Once and for Always, page 14
It was too much for Simon to bear. He shifted until he was perched on the edge of the sofa and gathered her into his arms and, Glory Be! she did not resist. It felt so right. It was not lust. It was not even desire. It was a need. A need to hold and cherish. ‘I will always take care of you,’ he whispered as his hand slid up to touch the bare skin of her neck.
Bea wanted to stay like this forever. She could feel his heart beating and smell cologne and something else, something that made her head swim. The warmth of his hand on her neck coincided with Dora’s angry voice and Simon’s last words penetrated.
Bea jerked herself free so suddenly she stumbled and Simon made a grab for her arm but she tugged it free and moved to stand with her back to the empty fireplace. She drew on every shred of pride and said coldly, ‘Whatever you have been told I am not a loose woman.’
It was so close to his reason for coming that Simon was filled with shame and he flushed violently.
Dora burst into the room, took in Bea’s defensive stance and the man’s red face and rushed to stand between them. ‘I don’t know why you are here but if you don’t want to walk back to wherever you have come from you had better leave now!’
The dog was tugging at his trouser leg, the breathless virago’s stare should have drawn blood and the young man in the doorway had his fists raised. ‘I can explain’ Simon started to say but was cut short.
‘You can explain to the cabbie why you are keeping him from his dinner!’
Simon looked at Bea and his heart cracked. Although she was still standing, she looked broken, almost lifeless. He could not bear it and took a step forward. The angry woman’s hands landed on his chest and the man grabbed his arm. The dog got under his feet and they were all in danger of falling to the floor.
‘Bea!’ he cried, as he was hustled from the room.
He could have resisted but fighting with her servants would not make Bea listen. Chastened, embarrassed and confused he allowed the young man to shove him into the cab and the door slammed before he was settled on the seat. Through the hatch in the roof the cabbie was saying something about his dinner being ruined and it was going to cost him.
Simon did not care. He did not care that he had been man-handled by servants. He did not care that a dog had torn his trousers. He did not care that he was crying.
The short ride was hardly long enough for Simon to pull himself together. He had never felt so wretched or ashamed. ‘Where to?’ demanded the voice above his head.
Where to? It dawned on Simon that he had no idea where to find Noakes. He did not even remember the name of the hotel that had turned him away. With an effort he said, ‘The best hotel.’
The hotel considered the best by the cabbie was not the one where he had last seen Noakes. Simon told the cabbie to wait and went inside and spoke to the receptionist. Noakes had not registered here. He went back to the cab. ‘The next best. This one is full.’ Growling and muttering the driver moved further down the street.
‘Right one or not, you can get out here. I want my dinner and I don’t want a crazy passenger!’
Simon tried to gather his dignity and got down from the cab. He handed the cabbie a handful of coins and said, ‘I am sorry I kept you so long.’
‘Crazy. Crazy and too rich to care where he throws his money,’ the cabbie gloated as he examined the coins. ‘Gee up laddie, we’ll eat well tonight!’ The words faded into the distance and Simon stood in the middle of the pavement not knowing what to do next.
People passed him on either side, giving him censorious looks and a wide berth. He looked up and down the street in the vain hope that Noakes would suddenly appear.
Before he could decide which way to go, a grubby urchin rushed up. ‘Are you Lord Riddwigs?’ The boy was still trying to get his tongue around Ridgeworth when he was pushed aside by an older, better dressed youth who bowed and said, ‘Lord Ridgeworth, I presume.’
The first boy protested, ‘I saw him first!’ ‘The larger boy’s arrogant ‘So?’’ made him step back snivelling something about fairness.
Simon was too relieved to care. Here was someone who knew him. He nodded to the winner but was given no time to ask questions.
‘Please follow me, my Lord. Your man is just over there.’ With a wave of his hand, the boy indicated across the street to where Noakes was pacing outside a hotel door. By virtue of size and arrogant manner his saviour stopped the traffic and led Simon across the road, trailed by the whining urchin. Noakes rushed to meet him midway much to the annoyance of drivers.
‘My Lord!’ Noakes gasped, ‘You are safe!’ He started to say he had engaged rooms but was interrupted by the angry demand, ‘What about our money?!’
Simon reached into his pocket for the small change he carried for tips. It was sadly depleted since he had paid the cabbie but he tipped the remaining coins into the boy’s outstretched hand.
The boys looked at it in contempt. ‘He promised us more us more than that!’
Angry shouts alerted Noakes to the fact that they were still standing in the middle of the road. He hurried them on to the pavement saying, ‘You will all be paid. Wait here.’
As Noakes shepherded him across the lobby, Simon roused himself enough to think ‘all’ was a rather exaggerated description. His senses had almost recovered by the time they reached a privacy of a bedroom. ‘I was so worried.’ Noakes was babbling about sending boys to watch every hotel in Felixstowe. He looked more dishevelled than Simon had ever seen him and kept patting his master on his shoulders and arms.
Simon shrugged him off and frowned. ‘You have been behaving very oddly of late, Noakes.’
‘I could say the same of you! You have not been yourself for some time and I…’ Noakes stopped abruptly. He had just reprimanded his employer and almost accused him of losing his mind. ‘Beg pardon, my Lord, I…
This time he was cut short by an urgent knocking on the door. It opened to reveal and agitated porter. ‘There’s a mob of boys causing a disturbance downstairs,’ he said to Noakes. ‘You had better come and sort it out before we call a constable.’ Noakes begged Simon’s pardon again and fetched a purse from his own bag that stood by the door. He followed the porter out and Simon sat down on the side of the bed.
He was still there when Noakes returned.
It took time and some very candid exchanges to sort things out. Noakes had never taken advantage of Simon’s trust before and it shook them both. Simon took an honest look at his recent behaviour and decided Noakes was justified in talking to him like a worried parent. It was his turn to apologise.
The only thing Simon did not mention was Bea’s bigamous marriage. ‘I have to see her again. To explain how I feel.’ Noakes raised an eyebrow and Simon huffed. ‘You are right. I don’t know how I feel. It is like nothing I have ever felt before.’
He is in love, Noakes thought sadly. He had observed the condition in other men and was grateful he had never been infected. He reassured himself that it seldom lasted and he had never known it to be fatal. But he had already overstepped and suggested a hot bath and a meal might make his lordship feel better.
It did to some extent. At least it gave Simon time to marshal his thoughts.
He sent Noakes away and lay on the bed, staring at the ceiling. What he felt for Bea confused him. He wanted her physically but it was more than that. He had wanted Monica. She had teased him into a state of painful arousal and he had strutted like a peacock when she agreed to marry him. He had captured the prize of the season. And what did you really get? His inner voice taunted. It was not a broken heart. ‘I never loved her,’ he said aloud, amazed that he had never realised it before. He also realised that he had never actually proposed. Monica had said he could not have her until they were married. Then her mother had rushed into the room, accusing him of seducing her daughter. What a fool he had been. He had been blinded by an accomplished flirt and made to pay the price.
That was not how he felt about Bea.
Simon sat up so abruptly his head swam. Good God! He loved Bea! He needed her like a drowning man needs air to survive! But that still did not define his feelings. He also needed to make her happy to make her feel safe and cherished. He wanted her to love him.
He went to the table and reached for paper and a pen. The letter took him far into the night as he explained all he had done to find her. He had not been searching for Mrs Fleming or even Miss Hastings. He had been frantic to find Bea, the girl who had talked to him about the unfairness of people being condemned without a fair trial. It had amused him at the time but her sincerity had taken root in his heart. Why had he never realised she was the catalyst that changed him from a hedonistic youth into a responsible and caring man? She was the reason why he now fought for the rights of the under-dog.
She had made him the man he was!
I love her, he murmured as he finally fell into an exhausted sleep.
Chapter 16
Bea couldn’t sleep. The events of the afternoon kept replaying in her mind like actors on a stage.
She had been shocked and then delighted when she discovered that Lord Ridgeworth and Simon Armitage were the same person. He remembered her and had tried to find her. She was worried about that. More and more people knew of her whereabouts. The chance of someone making the connection to her scandalous marriage was a constant dread.
He had held her in his arms and she had soared to Heaven only to be thrust out when she understood he was making her an improper proposal. She did not know what she would have done if Dora and Freddie had not thrown him out. As much as she loved him, she could not betray her own honour by becoming his mistress.
Oh, why did he have to come when she had found some peace?
His hat and gloves were still on the hall table. At times she wanted to stamp them into the ground. At others she wanted to hold them to her breast and pretend he was coming back to …. Make his offer clear? Michael had said Lord Ridgeworth was married. She was not going down that route again no matter how much it would hurt to send him away.
Dora had not known who he was when she ordered Lord Ridgeworth from the house and unrepentant when she found out. Bea knew she ought to be grateful for such staunch support. Freddie had wanted to go after Lord Ridgeworth and give him what for! Even Scamp had tried to defend her.
Bea was too miserable to cry. But she hurt. Deep inside where she kept her love for Simon.
It had taken a long time to calm Dora down. She had berated all men and Lord Ridgeworth in particular. They were all selfish, immoral and guilty of any other crime Dora could think of. ‘If he hadn’t sold the shops and had renewed the leases we could have stayed where we were and you would not be wasting your youth in this backwater.’
‘Dora, that is another matter entirely. You know we could not have stayed in Cambridge,’ Bea said reasonably. ‘He came to make sure I was safe.’
‘I don’t know how you can defend him. A married man making improper advances.’
Bea could because she loved him. She would always love him even if she never saw him again. And she was too tired to argue. Her only escape was to say she had a headache and retire to her room without any dinner.
By the next morning Bea’s headache was real. Dark circles under her eyes and a pale face had Dora fussing over her until she wanted to scream. They usually went into Felixstowe on a Saturday to shop for the weekend but Bea did not know where Simon was staying. She could not cope with seeing him again so soon. Dora refused to go in case Ridgeworth returned so Freddie was sent off with a list.
Bea drifted around the house and garden, starting a job and abandoning it a few moments later. It was a long day.
When Freddie returned, he handed Bea a letter he had taken from the postman at the bus stop to save the man trudging to Bea’s end of the village. ‘It’s from that lord,’ Freddie growled. ‘I wanted to throw it in the privy.’
Bea took it out to her favourite seat in the garden and just held it in her lap, staring at the bold, black writing. Part of her wanted to rip open the envelope to see what he had to say and part was scared that it would weaken her resolve to put him out of her mind. With a sigh she acknowledged the latter was impossible and broke the seal.
The letter was several pages long and began with the simple salutation ‘Bea’. He apologised for his behaviour yesterday. Then there was a long explanation of why he had been desperate to see her. It was a bit garbled, jumping from his visit to Cambridge to the investigators report, a reference to her sense of justice and back to statements from her neighbours. ‘When I saw you today and knew none of those reasons were true. I have never forgotten you although I was not aware of it. How else could my dreams a have been so vivid?’ Bea frowned. What dreams? And, how vivid? ‘I have been in limbo for so many years. Seeing you has brought me back to life.’
The letter ended with a plea for another meeting, which sounded humble, and a statement not to deny him or he might come uninvited.
It was signed, ‘Your obedient servant forever, Simon Armitage.’
Bea did not know what to think. Obedient servant did not sound like someone who threatened to ignore her wishes. At that moment she wished her Papa was alive. His advice had always been sound even if it was not what she wanted to hear. Bea shook her head at her own silliness. If Papa was still alive the last four years would have been entirely different.
Even so, she closed her eyes and whispered, ‘Papa what should I do?’ Like many such questions the answer came from her own nature. The lesser risk was to meet him somewhere public where they would both have to act with decorum. If he came back to the house uninvited, she could not vouch for his safety.
Bea looked up and was irritated to see Dora watching from the kitchen window and Freddie pretending to tidy the wood pile. She had never needed to remind them that they were servants. Indeed, she did not think of them as such. She knew they loved her and she loved them as family but in this she would do what she thought was right.
Bea got up and beckoned Freddie to follow her into the kitchen. ‘Lord Ridgeworth has requested another meeting.’ Bea raised her hand to stop any protests. ‘I will see him in a public place and hear what he has to say. We will not discuss this again.’
She felt mean speaking to them in such a way but it had to be done.
Bea wrote to Simon at the address on the hotel notepaper saying she would meet him on Tuesday morning at 11.am on the footpath behind her house. The local postal service was very prompt, if it was collected early on Monday morning, there was not collection on Sundays, he should get it first thing on Tuesday morning. She dared not suggest later in the week because he might arrive unexpectedly. The two days between would give her time to calm down and bolster her resolve.
The rest of the day was strained but Bea could not suppress the little spark of joy that she would see Simon again soon.
On Sunday morning Bea sent Freddie with a note to Mr and Mrs Cornish that she was feeling a little unwell and would not be going to church. She asked them to give her apologies to the vicar for not being available to play the piano.
The rest of the day and the one following passed on leaden feet.
Simon woke late on Saturday but was in no hurry to get out of bed. He could not expect a reply from Bea until Monday at the earliest. Noakes brought his breakfast and they went through the usual routine of washing, shaving and dressing. He alarmed Noakes by saying he was going to ride over to see Truro. ‘I will stay the night and maybe Sunday, too.’ The horror on his valet’s face made him laugh. ‘No, you do not need to come with me. I am old enough, and sane enough,’ he stressed, ‘to be let out alone. You can take this letter and have it sent by special delivery.’
Simon hired a horse from a local stable and asked directions to Ipswich, avoiding the main road. They were easy to follow and took him along the tow-path beside the river. He slowed as he came abreast of Bea’s house but he could not see any movement at the windows or in the neatly kept garden. It was fortunate that the river was too wide to jump or he might have given in to the urge to see Bea again. Or perhaps not. He had to give her a chance to refuse. He rode on hoping a few his days with Alan and the children would keep him from going mad with frustration.
He did not need to give Alan a specific reason for his impromptu visit. A vague suggestion of business in the area was accepted without comment. The children were pleased to see him and, as it was a fine day, soon had him out in the garden for a game they called cricket. It was more like a three-person game of bat and ball as he was to be Sarah’s helper. He bent over the little girl and took the weight of the bat as Alan and Lionel threw gentle balls towards her. Then they missed the clumsy returns so Simon could pick her up and run to the other end of the short pitch. When it was his turn Lionel played to win, hitting the ball accurately and sending the two adults to all corners of the garden. It was more fun than Simon had ever imagined.
He did not think of Bea for several hours.
In the comfortable privacy of Alan’s library after dinner, his friend asked, ‘Something bothering you, old chap?’
Simon said, ‘I am in love,’ before he could think the better of it. He then had to field Alan’s questions, promising his friend would be the first to know if the lady accepted him. ‘I hope the lady will be the first,’ Alan chortled and changed the subject.
Sunday was taken up by a long ride in the morning, playing with the children in the afternoon and a cheerful dinner with some old friends Alan had already invited. Bea was never far from his thoughts and her presence in his dreams was nebulous, more a sense than actual happenings.
On Monday morning Alan slapped Simon on the back and said best of luck before he rode back to Felixstowe along the main road.
One more day, Simon told himself. Surely Bea would not keep him waiting for a reply. He was delighted to find Bea’s reply was already waiting for him at the hotel. Simon tore open the envelope half dreading her refusal to see him. ‘Tomorrow,’ he sighed with relief. Bea would see him tomorrow. He checked his watch. Just twenty hours until he saw her again. He was too impatient to sit still so he went off to explore the town and the busy docks.
