alive.
Or at least I felt like it.
My heart felt dead in my chest, beating but just to remind me every second that Antony was getting away from me. That this was over. That what I’d been fearing for weeks had finally happened, and it had been a blow dealt by my own hand. It didn’t hurt any less because of it.
“Was that…your breakup?”
The Keller guy was in the kitchen again. He clearly had no survival instincts, because I felt on the very edge of saying ‘fuck it’ and destroying everything around me just for fun.
It wasn’t a breakup. For that, we would have had to be together in a relationship, and we hadn’t been.
Even if it felt like it.
Even if now I could admit that I wished it would have been.
“None of your business.” My words didn’t even have bite anymore. I had no energy left.
God, I wanted this day to be over. This week, this whole month. I wanted to get in bed and hide under my covers until the world became different and thinking about Antony didn’t make me want to bawl my eyes out.
“I, uh…I think today was the wrong day to do it. I don’t know how much you know about me or if Antony has ever spoken to you about me—”
“He hasn’t.”
To be honest, I didn’t even know what he was doing here. He must have snuck in, which would have infuriated me on any other day after the exchange I witnessed between him and Antony, but right now, I couldn’t bring myself to care.
“Oh.” Dark brows furrowed. He scratched the back of his head, with his stupid slicked-back hair, before saying, “Well, I’m actually his ‘competition’ in class. I’m always one step behind the stupidly smart Antony Andino, but today, he wasn’t in very good shape when I last saw him.”
At this point, whatever anyone said to me should have gone into one ear and out the other, but still, I had to look at him. “Not in good shape,” I stated, but it was a command for him to continue.
Which I think he got by the intimidated look on his face. “We had an interview for a very important internship opportunity and he sort of…blew it. I overheard the interviewers say he’d been acting weird and they basically told me they hired me on the spot when I got interviewed after.” Keller cleared his throat, sounding a lot less confident than the arrogant dick I’d witnessed talking to Antony the other day. “I guess I’m just kind of shocked and, surprisingly, I feel kind of bad. Stealing his internship and his boyfriend breaks up with him? That’s tough.”
“I was not his boyfriend. We were not together, and in any case, if you want to have all of your teeth tomorrow, I recommend you leave this house right this second.”
He watched me closely, like he couldn’t tell whether I was lying or drunk, or maybe he was contemplating whether I was serious in my threat.
“I, uh…I’ll be going then.” He put a red cup on the kitchen table and started to walk away. Once he was at the door to the backyard, he stopped. “He looked really hurt, you know? Not like someone who’s just hooking up with you. And you look like shit yourself. Might want to think about it.”
He left me like that, miserable in the middle of the kitchen and feeling the most alone I’d ever felt in my entire life.
It might have been a minute or an hour later, but Maddox came to my side with Adam, both looking at me with disappointed expressions, but whatever they wanted to say or comment about the show earlier, they kept it to themselves.
“Come on,” Maddox said, putting his hand on my back and pushing me forward. “Party’s over for you.”
* * *
The next day, I refused to leave my bedroom. I didn’t even go to classes, just stayed in bed, watching random romantic movies, because they’d always been my comfort go-to, but now they were only putting salt on my wounds. I ordered takeout and when I was bored of watching people fall in love, I actually pulled out homework and got around to doing it, which reminded me of Antony, which made me sick with missing him, which left me stupidly crying over my laptop and wondering why I couldn’t have just talked to Antony like a normal person.
By late afternoon, I’d showered and washed my face enough that I felt capable of facing the rest of the guys if they saw me in passing, but that didn’t happen.
No, once I got into the kitchen, everyone was there, and they were all staring at me like they’d been waiting for me to show up.
“I didn’t call in a meeting,” I said, voice rough.
“No, but we did.” Adam walked up to me, clearly the one who was going to speak for the group. “We want to talk to you.”
“You’re talking to me now,” I deadpanned like I always did, but Adam wasn’t deterred.
“You fucked up last night, King.”
“Antony looked really upset,” someone called out.
Someone else added, “I saw he was crying.”
“Do you think I don’t know? I was there,” I growled, feeling like a cornered wild animal, shackles rising, hands balling into fists by my sides. “You should be used to this by now. I’m the Heartbreaker for a reason. I never said I was a good person.”
“But you are,” Adam said, expression serious and determined. His hazel eyes were digging into my soul. “You’re a good person, Henry, but sometimes you make bad decisions, and as people who care about you, we needed to tell you.”
I looked around. Everyone here looked ready to confront me to fight for Antony’s honor, which they technically were doing. And for a crazy moment, even if I was the evil supervillain here, I was actually proud to be their brother.
But saying such things was not my way, and I was still deep in morose land, so clearing my tight throat, I said, “Good to know. I’m perfectly aware that I’m a piece of shit, but since the deed is already done, you can say you did your best and go back to your rooms or to whatever you were doing.”
I tried to wave them away with a dismissing hand, but they didn’t move.
“You should talk to him, King.”
“You look pretty hurt yourself.”
Looking away, I said, “I can lick my own wounds, thank you. Now leave.”
“Why did you even break up with him? You looked so happy together.”
“You actually smiled sometimes. Not even a smirk. You smiled to yourself.”
“I thought it was kind of creepy,” I heard someone murmur.
And because I couldn’t hear this for a second longer, my cool armor broke.
“He lied to me, okay? He never wanted to be with me. So you can shove your questions and suggestions—”
“That’s a lie,” Adam said. “I’m not saying Antony didn’t lie, because I don’t know that much about this, but I know for a fact he wanted to be with you. Genuinely. Everyone could see it.”
“You two had stars in your eyes when you were around each other.”
“Not to mention the sounds from your bedroom.”
“Do you know what it’s like to get a hard-on from two guys fucking when you’re straight?! I’m questioning things! And it’s your fault!”
I put a hand over my eyes. Thinking hurt my head at this point.
Another guy suddenly said, “Well, if Antony did lie, then that’s not so good either.”
The words spilled out of my mouth before I could stop them. “He was trying to help me, okay? He didn’t do anything wrong.”
The kitchen was silent.
Maddox decided to step forward and take control of this shitshow. “Everyone out, now. I have this.”
They all started filing out of the room, but not without one of the guys calling out, “Go get your boyfriend, King! Get him back!”
They thought they lived in a rom-com, these guys.
I didn’t know how I could stand them.
Two people were left in the room, though. Adam was still watching me, jaw tight, as if he was trying to come up with a way to convince me of what he wanted me to do, which…would be definitely hard to achieve, since I was the most stubborn fucker ever.
The other person was Maddox, though, and if anyone here had a chance at getting through to me, it was him.
Mad gave Adam a look, and they had a momentary silent conversation—which made me wonder when these two had suddenly become telepathic with one another—and finally, Adam gave him a stilted nod and left.
Once alone, my best friend’s attention felt even more oppressive than when I’d been surrounded by the group.
“Don’t give me the talk, Mad, I don’t want to hear it.” I went to the fridge, not because I was hungry but to entertain myself, do something instead of squirming under my best friend’s all-seeing eyes.
“I’m not going to give you the talk. I just want to know what happened.” He crossed the room until he was by my side, closing the fridge and preventing all the food in it from going bad just because I was having a small mental breakdown.
“What happened was that I faced the music. I finally opened my eyes, realized having Antony with me in this deal was a big mistake, and cut things short as cleanly as possible.”
