Driven by Passion, page 8
“Sure. It’s so simple.”
“Yeah. It is. Come on, she’s a beautiful car. Don’t you want everyone to gush over her?”
Chapter 9
If Victor had been someone else, he would’ve said Lucien was flirting with him. Definitely flirting. But no, it couldn’t be. It only felt, in the depths of his heart, that Lucien meant he would gush all over Victor, that it wasn’t about the car, but about Lucien wanting to give Victor a moment to shine.
“She is a gorgeous car. My favourite one in Socrates’ collection.” He ignored the swell in his chest, and lower, to focus on reality.
“I know.”
Victor’s brain froze. All the warmth fled, leaving his body icy. “How? How do you know that?” He stared at Lucien and forced himself to shut his mouth as he tried to compose himself. The very idea that Lucien paid him enough attention to know his favourite car was a bit overwhelming. It made no sense - Lucien didn’t have the time or the inclination to care that much about Victor’s favourites. Or to want to gush over him. It was all nonsense; just the product of an overactive imagination.
“You do realise that the whole collection has 24-7 security cameras including heat sensors. Socrates suggested taking this car because he knows you spend time...”
It was nothing to do with Lucien, then. His breath whistled out slowly between clenched teeth. Victor had forgotten about the security cameras, and all of this came down to Socrates knowing that he came to stare at the car. It was eerie to think anyone bothered to look at the security recording when they didn’t need to. They were merely back up in case a car was stolen, or whatever. “Staring at her. Yes, whenever I’m stressed, I like to go and look at the 300SL.”
“Why this one?”
“Apart from the aesthetics, this car broke all the rules with a tubular light-weight frame and made it work. Its innovative design is something I admire and aspire to.”
Lucien blinked. “Wow, you really love her.”
“I do. I’m not afraid to admit that. She’s the pinnacle of mechanical engineering design for her era, a triumph of material usage and the clever fuel injection system was so innovative at the time.”
“And all wrapped in a sexy package.” Lucien’s grin reflected the intense love Victor had for this car.
“Yes. Some cars are wonderful because they are innovative and some are amazing because they are beautiful. The 300SL is a rare example that is both aesthetically pleasing and cleverly designed.”
“And fast.”
“Of course.” Victor could talk enthusiastically about this car all day. “I’m a race car designer and engineer. Absolutely, my favourite car is a fast one.”
Lucien winked. “Not the Lamborghini tractor for you?”
“What? No.” Victor squinted at Lucien’s weirdness. “Would you prefer a transit van over a sports car?”
The way Lucien grinned made Victor’s stomach flip flop. “Perhaps if I needed to move a piano.”
“How many times have you ever needed to ... move a piano?”
“Never. But maybe one day I will.”
Victor couldn’t imagine Lucien sitting still long enough to play a piano. Even when he was driving, he wasn’t still. “Sure. What is your favourite car?”
“Whatever I’m winning in.” Lucien winked. “That’s pretty much it.”
“Really?”
“Yes. You are bisexual; don’t you understand?”
What? Victor didn’t know what to say. After a couple of breaths, he swallowed. “Do you mean because bisexual people obviously can’t make up their minds, or—”
“Jesus, Victor. Not as a slur. Just because cars are all amazing for different reasons, just as people are beautiful to you for different reasons. Why should I have a favourite?”
“One day you might have a favourite person, then you’ll understand.” Victor realised he was staring at his plate, and he deliberately looked up. “I’m sorry I assumed—"
Lucien waved his hand. “Stop looking at me like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like you are trying to therapy me. Your expression screams that I just need to be loved by someone to make up for my awful childhood.”
“Um—” Victor hadn’t been thinking that at all, but the accusation made him want to shrink away and apologise anyway. He’d been hoping, maybe, that Lucien might pick him as his favourite person, but of course that was a flight of fancy. Look at him. He could have any man in the world, why would he want a pedantic engineer? Especially one who was overly sensitive about how being bisexual meant he was erased constantly. Fuck, he probably just wanted Lucien’s confidence, he was who he was without caring what others thought of it. The arrogance of being able to dismiss any negative comment about his sexuality was as incredible as the way he drove a car. Perhaps both things came from the same place of arrogant cockiness.
“I’m kidding. Where is this pizza?” Lucien glanced over his shoulder.
“I’m sure it won’t be far away. Have the last piece of bruschetta if you are still hungry.”
Lucien cut the last piece in half and ate the slightly smaller piece.
“You can have the rest too. I’m okay.” Victor pushed the share plate closer to Lucien who nodded once and ate the rest of the bruschetta. Victor tried his best not to stare at Lucien’s mouth as he ate, and when Lucien’s tongue darted out to lick away a crumb at the corner of his lip, Victor forced himself to stare into his half-finished coffee. Thankfully the waitress arrived with their pizza, saving Victor from himself.
“Thank you. This smells great.” Lucien smiled at the waitress.
“If there’s anything else you need, just wave.”
“I think we’ll be fine. Thanks again.” Lucien said. He waited until the waitress had walked away before starting to eat, and Victor was struck by his good manners.
“I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but I’m really impressed by how nice you are to the staff.”
Lucien squinted at him. “Why would I take that the wrong way?”
“I don’t know. Is it awkward that I noticed?” Victor tried to sink into his chair. Every time he opened his mouth, he was messing up.
“Nah. Just don’t go all therapist on me again...” Lucien drummed his fingers on the table. “Fine. I’m nice to people because my father wasn’t. He always treated service and retail workers as if they weren’t people. And early on, I decided I was going to be everything he wasn’t. A fucking much better driver for a start ... And also all the smaller things like being nice to people who were being paid to help me and had to do be pleasant whether I was nice or not.”
“That’s a fair point. There are so many jobs where people don’t have the option but to put up with whatever crap someone dishes out.”
“Yeah, and what kind of asshole adds to that? Most of these people aren’t getting paid very much. If I can be a decent human and that makes their day a little easier, then I’m going to do it.”
Victor smiled. “I think you’d have figured that out, even without your father providing an example of how not to do it.”
“And I thought I said not to go all therapist’s kid on me.” But Lucien was smiling, and so Victor knew he was only teasing.
It wasn’t until they were back on the road, over an hour later, when Lucien tapped his fingers on the steering wheel. “Have you heard of a thing called hindsight bias?”
“No.”
“It’s where you look at the past and believe that you could’ve made better decisions.”
“Is this a therapist thing?” Victor was surprised that Lucien would start that all over again. Lucien eased the car around a slower one, changing lanes smoothly. His command over the car would always be sexy, appealing, to Victor, and he had to stare out the window away from Lucien for a couple of breaths to push away the thought.
“Yeah.”
“Okay. You’ve said that hindsight bias is returning to past decisions. Is it like saying, if I’d changed tyres at lap 34, instead of waiting until 37, I wouldn’t have had a puncture?” Victor tried to hold back the breathy interest from his voice, but damn, he was so invested in why Lucien wanted to talk about this concept.
“In simple terms, yeah. But mostly it’s a kind of lie that people tell themselves, that you could’ve made a different, better, decision in the past. Except you couldn’t have because you didn’t have the information you have now, back then; you only have it in hindsight.”
Victor tried to stay quiet. A little hum of encouragement slipped out. Embarrassing.
“When you were talking earlier about being kind to people, it made me realise how bloody lucky I am. In hindsight, every other driver in the lower grades, from karting all the way through to S3 had at least one parent who supported them.”
“It’s an expensive sport.”
“Yes. I’ve been thinking a lot about the drivers who had crappy parents. The type who pushed too hard, who behaved as if the kid’s success was their own, who could imagine sitting in a S1 pitlane as a proud parent when their kid was not even a teen. Too many of those kids stopped. A lot of them had plenty of talent, but they didn’t progress. They gave in to the pressures and gave up, and I think it’s because there was more pressure coming from their parents than from the sport.”
“But not you?” Victor didn’t understand this line of conversation. “Wasn’t your father one of the ones who pushed too hard?”
“Absolutely. He was toxic as hell and taught me that I needed to be angry and to trample everyone else to win.”
“So why didn’t his behaviour stop you from progressing? From being just like all those others? Why are you unique?”
Lucien took his hands off the wheel for a second and spread his hands wide before grabbing the wheel again. “Now isn’t that the eternal question?”
“Yes.” Victor low-key adored this introspective side of Lucien.
“Obviously I’m special.”
“Obviously.” Victor chuckled, then took a breath and made sure he sounded serious. “You’ve overcome a pushy parent to make your own success on your own terms.”
Lucien cleared his throat. “Or it could be that my father died when I was in S3, and the sudden loss of his toxic words helped me work out my own pathway. Or it could be that I’m not actually that good. I only spent two seasons in S1 with twenty points in the first season and none in the next.”
Victor shoved Lucien on the shoulder. “You made it to the top. You scored points in S1. Yes, you are that good. You were hamstrung by terrible cars, especially in your final season. Don’t you dare tell me you aren’t that good.”
“I didn’t say this to fish for compliments. I know exactly how good I am. Third in the Series E drivers title in only my rookie season and that had nothing to do with the car—”
“Because the cars are all almost the same spec in SE.” Victor spoke at the same time as Lucien.
“Snap.” Victor laughed.
“It’s good for racing but it’s not great for innovation.”
Victor was surprised by the insight from Lucien. “I wouldn’t have thought you’d care about that.”
“The racing?”
“Ha.” Victor rolled his eyes.
“Oh, the innovation. Because I’m just a driver, therefore I can’t have thoughts?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“You literally did. You said I didn’t care about innovation.”
Victor sighed. “Okay, fine. I did imply that. I’m sorry.”
“Victor. You don’t need to apologise.”
“I don’t?”
“No. Fuck, you can be so serious sometimes. I was kidding, mostly.”
“Mostly?” Victor’s rush of anxiety didn’t fade much.
“I feel like we’ve talked about this already. Just because we still have hours to go to get to your family’s home, doesn’t mean we need to completely rehash the discussion on how electric vehicles are the future and if Series E is serious about being part of that future, they should allow innovation in the same way they do in S1.”
“It’s not really hours. I mean, it’s not the Outer Hebrides.”
“Right. My ass tells a different story.”
“Says the driver who drives for a job. Aren’t you used to sitting down?”
Lucien’s burst of laughter was worth it. “Yeah, that’s why my ass is so lush.”
Victor’s face heated. “I don’t want to think about your ass.”
“Why not? It’s a lovely ass. Good for—”
“No.” Victor was going to burst into flames.
“Are you blushing? Victor. I thought you were a good boy and here are you thinking about my ass.”
“Lucien. Watch the road.”
“I am. ... Unfortunately.” Lucien’s voice deepened and Victor turned to stare at him. Neither of them spoke for a while until the silence became stifling. Victor played with the radio until he found a song with a heavy beat that could distract him and maybe hide the way his heart was beating far too fast and too loud.
Chapter 10
Driving with an erection wasn’t very comfortable. Lucien couldn’t even dismiss this burgeoning—annoying—attraction for his friend as something as simple as not having had sex for a while. There was that, of course, but it was more than that. It was the way Victor blushed so delightfully when Lucien unsubtly mentioned his own ass. It was the way Victor apologised unnecessarily when Lucien teased him. He probably shouldn’t tease him with such a serious tone but damn if it wasn’t so tempting to try and make him flush again. The way colour painted his cheeks gave him the hint of what Victor would look like after he’d been thoroughly kissed. Did Lucien really want to kiss his friend? Yes. He didn’t need to make this complicated. Eventually, by focusing on the way the road moved with the land now they weren’t on a major motorway, Lucien’s dick finally softened to a more comfortable state, but he needed a distraction.
“I can’t imagine you as a kid. What did you do?”
“Normal kid stuff.”
Lucien ignored the tingle that swept across the back of his neck. “Indulge me, Victor. What normal kid stuff?” He knew enough about his childhood from talking to his therapist that he’d missed out on a normal experience. Most kids weren’t set up with a replica driving kit and forced to play racing games on the telly. He’d never had any downtime away from learning about being a better driver. He hadn’t minded, mostly, because he didn’t know any different and he was obsessed with racing. It was fine. Totally fine.
“We would come up to the inn for a few weeks every summer and stay with Uncles Craig and Zac. I loved it there.”
“Hold up a second. Your uncles were gay?”
“Yes. Craig ran the inn, and the story is that Uncle Zac just turned up one day and they fell in love. Zac stayed and that was it.”
“When was that?” Lucien couldn’t imagine how hard it would be to be openly gay in country Scotland way back when. People had always done it, carefully living with their best friend, or whatever, but it mustn’t have been simple.
“The 90s. It was the heights of the AIDS crisis and Zac’s family in America weren’t very supportive.”
“We are so lucky now.” Lucien had always been out—not with a declaration—just in the way he lived each day, and he knew it was only possible thanks to generations of queer people doing the work to make the world a safer place for him.
“We are. There’s still work to do.”
“Yeah.” And all the gains could easily be taken away with the swipe of a bigot’s pen, which was why he enjoyed himself as openly as he wanted while things were good.
“Just look at the fuss the media made when Ondrej came out this season.”
Lucien rolled his eyes. “The funniest thing of all was how many people talked about him being the first openly gay S1 driver.”
“Why was that funny?”
Lucien slapped Victor on the thigh. “Seriously? I’d already been doing that for two seasons before he decided to announce it.”
“True.” Victor buried his face in his hands. “Does everyone erase you like that?”
“Yeah, but I don’t mind. I’d rather the attention was on my driving. What I do away from the track is no one’s business. Honestly, who cares about the driver’s personal lives?” It was what his father had always said, and it was one of the few things he’d been correct about. Provided Lucien turned up fit and ready to drive, no one cared about the rest. The media attention was part of the job, and thankfully the media didn’t treat it like a reality dating show. Fans sometimes got a little wild in their attentions; he’d had some DMs that overstepped the boundary but he shrugged them off as part of being a public figure.
“Did you notice much difference in the media attention when you moved from S3 to S1?”
“Loads.” Lucien braked heavily as a semi-trailer changed lanes ahead of him. He followed the truck for a while, as they both went past the slower driver in the other lane, then went around the truck.
“Nicely done.”
Lucien ignored the compliment to his driving. “Why haven’t we talked about this before?”
“This?”
“The difference between S3 and S1. You must’ve noticed it too.”
Victor nodded. “Definitely. I went from being an unknown assistant engineer to having the responsibility for the whole car. It was intense.”
“Sure, but you must’ve noticed the difference in media attention too?”
“I guess so. There are a lot more cameras in the pitlane for S1, but I don’t do interviews. That’s the job of the drivers and the Team Principal.”
Lucien nodded. It made sense.
“And I suppose we’ve never talked about it because we didn’t do the change at the same time. You’d already done two years in S1 when I joined Gamble Racing.”
“And I’d moved on to SE.”
Victor laughed, all of a sudden, and Lucien risked glancing away from the road. He wanted to know what was funny about the way they’d missed working together. There was no clue on Victor’s smiling face, so he slipped back into driver mode.
