Too Much, Not Enough, page 3
“I haven’t got time for this,” Danny says with a huff.
“You know what, I’ll go, but we’re not done here,” Caleb says, and then I hear footsteps walking away before the front door slams, echoing around the apartment.
I look up to see Danny breathing heavily, but I’m frozen in place, completely thrown by the reappearance of the only guy I have ever truly fallen for.
I suddenly wish I had asked his dad’s name, because I would have put two and two together and ended this before it began. It would have been the best thing to do, because surely all this can end in is heartbreak? No good can come from this, none at all.
“I’m sorry about that,” Danny says as he pulls me from my thoughts.
“It’s okay.” My voice is quiet and unsure.
“No, it’s not. You shouldn’t have to see that, and I can only apologise.” My eyes meet his and he looks… broken? My heart goes out to him looking so lost, and I find myself standing up and wrapping my arms around him as he nestles his head in the crook of my neck.
I just hold him, knowing he needs a moment. Fuck, I do too, but this isn’t about me right now. This is about my boyfriend… my boyfriend… my God, what am I going to do?
“He just rubs me up the wrong way, you know?” Danny mumbles into my neck. I say nothing, because what the hell do I say? I only know the Caleb I fell in love with three years ago. I don’t know him as Danny’s dad, and I don’t know him as the person he is today, but what I saw was passion in his eyes, for his son, and frustration at being so far away—emotionally speaking. He even managed to hide the shock of seeing me here… I’m not sure if that’s a good or bad thing right now. My mind is having trouble processing it all.
“Look, why don’t we watch a film, I’ll go to the shop and grab up some snacks, and then we can spend the rest of the day just vegging out?” I suggest. It’s all that comes to mind. I should probably go home and figure out the clusterfuck that has just become my life, but when Danny moves his head back and smiles at me before placing a kiss on my lips, I know that he needs me to just be here right now. And as much as I might have history with his dad, he doesn’t know that, and I can’t just stop caring about him.
“Sounds perfect,” he says.
Yeah, doesn’t it just? If only it were that simple.
Chapter Five
Caleb
Fuck.
Cameron. It was Cameron. My Cameron. No, not mine… but deep down, she is. She always has been. The one that got away—or rather, the one I pushed away.
Jesus Christ.
My hands fly to my hair as I pace alongside my car, which is parked on the street just along from my son’s apartment because there was nowhere else to park. There never is, it’s always a bloody nightmare, but parking is the least of my worries right now.
It’s been three years since I last saw her, and time has done nothing but make her more gorgeous, more curvaceous, more everything. Christ, how I schooled my face and acted like I didn’t know her in front of Danny, I have no idea. But then, he was too preoccupied being pissed off with me to notice anything else—no change there. He’s always pissed off with me, a product of his mother’s doing. She’s a real piece of work, always has been, but I can’t regret my moment of insanity with her, because she gave me Danny. Little does he know I spent the first two years of his life taking care of him, feeding him, making sure he had love and affection. His mother, Bliss, ran away from all responsibilities because, and I quote, “she was too fucking young to be tied down with a screaming baby.” Yeah. A real gem. I stepped up. I took charge, and then she came back, said something about a wake-up call, and even though I fought for him, she won. She fucking won, and over time, she turned him against me.
He doesn’t remember anything about me caring for him. He doesn’t know what I sacrificed to be there every step of the way, and that includes him knowing nothing about his mother fucking off for two years of his life. I gave up trying to broach the subject years ago, because in his eyes, his mother can do no wrong. He barely looks at me because she’s pumped her poison into him, fucking brainwashed him, and I have to fight for every second I get with him, which isn’t much at the best of times. But if he found out about me and Cameron… he would never speak to me again, or even tolerate me for all of five minutes.
Or I could be jumping to all sorts of conclusions before I even know the facts, of course.
They could just be friends. They could just be roommates for all I know. They could be fucking anything, but my gut is telling me different.
Of course they’re fucking, you dick, did you see her? Absolutely gorgeous.
I pull at my hair and will the image of her from my mind, but it’s no use, she’s in there, front and centre. It took me fucking months to stop thinking about her constantly. It took me even longer to muster up the energy to go on a date with anyone else—and even then, I don’t go on them often because they’re not her. And to this day, I still haven’t been able to think about anyone else when I’m jacking off in the shower.
She was it for me, and I made her leave.
And now she’s with my son.
My son.
Again, fuck.
And as if thinking about her wasn’t enough, I see her, on the other side of the road, walking along the pavement, her head down as she briskly walks to wherever she’s going.
I stay rooted to the spot, my mind at war with my heart.
Go to her. Talk to her.
No, don’t do that. Leave it alone. It’s in the past.
Don’t let this moment pass you by.
Do not walk over there.
But it seems my body is listening to my heart rather than my head as I wait behind my car like a damn creeper until she’s level with me before I cross the road and stand behind her. She’s still walking, unaware that I’m here until I say her name loudly.
“Cameron.”
She stops, freezing on the spot.
Shit. What should I do now? Talk? Run away? Rewind to three years ago where I wasn’t a massive dickhead who pushed her away? I’d like to do the rewind thing, but that’s impossible, so I guess the talking will have to do.
I take a few steps towards her, her back still to me, until I am within touching distance. My fingers itch to feel her skin, to see if that spark still remains, but I clench my fists at my sides to stop me from doing anything stupid.
You’re forty-two, Caleb. Forty-fucking-two.
But I feel so out of my depth here, like a teenager who is about to try and talk to his crush for the first time. Except, this isn’t the first time, and the woman stood in front of me was more than a crush.
“Cameron, can we talk?” I ask, my voice quiet as I wait to see if she will engage with me. I don’t deserve anything from her, I know that, but by God do I want anything she’ll chuck my way.
It’s crazy how feelings I thought I had buried long ago have all come racing to the surface, along with an added dose of confusion and, dare I say, jealousy.
“We have nothing to say to one another,” she says, still keeping her back to me.
“I think we do,” I say, because of course we do. How can we just ignore the fact that she was in my son’s apartment? We can’t, and if they are a ‘thing’ then we need to get this over and done with, because I can’t give up on my son. I will get through to him if it’s the last thing I ever do.
“This isn’t the right time or place,” she says, her head hanging a little lower. I hate that she seems to be so uncomfortable around me. It makes me feel like even more of a jerk than I already do.
“There will never be a right time to discuss you dating my son,” I tell her, and that seems to be the switch as she whirls around, her hair nearly whipping me in the face as she does. I watch as her hands land on her hips and her eyes finally connect with mine.
“It’s none of your business,” she says, but even I can see she doesn’t believe that.
“It is every bit my business,” I tell her. “Not to mention awkward.”
I see her jaw clench, her eyes sparking with anger and defiance. “Look, this is a bit of a mindfuck for both of us, so why don’t we just leave it be until I’ve wrapped my head around the fact that you’re Danny’s dad.”
With that, she spins on her heel and starts to walk away.
I want to stop her. I want to talk to her more, because those few minutes weren’t enough—and maybe they never will be enough, because I already feel like she’s going to become my obsession all over again. But even as I watch her go, I can’t help but shout out to her, “Good to see you again, Cam.”
Her step falters slightly before she turns and flips me the bird. And I fucking smile.
Cameron Curtis might just be my biggest weakness, but even with the clusterfuck we’re about to find ourselves in, I can still admit that it feels so fucking good to have her back in my life, if only for a little while.
Chapter Six
Cameron
“So fucking good,” he says, right before he buries his tongue in my pussy. I arch my back and open my legs wider, crying out loud as he feasts on me.
I’ve had a few sexual encounters, but nothing like this. This is just fucking mind-blowing, and I don’t think I will ever recover from the way this man’s tongue assaults me. I crave him like a drug. Like I need my next breath. Like my world will end if he ever stops.
“Ah,” I moan, my hand going to the back of his head and gripping his hair. He growls and puts his hands underneath my arse, lifting me up, allowing his tongue to plunge a little deeper. He eats me until I scream his name. He fucks me from behind whilst I struggle to hold up my trembling limbs. He devours every inch of my skin, licking, tasting, sucking. His dick is a thing of beauty as he moves faster, his release rocketing into me as I push my arse back into him. And then we collapse on the bed, his body covering mine, and I pray that this will never end, because now I’ve experienced whatever the hell it is we’re doing here, I never want it to stop…
But it did stop, and I can’t fucking do this. It’s been on repeat in my head since I walked away from Caleb. The emotions are like a fucking hurricane inside of me, ranging from hurt to anger, pain and heartache, and then right back to want and need. And then there’s that smile he gave me when I flipped him off. Oh that fucking smile. Even with the bizarre situation I’ve found myself in, that smile still made me want to forget about it all and run right to him.
It’s going to be way too awkward to carry on the relationship I have with Danny, and at this point, I don’t even think friendship is a good idea, because I can’t run the risk of being in the same room as Caleb too often. I know they don’t get along right now, but they’re father and son, and at some point, they’ll probably patch things up and then I’ll be expected to be there for meals, get-togethers, fucking Christmas, the whole shebang. Nope. Can’t do it. Don’t want to do it. And also don’t want to run the risk of being unable to control the desire that still flows through me for the guy that was my first love.
Because that is what Caleb was, even if I never told him so.
My first and only love to this day, and I have no idea how I would get past that.
So, even with all of the snacks I bought for me and Danny to eat whilst we chill and watch films, I already know that I’m not going to be eating any of it, because I’m going to have to break up with him and end this before anyone gets really hurt.
I take a deep breath as I march along the pavement, determination to stop this before it begins coursing through me.
“I’ve got this,” I whisper to myself until I reach Danny’s apartment door and push it open. I stopped knocking about a week ago, already so comfortable around him… it’s a shame really, because this could have become something wonderful. But I push that thought away, otherwise I’ll chicken out.
“I got the snacks,” I call out as I make my way to the kitchen and put the shopping bag on the side. I have no idea why I lead with this, like we’re going to still have that relaxing afternoon, but I am also way out of my fucking depth here. I need to just tell him I’m not feeling this between us and go. Simple.
But then I feel his arm snaking around my waist from behind as he pulls me back to him, and I momentarily lose my trail of thought when his lips find the side of my neck and he peppers light kisses along my skin.
“Um…” My words trail off as his teeth find my earlobe and nip gently. His tongue licks along the shell of my ear, his hands moving to the underside of my breasts, and his dick poking into the bottom of my spine.
Oh God that feels so good as he continues to lavish my skin with his mouth, moving back down to my neck and along my collarbone as he pulls my top to the side, allowing him access to my shoulder.
Before I can even think about it, my hand moves up and behind me until it’s on the back of his head, my fingers entwining in his hair gently. And then he abruptly pulls away and roughly turns me around before his hands land on my arse and he lifts me until I’m sitting on the worktop, my legs spread either side of his hips as he smashes his mouth to mine in a frenzy.
All coherent thoughts are gone as he undoes the shirt I’m wearing before pulling my bra down and playing with both of my nipples, pinching them between his fingers and thumbs. His mouth swallows my moans, and my knickers very quickly become wet.
And when he unzips my jeans and slides his thumb under the fabric of my knickers and places it on my clit, I know that I don’t have the energy to fight this. Not in this moment. And maybe not at all as his thumb moves in circles and he pushes me back until I’m laid flat before him, his thumb still teasing me.
With his free hand, he starts to move my jeans down my thighs, and I manage to hold myself up enough to make it easier for him, but all that does is put more pressure on my clit from his thumb, making me moan loudly.
His eyes don’t leave mine as he moves my jeans to my knees, and then he quickly swoops down, replacing his thumb with his tongue, and oh my fucking God…
With his hands free, he strips me of my jeans and throws them fuck knows where—I don’t care. All I care about is the sensations flowing through me, the way he’s making me forget my reality, and how being eaten on a kitchen counter is so fucking hot.
He lifts my legs up and over his shoulders, my knees either side of his head as he sucks my clit into his mouth, applying more pressure, and then he adds a finger into the mix, slowly pushing it inside of me, and I start to physically tremble.
My body is enjoying every single second as he works me. My mind is on cloud nine as all the stress of the day leaves me.
And then when he pushes a second finger in, his tongue moving in quick circles on my clit, I detonate. I struggle to breathe, the pleasure taking everything from me.
But we’re clearly not done as he removes his mouth from me and pulls me up, moving me to the edge of the counter, his cock ready and waiting as he wastes no time in plunging inside of me. I cry out, unprepared but absolutely ready for him to fuck me into next week, which he does as he pulls back out and slams into me, over and over. I hold onto the counter edge, my knuckles white as I grip it hard to keep myself in place. He’s fucking me like he’ll never get the chance to again, his fingers biting into my thighs as he does.
I welcome the sting of pain with the pleasure.
I moan loudly as he hits me deep.
I grip my walls when he finds his release.
I wrap my legs around him when he’s finished, and then he carries me to his bed, where he lies behind me, pulling me so my back is to his chest as he wraps his arm around me.
I listen as his breathing evens out, and I realise he’s fallen asleep.
And I feel guilt eating away at me as I close my eyes, because that was our first time having sex, and all I could think about was it being Caleb instead of him.
I wake up alone in bed, and I take a moment to adjust to the bright sunlight shining through the thin curtains.
And then reality hits me smack in the face as I realise how badly I’ve screwed up. Now when I tell Danny that it’s over, it’s going to be a million times worse.
I should have my shit all figured out by now, but it seems not, because if I did then I would have left yesterday and not let him eat me on the kitchen counter and fuck me so I had no rational thought.
Ugh, I’m a shitty person.
I pull myself up into a sitting position and swing my legs off the side of the bed. I need to get dressed and get out of here, except my clothes haven’t appeared to materialise in this room, so I begrudgingly pull on a pair of Danny’s joggers and one of his T-shirts. I tie the joggers around the waist to keep them up and make my way from the bedroom, feeling more guilt with every step.
I find Danny in the kitchen with a big smile on his face as he cooks what can only be described as a fucking feast. There’s everything laid out on the table—bacon, sausages, toast, fried bread, hash browns, you name it and it’s there. He’s finishing off scrambling some eggs when he notices me stood in the doorway. He promptly drops the spatula and comes over to me, placing a kiss on my lips before pulling back with that smile fixed back in place.
“Good morning,” he greets as I force a smile onto my face.
“Morning,” I say as he guides me to the table and pulls a chair out for me. I swallow down the lump that has risen in my throat as he goes and dishes up the eggs and lays them on the only available space on the table.
“Coffee?” he asks as he picks up the jug of caffeine he’s already made and holds it over my cup.
“Please,” I say quietly as I watch him pour the liquid.
He takes a seat on the opposite side of the table and says, “Help yourself,” as he gestures to the food. I’m not hungry in the slightest, but I place a few bits on my plate—enough to keep him happy.
