The Way to Never (The Never Trilogy Book 2), page 16
“I’ll be back,” I said, and left the room. I didn’t care to know if Damian had also listened. My brother called me just as I walked out of her apartment and although I didn’t currently possess the composure to receive the call, I also desperately needed something to distract me from the torment that I’d just seen Nora go through. I felt like at any moment, I was going to run mad with frustration.
“Hey, pops has been trying to get a hold of you. He wants to come over.” He said, immediately I connected the call.
“Okay, I’ll call him as soon I get home.”
“Are you alright?” he asked. “You sound depressed.”
“I’m fine. What’s wrong with dad? Why is he suddenly asking to come?”
“He didn’t say much but I suspect his heart is acting up again.”
I sighed heavily. Today was a truly shitty day.
Lenora
Later that evening, I was freshly showered and rested. The crew had come over again but I hadn’t been able to see anyone, even Damian. I remained in my bed until the sun went down and my entire room was cloaked in a comfortable darkness.
My dosage had been doubled because of the hell I’d gone through to have a shower. The nurse had had to propel and hold me up straight throughout the entire process, because it turned out that I couldn’t sit down or even bend. All I could do was stand, and even that was excruciating.
I’d been ready to go through anything for that shower so I’d bawled all I wanted to, and had thereafter been put into their clinic gown. I didn’t even complain when they’d brought it out because at least no one was forcing me to go to the hospital. I only had a few more days of this mess to endure. Not that endure was the right word. No one could endure this. This was pure torture.
It was a few minutes past 10pm when I heard a knock on my door. It was funny how the passcode to my apartment had been shared with the entire gang so much so that I didn’t even know who came in and out. I wondered who it would be now.
It was Nathan.
At first I thought it was Damian because of his tall silhouette and build, but then the light from the television shone on his face as he headed across the room and towards me.
“Hey,” he greeted.
“Hi,” I responded, and kept my gaze on the television as he came around and took a seat beside me.
After a few quiet minutes, I finally turned my face towards him. I needed to look at him. “Could you please open the curtains?” I asked.
With a nod, he got up to pull the drapes apart, and the view it revealed was beautiful.
He came back and sat down beside me. “So,” he said, “what’s the title of this show?”
“Dong Yi. It’s a Korean historical romance. Do you understand the storyline?” I asked.
“Yeah,” he said, sounding tired. “The King’s a vampire with multiple personality disorder. Such a mess.”
A laugh rose to my lips but I had to suppress it because of the pain it brought to my back. He noticed me wince, and immediately leaned in.
“Are you alright?” he asked and lightly touched my arm but remembered that he wasn’t supposed to so he pulled it away.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
“It’s fine. Stop making me laugh.”
“I’m surprised that you’re amused. I don’t have a funny bone in my body.”
“I know, but still, stop.”
“Yes ma’am. I’m enjoying the comments by other viewers though.”
“I know right. That’s one of the major reasons why I even watch. The comments are sometimes even more hilarious than the drama itself.”
“It is quite entertaining though.”
“Yeah, it is. It takes me away.” I paused for a few seconds. “I wish though, that I could just pass out and wake up when everything is over.”
“You’ll be fine, Nora,” he said.
I turned to look at him. “Will I?”
“You will be,” he replied, his voice hardened.
I returned my gaze to the television. “I feel like this is just more than the back pain. Sometimes I swear I can’t feel my legs at all, but then after a while, everything seems to be alright.”
He leaned forward and gently took my hand in his. He brought his face close to mine so that he could stare into my eyes.
“Do you want us to pursue a second opinion?”
“I don’t know. But the doctor says this will be over in a few days, so let’s just wait a bit.”
“Lenora Grace Baker,” he called.
I glanced at him, and replied. “Yeah?”
“Lenora Grace Baker,” he called again and it drew a smile out of me.
“Yes?”
“You will be fine. Say it.”
“You will be fine.”
“No, smart ass. I will be fine.”
“I will be fine.”
“Good, and I will be here. So stop worrying and just concentrate on your drama. I might have found a new hobby here too.”
“I don’t think you even really understand what’s happening in this show.”
“I actually do. Although, it’s kind of hard to read the subtitles and comments at the same time.”
“Yeah, that’s true, but you’ll get used to it.”
“But the disorder though, isn’t this depiction excessively dramatic?”
“Most of their shows are excessively dramatic. But I like that. Their stories are honest, brutal sometimes, but honest.”
“Have you been to South Korea before?”
“No, but I’ve always wanted to go. I just hope it’s not too late.”
“Each time you make bitter statements like that, you’ll have to apologize and repeat the words ‘I will be fine’ a couple of times. For now we’ll start with ten. Make the mistake again and we’ll make it a hundred.”
“It hurts to talk.”
“I don’t care, begin, or I’ll put on CNN and you’ll be forced to watch it with me.”
“Fine,” I said with a sigh, and began the chant.
« CHAPTER 10 »
Lenora
Sometime during the night, I fell asleep, and as soon as I woke up I remembered that Nathan had been beside me. But when I turned to the chair he had been sitting on, I saw that he wasn’t there anymore. Being alone was still my favourite state but there was just something about having him with me that felt as comfortable and peaceful as being with myself. So the sight of the empty chair brought a frown to my face.
However, I had greater problems to worry about. I needed to pee, so I looked towards the corridor that led to my dressing room and wondered how I was going to get there. I had been assigned a temporary nurse but since Damian and Carlie had promised to remain for the night, she’d been scheduled to resume this morning. But now no one was here so I had to find a way to help myself.
Just like I’d done before, I clutched the sides of the bedspread and started to pull my body down, but this time I avoided the edge of the bed. The memory of my fall was still as sharp and painful as a knife plunged into an open wound. I couldn’t walk so my best bet was to just get to the bathroom by crawling, but I didn’t have a plan on how I was going to get off the bed unless I fell to the floor intentionally. I stopped then and decided to just call out to whoever was around. Maybe I wasn’t alone. Maybe Carlie was around or even Damian, but I prayed that it wouldn’t be Nathan. It would be too embarrassing.
“Carlie,” I called but my voice was too low, so I tried again. I didn’t want to have to move back up to find my phone, and if peradventure she wasn’t here, she would feel obliged to start coming all the way from her home. However, I was just gearing myself up for a louder call when I heard a movement from beside my bed. I turned and was surprised to see Nathan rise from the floor beside my bed.
“Nora!” he called out and was by my side immediately.
Tears stung my eyes. “What were you doing on the floor?” I cried.
“I didn’t want to wake you. It’s been so difficult for you to fall asleep.”
“Are you kidding me?” I asked, and angrily wiped the tears off my face.
“Nora its fine. What’s going on? What are you trying to do?”
His face was so close to mine that I only needed to move an inch or so, and the tip of my nose or my lips would touch his. Right then, and more than anything, I wanted to kiss him so badly. A part of me secretly believed that for a few seconds it would take the pain away.
With a sigh I looked away and said. “I wanted to go the bathroom.”
He looked at my distance from the head of the bed. “Were you trying to go yourself?” he asked.
“I thought no one was around.”
“Then why didn’t you call? Your phone was right beside you?”
“It’s almost 3am Nate.”
“Lenora you’re pissing me off,” he said. “Why won’t you let your guard down for once?”
“I’m sorry. Could you call Carlie so she can come over to help?”
“Her place is too far,” he said. “I’ll help you.”
I got ready to protest but before I got the chance he was already at the side of the bed. He gently slid one arm underneath my shoulders and then my knees.
“Are you ready?” he asked.
“You know what, its fine. I’ll just wait till morning. My nurse is coming early.”
He ignored me and lifted me up.
I immediately clenched my entire body in response, but the pain still knocked the breath out of me. He cradled me in his arms and as gently as he could, carried me over to the bathroom. When we got to the door, I took my arm from around his neck so that I could press down on the handle. We walked in after that but when I got to the toilet, I realized that I wouldn’t be able to sit down.
Frustrated, I rested my head on his shoulder.
“How is this supposed to work?” I asked.
He thought for a moment. “How did the nurse help you earlier?”
“There’s a vertical bar on the shower wall so I held unto that. I can stand, it’s just excruciating to. Let’s just get Carlie.”
“Don’t worry about it,” he said and headed over to the shower. He stepped in with me.
“Nathan,” I complained but it didn’t move him. He put me down, making sure my hands were firmly placed around his neck and that my feet were barely touching the floor. “You’ll just have a shower altogether,” he said, and I didn’t know whether to cry or laugh bitterly at what was happening.
After he’d turned on the shower, and then adjusted the temperature, he started to untie the clinic gown. My eyes were clenched shut in abject humiliation.
“Nathan, stop,” I told him, tears stinging my eyes and he did. When I reopened them a few seconds later he was staring at me. He didn’t say a word, and neither did I. We just held each other’s gazes… and at that moment, I couldn’t put into words how I felt. Eventually he spoke, “I’ll help you stand,” he said. “And then I’ll be right outside. Is that okay?”
I nodded, so as carefully as he could, he turned with me so that I could face the shower and then brought my arms from around his neck to close around the vertical bar attached to the wall. He bent down so that he could pass underneath my arm, keeping his arm encircled loosely around me as he came to stand behind, just in case my grip loosened.
When he was sure that I could stand well on my own, he tightened his arm around me as he held the front of my gown, and started pulling it away.
“Let go with one hand.” He told me, and I complied so he could slip the sleeve away. He did that for the second hand, pulled the gown completely away and I was left completely naked.
“Are you alright?” he asked. “Can I let go?”
I nodded, and sensed him take a step back.
“I’m bringing the cascade towards you now.” He said, so I waited for it and winced as the warm water hit my head. I lifted my face to it and focused, letting the sound and feel of it wash away the… frustration? Sadness? Pain? Words were not enough to explain how wretched I felt at that moment.
“I’ll be right outside,” I heard him say and then he stepped out. My entire body was throbbing with so much pain that I stood there for a while, waiting for some kind of relief so that I could help myself. The relief came when my legs turned a bit numb so I was able to urinate, but just as I was about to reach for the bottle of shower gel, my legs weakened and I would have fallen straight to the ground if not for my grip on the bar.
I swallowed a scream at the pain that suddenly struck my back from the force of the save, but somehow Nathan still heard me. The door instantly swung open, and when he saw me trying to straighten myself back up, he came in and with his arm carefully around me, helped me as I tried to regain my footing.
When I was a bit stable and sure that I could stand, I told him to step away.
“Don’t worry about it,” he said.
“Nathan,” I complained, close to tears again. “I can stand. Just step away.”
“No,” he said. “You’re not falling in this stall. Just do what you need to I’ll hold you.”
I tried pulling away and for my own sake, as gently as I could but he wouldn’t let me go. So finally, I just leaned against him and lifted my head to the cascade with tears streaming down my face. It reminded me more than anything of the day that James had told me that Nathan had left and how I’d gone into the rain to hide my tears. This situation was very different from the current one, but I wasn’t sure which was more pathetic.
My heart broke as I stayed in that shower. I’d done everything I could in my life to ensure that I would be able to stand on my own, but now that I couldn’t, who was I supposed to depend on? Was I now supposed to become a burden to everyone around me? I wasn’t ungrateful because a lot of good things had happened to me so far, but sometimes I could have sworn that I was equally as unlucky in so many others.
Finding the strength from nowhere, and with his support, I poured a scoop of bath gel unto my palm and tried my best to be done as quickly as possible so that we could leave. He helped me with my hair, running his fingers through them and when we were finished, he picked me up and carried me out of the stall. We were way past decency now so after making sure I was leaning properly with my arms against the vanity, he stepped away for a bit and quickly took off his soaked jeans and jumper.
Then he grabbed a towel from the rack by the corner, lowered and began to towel dry my legs. We were in front of a mirror but he made sure to not look directly at it. I wouldn’t have cared anyway. It had gotten to the point where it didn’t matter. Not only had the line been crossed, it wasn’t even there anymore.
He towelled me dry, and when he was done I told him where he could find underwear and a loose nightie for me. He helped me put it on, and then I leaned fully against him as he brought out my hair dryer and a brush and started blow drying my hair.
We constantly met and held each other’s gazes through the mirror, but instead of the awkwardness that was meant to follow, he would make a funny face or bulge out his eyes and I would have no choice but to smile. When he was done drying my hair, he lifted me in his arms and took me back into the bedroom. The television was turned off, so after making sure that I was settled on the bed and tucked in, he found the remote and handed it over to me. He then excused himself and headed back into the bathroom.
I didn’t even bother paying attention to what was on. I just sat there staring up at the ceiling and thinking about my life. The doctor had said that the pain was supposed to have been healing, but it seemed to be getting worse. The painkillers and muscle relaxants should have been reducing my torment but nothing was working. I was scared, and I felt absolutely useless.
Dorothy had brought home a pile of work for me, and it was just sitting in my office. I hadn’t written in a few days and everything was just piling up, but there was nothing I could do about it. To think that only just a few days ago, I was perfectly fine. It was funny how life chose to teach you the simplest lessons in the most excruciating ways. Another lesson I learnt today was that Nathan loved me. In my current state, denial and self-deceit were too exhausting, and it became much easier to accept certain obvious things. Maybe he hadn’t even accepted it himself because sometimes being too healthy made you careless and spoilt enough to choose what you wanted to acknowledge, instead of what needed to be.
I didn’t know if and when he had discovered this, or if he would ever even tell me to my face but now that I was officially engaged, I doubted that he ever would, and it tore at my heart. A few minutes later, he came in with a towel wrapped around his waist. He stood to the side and spoke to me, the light from the television casting a soft glow on his body.
“Nora do you have anything I can put on for the mean time?”
I smiled. “Yeah I do. There should be some jogger pants close to the shelf you got my nightie from. I’m not sure if they’ll fit though. They’ll probably just be a little short.”
“That’s fine,” he said, and left to go in search of them. After he was done dressing, he left the room to put his clothes in the washing machine.
He came back a few minutes later and sat beside me on the chair again. “Is there anything else you want taken care of?”
I turned to him. “Like, concerning work?”
“Hm-hmm.”
“Dorothy brought over some footage that the departments sent over from the collection. We usually have a sort of show, but since I was absent they recorded it for me so that I could assess and give a final approval. Could you please help me get them?”
“Of course. Where are they?”
“They’re probably in my office. On my desk.”
“Okay,” he said, and went in search for them.
Soon, he returned with the folder of reports and in it we found a USB. Nathan connected it to the TV and for the next hour, I was able to ignore my pain.
We went through the collections that they wanted me to review for the coming weeks, while he helped write down my comments for me on my laptop as I spoke. I remember eventually getting tired and feeling a bit drowsy but I didn’t know when I fell asleep.
