El & Em, page 13
“Think you'll be able to sleep here?” Emmett asked.
“Um...maybe.” Luke half-chuckled with a kind of guilty satisfaction, like a small boy getting away with something. He shifted restlessly then turned toward Emmett again. “You know, Em, I think I might be what they call a bisexual.”
“Yeah?”
“Um...what about you?”
“I think I like you a lot.”
Luke smiled at that, then lowered his voice conspiratorially. “I might just have a little...tiny...crush on you.”
Emmett tried not to laugh. “Oh, really?”
“You ain't mad, are you?”
“Nope.” Emmett tightened his arm reassuringly, which was apparently all the encouragement Luke needed. He kissed Emmett again, on the lips this time, and Emmett didn't have to be persuaded. They made out for a while, like they used to do in the tent back in the studio days, leisurely, mouth on mouth, or jaw or throat, hands on each other's back or face.
It all seemed rather innocent to Emmett at first, a bit sweet; he wasn't worried that it might take them somewhere complicated. As long as their hands stayed above the waist, which seemed to be the unspoken agreement, he thought this was more a form of closeness and comfort than desire. He enjoyed it, and it would help Luke sleep, so why not?
When Luke's hands started to reach down to the top of his pajama pants, Emmett moved them away, and at first Luke obeyed the implicit instruction. His hands slid up Emmett's back to the shoulder blades, then around to the front, stroking his chest and the space between his ribs. Emmett understood that Luke had always found his body intriguing; he turned onto his back to make the exploration easier. Luke's touch on his skin felt good, but surely this was just slightly tipsy curiosity.
Luke paused and raised himself up a little. “I...really want to look after you like you looked after me,” he whispered.
“Nope,” Emmett said. He leaned over to kiss Luke's mouth. “Let's stick to this.”
Luke lowered his head and ran his hands along the sides of Emmett's chest and ribs, then started to make his way slowly downward. This was starting to feel a little less innocent. Luke was not sticking to their agreement at all, but despite his words Emmett didn’t want him to; he wrapped his arms around Luke's back, slowing his downward momentum but not stopping it, and watched with a mix of excitement and trepidation.
The movement stopped. Lying on top of Emmett now, Luke could obviously feel his arousal. He reached for the pajama waistband again, gently. “Please...”
Emmett's mind whirled with indecision. He slid his hands over Luke's, holding them still. “You're just...curious,” he managed.
“Ohhh...yeah.” Luke's whisper was a half-laughing, half-embarrassed admission that left Emmett more confounded than ever. If he let Luke finish exploring, would that be the end of it? Would it make things more complicated later or less? Would it help Luke get to sleep? It was so hard to think. How did he best take care of this boy in his arms? Surely, surely, letting him do what they both wanted couldn't be a bad thing?
Emmett released his hold and in an instant Luke's hands were pulling down the front of his pajama pants and reaching inside. One hand closed around Emmett's cock, then shifted a couple of times, as though weighing the heft and experimenting to find the best grip. Emmett arched up into the touch and shut his eyes in anticipation. Luke's grip felt good – maybe better than a woman's; stronger and more confident. This wasn't going to take long. Then the hand disappeared, and a moment later a warm wetness enveloped his dick.
“Luke –” Emmett's eyes flew open. This wasn't our agreement, he wanted to say, but couldn't quite get it out. He reached down and caught Luke's hair in his hands, then hastily let go lest he exert too much pressure. Luke did not seem to be a stranger to this new activity; he brought Emmett to full hardness quickly and then took his time, building intensity slowly, occasionally switching from mouth to hand and back again. When Emmett neared his climax he reached for Luke again to warn him, but Luke made no effort to pull away, only tightened his grip on Emmett's hips, until it was over and Emmett fell back on the bed.
“Sweet Jesus, Luke.” Emmett didn't have the strength to sound as forceful as he meant to. He wrapped his arms around Luke, who was sliding back up his chest. “That was...” he started, then gave up trying to speak.
Luke kissed Emmett's mouth before sliding down on to the bed beside him. Emmett turned, curled his body around Luke's, threw an arm over him, and fell asleep almost immediately.
In the morning Emmett woke early, as usual, and immediately remembered the night before. He glanced over to see Luke asleep in the bed beside him. Well, he must have managed to sleep at some point.
Emmett slipped out of bed and quietly called room service to order breakfast: full American for him, toast and eggs for Luke; they knew each other's routines by now.
By the time the food arrived, Luke was awake and sitting up in bed. “Mornin’, Em,” he drawled.
“Morning, El,” Emmett said, bringing the trays over.
“Uh...thanks for last night.”
“No problem,” Emmett said without thinking, then laughed at himself. “I should thank you. Sorry I passed out right afterward. Man, how'd you get so good at that?”
Luke smiled cryptically. “Instinct?”
It was hard to know whether to believe him or not, but Emmett didn't pry. They sat side by side on the bed, working on their meals. “Did you get to sleep okay after I did?”
“Yep.”
“How come you couldn't sleep earlier, anyway?”
“Curiosity.” Luke said it with a little smirk, and for a moment Emmett was amused. Then he felt a sudden spark of irritation, an old grudge somehow linked to that word and older memories.
“You curious about Gordie too?”
For a second Luke stared at him, baffled. Emmett regretted his words immediately, but it was too late; Luke's expression turned to understanding, and then hurt.
“No.” Luke looked like he'd had the wind knocked out of him. “Never once thought of him that way.”
“Sorry.”
“What have I ever done to make you think... ”
“Nothing. I was just being stupid.”
“Well – your turn I guess.”
The mood had soured in an instant. Emmett wished he could turn back time. “I didn't mean it, Lukey. I'm sorry.”
They ate in silence for a couple of minutes. Then Luke reached over to squeeze Emmett's thigh. “People been curious about you that way before I guess. That's why you asked.”
Emmett didn't really want to talk about it, but wasn't he the one who brought it up? “Yeah.”
“The chicks backstage...?”
“Some of ’em.” Emmett shot Luke a sideways glance. “Some of ’em just want to meet you. Either way, I avoid those ones.”
“I bet.” Luke chewed on his toast, then spoke without looking at Luke. “Guys too?”
Emmett paused. “Some. In college.” He knew what Luke wanted to ask but didn't quite dare. To forestall further discussion, he got up, grabbing their trays and taking them out to the hall. When he came back into the room, Luke was on the edge of the bed, pulling on his jeans.
“Listen, Em...” Luke said, looking up with his t-shirt in his hands. “We ain't gotta do this if you don't wanna.”
“I like it.”
“I know I can be pushy. You can just tell me to fuck off.”
“Why would I do that?” Emmett came over to sit beside him. “I told you, I like it.”
“You never start nothin’ though,” Luke said lightly. He pulled his shirt over his head and reached for his shoes while Emmett considered.
“That doesn't mean I don't think about it.” That was the truth; he did think about it. It just never occurred to him to do something about it, the way Luke did.
“So next time you think about it, call me.” Luke grinned and pecked Emmett's cheek, waved and was on his way.
Chapter 13
After that, Luke and Emmett often got together when they were alone at night. Emmett figured Luke's crush wouldn't last forever so he might as well enjoy it while it continued. Even when he brought a woman back to the hotel with him, Emmett would often find himself wondering what Luke was up to. He had the impression Luke was much more selective than him in bringing back guests.
Overall, Emmett enjoyed the whole tour even more than the previous one. He was hugely proud of the band onstage – this was the tightest, hardest working group of musicians he'd ever played with. Even better, while he obviously loved Luke best, he was fond of everyone he worked with, from band mates to crew and roadies.
Between shows, Emmett worked with Gordon, and then with Eddie as well, to develop his voice and take on more backup vocals and harmonies. He enjoyed the singing, and Luke seemed especially pleased, calling his voice surprisingly sweet and even giving him a couple of short solos. But there were limits to what Emmett could take on while still leaving enough lung capacity for his trumpet and harp, and he didn't think Luke was fully satisfied.
On many days Emmett almost felt sorry for Luke, who constantly had so much to deal with. He seemed to like being in control, at least at first, but was obviously overwhelmed at times. Emmett recognized the signs of stress when Luke grew short-tempered and snappish with the team, or sometimes just withdrawn. But no matter how high the pressure, Luke never spoke sharply to him.
And every night or two, the band lit up the stage. Everything would be forgotten in those three or four hours except the pure joy of performing. Luke commanded these large rooms and huge crowds just as effectively as he did the tiny dive bars back in Philly. Not quite thirty yet, he still had his boyish charm but now he leavened it with moments of dramatic power. Emmett never got over his amazement at the deep, old man's voice that would suddenly emanate from his young friend, as though an ancient soul inhabited the youthful body.
With Eddie on his other side, Luke now had two focal points for his chaotic onstage energy, though Eddie tended to focus more on his guitar and vocals than responding to Luke. Emmett, on the other hand, still loved letting Luke bounce off him in every possible way. By unspoken agreement, the two of them never talked about or planned their onstage antics, trusting to the energy of the moment for maximum spontaneity.
Still, as the tour went on they found themselves returning to certain poses that seemed particularly iconic – standing side by side at the edge of the stage, holding their instruments triumphantly aloft, during one of the anthems; or locking gazes and swaying together at centre stage when Luke's guitar accompanied Emmett's harp refrain during a slow, haunting number. Emmett understood that Luke used these moments for their symbolic power, to communicate a message or heighten the mythology of their partnership, and he had no objection. Whatever the symbolism might mean, it seemed truthful to him.
Of course, what the audience didn't see were the private moments that offset those public displays – the celebratory spray of water Luke would direct at Emmett when he cooled himself off; his quick squeeze as he passed Emmett while running across the stage; the way he grabbed Emmett's hand in the dark between songs.
Sometimes Emmett wondered if Luke had mixed up the private and the public the first time they kissed each other onstage. It was at the end of a show, during their final encore song – “Flaming Up”, an early rocker that never failed to bring the house down – during which Luke traditionally used an extended bridge to introduce the band. He always saved Emmett for last, announcing him as “Emmett The Mountain Evans!” while Emmett took a moment to preen for the audience. Then the band would pick up the song again, and Luke and Emmett would circle each other like prowling panthers during the instrumental break before putting their heads together at the mic to shout out a vocal. That night was just like every other except that as they faced each other across the mic stand, Luke leaned over another couple of inches and impetuously kissed Emmett's lips.
Emmett wasn't sure anyone in the audience even caught the tiny moment. Luke smirked at his raised eyebrows as though it were just another private gesture, and neither of them spoke about it afterward. But from then on, every night during the “Flaming Up” encore, Luke and Emmett shared that fleeting kiss in front of a thousand fans.
The set-up on this tour was much better than the last one. The venues were bigger and properly ventilated, the stages higher, security more effective, so at first Emmett worried less. But he still kept a close eye on Luke while they played, and it wasn't only to catch cues. As the shows grew longer he saw signs of Luke pushing himself past his limits. Once or twice, toward the end of a show, Luke stumbled slightly and Emmett caught him, holding on until Luke regained his breath and nodded his ability to continue. The band added in a short break before the final encore, but Luke couldn't be persuaded to stay off stage for more than a couple of minutes. As the final song ended Luke would lift his guitar to the crowd and sometimes fall against Emmett's chest, where Emmett would hold him until he felt Luke's heartbeat drop to a normal rhythm.
No one was surprised when it finally happened, on a hot August night at an outdoor show in Tulsa. Local operators had set up fans that were entirely ineffective, and the crowd, pressed close to the stage, blocked any hope of a breeze. During the band's final break they all begged Luke to skip the encore or at least cut it short, but he wouldn't hear of it. And just as the final song's outro reached its climax, as Luke reached for his guitar to lift it up, his head suddenly fell back and a second later he crumpled to the stage floor.
Emmett dropped his trumpet and lunged when he saw Luke's eyes roll back, but didn't quite reach him in time. Fortunately, José had the sense to cut the lights instantly so the fans didn't know exactly what happened and a potential riot was avoided. Emmett had scooped Luke into his arms and carried him backstage before he remembered the old first aid instruction not to move an unconscious person.
Jerry ran over to meet them, shouting at someone to call an ambulance. He pulled Emmett, still carrying Luke, out to the back loading dock, where Mark brought out water and people debated the wisdom of throwing it on Luke while they waited. Emmett hardly heard the discussion around him; he kept his eyes fixed on Luke's pale face, which meant he saw the eyelids quiver and open before the others did.
By the time the ambulance arrived Luke was awake and embarrassed, telling everyone he was fine and Em could put him down now. Of course no one listened, and he was raced to the nearest hospital where a bored looking doctor diagnosed him with fatigue and heat exhaustion. They kept him in for observation for three nights, and Jerry cancelled the band's shows for the next two weeks.
Naturally Luke was furious when he heard that, and after some heated negotiations from his hospital bed, during which Emmett sat beside him silently holding his hand, persuaded Jerry to reinstate the last couple of dates in the second week.
After his release, Jerry, Eddie and Emmett collectively met with Luke to insist on a few changes – hard caps on the overall concert length, encores cut in half, and no outdoor or indoor shows anywhere with a temperature above eighty-five degrees. Luke resentfully agreed.
“You know you didn't have to side with them,” he grumbled afterward. “I thought you'd have my back.”
“I do have your back,” Emmett answered, good-natured now that he'd won. “That's why I sided with them.”
“I can't believe you want me to cut back how long we play. I owe it to the fans to stay up there as long as I can.”
Emmett tried not to roll his eyes. “Why do you think that?”
Luke struggled for words to explain himself. “It's – it's like my service to them. It's how I pay them back for letting me do this every night, letting me live my life this way.”
This time Emmett’s glance was more admiring. “That's a nice idea. But you don't pay anyone back by giving yourself heatstroke.”
“Ain't like that's gonna happen again.”
“It might not if you put a little more meat on your bones.”
“What are you saying, I need to eat more?”
“Sure, but why not also come with me to the gym? You could build up some muscle strength and endurance, maybe that would help.”
Luke brightened. “Really? You gonna show me what to do?”
“Sure.”
Emmett wasn't much of a trainer but he taught Luke some basic routines that Luke enthusiastically adopted, and they started going to the gym together whenever they had the chance.
The tour resumed and people stopped treating Luke like an invalid eventually. The restrictions on his performances infuriated him, but he more or less kept his word, and there were no further incidents. Emmett spoke privately to Jerry about hiring someone with a medical background in the crew, just in case. For a long time, he found it hard to relax onstage and resume his old antics with Luke.
“Stop watching me like that,” Luke scowled after a show, sounding genuinely annoyed with Emmett for the first time in a long while.
“It's hard to stop once you've seen someone pass out,” Emmett said defensively.
“You worry too much. I follow the rules, I been workin' out. I don't know what else you guys want.”
They'd always reached for each other at the end of a performance, but now Emmett took to dropping his instrument and wrapping Luke in his arms the moment the final note was played. It soon became another of their iconic poses, Luke waving farewell to the crowd from within the safety of Emmett's arms at the end of the night. Despite his complaints about other changes, Luke never objected to this one.
With the new protocols, Luke did seem less burnt out at the end of their shows, but other frustrations – especially the ongoing legal battles and his inability to record anything – kept him short-tempered and on edge. He spent even more time holed up in his own hotel room now, working on new material, and less hanging out with the guys, rarely joining them even for meals. When he emerged for sound-checks he dealt with technical issues and questions tersely, no longer looking like he enjoyed directing the whole production. Once or twice, Emmett tried to speak to him about delegating a few responsibilities, but Luke wasn't receptive. The only time Emmett could coax a few laughs from him was when they joined each other in bed.
