The Music of Souls, page 8
“Have you been following me?” I asked angrily. I felt as if my privacy was invaded. I mean, for sure there is a reason for them to keep an eye on me, but couldn’t they at least tell me? Why are people doing things behind my back lately, really important things at that?
“No, we haven’t been following you. Our colleagues just reported you being around the areas they are patrolling. The police are on watch in each of the areas where those crimes took place,” Andrew explained. That should have made me less anxious, since they weren’t keeping an eye on me, but it bothered me still. Maybe I also felt as if my parents had caught me doing something I wasn’t allowed to do. I felt ashamed, even though I hadn’t done anything wrong. I wanted to help, nothing more.
“Isn’t it my decision what I do or don’t do?” I asked snippily. Of course, acting really mature about it.
“I can’t keep you from doing whatever you are doing there. But I am advising you to stop it,” Andrew said calmly. Which for some reason made me even more furious. Why was everyone always so damn calm about everything and I always got so angry and infantile?
“Well, why would you say it then? Am I disturbing the investigation?” I asked.
“No, I am saying it for your sake. You have been involved in the last crime, and if someone bad catches you, then you might be in trouble,” Andrew said.
“I’m certain that I can make sure that won’t happen,” I said but that wasn’t exactly the truth. Physically I was at a great disadvantage and I also was not really fit. And I was pretty sure I wouldn’t get away a second time.
Andrew raised one eyebrow, probably thinking exactly what I’d just thought. He could tell that, most likely, I wasn’t able to defend myself all that well. Getting away last time had been more to do with luck than anything else.
He stared at me for a while longer. I moved around uncomfortably but didn’t break eye contact with him. He sighed again.
“Fine, if your own safety doesn’t seem to concern you, then stop your snooping for the benefit of the people around you,” he said.
“Excuse me? What have other people got to do with it?” I asked, dumbfounded. “It’s not as though I talked to anyone about what I was up to and I haven’t taken anyone with me.”
“No, but that doesn’t mean you don’t bring possible danger to other people. Right now, the suspects might not know your workplace or other locations you frequent, but if they spot you, they will. And if you move around in the areas where they have some control, they will find you that much more easily.” It did make sense when he said it like that, but my stubborn side just didn’t want to admit that he was right.
“I think that I can help,” I said.
“I’m not sure how you could be of help,” Andrew stated bluntly. My mouth dropped open and I stared at him in disbelief.
“I am a witness. I have seen them. I can identify them,” I said but Andrew shook his head.
“If it was that easy, don’t you think we would have found them by now? They aren’t that scared to be seen, sometimes they don’t even hide from the security cameras,” Andrew stated.
“But then he wouldn’t have seen a need to murder me as well,” I said.
“Maybe they thought that you might have heard something they said that could give us a hint as to who or where they are. Also, in case we find a suspect, you could identify them by their voice. They do adjust their appearance,” he explained, and I shook my head, I couldn’t quite follow. Did he mean they were some kind of shapeshifters? Did they have special talents as well? Did Andrew know about people like me?
“You know, makeup. They use really professional makeup and other things to adjust their facial features. Wigs to change their hair, contact lenses to change their eye colour. They never look the same,” he explained without me having to ask; my confused face must have said it all. His explanation calmed me down a bit though. Thinking that there were actual shapeshifters around that could adjust their appearance just freaked me out.
“They put a lot of effort into their criminal activities,” I said more to myself than to him. I wondered why. Was that how these gangs usually operated? I couldn’t imagine that they would put so much effort into hiding their identity all the time.
“Maybe they live two lives,” he said vaguely, but he didn’t look as if he wanted to add more to that. “Either way, the chance of you finding them is really low. Unless you know something you haven’t told us about.” Andrew leaned back on the couch and waited for my reaction.
“I told you all I could,” I stated simply. All I could without sounding like a crazy person. He narrowed his eyes and looked unconvinced. He didn’t believe me; I was sure of that. But he also didn’t know how to prove it. We sat there staring at each other until he relaxed and smiled. I released the breath I’d held.
“You should still take my advice,” he said. I thought about snapping at him again, telling him to leave me and my life alone. But I decided to act like an adult for once.
“I will think about it,” I said. He laughed and shook his head.
“You are really stubborn, aren’t you?” he said, and I shrugged.
“I wouldn’t call it stubborn. I just don’t like when people tell me what to do with my life,” I said quietly. His words made me think about a few things though. I was worried all of a sudden, worried that he was right. I didn’t want to get Rose in danger because I got myself in danger. I wanted for people to stay with me and I didn’t want to cause them to leave me. Just like Maddy had done.
“You know, Avalynn, there are a few things you might have to let go to move forward in your life,” Andrew said all of a sudden, talking as if he knew me.
“What are you talking about?” I asked and folded my arms in front of my chest. Did he sneak around in my past? Could he do that as a special agent? What did he know about me?
“I am just –” he started but he looked unsure of his words, as if he didn’t know how to say it properly. “What happened wasn’t your fault.”
“That again? I already told you that I know that,” I replied.
“I mean, with your friend,” he said, and he didn’t need to say her name for me to know who he meant. He was talking about Maddy.
“I don’t know what you know about that. But don’t go there, Special Agent Miller,” I said, purposely using his formal name to put some distance back between us again. He winced visibly. I didn’t care though, I didn’t want to talk about her, especially not with some stranger who had managed to get hold of some personal information from somewhere.
“But it will weigh you down for the rest of your life if you don’t drop that emotional load,” he said, sounding a bit like a psychologist.
“Leave!” I said and got up, pointing at the door. He got up too and looked at me with an expression I couldn’t quite identify. But I didn’t really care anyway, I was so angry, almost shaking with anger. I didn’t want to be reminded. I didn't want to think about it. And he’d opened a jar that should never have been taken off the shelf in the first place.
His shoulders slumped in defeat and he nodded. “Alright. Please take my card though. If you remember anything at all, call me.”
He held out his card to me, but I didn’t take it. He sighed and put the card on the table before turning around and leaving the apartment without another word. Taking his melody with him, leaving me in my lonely apartment. And it felt even more lonely than usual, because I’d experienced how nice it felt with his melodies filling the rooms.
I took the vase from the table, one of the few decorative pieces I owned, and smashed it against the door that had closed behind him. I saw it explode into tiny shards and the mess on the ground satisfied my anger a bit.
I spent the next few minutes smashing things, throwing everything I could across my apartment.
When I was done, I looked around. I had managed to destroy it again. But it felt good, it had closed the hole that had opened in my heart a tiny bit again. It had closed the regret, anger and guilt that had started to open up in me. I went to the bedroom and sat down on the bed. My heart was beating fast and a ringing sound in my ears almost deafened me. I fell back on the bed and I cried for what felt like hours.
I must have fallen asleep at some point, because when I opened my eyes again, I was unsure about the time. I got up and stumbled across the room. My head felt heavy and dizzy. The sun was already rising again. I let my eyes wander around the messed-up apartment and spotted my phone on the dining table. Well at least I’d been wise enough in my rage not to throw that around the room as well. I carefully picked my way through the mess, trying not to step on anything. It was mostly books, but there was no need to damage them even more by stepping on them.
I reached the table and looked at the time. 8 AM. I have to say my inner clock was amazing once again. I sighed and walked to the bathroom to take a quick shower.
When I was fully clothed and ready to leave the house, I remembered the argument I’d had with Rose yesterday and my confidence about leaving the house and facing her dropped pretty low. Too low to actually go there. I didn’t want to face Rose yet, but the least I could do was to continue watching out for the criminals. As I’d expected: last night’s words from Andrew hadn’t really affected me and my plan. I still couldn’t understand how I could possibly endanger anyone with what I was doing, aside from myself.
I took my things and opened my front door. I stopped when I saw a card on the floor, it only had three words written on it: “We see you”. I wondered what that was about, but it was probably just for some kind of event again. So I shrugged and threw it in the nearest rubbish bin I found outside.
After an hour I had to admit to myself once again that my plan wouldn’t work out. Even if I was in the areas where those crimes had taken place and probably still took place, I still didn’t see any suspicious persons around.
I was demotivated to say the least, and Rose trying to contact me every thirty minutes was driving me insane. I knew I was acting like a little child, but I still didn’t want to let her off yet after yesterday.
I switched off my phone and did what I usually do these days whenever I was in this kind of mood. I headed over to John’s.
I made my way downtown and when John’s store came into view, I saw someone rushing out of it. The door slammed shut behind him and my heart began to race. The person looked very suspicious, the kind of person I had been watching out for all these past days. But seeing them here didn’t make me happy in the slightest. Did they find out John and I were acquaintances? Andrew’s words were echoing through my head. Had I put him in danger after all?
My feet started to work on their own accord and without even properly realising it, I was already sprinting towards the store.
I saw John stepping out of the door looking unharmed and I relaxed a bit. He spotted me running towards him and smiled. I slowed down and breathed in and out a few times.
“Are you okay?” I asked, still out of breath.
“I am alright. Are you though?” he asked and held open the door so I could enter. I glanced around the store and was happy that the store looked alright too.
“I saw someone rushing out of your store. I thought you were robbed or hurt,” I said.
“Ah, that guy. He was some teenager who didn’t know better,” John replied.
“What do you mean?” I asked, trying to calm down some more. But the panic was still very much sitting in my bones.
“Maybe it was some kind of dare. He wanted to steal some money, but I told him that I didn’t have any cash and he would get in big trouble if he didn’t leave. I told him that my son lives upstairs and he’s a police officer just waiting for boys like him.” He chuckled. The story must seem rather hilarious to him.
“I don’t even have a son,” he added and shook his head.
“What if that hadn’t worked?” I asked, concerned.
“He really didn’t seem like that kind of person,” John said, and I nodded. I did believe in his gift. He probably knew how to judge people very well from his long experience with his talent.
“Why are you so shaken up about it?” John asked and I shrugged.
“Because there has been so much crime lately,” I explained weakly. I didn’t know why, but I just didn’t want to talk about what had happened the other night. He looked like he wanted to ask more about it but decided against it. He simply nodded and made me some tea then, just like he always did.
I stayed for a while, just to make sure no one would come back, and then headed home. I hope that I could hide away from the world for the rest of the day, but when I reached my front door, I saw another unexpected guest.
“Is this going to become some kind of ritual now?!” I asked and looked up to face Special Agent Connor. He smiled at me and held up a pizza box.
“Let’s just say I brought a peace offering,” he said.
I wanted to be annoying and send him away with a snippy comment, but the prospect of having a pizza from my favourite takeaway made me calm down and open the door for him.
I dropped my bag and headed to the kitchen to take out two plates. I assumed that he probably wanted to eat something too.
“What can I help you with?” I asked and sat on the couch. Connor also sat down and placed the pizza on the table. He opened the box; smelling the warm pizza made my mouth water.
“I thought that Margherita would be the safest choice. Please, help yourself,” he said, and I didn’t need to be told twice. I grabbed a slice of pizza and basically devoured it. Connor watched me for a while before taking a slice himself.
We sat in silence for a moment while I enjoyed the taste.
“Did Andrew send you here?” I asked after I finished my second slice.
“No, he didn’t,” Connor said and took another slice of pizza as well.
“Then why are you here?” I asked.
“I saw you a moment ago, when a man came rushing out of that bookstore,” Connor said, and I felt weirdly invaded again.
“Isn’t that a bit too much of a coincidence?” I asked.
“I expected you would think that, but the office is rather close to the area, so I do drive by there quite regularly,” he explained. I wasn’t entirely convinced but decided to just accept it.
“And then you thought you’d come by my apartment with a pizza,” I said.
“I wanted to speak to you,” Connor said. I watched him and continued to eat, waiting for him to say more. He set the plate on table and leaned back on the couch.
“We all understand you want to help, but from what Andrew told me, you didn’t seem to be very concerned about your own safety,” he said, and I shrugged.
“Of course I am trying to stay safe; I just don’t see a reason to be really concerned,” I replied.
“But when you saw what happened at the bookstore you immediately thought it was because of you, didn’t you?” he asked.
“So what?” I asked and stopped eating.
“You aren’t honest,” Connor said, and I laughed dryly.
“I don’t really have to discuss my innermost feelings with either of you,” I said and crossed my arms.
“No, but we want to help you.” He actually sounded rather sincere. But I didn’t want people snooping around in my life and my business.
“You don’t even know me. I am simply part of an investigation. I doubt you go to these lengths with any other witness. So what do you want from me?” I asked. He eyed me for a moment and sighed.
“I can’t really explain it, but we just feel like we have some kind of – how do I say this – some kind of connection. We want to get to know you better,” he said, trying to find the right words. He probably didn’t want to sound like some kind of weirdo, but it came across as rather weird anyway.
“What if I don’t want to know you better?” I said. I would be lying if I said that I found these people obnoxious, but the less people in my life the better. Just remembering the drama that had happened with Rose made me want to hide away from people forever. Not to mention what happened with Maddy. I shook my head and dropped that thought, that wasn’t something to think about right now.
“That is fine, too, but why don’t you give us a chance first? Then maybe we can help each other?” he said.
“I very much doubt that,” I said.
“You don’t have to agree to it right now, but just think about it? We don’t really have to stay in this kind of witness-police-relationship,” he said and smiled. I wanted to decline his offer on the spot, but for some reason I couldn't. Maybe at some point I would regret it, but for now I simply nodded.
“That’s really all we want,” he said.
“So you won’t keep me from doing what I want?” I asked.
“We can only advise you to stop it. We don’t know yet how big that gang is, and we don’t want you to get caught up in something dangerous again,” Connor said.
“I will try my best to stay out of trouble,” I said, and he laughed.
“Don’t hesitate to call us for help if you need it,” he said looking serious now.
“I will remember that,” I replied.
“I have to go now; I still have some work to do.” He got up.
“Okay, thanks for the pizza,” I said.
“You are welcome,” he said and left my apartment. I hadn’t realised how much his presence improved the atmosphere of this small flat until he’d left. Just like Andrew when he’d visited me. I sighed and finished the pizza; it was far too delicious to let it go to waste. These guys were really weird for sure though. I’d never met anyone like them, people who were just interested in my life without even knowing me. Or did they actually know more than I wanted them to know?
Chapter 8
After Connor’s visit yesterday I couldn’t stop thinking about what they might have found out about me, especially after Andrew had already hinted at knowing about Maddy. It bothered me, but I also didn’t want to confirm my concerns. Maybe I really just wanted to be ignorant about it for a while longer. Even though I kept trying to convince myself that I didn’t need friends or people around me, it was nice to feel cared about. That’s probably also why I managed to get to work the next day. I had to sort things out with Rose again, because in the end she was my friend and I cared about her. I had been acting like a child for far too long.
