Sean raised his eyebrows as he began to dry himself off. “Sup?”

  “Did you put sunscreen on?”

  Sean rolled his eyes. “Nah, man,” he said, a smile still on his face. “Blaze of glory.”

  “There’s nothing glorious about skin cancer,” Knight said. He was surprised by how serious he sounded.

  Sean looked at him for a second, his brow furrowed, as if he was deciding what Knight meant. “Are you serious?”

  “I’m supposed to be looking after you,” Knight replied and moved so his legs would be hanging off the side of the lounging chair he was in and facing Sean. “That includes your health.”

  Sean bit his lower lip. “If I didn’t know any better, I would say you’re trying to weasel your way into putting sunscreen on me.”

  Knight met his gaze. Sean’s blue eyes were shining. “It’s a good thing you know better.”

  “Yes,” Sean said, looking right back at him. “It is a good thing I know better.”

  Knight continued to watch him. There was something about the way Sean was staring at him, his eyes narrow, his mouth half-open. There was something so magnetic about him.

  All Knight could focus on was the way his face looked.

  He leaned forward, despite himself, though he stopped short before it looked like he wanted to kiss Sean.

  Sean didn’t do anything. He swallowed, instead, and Knight watched as his Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat. His gaze darted to the side. “What about Ellie?”

  “What about her?” Knight said. He was surprised by how quiet he was. His heart was beating so hard in his chest he felt a little dizzy and the palms of his hands were sweating, but he couldn’t be sure if that was because of the sun or because of how close Sean was to him.

  “She could see us,” Sean said, biting his lower lip.

  “She could,” he said. “She might. But we’re not doing anything.”

  “We’re not,” Sean echoed. “We haven’t done anything.”

  As if being pulled by a strong, Knight edged closer to him. “We never have,” he said.

  Sean grabbed his hand. Knight wasn’t expecting it, so he was a little startled, even after Sean’s hand had settled on his own. There was a moment of hesitation before Sean began to stroke Knight’s hands with his fingertips.

  “No,” he said. “We haven’t.”

  Knight swallowed. He pulled away from Sean when he heard Ellie splashing around, the spell breaking. This was a bad idea.

  “Nothing can happen,” Knight said.

  Sean cocked his head. “That’s bullshit,” he said. “We’re both consenting adults.”

  Knight looked at him. At the way water beads shone on his skin, at his wide shoulders and the lines marking his body and face. He was right, this was no longer the kid he had known. But when he closed his eyes, all he could see was the boy he had carried out of clubs and deposited softly on his bed.

  The boy he had checked in on by looking at his rearview mirror, his head falling to one side as he drooled, his handheld device practically falling out of his hand and onto the leather seat.

  “No,” Knight said when he opened his eyes and set his gaze on Sean. His body might have changed, but those eyes were still the same, and everything about this felt wrong.

  Sean opened his mouth to protest, but Knight waved him off. He couldn’t let Sean talk him into something like this. It was far too dangerous and there was too much to lose.

  He knew that, if he stayed, he was going to do something that he regretted.

  He stood up and waved Sean off. “Your father is back in a week,” he said. It was more of a reminder to himself, but he needed to hear it. There was no way he could stay there, near Sean and Ellie, without making the steaks clear. “The president will be back soon.”

  Sean furrowed his brow as he looked up at him, shielding his eyes from the sun with the palm of his hand. “Thanks for the reminder, Siri,” he said. “I already knew that.”

  Knight looked down at him. Sean was still staring at him and it felt like there was something he was expecting from Knight.

  But there was nothing Knight could give.

  “I’ll have Cooper take over,” Knight said. “She can come watch Ellie with you.”

  Sean’s jaw dropped open. “I don’t want Cooper,” he said.

  Knight swallowed. His gaze fell on Sean’s face, and for a second, he felt a surge of anger. Knight wasn’t stupid enough to think that Sean didn’t know exactly what he was doing.

  He was driving him crazy.

  Knight could tell from the spark in his eyes, from the way Sean was looking at him right then.

  He could tell from the way he acted around him, the easy way his hand fell upon Knight’s arm, the way he looked at Knight when he was playing with Ellie.

  And Knight had done nothing but feed into his crush. He should have known better—he did know better—but it was just one summer, and, after all, it wasn’t like anything had happened between them.

  Longing looks were not the same as escapades.

  Knight ran his fingers through his hair as he took a deep breath. “I need to go,” he said.

  Sean cocked his head. “Aren’t you going to ask me what I want?”

  Knight blinked. His mouth was dry. “No,” he said. “But I have a feeling you’ll tell me.”

  “You know me so well, Agent Knight,” Sean said. “Is that why you are running away?”

  Knight’s hands were fists at his side. “It’s fine if you think this is a game,” he said. It made him feel a little better when he saw Sean’s face. He looked like the air had been knocked out of him.

  Knight didn’t like making Sean feel bad… most of the time. Right then, he couldn’t help but feel like he deserved it.

  “Rocky—”

  He was startled by the sound of his name, but he was already halfway through turning around, and he needed to go home.

  In any case, there was nothing to talk about.

  He knew it. Everyone seemed to know it but Sean.

  CHAPTER TEN

  It was around ten thirty when Sean pressed his ear against his bedroom door. The night was quiet enough, but he knew that if he went out of his room, a member of the service staff would be there to help him immediately.

  He didn’t want to be helped. He wanted to be left alone. Being around people all the time was fine when they were his fraternity brothers, but when they were the people who were going to rat him out to his father if he misbehaved, that wasn’t nearly as much fun.

  And he had seen them whispering to each other.

  Sean wasn’t that much of an idiot. He might have been lost in his attraction to Special Agent Rocky Knight, but he had never been the best at hiding his crushes.

  He hadn’t even been trying with Knight.

  He had been teasing him, because he was almost sure Knight wanted him too. He could see the way Knight looked at him, his gaze barely moving away from Sean’s body.

  Before he had carried Sean to his bed and made him breakfast, he would have shifted away from Sean when he tried to edge closer to Knight. But not lately.

  After that, he would remain still and Sean would get dizzy while he tried to calculate how many inches closer he could move to the man. If it had just been a physical thing, Sean would have brushed off what had happened at the pool.

  He had heard he was good-looking enough times to know he could get into bed with almost any man he wanted. Even with people who didn’t find him attractive—and Sean was certain there were scores of them—he could get them into bed by virtue of his position. Being the president’s son did come with certain perks, even if being close to the president wasn’t one of them.

  Getting Knight into bed would certainly prove a challenge, but what he had in mind didn’t seem like a challenge. Seriously being with the guy, having any semblance of a romantic relationship with him—it seemed impossible.

  Knight would never agree to it. There was nothing Sean could say that would make him change his mind. Knight had too much to lose and Sean should have known better.

  Sean did know better.

  There was no sound coming from the hallway. He sighed with relief as he went to his bed and picked up his phone. If Knight wasn’t going to be convinced by his own advances, then Sean was going to have to recruit help.

  The phone only rang a couple of times before Don answered it. Sean could see his face, his brown eyes and his smile. “Yo,” Don said. “Haven’t heard from you in a while.”

  Sean smiled at him. It wasn’t true—they had spoken that weekend. Still, they were close, and it felt like there were longer and longer gaps between when they would talk to each other. It couldn’t be helped, Sean supposed, that was the price of adulthood.

  It was also the price of practically flunking out of school.

  “Hey, Don,” Sean said. “Do you have a minute to talk?”

  “For you?” Don replied as he walked away from his bedroom. “All the time in the world.”

  They both laughed. Sean could see Don’s apartment in the background. It was messy, but not unreasonably so. Sean knew he could take care of it in twenty minutes. The door to his bedroom was ajar. He could have been mistake, but he was almost positive that he had seen the silhouette of a person in his bedroom.

  “Is someone over?” he asked. “We can talk later.”

  “They are not as important as you,” Don replied before he dropped his voice. “Anyway, they aren’t even that fun.”

  “Oh, no,” Sean said. “Do you want to talk about it?”

  “Nothing to talk about,” Don replied. “Sometimes, things don’t work out.”

  Sean swallowed and threw himself back on the bed. “How can you say that?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I don’t know,” he replied. “Don’t you ever think that there are things which are, I don’t know, just meant to be?”

  Don laughed. He was a couple of months older than Sean, but he had always looked a lot older. He looked like Rocky Knight, but his features were softer, his eyes lighter, his eyebrows always perfectly tweezed. He always wore perfectly calculated stubble on his face, but it was messy enough it looked like he wasn’t doing it on purpose. Don had always been cool, but he had been controlled about it, and Sean couldn’t help but wonder if there was something genetic about being a control freak.

  “No,” he said, then stared at him. “Wait. Did you meet someone?”

  “No,” Sean replied instantly.

  “Oh,” Don said. “So it’s someone I know.”

  “No,” he replied, casting his gaze away from Don’s inquiring eyes. Don knew him very well and he could always tell when Sean was lying.

  “Oh my God,” Don said. “It’s someone I know.”

  “Yes,” Sean replied. “And that’s why I’m calling you.”

  Don paled a little. “No,” he said. “Hell, no, Sean. You should know better.”

  “He’s not so bad,” Sean said. “Once you get to know him.”

  “I do know him. He’s not so bad, but…” Don said. “He’s my brother. I know him better than you know him.”

  “Right,” Sean said. “But... I don’t know.”

  “Sean—”

  “You’re right,” Sean said. “I—I know I shouldn’t want him. It’s just...”

  “What? Spit it out,” Don said.

  “He’s just really sweet,” Sean replied, biting his lower lip. “The way he plays with Ellie, it’s... there’s something about it. He’s going to be a good dad.”

  Don didn’t say anything. Sean looked up at him, and when he saw him, he realized that Sean was rubbing his temple. “Subtle, Sean.”

  “I mean, I’m not saying that I want to marry him or anything,” Sean said. “But I wouldn’t—I wouldn’t hate it.”

  “You wouldn’t hate it?” Don replied. “You wouldn’t hate to be married to my brother?”

  “I mean,” Sean said. “It’s not like I’m planning on it. He hasn’t even touched me.”

  “Good,” Don said. “You need to steer away from him.”

  Sean stared at him. “Look,” he said. “If you don’t want me to hit on your brother, that’s fine. You know that I love you and I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you.”

  “Corny, but yes.”

  “And you know that if you tell me to stay away, I’ll stay away,” Sean replied. “But, I don’t know, have you ever just had something which felt right?”

  “Okay,” Don said. He didn’t sound very impressed. “But how can you know if it is right with him? What could he have possibly done that made you believe that?”

  Sean sighed. It was time to tell Don everything, all the moments he had shared with Knight, even when he had woken up in Knight’s bedroom. Don didn’t seem convinced at the beginning, but by the time he was done, his expression seemed to have softened

  “Sean.”

  “What?”

  “This is a bad idea,” he said. “What if it doesn’t work out?”

  “There’s nothing to work out,” Sean said. “He won’t even look at me. That’s why I wanted to talk to you.”

  “Wait,” Don said. “You want me to help you hook up with him?”

  “Yes,” Sean said. “I mean, I knew you would probably say no, but I can’t help myself. He’s so...”

  “If you say beautiful, I’m going to get a flight to Virginia, murder you and then come back here,” he said.

  Sean smiled, but he shook his head. “I don’t know,” he said. “I understand that he’s sort of out of my league, but I can’t help myself. He doesn’t care that I’m the president’s son. He knows me, and he likes me, you know, for who I am.”

  “That’s all it takes to get into your pants?”

  “Yes!” Sean said, laughing. “But this isn’t about my pants. It’s about my heart.”

  “I don’t get it,” Don said.

  “Don,” Sean replied. “You don’t have to get it, you just have to help me convince him. He listens to you.”

  “What do you need to convince him of?” Don said. “I’m the annoying little brother. He hardly listens to me, either.”

  “Yeah, but if it’s a double-pronged attack, it might work,” Sean said. “Like, if I attempt to convince him, and you attempt to convince him, then maybe we can convince him together.”

  “He’s never going to fuck you, Sean,” Don said. He sounded a little more serious than Sean had expected and he couldn’t help but be angry.

  “Really?” Sean asked, raising his eyebrows. “You’re supposed to be my friend. You’re supposed to be on my team.”

  “I am on your team,” Don replied. “I just don’t want you to get any silly ideas.”

  “Whatever,” Sean said. “If you don’t want to help, you don’t have to help–”

  “I just don’t think it’s a good idea for me to be your wingman when it comes to my brother–”

  “It’s my life,” Sean said. “If you’re feeling protective of your brother, just tell me. Talk to me and I’ll understand. I will back off if you tell me.”

  “No,” he said. “You don’t get it. I’m not protective of Rocky, honey, I’m protective of you.”

  “What?”

  “He’s going to break your heart,” Don said quietly. “And when he does, I’m going to have to pick up the pieces and I’m going to hate him even more than I already do.”

  “Why do you hate him?” Sean said. He desperately wanted to stop talking about how Knight was going to break his heart. He needed to talk about anything else. It already felt like Knight was breaking his heart anyway, with the push-and-pull, with the way he was looking at him every time they would hang out with Ellie. Sean wanted him and the worst part of it was that Special Agent Rocky Knight knew exactly how much he wanted him.

  Knight didn’t want him back.

  At least he acted like he didn’t, which was just as bad. Maybe even worse. Because when he saw those glimmers in his eyes, Sean couldn’t help but imagine a future with him.

  It wasn’t just the possibility of a relationship, it was his entire life based around this man. Sean knew better than to get carried away with his ridiculous fantasies, but there were times when he couldn’t help it.

  And if he hadn’t pursued the thing he wanted most in the world, he didn’t know what that would make him. Maybe just a straight-up fool.

  “Because,” Don replied after a little while.

  “Really? Because?”

  Don sighed. He sat down on his sofa. The electric light from the kitchen was washing him out. “He could have done more,” Don said. “To help Mom.”

  Sean watched him.

  “He just–he sort of just swept in,” Don said. “And my mom only had me. She only had me to keep her together, and he took that away from her, and that was wrong”

  “Don,” Sean said, trying to ignore the knot in his throat. “You were thirteen. You were only a kid.”

  “And I was doing a better job looking after her than the people at the institution ever did.”

  Sean shook his head. “You shouldn’t have had to go through that,” he said. “It wasn’t fair.”

  Don bit his lower lip. “Yeah,” he replied. “Maybe. But he could have at least talked to me about it before uprooting me and locking my mom away.”

  Sean resisted the urge to tell him that his older brother was probably just trying to help. He was certain that Don had already told himself all of these things and none of them made a damn difference. Sean had held Don as he cried over his mother, as he wondered what was going to happen to her.

  He had watched him destroy his things after Rocky Knight wouldn’t let him do something, even when Sean himself was allowed to do those things. He had been there through the string of men and women that Don slept with in an attempt to have the world make sense. He had even offered himself up at a particularly desperate time, but after they had kissed for ten minutes and nothing had happened for either one of them, Sean had realized the depths of their incompatibility.

  “I’m sorry,” Sean said. “This was a bad idea.”

  “No–”

  “Seriously,” Sean replied. “It’s just a crush. I’ll get over it. I’m not super worried about it.”

 

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