A Haughty Courtesan, page 7
“I don’t know,” John said, shrugging his shoulders. “Maybe, kindness and sincerity.”
She was disappointed for not receiving a clear answer to her query, but she smiled at John because he had been a good friend to her. She had wished it were easy to explain what she had to do to get Lord Clifford to love her back. Her life would have been a lot easier.
“Thank you, John,” she said, patting his shoulder. “You are a good person.”
She was walking away from him when his hand shot out to grab her shoulder. She halted immediately but did not turn around towards him.
“You are dear to me, Rose,” he said. She looked over her shoulder at him. “I wish you would take my advice and forget about him.”
Her face blanched and her eyes widened in fear. She had not spoken to anyone about Lord Clifford, so it was highly unlikely John would know about it, but what if…
“Who do you speak of?” she asked, trying to call his bluff.
John pressed on her shoulder and she looked him in the eyes. She knew instantly that John was not assuming things. He knew for sure who the reason for her grief was.
“Ever since Lord Clifford walked into this house, I have noticed certain changes in you,” John said. “You are becoming less vindictive.”
“Less vindictive?” she asked. “How so?”
John gave her a smile and she felt a burden lifting from her shoulders. It was a kind smile.
“Olivia has not asked me to discipline any of her girls since the day Lord Clifford walked out from this place and you stopped taking interest in others.”
John was teasing her, but she felt guilty. She was reminded of all the schemes she had concocted over the course of time for petty revenge. Every single person living under the roof of the brothel had become the target of her scorn and pride.
“I am a horrible person, John,” she said. “An imposter. A shallow person.”
The smile dropped from John’s face. He held her from both shoulders and looked down at her with a hard look in his eyes.
“You are not a horrible person,” he said. “Proud, yes, but not a shallow person or an imposter.”
Her lower lip wobbled as moisture filled her eyes. She wanted to believe him, but Lord Clifford’s words were still fresh in her mind.
“He called me an imposter,” she said softly.
John took her in his embrace. She put her head on his shoulder and sobbed.
She cried until her eyes stopped producing tears. Her problems were not solved, but she felt slightly better after that.
“An imposter is a person who impersonates others,” John said. “You are the most honest person I know in this trade.”
She untangled herself from his embrace and looked at him in bewilderment.
“You really believe I am not a bad person?” she asked.
John shook his head. “You are not a bad person, Rose. Your only flaw was considering yourself above others.”
John was talking about the old Rose. The one standing before him was a whole different person. Perhaps, that was why he was talking about her in past tense.
“I was wrong, John,” Rose said. “If I was really above others, he would not have left me for another girl.”
A look of sympathy and pity came over his face. He wiped her tears with his handkerchief, and she smiled at him in gratitude.
“Someone who is worthy of your love will choose you above all others,” John said.
John meant well, but it was not an easy task to forget someone whose thoughts consume your every waking hour.
“I will try to forget him, John,” she said.
“Don’t try, Rose,” John said. “Do it.”
Rose was puzzled. John seemed worried. She did not understand what the reason could be for the sudden change in his expressions.
“Why do I sense worry in your tone?” she asked.
“Olivia was once a kind woman, but not anymore,” John said worriedly. “If she noticed your carelessness towards your job, she would not be pleased.”
For the first time in her life, she saw fear in his eyes. John was a man who rarely showed mercy to others, but if he was afraid of Olivia then surely, she had cause to worry.
“I don’t know what to do, John,” she said dejectedly. “I have never felt such emotions for anyone. I don’t know how to control my feelings.”
John nodded his head and let go of her. He held his hands behind his back and looked away from her.
“My loyalties will remain with Olivia, Rose,” he said. “I will never go against her orders, but you are dear to me too. I will not speak of this conversation with her.”
She was glad there was someone who still cared for her. She had assumed she was alone in the house because everyone hated her.
“I will forever remain grateful to you for this act of kindness,” Rose said.
John looked at her briefly and then looked away, but she saw the surprise in his eyes. It was the first time Rose was thanking someone without being snide or sarcastic.
“Take care, Rose,” he said softly before walking away from her.
Chapter 11
She had tried to act normally after her last conversation with John and no one noticed the turmoil inside her. Everything was fine until another two months passed and she did not hear from Lord Clifford. Her strength had given out and she had dropped the pretenses.
Rose had become a pale wraith, roaming the house in dirty clothes and unwashed face. The customers who wished to see her took one look at her and opted to go with another girl. She was losing her customers, but it did not matter to her.
She did not care.
Nothing mattered to her.
Life had become bland and meaningless. A lifestyle she had loved so dearly felt like filth.
He had said he would be back in a month or two, but the chances of his visit were slim. It had been three months, so it meant he was in town but was not interested in seeing her again.
She was wallowing in her miseries when someone cleared their throat. She looked up and found Molly.
Molly was grinning at her. A look of triumph and extreme elation was evident on Molly’s face. Rose looked hideous and that was probably why Molly was feeling jubilant.
“Do you know who just received services from me?” Molly asked.
Rose looked away from her. She was too tired to listen to whatever cruel thing Molly had to say to her.
“Not interested,” Rose mumbled.
Molly stepped in her line of sight and held Rose’s face by her chin when she tried to look away from Molly.
“Lord William Clifford was here, and I took him to my room because he took one look at you and cringed in disgust.”
A blinding rage filled her. She started trembling and Molly took a step away from her. She tackled Molly to the floor and started beating her with her fists and open palms.
“He is mine!” she yelled. “Only mine! No one else has a claim on him!”
Molly was curled on the floor in a fetal position, shrieking and yelling for help. Rose did not see the crowd gathering around them nor did she see John when he came running towards them and pulled her away from Molly.
She struggled in his hold, kicking and screaming at the top of her lungs. Molly was taken away by two girls.
John dragged her to Olivia’s room. Pushing her inside, he locked the room behind her and left. Olivia was sitting on a chair behind a large oak desk. There was a spare chair in front of the desk, but Olivia did not offer her to sit and she was clever enough to know that sitting without permission would merit her a harsh punishment.
“You were my most prized girl and now, look at you,” Olivia said. “You disappoint me.”
She did not utter a single word in response but did not cower from the intent stare of Olivia either. She held her head high and met the eyes of her matron like an equal.
“Lord William Clifford,” Olivia said after a long uncomfortable pause. “Ever since he walked out of your chamber, you have become a different person. A disgraceful person.”
Her suspicions were confirmed. Olivia knew the reason for her aloofness, and it did not sit well with her matron. The only question was how far her matron would go to punish her insubordination. Rose still believed she was special to the matron and would not get treated like the others.
“I will not contradict your accusations,” Rose said.
“Is that all you have to say in your defense?” Olivia taunted her.
Rose was a talkative person with a silver tongue who could bend people to her will, but not today. She had lost the will to say anything to anyone. Her words meant nothing.
She was a shallow courtesan.
She was an imposter.
“I am a shallow courtesan,” she said morosely. “No one cares what I think.”
Olivia raised her hand and brought it down with force on the desk placed before her chair. The cup and soccer rattled as the table moved an inch from its place.
“I allow girls to live under my roof because they pay for their lodgings with their cunnies,” Olivia said angrily. “I don’t care what they think.”
“You don’t care about anyone,” Rose retorted without thinking twice. “Not even about the man who you claim to love. You are a selfish witch who only loves money!”
She had crossed a line, but it was too late to take her words back. Olivia leaned back in her chair and inspected her nails. Rose was not a fool to miss the anger palpating from every pore of her matron.
“So that is why you were asking about loving someone,” Olivia said mockingly. “You think you are in love with Lord William Clifford.”
Something inside of her snapped. She had not expected her own matron to make fun of her feelings for Lord Clifford. She had always considered her matron a mother figure in her life and had sought her counsel on important matters, but all that seemed to be an illusion.
Olivia was not her friend. She was not her mother and she sure as hell did not care if she lived in misery.
“I don’t wish to live like this anymore,” Rose said. “I want to leave this place.”
She had nowhere else to go, but she would think of something once she was free of this place. She wished to make amends and raise her status from a shallow courtesan.
“You owe me a substantial amount of debt,” Olivia said. “The luxurious life you enjoy so much is not free, my dear.”
Olivia went on and on about everything she had given Rose and reminded her just how much she owed the brothel. It was not a small amount. Rose could never cover those costs on her own.
In the middle of Olivia’s speech, the door was opened again, and Molly was dragged inside by John. Molly glared at Rose and then strode towards Olivia.
“You told me to tell Rose about Lord Clifford,” Molly said to Olivia. “Why am I getting punished? I did only what you asked of me. I took a beating from this mad whore for a customer who was never here.”
Rose could not believe what she was hearing. It was all a ruse to make her snap? Olivia tricked her into confessing her feelings for Lord Clifford.
The only solace she had was that Lord Clifford did not sleep with Molly or any other courtesan.
“Remind these two what happens to those who sabotage my business,” Olivia said, pointing to her and then Molly. “Punish her more for bad mouthing me.”
Per routine for punishing undisciplined courtesans, Molly and Rose were bent over the large oak desk and Olivia handed the wooden paddle to John.
Rose lifted her skirt without making a fuss, but Molly had to be held down by Olivia while John lifted her skirt.
John raised the paddle and brought it down on Molly’s bottom. There was a loud cracking sound followed by screams from Molly. Molly struggled to get free of Olivia’s hold all the while begging them to spare her, but there was no leniency for anyone.
John brought down the paddle and once again Molly screamed and sobbed.
“No more, please, Mrs. Dustin!” Molly wailed.
Molly hopped from foot to foot as John smacked her repeatedly three times on the same spot without taking a breath. Maybe it was her imagination, but Rose witnessed anger on the otherwise aloof face of John. He despised Molly for taking part in Olivia’s schemes.
Rose braced herself as John stepped behind her. She pressed her palms on the surface of the table and waited for her punishment to begin.
When the first strike came, she gritted her teeth to absorb the excruciating pain and not scream. The pain was unbearable, but she refused to give her matron the satisfaction of seeing her behave like Molly.
Her mind wandered off and she kept staring ahead as the paddle was brought down on her bottom once again. Her breathing hitched, but she kept the sobs and wailing at bay.
“Hit her thighs,” Olivia instructed John.
She did not know that thighs were more tender than the flesh of her bottom. She was unaware that hitting her soft skin would extract tears from her eyes.
John hit first her left thigh and then the right, all the while she tried to hold on to her dignity. Her flesh was burning. She wanted to scream and howl, but she refused to give in to her impulses.
The paddle came down for the third time on her thighs and her mouth opened in a silent scream while her eyes closed of their own accord.
“Go stand in the corner, Rose,” Olivia said.
Rose marched to the corner of the room with her head held high. Facing the wall, she lifted her skirts to her waist.
“Two strokes extra for having a big mouth,” Olivia said.
Once again there was a cracking sound and then Molly started wailing and begging. After receiving the second hit from the paddle, Molly was dragged by John to the other corner of the room.
Olivia sat in her hair and lectured them for a full hour about rules and discipline.
Once they were dismissed, she pushed Molly into a corner. Molly was instantly on her guard and held her hands before her face. Rose ignored her defensive pose and uttered the words she had been meaning to say for the past month, but did not have the courage to face the courtesans she had hurt all her life.
“I want to apologize for my hurtful behavior,” Rose said.
When Rose did not say anything further, Molly lowed her hands and looked at Rose in bewilderment.
“What?” Molly asked.
“All my life, I have been a horrible person to the girls,” Rose said. “I wish you could find it in your heart to forgive me.”
Molly looked at her skeptically.
“Is this some sort of trick?” Molly asked.
Rose knew Molly would never trust her words. In the past, Rose had faked sympathy to gain the trust of a courtesan before stabbing her in the back.
“No more tricks, Molly,” Rose said, shaking her head. “I am done.”
“I find it hard to believe,” Molly said.
“I get it,” Rose said, shrugging her shoulders. “I would not trust me either if our places were swapped.”
Rose turned her back on Molly. She had said her piece. It did not matter to her whether Molly accepted her apology or not. She had already vowed to never hurt the girls again. When the girls start seeing the changes in her, they would come around.
“Rose,” Molly called her name and Rose turned back towards Molly. “How does it feel being vulnerable? How does it feel being brought down to the level of a common courtesan?”
Rose closed her eyes in agony and when she opened them again, the cruel smile on Molly’s face was subsiding.
“I was always a common courtesan, Molly,” Rose said. “It was foolish of me to believe otherwise. As for being vulnerable… I feel torn asunder.”
She started walking away from Molly once again, but apparently, the courtesan had something else to say. Rose heard the shuffling feet coming in her direction and she stood rooted on her spot.
“I thought I would feel better if you were punished, but I was wrong. I apologize for my part in all this,” Molly said,
A burden was lifted off her shoulders. Rose turned towards Molly and met her guilty eyes.
“I understand,” Rose said.
They stared at one another for a long time. Rose could see in Molly’s eyes that she wished to ask her something. Rose gave her time to see for herself that she really meant every word she just spoke.
“You really care for him?” Molly finally asked.
Rose lifted her head and squared her shoulders. She was not ashamed of her feelings for him. She was not afraid to speak about her emotions to anyone.
“I love him,” Rose said.
Molly looked at her with sympathy. “You can never get him to love you back,” Molly said reluctantly. “You know that, right?”
Rose closed her eyes and a tear escaped from behind her lashes.
“I know,” she whispered.
“What will you do next?” Molly asked.
Rose opened her eyes. She contemplated hiding the truth from Molly. Molly might share her secrets with Olivia and land her in trouble. Rose knew it was risky to trust another person, but she was on a road to redemption. She needed to put her trust in another person.
“I want to leave this place, but I owe a substantial amount of debt to Olivia,” Rose said.
She did not wish to live in this place anymore. Olivia forgot everything she had done for her in an instant. She hated Olivia.
She could not afford to pay off the debts she owned the brothel because they will keep piling up with time.
“If you became a mistress of a rich lord,” Molly said. “He could pay your debts.”
What Molly was proposing could solve all her problems. She had countless admirers… but they were all in the past.
Rose looked down in disappointment. She had pushed her admirers away.
“No one is coming near me these days, Molly,” Rose said.
Molly came near her and lifted her chin. Molly made her look into her eyes and Rose saw a determined look in Molly’s eyes.
“You are still the most beautiful girl in town,” Molly said confidently. “Wash the dirt and sadness off you and seek out a rich lord for yourself.”
Rose appreciated the boost of confidence, but she was not blind to the truth. She could not close her eyes and turn her back on reality.
