A Haughty Courtesan, page 11
No one disturbed her for a long while until late in the night. Lord Doris appeared in the doorway without a flicker of emotion of his face. No joy nor wonder, neither laughter nor anger. He was just an emotionless statue.
“My lord, I apologize for leaving you behind,” she said. “My head was aching, and I did not wish to disrupt your evening.”
She was making an excuse for her bleary eyes and disheveled state. She hoped he would buy her lie and let her be.
He came near the bed and caressed her cheeks with the back of his hand. She sighed in relief, believing his gentleness was a genuine concern.
“I am a libertine, yet somehow I fell in love with you,” he said. “That was why I accepted your offer without thinking twice.” He took a deep breath and all of a sudden, his expression changed to malice and he clutched her hair in a painful grip. “You wounded my pride, Rose. I can never forget the humiliation you made me face tonight. My mistress throwing herself at another man.”
She shrieked in fear as he jerked her towards him. He glared at her while she begged for forgiveness. She pleaded for mercy, but her words fell on deaf ears.
She was trembling in fear as he dragged her behind him. She asked for help from the servants and footmen, but no one came to her aid.
She was so afraid she did not see where he was taking her until he opened a small door and shoved her inside a confined closet. The door was closed behind her as she collided with the rough wooden wall and her face erupted into fiery pain.
She banged on the door all night, shrieking and yelling until her voice was hoarse and her tears dried up.
No one came to her aid.
She was alone and at the mercy of a madman.
She remained inside the confined place all night.
The light blinded her as the door was suddenly opened. Lord Doris dragged her out of the closet. She was too tired to beg any more, and he was too angry to say anything to her.
At the entrance to the mansion, he stopped manhandling her and held out his hand to her.
“Give me your shoes,” he demanded.
“My lord?” she asked in confusion.
“You heard me,” he yelled. “Now!”
She removed her shoes with trembling hands and offered them to him. He threw her shoes unceremoniously behind him and then shoved her out of the door with a merciless push.
“You ungrateful whore! Never show me your face again.”
She stumbled and her foot tangled in the skirt of her gown. There was a ripping sound followed by the falling of a courtesan on the ground. Her knees scrapped and she winced in pain.
She turned her head towards the man who had transformed into a cruel beast overnight. Lord Doris had always been a selfish bastard, but she had never assumed he would be heartless.
“My lord, please, show some mercy,” she begged.
He stared at her with such hatred and anger that she shivered in fear. She felt his displeasure as if it were a living, breathing thing.
“I really believed we shared a special bond,” he said. “Foolish of me to think a harlot could change.”
He closed the door in her face, and she was left stranded in the middle of nowhere. She was at his house in the countryside.
It was noon. The sun was blazing above her in all its cruel heat. She understood what he was doing at that moment. He wanted her walking barefoot on the overheated roads. He wanted her to feel humiliated in the torn dress she had worn to the ball last night. He was throwing her to the wolves in a dress that showed her bosom and all the curves of her body.
She had nowhere else to go except for one place. She was miles away from the establishment she had grown up in.
She started her journey back towards the house of Madam Olivia.
She was barefoot. Her journey back to that place was harsh and cruel.
The pebbles under her feet were merciless. The overheated roads and scorching sun atop her head burned her feet and made her dizzy.
Once she reached the streets she had grown up on, the urine-soaked streets assaulted her senses. She gagged and threw up bile in a corner against a wall.
“Look at her,” a woman said. “A sickly harlot.”
She asked for help from the women peeping through the curtains of their houses, but they shut their doors in her face. She looked towards the men who were staring with hungry eyes at her skin. She was a harlot. She had slept with countless men, but she had never been afraid of them until that very moment.
“Need help?” a man with rotting teeth called after her.
Afraid of his lecherous gaze, she wrapped her hands around her chest and dragged her dehydrated body.
Different thoughts assaulted her. Why couldn’t she stop herself from craving Lord William’s touch? Why did she accept Lord Doris’ proposal? Why was she so weak against these powerful men? Was she really just a toy for them to use and discard? Did no one care about her feelings? Was she not a human in their eyes?
Fear seeped into her head and she shuddered. There was a solid chance the doors of Madam Olivia’s house would not open for her after what transpired the day she left.
Lord Doris had paid her debts and she had walked out. John had begged Olivia to not let her go. Her matron had not listened to her most trusted servant and let her sign that damned contract.
Lord Doris would have surely informed Madam Olivia about her breach of contract and would have demanded his money back from her.
She might be turned away from that door, but there was nowhere else for her to go. She had to take a chance.
Her throat was parched, and her soles blistered when she reached the door of Madam Olivia’s establishment. She knocked on the door and leaned against the nearby wall for support as she waited for someone to answer the door.
“Dear Lord, is that really you, Rose?”
She looked up with bleary eyes at the face of the man who had always been hard on the courtesans but treated her with care. John remained her friend to the very end.
“John, help me,” she said hoarsely.
John lifted her in his arms and took her inside the house. He bellowed for help and soon the whole house was gathered in the living room. There were gasps and whispers around her.
Olivia came out of her room and swayed as her gaze fell on Rose. The other courtesans supported their matron to save her from falling to the floor.
“Look what that horrible man did to her,” John said to Olivia, “I told you it was a terrible idea to send her with Lord Doris. I told you he was not a kind man. I warned you he would crush our Rose.”
“I thought he would help her forget Lord Clifford,” Olivia said in a small voice filled with raw emotions. “That silly girl was withering away for a man who did not appreciate her.”
She hid her face against John’s chest because she was ashamed to face her matron. Olivia had given her preference over the other girls and she had thrown all her generosity at her face when she overreacted for a well-deserved punishment. She had assaulted another person that day. Olivia had every right to punish her.
“Molly, call a physician,” Olivia said.
Rose was taken to her old room with the whole house at their feet. John tucked her into the bed and sat beside her head.
“Close your eyes and rest,” he said in a soothing voice. “No one will harm you as long as I am here.”
She had no idea she was afraid of closing her eyes because she feared someone might harm her until John said it. She had made many enemies in this house and any one of them might take advantage of her vulnerable state.
She went into a deep slumber with John’s hands brushing her hair and her hands tightly wrapped around his legs.
When she woke up sometime in the night, John was not beside her, but someone else was sitting at the foot of her bed on a chair.
Anna.
Rose sat with her hands around her knees and looked at Anna with suspicion. It was not a secret that Rose had orchestrated the orgy that resulted in Anna’s punishment. If anyone should hold a grudge against Rose, Anna should be at the top of that list.
“I brought a salve for your feet,” Anna said, offering her a small jar.
Rose was puzzled. If the places were reversed, she would have never tried to soothe a person who had caused her grief.
“Why do you want to give comfort to the girl who hurt you?” Rose asked.
Anna put down the jar on the corner of the bed and Rose followed her every move with apt attention. Rose was waiting for her to make her move and hurt her for the suffering she had caused her.
“I hated that girl, but you are not her anymore,” Anna said. “You have changed over the past couple of weeks.”
“For better or worse?” Rose asked curiously.
Anna sighed and leaned back in her chair. A faraway expression came on Anna’s face as she remained silent for a whole minute. Rose knew how much time had passed because she was counting every second in her head. She was genuinely curious about what Anna might think of her.
“Olivia asked me to take part in her little scheme before she made the same offer to Molly,” Anna said. “I declined to participate in the deception because I knew you were starting to change.”
Rose appreciated the sentiment, but she knew for sure that Anna was mistaken. She had not started to feel regret over what she did to Anna until Lord Clifford mentioned it in their last meeting.
“I was still the same horrible and shallow person,” Rose said.
“How did you feel when I was punished?” Anna asked.
Rose flinched and looked away from Anna. Rose was elated when Anna was punished for a crime she did not commit. She had felt joy and happiness when Anna had begged for help.
“How about when Molly was punished?” Anna asked after a long pause.
Rose looked up at Anna as the meaning of her words started to settle in. When Molly was punished, Rose had felt… nothing.
She did not harbor any resentment for the girl who had participated in the lie that resulted in Rose’s punishment.
Anna was right. Rose had changed for good.
“I apologize for my behavior,” Rose said.
Anna gave her a warm smile. “You are already forgiven, Rose. Molly told us about the conversation you two had. The majority of the girls are sad for you. You are one of us, Rose.”
Rose smiled back at the courtesan she had once lashed out at for talking back to her.
Anna lifted the jar and Rose placed her feet near Anna who rubbed the medicine on her blistered feet. Rose closed her eyes and let Anna heal her wounds, inside and outside.
Chapter 18
Weeks passed since she was cast out of Lord Doris’ house. Rose’s condition had taken a turn for the worse with every passing day. She pretended to appear normal, but deep inside, every waking moment was a nightmare. She did not care about her appearance or the few girls who snickered behind her back for being a failure. She did not hide the hideous scar on her face, which was courtesy of a sharp object in the broom closet. She did not care how she looked. She certainly did not object to being repulsive to all her old customers.
The bane of all her heartaches was one man.
Lord William Clifford.
She had tried her best to forget him, but nothing seemed to be helping. Anna, John, Molly and Olivia were pleasant company who momentarily distracted her from her own problems, but by the end of the day, she had to lie alone in her bed and that’s when every fond and bitter memory would make their appearance.
She was in Hell. Her life was hell.
Olivia had invited her to a game of cards with her, Anna and John. She did not wish to engage in any sort of conversation with them, but after everything they had done for her, it seemed rude to turn down the invitation.
That’s how she ended up in Olivia’s room, playing games with Anna, John and Olivia.
Rose mostly kept quiet while John, Olivia, and Anna engaged in mundane topics, ranging from the weather to the current fashions and scandals in society. Rose had once found joy in those topics, but now they seemed bland and useless.
“Is a harlot’s heart not allowed to fall in love?” Anna asked Olivia. “Why do we have it beating in our chest like others?”
Rose’s head snapped towards Anna who had asked the question from Olivia, but her gaze was settled on Rose. It was an unsettling realization that her feelings were bare to the whole world.
“Society has different rules for people like us,” Olivia responded.
“Who gave them the right to make rules for us?” Anna asked. “This is not fair.”
Rose looked from Anna to Olivia and then John. Was she the only one who was foolish enough to break the rules of society? Had the other three ever experienced the same intensity of love as her? Had they every felt the same misery as her?
Olivia looked away from Anna and for a brief moment, there was a flicker of pain flashing in her otherwise emotionless eyes.
John, on the other hand, glared at Anna. He did not seem to like the question. In older days, Rose would have found his behavior suspicious and used it to her advantage, but now she was too tired to care about such things. She was done hurting others for her thrill.
“Fair or unfair, this is the way of the world,” John said rather irritably. “Love is not for the likes of us.”
Rose did not like it one bit. Her heart was rebelling against the idea of not being allowed to love. She hated that John was speaking the truth. Love should be for everyone.
“I abhor this,” Rose said angrily. “I despise myself for having these feelings. I loathe that I am in love with him.”
The room went silent as a tomb and she belatedly realized she had confessed to loving Lord Clifford. Olivia, John and Molly were the only three who knew about her secret and she had meant to keep it that way.
She had meant to dig that secret deep inside her soul, but certain secrets just never stayed secret. They were bound to come out one way or another.
“Whom are you talking about?” Anna asked.
Rose was at a loss for words. She did not know how to handle the situation that was getting out of hand faster than she had anticipated.
Rose looked down at her cards, wishing to vanish into thin air to avoid answering the uncomfortable question.
“John,” Olivia said. “Take Anna with you and tend to the customers waiting outside.”
Rose was grateful to her matron for showing her this small mercy. Anna complained a bit for being dismissed so rudely, but one look from John had her moving her butt out the room.
“These feelings will fade with time,” Olivia said once they were left alone. “Trust me.”
She wished it were that simple. Olivia could claim anything, but Rose could not deny her growing feelings towards Lord Clifford. Her feelings were not fading with time. They were increasing in intensity with every passing moment.
“I doubt that,” Rose said softly. “Love can never fade.”
Olivia sighed and said after a long pause, “You said I did not love the man who left me for someone else because I am selfish.”
Rose felt small and cheap for saying those hurtful words to her matron. She was angry that day and she had lashed out at the person she believed was mocking her love.
“I was angry,” Rose mumbled.
“There was some truth to your claim,” Olivia said, shrugging her shoulders. “I loved him, but my love faded when he left me unwed and with a little girl.”
Rose looked at her matron in bewilderment. She was not sure she was hearing very clearly. Olivia had a daughter and she had no idea about that? She had always assumed Olivia was a spinster.
“What little girl?” Rose asked. “What happened to her? Where is she?”
“She died because I could not afford warm clothing for my little girl,” Olivia said. “I failed as a mother.”
Olivia’s composure broke. A dam of tears burst out of her eyes. Her sobs were so heart wrenching, Rose started crying with her without even realizing it. A mother’s grief was breaking her heart.
Rose embraced Olivia and rubbed her back in a soothing manner.
“I am sorry for your loss,” Rose said.
Olivia pushed her away and wiped her tears with the sleeve of her gown. Rose had never seen her matron behaving like a commoner before that moment. But who could blame the suffering soul who had lost a child?
“When you started withering away for a man who was courting another girl, I saw myself in you and I got afraid,” Olivia said tearfully. “I am sorry for being hard on you that day. I was scared.”
Who would have thought that the notorious madam who was known for being heartless and selfish was actually a nice person beneath all the layers of lies and deceptions?
Rose had never imagined that Olivia was better than her at pretense. Olivia knew how to hide her grief while Rose had withered away only after a few weeks of separation from a man who had never loved her. Her pain was nothing compared to what Olivia had faced.
“I understand your reasons and I appreciate your concern,” Rose said. “I am sorry for being ungrateful to you for everything you have done for me.”
Rose had never been completely honest with anyone until that moment. There were always deceptions and lies embedded in what she said to others, but she was completely honest with Olivia when she told her she appreciated her help.
Rose could not help but remember what Lord Clifford had said about her. He had called her an imposter and a shallow person. Even though he had apologized for his harsh words, one could not help but wonder if there was a certain amount of truth to that accusation. As a courtesan, she shamelessly flirted with strangers without caring about consequences. She was shallow.
Chapter 19
William had meant to call on Lady Lillian and inform her that he was not going to be her suitor anymore. He had meant to apologize for giving her false hope. But he never got the chance to do any of those things.
As soon as he returned home after the party, his father sent him on a trip to their estates to deal with the problems of the tenants and purchase a property nearby.
