A Cowboy's Temptation, page 24
She tipped her chin up, narrowed her eyes. “I’m not so naïve, Scott. You don’t go with a woman like that for conversation.”
“Well, I did. God”—he shook his head—“don’t you know me better than that?”
“Know you?” She raged. “You’ve never given me a chance to know you. Every time I’ve asked about your past, about anything important like why you”—she looked away but not before he saw the shame flit across her face—“like why you were sick after being with me,” she continued, “you close up tighter than a bank safe.”
He crossed his arms over his chest. “I told you that night in the barn it wasn’t anything to do with you.”
“But you didn’t tell me what the problem was either. I asked you, Scott. And not only did I want to know, I deserved to know. I wanted you to confide in me, to lean on me, but you didn’t. You won’t. So, to answer your question, no, I don’t know you better than that and you’ve nobody to blame but yourself.”
Just because she was right didn’t mean he had to like it.
“Well, I’m trying to rectify that but you’re not being cooperative.”
“And I’m supposed to fall in line, is that it? You decide what, where, and when and I’m to obey like a dog?”
It was getting harder and harder to hang on to his temper. He took a slow breath. “I had a reason not to tell you but I’ve come to see I can’t keep this from you.”
“Let me guess, that woman had something to do with this change of heart?”
Scott grimaced. Hell, he knew before he admitted it Katie wouldn’t like his answer. “Yes, Charlotte helped me see it was the right thing to do.”
“Well you and Charlotte can both go to hell.”
He grabbed her arm when she tried to storm past him and held up his other to ward off the blow he figured was coming. Though her body shook with rage she didn’t try to hit him again.
“Katie, we can sort this out if you just calm down.”
“I’m not calming down! Twice you’ve made love to me and twice you were sick with regret after. I thought it was me, how could it not be, but then you’d be kind and sweet and I’d think, hope, maybe it wasn’t me after all. I thought we were building something, Scott, despite how we started. Today in town, when you kissed me, I felt, for the first time since we took our vows that maybe this marriage had a chance after all. But instead you chose to leave me.”
Her tears tore at his heart.
“You left me without a backward glance or an explanation. You hurt me, damn you, and I deserved better.”
“I know I did, and you do. I’m sorry.” He took a step closer. “Look, Katie, I’m not good with emotions and this sort of thing.”
Her back snapped straight. “You didn’t seem to have any problems with emotions when you laid eyes and hands on her.”
He threw up his hands. “I told you it wasn’t sexual.”
“Grey’s is all but a brothel, you told me so yourself, and now you expect me to believe that you embrace one of its whores on the street, follow her inside and it’s not sexual?”
“That’s right.”
Her gaze never left his. “I don’t believe you.”
Scott set his jaw. “Well, that’s your choice, isn’t it? I know the kind of man I am and I’m trying to show you, to explain the reasons I left you the way I did.”
“For a whore.”
His eyes narrowed. “No, for a friend.” Then, fighting his own temper and figuring they needed to cool off, he added, “Chancy needs to be brushed down. You let me know when you’re ready to listen to what I have to say.”
Tugging his hat low, Scott headed toward the corral to deal with his horse. At least he damn well understood horses. He was reaching for Chancy’s saddle when he heard her bunkhouse door slam.
“Son-of-a-bitch.” He swore. Frustrated, he spun, whisked his hat off his head, and sailed it across the yard.
Still stewing after looking after his horse, Scott tackled the woodpile. Swinging the ax helped somewhat. The physical exertion worked out some of his irritation but the repetitive task left his mind free to dwell on Katie.
He’d handled things poorly but he’d worked damn hard to make a good life for himself, to be the kind of man he could be proud of and it stung like the devil that she’d immediately thought the worst of him. Gnawing on that, he swung the ax until his shirt clung to his shoulders. When it began to itch, he shrugged it off and kept attacking the woodpile.
He waved at Annabelle when she skipped toward the porch, her fishing pole and bucket swinging in her hands. His mouth watered. He’d missed lunch and hadn’t dared go inside the house in case he woke Jillian. But the thought of fresh rainbow trout for supper had his stomach rumbling. For now, though, he’d fill the hunger with water. Pumping water from the well, he scooped handfuls into his mouth then splashed some more over his heated face and neck.
Hammering coming from the shed told him Wade had returned. Scott was glad Wade hadn’t also come up and demanded what the hell he’d been thinking this morning in town. Wade might not have confronted him yet, but Scott didn’t doubt his friend would. He sighed and grabbed another log. While he understood why Wade would want to protect his sister-in-law and know what his best friend had been thinking, Scott was getting mighty tired of defending himself.
In the garden, Katie hacked at the weeds. The way she worked the hoe told him she hadn’t cooled off yet either. He slapped another log on the chopping block. If she hadn’t been so stubborn, he could have explained and neither of them would be steaming in the afternoon heat.
By the time Annabelle stepped onto the porch to ring the bell for supper, Scott’s stomach felt completely hollowed out and he was a little lightheaded from the work and lack of food. But at least his temper had settled down. He hoped Katie’s had as well.
Stepping into the porch, Scott nearly wept at the aroma. Shepherd’s pie. His mouth watered. He made quick work of washing up but stopped short when he stepped into the kitchen saw the table was only set for three. Just about then he heard the front door close. Ah, hell. He suddenly felt as though he’d been ambushed.
“Katie suggested she and Annabelle have a picnic supper down by the river.” Wade gave Scott a knowing look. “We figured that was probably best, all things considered.”
“Yeah,” Scott conceded.
While he knew Annabelle would love it, he didn’t doubt the real reason Katie had suggested it. She wanted to be as far away from him as possible. He slid his gaze Jillian’s way. Her hands were clasped over her belly, using it, as he’d come to think, as a shelf. While neither of them started yelling at him, their unasked questions hung thicker and heavier than morning fog in the fall.
“You may as well say what’s on your minds,” he said as he took a seat at the table.
Jillian spoke first. “Scott, you’re the closest thing I have to a brother and I love you, but if you don’t make things right with her I may castrate you in your sleep.”
As she was a vet Scott didn’t doubt she could do it. He brought his legs tightly together.
“I tried today, she wouldn’t hear me out.” He poured himself a glass of water from the pitcher. “I thought I’d try again tomorrow, once we get back from helping the Carrigan’s move their herd up to the high country.”
Jillian nodded. “Good.”
Scott turned to Wade. “Well?”
Wade just gestured to the bruise darkening Scott’s jaw. “Who gave you that? Katie or Shane?”
Scott sighed. “Both.”
“Then I’m good.” Wade chuckled.
All right. Feeling as though things were falling into place, Scott heaped his plate full of Shepherd’s pie, then buttered two pieces of cornbread. When his belly was full and he was sipping his coffee he stretched back into his chair.
“Jillian, you were just kidding about the castration, right?”
She looked at him over the rim of her cup, took a long, considering sip. Then she lowered her coffee to the table.
“Mostly,” she answered.
Chapter Fourteen
The sky was still black and everyone else remained asleep when Wade and Scott rode out the next morning. As James and Eileen’s place was on the way to the Carrigan’s spread, Shane had opted to meet them there. Dawn was nothing but a pale blue line on the horizon when Scott and Wade met up with Shane, Eileen, and James.
They hadn’t ridden far when Shane brought his horse round to Scott’s side. “How’s the jaw?” he asked.
Scott snorted. “You hit like a girl.”
“Must be some girl,” Wade added coming in along Scott’s other side. “It left a hell of a bruise.”
Scott didn’t bother glaring as it was still too dark but he didn’t need light to curse his friend. “Piss off,” he grumbled, though there wasn’t much heat behind his words.
Shane laughed. “God, this is so much more fun when I’m not the butt of the joke.”
Scott brought his gaze round. “You can be. Why was Silver mad at you yesterday? What did you do now?”
Wade’s saddle creaked as he leaned forward to talk past Scott. “You piss Silver off again?”
“When don’t I, would be the better question.” Shane growled.
“It must have been something big, whatever it was. Silver came into the jailhouse yesterday as I was talking with Shane,” Scott began. “She kissed me on the cheek when I told her I planned to make things right with Katie. She said it’s a shame not all men did that.” Scott grinned, enjoying himself now. “She was looking right at Shane when she said it.”
Wade whistled. “Sounds like something big all right. Spit it out, Shane. What did you do this time?”
“Oh, for God’s sake, it’s not as though I tossed her onto one of her tables and ravished her!” Shane exclaimed.
Scott choked on his saliva.
Wade sucked in a shocked breath.
But before either of them could formulate a response Shane cursed and trotted ahead.
Still trying to make sense of Shane’s outburst, Scott turned to Wade. “If he didn’t ravish her on the table, what the heck did he do to get her so fired up?”
It was light enough now to see Wade grin. “Hell if I know, but I for one plan on harassing him until he coughs it up.”
Scott chuckled. “Count me in.”
Katie yawned and stretched. With the men off to the Carrigan ranch where they’d be fed a large breakfast before moving the cows up the mountain, Jillian had decided they’d take the opportunity to sleep in. Having been awake a good part of the night first listening to the mournful songs of Scott’s harmonica then later simmering over his snores and the fact he could even fall asleep with the way things had been left between them, Katie was glad for the late start. Rolling onto her side, she brought the light quilt up to her chin. Despite the hours lain awake, her heart remained conflicted.
He wanted her to believe he hadn’t followed that woman into Grey’s to lie with her. Katie could admit he’d said it with conviction and he’d seemed genuinely hurt she hadn’t believed him. And while she wanted desperately to believe he wouldn’t hurt her in such a way, no other explanation made sense. Whores didn’t make money by talking and besides, she’d seen the way the woman had launched herself into Scott’s arms. The way his had closed around her.
Why had Scott gone to her? The question haunted Katie. It wasn’t because she’d refused him. The way her body came alive when he was near, when he touched her, she couldn’t imagine ever refusing him. And, dammit, by all appearances he’d felt the same.
Which brought her back to the conclusion she’d reached last night while listening to Scott’s soft snores through the walls of the bunkhouse. She was going to have to hear his explanation. But so help her, if he started to extoll the woman’s virtues, he’d earn himself another slap.
She supposed she could forbid him to go back to Grey’s but she didn’t want a husband who came to her because she was his only option, she wanted a man who wouldn’t even consider his other options. Dammit, she wanted to be first. For once in her life, she wanted to be someone’s priority, someone’s everything. But she wouldn’t demand it. It had to come willingly from the heart.
So she wouldn’t forbid him from going to Grey’s. But she could, and would, forbid him from her bed if he chose to continue relations with Charlotte. Alex’s parents didn’t sleep in the same bed and according to him it was common practice. Not that she cared if it was common practice or not. So long as Scott chose to lie with another woman he wouldn’t be lying with her.
Folks in town would talk, and she loathed the idea of being gossiped about, but Katie Matthews, or Katie Taylor now, wouldn’t stand for less than she deserved. For many years, indeed until as recently as yesterday, she’d wondered what was lacking in her. Well, she didn’t wonder anymore because now she knew the answer. Nothing. Nothing was lacking in her.
She was smart and hardworking. She was a quick learner and she’d found a connection with horses. If Scott couldn’t see her worth then he was the one lacking but Katie was done second-guessing herself. And, mercy, didn’t it feel to know she was done with that!
She’d be a good sister, a great aunt, and she’d make a full life for herself on the ranch. It wouldn’t be easy to see Scott on a daily basis, see him and know he was bedding another, but at least she’d be able to hold her head high, knowing she wasn’t lowering herself by accepting his whore along with his advances.
With that settled, Katie tossed off the covers. One way or the other, when Scott returned tonight, they’d settle things. She’d be fair; she’d listen with an open mind.
But Scott Taylor had better have a damn good reason for what he’d done to her.
Since neither Annabelle nor Jillian had stepped from the house Katie eased the porch door open. Jillian had been tired lately and Katie didn’t want to wake her sister if she wasn’t already up. Although she was quite surprised Annabelle wasn’t out and about. The child overflowed energy.
She needn’t have worried. As soon as she stepped inside she smelled the pancakes and heard giggling in the kitchen.
“Am I missing the party?” Katie asked.
“Aunt Katie,” Annabelle exclaimed. “I’m making pancakes!”
And wearing most of the flour, despite the apron she wore over her gingham dress.
“Yes,” Katie smiled, as she wiped a smear of batter off her niece’s cheek before giving it a kiss. “I see that.”
Jillian finished setting the table. Her face was serious when she turned. “I was about to send Annabelle for you. We weren’t excluding you.”
Katie wrapped an arm around her sister, pressed her cheek to Jillian’s. “I never thought otherwise.” And it spoke to just how far they’d come that she really hadn’t.
Just then Jillian went a little pale and her hand clenched Katie’s. The bottom fell out of Katie’s stomach. “Is it the baby?”
Jillian tried to smile but it was more a grimace. “I think it’s running out of room in there,” she said, her free hand pressing on the underside of her belly. Then her grip lessened, her color returned. “You can breathe, Katie. The baby’s not coming today.”
“I certainly hope not!” Katie squealed. Good Lord, she was looking forward to becoming an aunt again but that didn’t mean she wanted to be the only adult with Jillian when it came.
“Mama says the baby won’t be here for another week,” Annabelle said, adding more golden pancakes to her growing stack.
“That’s right,” Jillian confirmed. “Now, let’s eat while it’s hot.”
Katie kept a wary eye on Jillian but her worry ebbed when her sister devoured her share of the pancakes. Surely a woman wouldn’t have such an appetite if she were about to give birth.
They giggled their way through washing the dishes and tidying the kitchen. Outside, they split the chores with Jillian feeding and watering the horses while Katie mucked out stalls and Annabelle gathered eggs. When Katie was done spreading clean straw, she swept the aisle of the barn and straightened the tack room.
She loved everything about the barn. Loved the smell of wood and horseflesh, of fresh bedding and hay. She drew comfort from running her hands over the smooth leather of the saddles and watching the cats scamper and play. In fact, it wasn’t just the barn she loved. It was everything about the ranch. The mountains that surrounded them, the fresh air, the sound of cattle bellowing, the horses prancing in the corrals.
She loved working hard, getting dirty, and knowing her work contributed to the whole, made a difference. She wasn’t just passing time, wasn’t simply another body in the crowd. Here she—
Katie leaned against one of the stalls. Mercy, it was all so simple.
Jillian lumbered up the aisle. “Katie? Is everything all right?”
“It all makes sense now.”
“What does?”
“Everything,” she said. “It’s no secret now I wasn’t happy at home, that I felt as though I didn’t matter. When I was finally free to leave, I knew I was chasing two dreams. One was to have adventures, to see and experience things I only dreamt about those endless nights I was alone in my room. I wanted to see more than the city of Philadelphia, to know more than the same four walls of that house.
“My second dream was finding my purpose. Finding something that made a difference, that filled what was missing inside of me. I knew it wasn’t in Pennsylvania and I figured, hoped, that somewhere in the things I’d see and experience coming west I’d find my passion, my place.
“It’s here, Jillian. My place is here.”
Jillian raised a skeptical brow. “In the barn?”
Laughter bubbled from Katie’s chest. “Yes, in the barn. Where I’m strong and capable, where I love what I do and it makes me feel useful and happy. Jillian.” She clasped her sister’s hands. “For the first time in my life I feel as though I’m truly home.”
“Oh.” Jillian’s chin trembled. Tears filled her eyes. “Oh, that’s lovely.”
