But when Knight didn’t say anything even after they had kissed, when he had pulled back and they were both quite aware of his taste, Sean couldn’t take it anymore.

  He knew what he was missing and there was simply no way he could be around it. He needed Knight. He needed him like he needed air, and he hadn’t realized just how much he would need him until he was on his knees, sucking him off and enjoying that beautiful thick and uncut cock of his.

  But he’d had to turn around and walk away from him, the silence he was leaving behind more painful than any rejection Knight had verbalized before.

  Knight hadn’t asked him to stay and Sean was smart enough to understand what that meant. He thought he had made a mistake, and in truth, Sean wasn’t sure whether he could blame him.

  He wanted Knight from the moment he had arrived back at his father’s mansion, but Sean had less to lose. He had already lost everything, but Knight was a straight arrow.

  Well, not so straight, he supposed.

  But still. The last thing he had intended was for Knight to lose his job over Sean’s attraction to him, and if his father found out...

  The president had scared away the only boy Sean ever really liked, and he never hesitated to do it with his one-night stands. Maybe that was part of Sean’s fear of commitment, though it wasn’t as if he had found anyone he liked enough to commit to.

  Not until he had found Knight. He licked his lips as he closed the door of his bedroom behind him.

  His father wouldn’t approve, Don didn’t approve, and Knight didn’t even want him. He had put everything on the line for a good man because he wanted to suck his cock.

  He looked at his reflection on the mirror above the armoire and shook his head. “Slut,” he said under his breath, but he didn’t even crack a smile at his reflection.

  In moments like these, he would have normally called Don. He didn’t want to. He knew Don wouldn’t understand.

  He walked into his bathroom and grabbed the electric toothbrush. He wanted to wash all traces of Knight off him. Maybe that was how he could get over him, because after Knight had let him walk away, it was clear that was what he needed to do.

  But first, he thought as he pressed the on button and his heart sunk into his stomach, he owed Special Agent Rocky Knight a huge fucking apology.

  And it was going to hurt.

  ***

  Once he had put Ellie down, he waited about an hour before he grabbed his exercising gear. He knew Knight waited until it was dark to go jogging most nights, because the days during summer were far too hot and humid for exercise when the sun was up in the sky. Sean himself much preferred the gym over doing endless laps around the estate, but this wasn’t about his cardiac health.

  It was about his heart. It was about doing the right thing and making sure that Knight knew that Sean would deal with whatever consequences came his way, because he was willing to take them on the chin.

  He put on his jogging shorts, a sleeveless shirt and a bandana over his forehead to keep the hair off his eyes, then ran downstairs and waited in the back patio until he spotted Knight.

  He was alone, thankfully. Every few days, he exercised with some of his work friends. Sean needed to talk to him right then and that would have made things so much harder.

  “Hey,” he said. Knight slowed down, but he didn’t quite stop. He nodded toward Sean. “Care for some company?”

  Knight had already gone past him. He was looking at him over his shoulder now. Sean couldn’t see his expression. Despite how well lit the back patio was, Knight’s body was shrouded by a cover of darkness.

  He stopped only for a second. It was all the permission which Sean needed.

  He walked toward him, speeding up when he noticed that Knight had started to jog again. He knew that Knight could outrun him and he wanted to talk.

  Instead, the moment they were side to side, Knight looked at him and smirked. “I’ll race you around the lake.”

  Sean knew better than to agree. Knight was a goddamn secret service agent and Sean... well, he sometimes played intramural sports, and he went to the gym so he would have a nice V in his Instagram pictures. He was not a jogger; Agent Knight was trained and he was much taller than Sean himself, so Sean knew that he was going to smoke him.

  But he loved seeing that playful grin in Knight’s eyes, so he found himself nodding despite the fact that he fucking knew better. Knight winked at him--the bastard--and then he began to run.

  Sean followed behind him, feeling the wind against his skin, giving it his all despite the fact that the man was so far in front of him it was clear he wasn’t going to win.

  By the time he finally got to the porch of the mother-in-law cabin, he was exhausted, there was sweat dripping down his face and his cheeks were red. Knight barely looked like he had gone out for a run at all.

  Sean leaned forward, his hands on his knees, as he tried to catch his breath. When he heard Knight snickered, he flashed him his middle finger.

  “C’mon,” Knight said. “Come inside. Get some water.”

  “You’re an asshole,” Sean said under his breath, but he followed Knight into his house.

  It was just as clean as the first time Sean had been there, just as sterile. His gaze darted around as he tried to catch his breath, wondering if he was going to get a semblance of personality from any of Knight’s belongings.

  Knight ignored him as he walked toward the kitchen. Sean watched as he opened the fridge and grabbed a jug of filtered water. He smiled at Sean, but Sean was too tired and sweaty to smile back at him.

  He received the glass of water when Knight handed it to him.

  “Sit down,” Knight said.

  Sean nodded, doing as he was told. He wanted to protest by reminding Knight of how sweaty he was, but Knight didn’t seem to care.

  He sat down in front of him, a smirk on his face, as Sean wiped the sweat away from his face.

  “Not a jogger?”

  “Fuck you,” Sean said with a snicker.

  Knight shrugged, then dropped his voice when their gazes met. “Don’t worry,” he said. “You’re good at other things.”

  Sean set the glass down so hard that it made a startlingly loud sound. He blinked. “I, yeah,” he said. “I wanted to talk to you about that.”

  Knight watched him, but he said nothing. His face wasn’t quite expressionless, but Sean could tell he was trying to stay neutral, despite how curious his eyes made him seem.

  “I owe you an apology,” he said.

  Knight raised his eyebrows. “You think that was bad?”

  Sean laughed, surprised by how much better it made him feel. “No,” he said. “No, no, I’m not apologizing for the performance. I mean, should I?”

  Knight licked his lower lip. “No,” he said quietly.

  Sean swallowed as he felt the blood rushing to his cheeks. He had steered the conversation in a way which he hadn’t intended, because now, he had fantasies about all the other things they could do together. He was quite aware that there was very little they could do together, barring having a conversation, because he had already jeopardized Agent Knight’s career–no, his life–enough.

  But as he looked at his hands, which were trembling, he realized he couldn’t bring it up. Not without some prompting. He struggled to lift his head up and face Knight, despite knowing that was the reason he had joined Knight in the first place. He cleared his throat and watched the glass of water instead. “You said you needed to talk to me,” Sean said. “Before...”

  Knight cleared his throat. Sean closed his eyes tightly, hating himself for being such a coward. “Right,” Knight said. “I did say that.”

  Sean grabbed the glass of water and brought it to his lips.

  “I just wanted to check on you,” Knight said. “You’ve been a little... off this past week.”

  Sean closed his eyes again. Of course Knight would notice that he was off, but Sean couldn’t tell him why. The prospect of being away from Rocky Knight felt like it was tearing him apart from the inside, like all parts of him were being worn down into nothing and left exposed to cold air. Without Knight, he was adrift.

  Without Knight, he felt like he was nothing.

  Of course he knew he was being ridiculous. They weren’t together. They had never been an item and they would never be an item. Their circumstances meant that they could not happen, not if Sean wanted Rocky Knight to be happy.

  And he did.

  It felt like a few minutes had gone by since Knight had asked him if he was okay and Sean still hadn’t managed to form anything that seemed coherent enough to be the truth as a response.

  “I’m okay,” he finally replied. “It’s just... it’s a lot. Summer is coming to a close and it feels like my life has changed a lot since I got here.”

  He caught Knight’s gaze when he said that, but it was his turn to avoid Sean’s eyes. “How?”

  Sean bit down on his lower lip. “Uh,” he said. “In a good way.”

  “In a good way?” Knight echoed. He sounded young and hesitant, far less sure of himself than Sean had ever heard him.

  “Yeah,” Sean replied, looking up at his face. “Definitely in a good way.”

  “So you’re not excited about going back to school?”

  Sean cocked his head. He tried to ignore the growing knot in his throat. He hadn’t really confronted the possibility of going back to school. It felt like he had been exiled but he was enjoying it.

  He didn’t think he was supposed to be enjoying it. He didn’t think he was supposed to feel like he was finally fitting in.

  “No,” he replied after a little while. “To be honest with you, I don’t like school.”

  Knight raised his eyebrows.

  “I miss Don and my other friends,” Sean said. “I miss the frat house, too, though technically I wasn’t supposed to be there after academic probation started.”

  Knight nodded along with him. Sean tried to choke back the tears in his eyes.

  “I just, I don’t know,” he said. “I don’t want to vomit my emotions all over you, but I’ve never been good at school. My dad expects something of me and I hate to disappoint him but I’m just...”

  Knight furrowed his brow. “It’s okay,” he said. “Not everyone is built for college.”

  He extended his hand and put it on top of Sean’s. Sean bit his lower lip, his breath trembling when he spoke again. “Not for me,” he said. “My father is the president of the United States. The least I can do is finish undergrad.”

  Knight nodded. “Sure,” he said. “But there are other ways to do that.”

  “There are?”

  “Yes,” Knight replied. “You can get a distance education or learn something along with your job training. Lots of people do it.”

  “Okay, but are those people children of the president?”

  Knight stared at him for a long second. “You don’t need a degree to be a philanthropist,” he said. “You have everything you need to do that.”

  Sean shook his head. “I don’t want to be a philanthropist,” he said, then chuckled. “I mean, I don’t hate the idea. But I don’t want to be a career person.”

  “You can be a slacker, too,” Knight said. “Just do volunteer work sometimes or something. You know, for the cameras.”

  Sean rolled his eyes, then shook his head. “No,” he said. “I do want to help. I just...”

  “What?” Knight asked after he trailed off.

  “I just want something different for myself,” Sean said. “After being around Ellie all the time, I guess I sort of realized domesticity is my calling.”

  Knight furrowed his brow, setting his gaze right on Sean. “What do you mean?” he asked, his voice quiet, his hand still weighing heavy on Sean’s own.

  “I want this,” Sean said in a whisper. The answer surprised even himself. “I want the waking up in the morning super early thing, the seeing her learn stuff, the being there for her whenever she trips or is upset. I want... to do that with my own children, I guess.”

  The crease in Knight’s forehead deepened. “You want a family?”

  “Yes,” Sean replied. “I want my own family. I want children.”

  Knight swallowed. Sean watched his Adam’s apple bob up and down his throat as he did.

  “Isn’t that a sad excuse for a goal?” he asked. “Like what a fucking queen. All I want to do is be a housewife.”

  Knight cocked his head. “What’s wrong with being a queen?”

  Sean smiled despite himself. “Nothing,” he said. “I guess I worry it’s not befitting someone in my position.”

  Knight shrugged. “You’re allowed to want children,” he said. “You’re allowed to want whatever you want for your life, you know.”

  Sean nodded. “I guess,” he said, then looked up at Knight’s face. He had to steady his breath before he spoke again. “Not whatever I want.”

  Knight blinked. His face had reddened and he looked like he was struggling to dart his gaze away from Sean’s own. “Sean--”

  Sean held his hand up. “I know,” he said. “You’re going to tell me I can’t. The thing is, I know we can’t.”

  Knight watched him, still saying nothing.

  “So I’m going to tell my father,” he said. “I mean, if I have your permission.”

  “Sean–”

  “No,” he said, waving Knight off again. “I’ll tell him it was all my idea. I’ll tell him I cornered you and I--I’ll tell him that it was my fault. He can’t fire you for something I chose to do.”

  Knight blinked. “Is that what you think I want?”

  Sean shook his head, then shrugged his shoulders. “I think you want to live your life,” he said. “And I think that I can shut the fuck up and never bring it up, if that’s what it takes. I can do that too.”

  Knight didn’t say a word.

  Sean stood up, brushing himself off. He wanted to keep the last little shred of dignity he had left, but he was ready to burst into tears the moment he locked his gaze with Knight.

  He wanted to thank Rocky Knight for everything he had done for him, but he didn’t know where to start.

  The only thing he could do--the only thing he knew how to do--was make this easy for him.

  Not make his life any more complicated than it had to be.

  That was the kind thing to do.

  That was exactly what a person would do for a loved one and... well, for someone like Special Agent Rocky Knight.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  For someone without any special training, Sean Connor was surprisingly sneaky. Every time Knight walked into a room, Sean would look up, smile at him and then busy himself with something else to the point where it would have been impossible for Knight to take his attention away from that thing, whether it was attending to Ellie or looking up things on Wikipedia.

  He was always shielded by other people around him and Knight could tell that he wanted it that way. He had replayed the conversation he’d had with Sean almost in a loop in his head as he considered his responses again. He had tried to be cautious, but by doing that, he was almost certain he had shot himself in the foot.

  When Sean had walked out of the mother-in-law suite, everything had become clear. Knight wanted him.

  If he came with that domesticity he seemed to crave so badly, if he came with caveats or challenges, that didn’t seem to matter. All that Knight wanted was to be with him.

  He had already done everything he had wanted to do with his life. He was a secret service agent who had worked under the president’s purview for the vast majority of his career and he had enough money put away that retirement would definitely not be a problem. He had tried his best to raise his brother when the responsibility had fallen upon him.

  And, throughout, he had pushed everyone who wanted more from him away. Because it was too dangerous, because he didn’t have time, because he wasn’t interested in being around them every day for the rest of his life.

  But when it came to Sean Connor, the idea of not spending time with him left him breathless. Of course he would have rather left President Connor’s service with his head held high, but when it came to Sean, he was willing to make sacrifices. Perhaps even if those sacrifices involved his dignity.

  He wanted to talk to Sean about this, because it felt important that he knew how Knight felt, but he also realized he wasn’t going to catch him before he was due to leave. Not at the rate things kept going.

  Sean had lost some of the spark he had before. The reality of the situation seemed to have settled heavily upon him and Knight could tell, from the bags under his eyes to the way his head would move to the side a little bit every time he was listening intently.

  At least Don was due to arrive. It was Friday, the president would get back on Sunday, and then... well, Knight didn’t know what would happen then. All he knew was that things couldn’t go back to the way they were before.

  He found the idea of that horrifying.

  It was around three o’clock when Knight knocked on the door to the playroom. Ellie was occupied doing crafts and Sean was talking to her about it, kneeling down on the floor and smiling.

  “One sec, kid,” he said to Ellie as he looked up at Knight. Their gazes met for what felt like a very long time, but it couldn’t have been that long. Knight felt like a teenager as he felt the flush on his skin.

  “I have to run some errands,” Knight said after he realized that Sean wasn’t going to say anything. “I’ll be back tonight.”

  “I want to go!” Ellie exclaimed.

  Knight looked at her. She was wearing a yellow dress with pink leggings and black shoes, her light hair back in a ponytail. “I think you’d find it very boring,” he replied. “But we can go do something later, if that’s okay with your brother?”

  From the corner of his eye, Knight could see Sean nodding.

  He smiled at him, then turned around and walked out the door.

  He had kept his promise. He hadn’t told Sean anything about his little brother arriving, though of course it wasn’t like he’d had any opportunity to.

  The airport wasn’t too far away. Knight spent it lost in thought, wondering when he was going to have time to talk to Sean, and wondering, too, if he even should.

 

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