His Curvy Fantasy, page 16
“Anna…”
“No, Goldie, don’t. I just… I’m going to enjoy whatever is happening between us, but I can’t focus on long term. That’s why I’m not telling the boys. They’ll start to think of him differently, and when it ends, they’ll be hurt. I can’t put them through that. I just can’t.”
“I think you’re wrong. About all of it. But you’re not ready to hear it yet, so I’ll let it go. But one day, you’re going to understand that you’re going to need to take a chance if you’re going to get anything better than what you have right now.”
“What I have is good enough. I don’t need better.” I don’t deserve better.
“I disagree,” Goldie said. “But we can agree to disagree. Are you going to come to book club on Sunday?”
“I’m not sure.”
“You should. I’d really like to have a friend there. Is Joey working Sunday?”
I shook my head. “Not this week.”
“Good, then you have to come. I’ll pick you up so you don’t chicken out.”
I laughed. “Sometimes I don’t like you.”
“I’m okay with that. I get it a lot.”
I hugged Goldie and tried to hold in all the emotions trying to break free. She hugged me a little tighter, like she knew I needed the extra squeeze to get them back in. When she released me, she smiled.
“I’ll see you Sunday. For now, I need to get back to work.”
“Say hi to Patrick,” I teased.
She rolled her eyes. “If only he was twenty years older, maybe I wouldn’t feel like such a creep for thinking he’s cute. Oh, well.”
“You’re not a creep. And I think you should take a chance.”
She snorted. “I will if you do.”
I glared at her. “Touché.”
“See you Sunday.”
I waved as she wrapped her coat tighter and turn to go to her car. I was not looking forward to book club.
“No freaking way. You got married?” Willow shouted.
Goldie and I had just walked into Book Boyfriends Unlimited. We didn’t know who Willow was talking to, but Goldie tugged me forward to find out.
“I did,” Elise said as we turned the corner. “We eloped on New Year’s Eve. Just the two of us. It was really nice.”
“I knew,” Finley said, smirking at everyone.
“How did you know?” Willow asked.
“Trent helped them set everything up,” Finley said.
“Thank you for not telling everyone. And for making it so nice. We need to thank Trent, too. It was really amazing of him to do everything he did,” Elise said.
“Tell us everything. I’m up to my eyeballs in diapers and formula,” Blake said. “I need to live vicariously through people who have the energy and the vagina to have sex.”
“My nephew will give you a break, eventually. Once you’re cleared for fun again, maybe Maddox can spend the night with George so the boys can play,” Finley offered.
“I don’t think I’m going to let Ian touch me ever again. Not if I’m going to be this exhausted every time we have a baby.”
“It gets easier,” I said.
They all turned to look at me.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt.”
Blake shook her head. “Please, interrupt and tell me all about when it gets easier. Right now I feel like I’m floating because I’m existing on such little sleep.”
“It’s like that. When they start sleeping through the night, it’s easier. Then again when they eat solid food and sleep even longer. And again when they can get themselves in and out of bed and fix their own breakfast. Not that it’s easy with teenagers, but it’s a different kind of challenging. More mentally exhausting than physically.”
“Ooh, you almost had me,” Blake teased. “Okay, I have hope again. And Elise hasn’t told us a thing because I was complaining. Elise, tell us everything. How was the hotel?”
“The hotel was gorgeous,” Elise said. Her smile was dreamy and faraway, like she was seeing it all again. “Trent set us up in this amazing suite. It was far too expensive and lavish, but it was amazing. And he wouldn’t let us pay for anything.”
“That’s a nice perk,” Trinity said.
“Very nice. And unexpected. I think Colin asked Trent because he figured he’d know of a good place to stay, but neither of us expected he would pay for everything. He even got us dinner reservations the evening of our wedding and paid for that. We had breakfast delivered to the room every morning, and it was everything a destination elopement should be.” Elise grinned widely and clapped her hands together. She was sporting a simple band with a solitaire diamond engagement ring. It suited her.
“You look happy,” Blake said.
Elise nodded. “I am. I never thought I’d get married. Hell, I never thought I’d have a relationship again. But Colin is amazing. He’s never once rushed me or made me feel like I was being ridiculous for how slowly I wanted to take things. Most guys would have been impatient, but not him.”
“He’s perfect for you,” Willow said.
Elise smiled. “He really is. I know I’m lucky.”
“I’m happy for you,” Finley said. “We all are. You deserve a man who lights you up and makes you feel like you’re worth the wait in every possible way.”
“We all deserve that,” Elise said.
“From your lips to God’s ears,” Sofia teased.
“Any prospects?” Trinity asked her.
Sofia shook her head. “Nope. I took a break from dating. I never dated much anyway, and being on all the time was exhausting.”
“I feel that so much,” Goldie said. “I have to be on for work, and when I leave for the day, all I want to do is chill out. Of course, I’d love a guy who melts my panties like Anna has, but—”
“Melts your panties? What?” Finley barked. She looked between Goldie and I as I tried to hide behind my hand. “What are you talking about? Who are you talking about?”
“I’m so sorry,” Goldie whispered. “It just came out.”
“Start talking,” Finley demanded. “Or Goldie will.”
I gave Goldie a wide-eyed look that I hoped would get her to not say anything. She rolled her lips in and shook her head.
“Who is she talking about?” Finley demanded.
I was a little afraid of my boss at that moment. She was glaring at me and singularly focused on making me answer. I wasn’t ready to tell my sons, but telling a room full of Hudson’s friends was only slightly less appealing. When things ended, I’d lose people. Or at least my relationships with them would change. I was not looking forward to it.
“I have a guess,” Elise said.
“Who is it?” Finley demanded.
“I thought Anna and Hudson would get together,” Trinity said. “I told Karissa months ago.”
“You’re good,” Goldie said before I could formulate a response.
“Hudson?” Finley shouted. “From next door?”
“I like it. He needs someone like you. Someone who won’t put up with shit but who’s going to be everything he’s ever wanted,” Elise said.
“That’s true,” Finley said. “He always wanted kids. He told me he and Hillary were talking about it when she died.”
“And he adores Anna’s kids. Have you seen him with them?” Willow asked.
“Guys, she’s melting down in a very different way,” Blake said.
They all turned to look at me. Panic was in full swing. Hudson only wanted me because I had kids?
“When James and I got together, all we did was fight. But it was hot. I didn’t want to be around him unless we were having sex. And all the fighting you and Hudson did reminded me of James and me,” Trinity explained like it made all the sense in the world.
“So, he hates me and wants my kids?” I squeaked.
“Anna, he doesn’t hate you,” Finley said. “He likes you. He told me he does. He’s a good guy. And he would never be with you because of anything other than he likes you.”
“Can we go back to the whole melting panties thing? Because if he has that effect on you, why are you even worried about anything?” Elise asked.
“Because she hasn’t been in a relationship since her ex and she thinks things with Hudson are going to end. She hasn’t told Joey and Matty she’s seeing Hudson,” Goldie provided.
“Listen, I get that more than anyone else,” Elise said. “I really do. When I met Colin, I had zero interest in a relationship. I wanted to run from him. But we kept getting thrown together. And like I said, he never pushed me. He let me be comfortable with how our relationship progressed and how we did everything. I know other guys I tried to date or hooked up with never would have been that patient. Things with Hudson might end—”
“Elise!” Finley hissed.
“She needs to know that. It’s true. We can’t tell the future. It might end. They might not last. What Anna’s really afraid of is if they do. That’s the scary part for someone like her and me. A relationship ending is comfortable. She didn’t want us to know because we’re friends with Hudson and if things end, she thinks we’re going to choose his side. Same with her sons, I’m guessing. You probably took on more than your fair share of shit from your ex, from the debt you mentioned and full responsibility for your kids, but also explaining his absence and convincing them he’s not the worthless garbage he is. You have said very little about him, and my guess is you try hard to protect his image for the sake of your kids. You’d do the same with Hudson. He could cheat on you and you’d still say it just didn’t work out. Not that Hudson would, but you know what I mean. Anna’s doing the heavy lifting. And having hope and giving up a piece of your protection to someone else is terrifying.”
Everyone stared at Elise while she spoke. I felt her words to my very core. Everything she said was the absolute truth. It wasn’t easy to admit, but it was what I’d been thinking.
“What she said,” I whispered.
They turned back to me, and I saw the pity on their faces. That was worse than the misunderstanding.
“Nope,” Elise said. “You can’t pity her. Life sucks for all of us. We all have our struggles. We all handle them differently. Sometimes life kicks the shit out of you, and you have a harder time getting back up again. But she’s up. She’s dating. She’s trying. That’s more than a lot of people would do.”
“But—” Finley said.
“Anna, Hudson should consider himself lucky to have a shot with you. I love Hudson, and I don’t say that lightly, but you’re stronger than you give yourself credit for. Don’t sell yourself short. And talk to your sons. Give them the chance to show you how strong they are, too, because with a mom like you, I have no doubt they’re stronger than any of you know.”
My throat tightened at Elise’s encouragement. I nodded, unable to force words out.
Finley reached over and grabbed my hand. Blake smiled at me. Trinity winked. Goldie mouthed sorry. Everyone else went back to their cake and conversation, letting me absorb everything.
“I’m really happy for you,” Finley said after a minute. “And if things don’t work out, I’m still going to love both of you. I don’t want you to ever think I wouldn’t.”
“Thank you,” I whispered.
I let the emotions run through me and made a decision I should have made a long time ago. I was going to tell my boys about Hudson. And I was going to try to let him into more than just my body.
If I was honest with myself, he was already working his way into my heart, but I wasn’t sure my heart was strong enough. But with these amazing, courageous women around me, maybe one day I would be.
18
I filtered out of Book Boyfriends Wanted with everyone else. Since I arrived with Goldie, she was my ride home, but I wasn’t completely ready to leave yet.
“Are you okay?” Goldie asked.
I stood on the sidewalk and looked at O’Kelley’s. I was still scared. There were still a lot of unknowns. But I wanted to be brave and give us a chance.
“I think so,” I said after a minute.
“Do you want me to wait for you? I don’t mind. But if he’s going to give you a ride home, that’s okay, too.”
“I don’t even know if he’s here.”
“He’s always there. And if he wasn’t, I think he’d show up if you asked him to.”
“Am I crazy?” I asked her. I felt crazy. I felt like I hadn’t felt since I was half my age and was with Nick. When I was young and free and thought I had the whole world in front of me. I’d changed in twenty years. I had two kids to think about, and a lifetime of hurt and betrayal to overcome. Was it really a good idea to get involved with someone? Especially someone who really was a good man and deserved so much better than me?
“I think at our ages, we get used to stability. We don’t like to shake things up. If nothing changes, nothing changes. There’s nothing wrong with that, but if you aren’t willing to step outside your comfort zone and see if there’s something better out there for you, you’ll never know if you can be happier.”
“Is it really that simple? What if what’s outside my comfort zone makes me less happy?”
“It might. But then you go back to your comfort zone and don’t try again until you think there’s a chance it’ll be better.”
“I’m scared.”
“We’re all scared. He is, too.”
I drew a deep, cold breath and let it out slowly, the icy air hovering in front of me before dissipating and disappearing. I wanted better. It was easy to go after it for my sons, but for myself, it was a bigger challenge. For myself, I spent years saying I didn’t deserve it.
What if I was right?
“I’ll go in with you. If he’s there, you can talk to him. If he’s not, I’ll drive you home.”
“Don’t leave me,” I begged, grabbing her arm.
“I promise.”
I held on to Goldie’s confidence and let her lead me inside. It was dark inside and not very crowded. A group of people were playing pool and having a lot of fun. More people were scattered around the tables and a few sat at the bar.
I barely saw any of them because the moment we walked in, my gaze landed on Hudson. He was smiling at something a man said to him. His smile transformed his face, taking the harsh edges off him and making him look more approachable and friendly.
He lifted his gaze and saw me, a slow smile curling his lips as desire sank into his eyes.
Goldie shoved me forward, her solid strength by my side.
Hudson never once looked away from me. He said something to the man he’d been speaking to, then met me at the end of the bar. “Hey.”
I just stared at him. I was so sure an hour ago, then so completely terrified just a few minutes ago, and now all I wanted was for him to wrap his arms around me and say all the words for me.
“Anna wanted to talk to you. Can you two go to your office?” Goldie said for me.
Hudson nodded. “Of course.”
Goldie slid onto a stool and flagged down the other bartender. Hudson held his hand out for me to go ahead of him down the hallway to his office.
He closed the door behind us and moved to the far side. He crossed his arms and stood there, waiting for me to speak.
“Iwanttotelltheboysaboutus,” I blurted. All the words ran together, barely intelligible.
“What?”
I took a breath and tried again. “I want to tell the boys about us. I want them to know we’re dating.”
“Seriously?” He breathed a laugh and shook his head.
“Yeah. It’s time. I don’t like lying to them, and everyone else I know, and I want to tell them.”
“Shit, I thought you were here to end things.”
“Why did you think that?”
“Because you looked like you were going to throw up. I figured you didn’t want to be the one to say we’re done.”
I shook my head. “I don’t want that. But if you do—”
“No,” he blurted. He moved across the room toward me. “Not a chance.” He stopped just before he touched me. His body was close enough I could feel his heat all over me, surrounding me but not touching. “I’m in this, Anna. I want us to have a real shot.”
“So do I.”
He nodded and leaned down, stopping again before we touched. “Can I kiss you now?”
“Yes, please.”
He smiled and closed the last bit of distance between us. It was a kiss of relief and desire and demand. It was a kiss that rearranged parts of me and filled in with parts of him. Admitting to him that I wanted us to have a chance was scary, but he didn’t laugh at me or reject me. He wanted the same thing. And that was good.
His hands stayed in neutral zones, even though the kiss wandered into the obscene. If we were anywhere else, we would have been naked and sealing our agreement in another way. But he was working, and I had to get home.
He pulled back after not nearly long enough. He licked his lips and breathed deeply, his warm breath fanning over my cheeks as he forced himself to calm down.
“I’m really happy you’re going to keep seeing me. I have one request.”
“What’s that?”
“Let me take you on a date. A real date. With dinner and whatever else you want. Dancing, a movie, bowling, I don’t care as long as we get to go out and I can show everyone that I’m the lucky son-of-a-bitch who gets to hold you and touch you and kiss you.”
My lips lifted higher and higher with his words until I felt like my cheeks would split open. I nodded, and he kissed me again, the kind of kiss that stole my breath and my brain and a piece of my heart and gave them all to him.
When he pulled back this time, he just grinned. “Thank you.”
“I should be thanking you. You’re the one who asked me out.”
“Trust me, I’m the lucky one here.”
