Too Much, Not Enough, page 2
Needless to say, I recovered, I stopped crying, and I moved on with my life, but I never forgot.
It’s been three years since the best month of life. I can’t even pretend that it wasn’t, because nothing has ever come close. Maybe it was the excitement? Maybe it was the thrill of an older man being into me? Or maybe it was because I let him into my heart, and in a short time, he became my all.
And it was definitely because we had a spark, a connection, like you read about in books and see in the movies. Magical until it ended.
I never thought you could fall so hard in such a small amount of time.
Guess life was teaching me a lesson early on, huh?
Too much but not enough. Sums up what we had perfectly.
A knock at the door disrupts my thoughts, and I check over my appearance in the mirror. I’m wearing skinny jeans, a white crop top and a black blazer, paired with my black stilettos. My long brunette hair is hanging loose, and my makeup is slightly more than usual—smoky eyes and red lippy.
I make my way to the door and open it, to see Danny stood on the other side. His eyes roam up and down my body, taking me in, and I know he likes what he sees, because when his eyes come back to mine, he smiles and says, “You look amazing,” before he steps forward and places a kiss on my cheek. “You ready to go?”
“Sure,” I say with a smile as I take his offered hand and follow him out into the hallway, closing the door behind me.
It’s our second date, and this guy gives me similar vibes to what I experienced with Caleb three years ago. And I’m hoping that he just might be the guy to finally push Caleb out of my mind once and for all.
Chapter Two
Cameron
It’s our third date. It’s been a week since the first one, and the second was a few days ago. And I have to say, it’s been a long time since I had butterflies over a guy, but Danny is giving me them. He’s sat across from me, dressed in smart dark denim jeans and a black shirt, the collar slightly open, showing off a little of his tanned skin. He’s not long come back from a holiday abroad, and he’s told me all about how he spent most of his time on the beach and surfing the waves. I haven’t had a holiday in forever, the last one being five years ago when my gran took me to Blackpool for the illuminations, and while that was okay, it was hardly sun, sea and surf, especially in the middle of October.
Danny is animatedly telling me about riding the biggest wave of his life, joy on his face as he does, and I find that I am genuinely interested, and I’m excited to see where things go after this date.
We’ve just finished dessert and I’m sipping a coffee to finish off the seemingly perfect evening. Danny is almost too good to be true, especially being the same age as me. Most guys I know who are twenty-two are still in their partying phase, looking for their next hook up to brag to their mates about the next morning. I work in an office with a lot of testosterone flying about, you do the math.
“So, Cam, I’ve had a really great time tonight,” Danny says with a smile.
“Me too,” I tell him, my eyes drinking in his appearance all over again. He’s got a chiselled jaw, his face free of stubble, his strawberry blonde hair is slightly longer than any other guy’s I’ve dated, and his dark blue eyes have been devouring me all evening. I’m wearing a cute light pink dress which comes to just above the knee and has spaghetti straps, showing off my collarbone and shoulders.
“I really like you, Cam,” he says as he reaches across the table and puts both of his hands over mine, which are resting either side of my coffee cup.
“I like you too.” And I do. It’s very rare for a guy to hold my attention for three dates and leave me wanting more.
“So, at the risk of making things awkward, and at the risk of sounding like a fourteen-year-old boy… would you want to be my girlfriend? You know, be exclusive?” he says, and a slight blush creeps up on his cheeks as he asks—the first time I’ve seen him look unsure of himself.
I smile across the table at him, because actually, yes, I do want to be exclusive with him. “I’d love to.”
The relief is instant as his shoulders drop down and he exhales. “You have no idea how nervous I was asking you that question.”
“I’ve got a pretty good idea,” I say as he threads his fingers through mine and squeezes my hands gently.
“It’s been a long time since I’ve wanted to be exclusive with anyone,” he tells me, and I nod my head, because I’m in the same boat too.
“We don’t have to rush anything. Let’s just take it slow and enjoy each other’s company,” I say, because there is no need to rush here. We have time.
“You mean you don’t want me to ask you to move in with me yet?” he says jokingly, and I laugh as he adds, “I’m hurt,” and pretends to be offended.
I pull my hand from his and swat at him playfully, and he laughs.
“Okay, okay,” he says, holding his hands up in surrender. “But seriously, are you free Saturday night?”
“I am,” I tell him, and that is how our fourth date occurs—our first being an actual couple.
The music is loud, the club packed, and to be honest, it’s not really my scene. I mean, I get that everyone here is having a grand old time, but it’s just never really been my bag. I prefer quiet meals or the cinema as opposed to getting pissed and having a hangover the next day.
Danny comes over to the table I’ve managed to secure in the corner, and I thank him as he sets down a vodka and coke in front of me.
Taking a sip of my drink, I wish that I could be anywhere else other than here. “You’re not enjoying this, are you?” Danny says, as if he can read my mind.
“Is it obvious?”
“Kinda, yeah,” he says with a chuckle.
“I’m just not a big fan of clubbing,” I admit. “I never really have been.”
“You know what? Neither am I,” he says as he puts his drink down and reaches over for my hand. “Let’s go.”
“What?” I say loudly as he stands and pulls me to my feet.
“We’re going.”
“But we haven’t even finished our drinks yet,” I point out.
“So?” he says with a shrug of his shoulders. “Look, I want you to have a good time, and clearly, this isn’t the place that will happen, so I’m more than happy to get out of here and do something else.” He doesn’t wait for me to answer as he pulls me through the throngs of people and out the doors to the main room.
“Wait… Danny…” He comes to a halt and turns to face me. “We don’t have to leave because I’m not into it. I want you to have a good time too.” I feel bad that he’s set up a date that he thought I might enjoy and now he feels like he has to leave because it’s not my thing.
His eyes dim a little as he looks at me and pushes me to the wall behind, his hands coming either side of my head and his body caging me in. “As long as I’m with you, I’ll have a good time no matter what,” he almost growls, and then his lips are on mine as he kisses me fiercely.
Oh.
Right.
Okay then.
I lose myself as his tongue entwines with mine, until he’s pulling away and grinning at me. “Wanna catch a late-night movie?” he asks.
“I’d love to.”
And that is how our fourth date ended up being the best one yet, because whilst we were meant to be watching a movie, all we were really interested in was each other.
Date five turned out to be a surprise as Danny rocked up to my work and knocked on my office door, brandishing a bouquet of flowers before whisking me away to the café across the road.
“This is a nice surprise,” I say as we sit at a table by the window. “Is there any reason for you showing up at my work and making all the women swoon and wish they were with you?”
“Aside from the fact that you’re my girlfriend? Nope,” he says, and his answer makes my heart do that fluttering thing.
“Good answer,” I reply as I browse the lunch menu.
We order our food and spend the remainder of my lunch hour in comfortable conversation. And when we’re finished, he walks me back across the road and gives me a kiss that I won’t be forgetting for a few hours, before he winks and tells me he’ll call me later.
I spend the rest of the afternoon sat behind my desk, with a smile on my face that can’t be erased.
We’re way past the date stages at this point, and I’m convinced that he was sent into my life at the right time. I wouldn’t have been ready for this level of commitment before, but now, I’m feeling pretty darn good about the direction my life is going.
Since having my heart broken, I’ve been a little harder to crack, keeping myself firmly hidden behind walls that have stopped me from being thrown into despair again. But with Danny, I let those walls down pretty easily, because he was obviously the right guy at the right time. And yes, we’re taking things slow, seeing where it goes, but I already know that this could be something great, and I’m desperately trying not to get ahead of myself.
I’m snuggled into Danny’s side, his arm wrapped around me as we watch a film on his sofa. It’s the first time I’ve been to his apartment, and it’s a little sparse but typical of a guy who doesn’t really bother with the little things that make a house a home. I mean, I live with my gran and things don’t come much more homely than that, what with her nick nacks dotted around the place, photos, the soft furnishings, and her preference for baking and making a house a home. In contrast, Danny’s place has no photos and literally does what it says on the tin and is a place to rest his head after a day at work. It’s not bad, it’s just different, more clinical, but I guess it doesn’t really matter where we are as long as we’re spending time together—something I’ve found I want to do more of lately.
“I was thinking that we could try that new restaurant that just opened up downtown,” Danny says, interrupting my thoughts.
“Sounds good,” I say, loving how he’s quickly deduced that meals and films are my go-to. “And don’t forget that Gran wants to meet you soon,” I add.
“Sure, just let me know when is good for you.”
And just like that, I like Danny even more than I did a few seconds ago.
Chapter Three
Caleb
I walk around my new place, a cottage that is set on the outskirts of town, but I feel empty. Cold. Lifeless.
The only reason I came back to visit was to see my son, but even that was fleeting because it always ends in disaster.
I left three years ago, packing up everything I owned and moving away, because I couldn’t stand to be here when I couldn’t have her. The woman I loved. The one whose heart I broke because I was a fucking coward.
It’s taken a lot of persuasion from my friend, Anthony, to get me to come back here. A lot. Took him about a year of trying to finally make me crack and offer me a killer job in the process. I mean, I’m forty-two years old now, and to turn down the opportunity he offered would have just been stupid beyond belief.
So, here I am, ready to try and start a new chapter in my life and get over the old one. I’ve been living on repeat for so long and it’s all I really know now.
I can’t risk living nearer the town, because I don’t know if she still lives here, and to run into her would probably fucking destroy me and send me packing again. I’ll never forget her face when I told her to go. I’ll never forget how my heart felt like it was ripping into shreds as she walked out the door.
Why did I break if off you may ask?
Because I was an idiot. A wanker. A fucking twat who couldn’t see the woods for the trees.
I’ve suffered daily since, but I know I need to make something of my life, as Anthony keeps telling me. I know I can’t just keep on surviving without living. So, my plan is simple. New job, new home, repair the relationship with my son, avoid human contact as much as possible otherwise. Will be pretty tricky seeing as my new job will involve dealing with some of the biggest cats in the ad game, but hey, that’ll be enough social interaction for me––and keep Anthony off my back. Seriously, the dude is like an annoying fucking gnat in my ear, but I wouldn’t have it any other way, because as well as being my new boss, he’s also my oldest friend. He’s seen me at my worst, and believe me, that ain’t a pretty sight, so kudos to him for sticking around to pick my sorry arse up off the floor time and time again.
My new furniture will be arriving tomorrow and will signal the fresh start I need. But for tonight, as I sit on my airbed, a jack and coke will keep me company, just one last time.
Chapter Four
Cameron
“Oh my God, stop,” I say through my laughter as Danny chases me around his apartment, trying to tickle me, which he has already succeeded in doing once.
I’m a twenty-two-year-old woman and I’m squealing like a teenager, and I’ve lost count of what date number this is, because it doesn’t really matter anymore. As I make a run for it from behind the sofa, he shouts, “Gotcha,” as his arm snakes around my waist and he pins me to the floor, his body on top of mine and his lips inches away.
The laughter dies on my lips as he looks at me, his expression turning serious, and then his mouth is on mine, devouring me.
I wrap my legs around him, needing him closer. Our kiss becomes frenzied, as if we are lovers about to be ripped apart. My body is on fire as he steals my breath. My heart is pumping so hard from being chased and from the feeling of having him on top of me, but then an abrupt knocking at the door has him pulling away from me with a frown on his face.
“Who the fuck is that?” he questions, but I’m guessing he doesn’t expect an answer, because clearly, I have no idea, and neither does he.
“Leave it,” I say breathlessly, and his lips connect with mine once again, but whoever is at the door is persistent as they pound on it again, and again, and again.
“Christ’s sake.” He huffs against my lips before saying, “Don’t move, I’ll be right back.” And then he’s up and out of the room before I can protest. I bet it’s just a fucking salesman or something, albeit a very persistent salesman—whoever it is, they have shitty timing, because things were about to get so good.
I stay on the floor, listening to the sound of his muffled voice, and then another deep voice is speaking to him. See? Salesman. I knew it.
I sit up and strain my ears, but I don’t need to strain for long when the muffled voices become more like shouts.
“You can’t just show up here and demand anything, especially when you’ve been gone for the last few years.” Danny’s voice.
“You bet your arse I can’t.” Deep voice with no name, yet. “I’m your father.” My eyes go wide at that piece of information. Oh fuck me, this is not good. Danny doesn’t mention his dad much, and when he does, it’s never really to say anything good. I guess their relationship broke down years ago, and I have no desire to pull at that thread—or at least I didn’t until now. I figured he’d tell me when he was ready to.
“Yeah, when it fucking suits you,” Danny shouts back, and then I hear footsteps stomping through the apartment. I feel like a deer caught in the headlights as I quickly scramble to my feet and brush myself down, running my fingers through my hair to smooth it out a little after the rough and tumble on the floor.
“Don’t walk away from me, Danny,” comes the voice of his father, and my heart kicks up a notch. Why does that voice sound so familiar?
“Fuck off, Dad,” Danny says sarcastically, right before he storms into the lounge with a pissed off look on his face.
“Now you listen here…” The deep voice trails off as they come to a stop in the lounge doorway and our eyes connect.
Oh fuck me.
No way. It can’t be.
The tension instantly intensifies. The silence deafening as I pray that I’m about to wake up and see that this has all been one big nightmare.
But as seconds tick by, I realise that this isn’t a dream, and this is my reality.
Caleb Carter is stood in front of me, and I now know that he is Danny’s father. Danny’s father. Shit, shit, shit.
I’m rendered speechless as I continue to gawp at the man who nearly destroyed me.
What universe am I actually in?
This is… insane. No, no, it’s fucked up on so many levels.
Oh my God.
I can’t breathe.
The man who stole my heart three years ago and then broke it four weeks later is my boyfriend’s father.
He’s my boyfriend’s father.
Fucking hell.
Why don’t they have the same last name? I would have fucking twigged if they did. Christ alive, I should have asked more questions. The one time I don’t and look at what has occurred.
What do I do?
What do I say?
But it appears that I don’t need to say anything as Caleb speaks. “I didn’t mean to interrupt when you have company.”
Danny scoffs whilst I feel like my whole world has just imploded.
“You don’t usually care about me having company when you just randomly show up and demand that I stop ignoring you,” Danny spits, but I can’t process anything other than seeing Caleb again, and especially in this manner. The guy still looks like every woman’s foreplay. I mean, his eyes are still that mesmerising turquoise colour, his hair is slightly longer than when I last saw him but not by much, and the stubble that lines his jaw is just… No. Stop it. Shut it down.
“Well if you stopped ignoring me then I wouldn’t have to show up like this,” Caleb says, and I drop my head to stop myself from letting my eyes roam over his body, because that is all kinds of wrong—not to mention the fact that he’s fucked me like I was his whole world once upon a time.
