The Firefighter and the Single Mum, page 7
Maybe she had been more at fault for the disintegration of their marriage than she’d been willing to admit.
Lindsey’s shift started slowly, but soon patients were streaming in. When the EMT crew brought in a drunk driver who’d crashed his car into a street-pole, she was reminded of her problems with Sam all over again.
Luckily, the patient, named Frank Jones, wasn’t seriously injured. A gash across his forehead would need a few stitches, but otherwise Frank was remarkably unhurt.
She shouldn’t be surprised, considering Frank’s alcohol level was twice the legal limit. He’d admitted to having a couple of martinis. What had reminded her of Sam, though, had been when he’d claimed he was upset because his wife had announced she was leaving him.
She thought about the night before Sam had left for his smoke jumping mission. She’d told him she was filing for divorce, too. There had been a part of her that had thought he wouldn’t care anyway as he’d spent more time away from her than at home.
But he had cared, or so he’d claimed. And then he’d died.
Uncomfortable with the memories, Lindsey concentrated on Frank’s minor injuries. She started an IV, giving him plenty of fluids to help counteract the effects of the alcohol, and even fed him lunch.
Toward the end of her shift Dr Delaney cleared Frank for discharge. She watched as the police took him away in handcuffs, arresting him for driving under the influence. Frank had been totally dejected, telling her that for sure now his wife wouldn’t give him a second chance.
If Sam hadn’t died, would they have tried to make their marriage work? She’d thought long and hard about even filing for divorce, but the empty marriage hadn’t been what she had wanted out of life. There had to be more to a marriage, a partnership, than simple coexistence.
Still, it wasn’t as if Sam had been a bad guy. They’d gotten married too young, when she’d discovered herself to be pregnant with Josh. And somehow, over the years, the love between them had evaporated until there had been nothing left.
She wished she had someone to talk to about her marriage. Someone who would understand her dilemma. Austin? She bit her lip uncertainly.
Why not? Maybe it would be easier to view Austin as a friend if she started to treat him like one. Maybe if he knew what had really happened in her marriage, some of the attraction between them would fade. Love from afar was always easier than dealing with the reality of every day.
On her way home from work, Lindsey stopped by her house to pick up the mail. She’d forgotten to go to the post office to temporarily change her mailing address to Austin’s.
There were a few bills, but payment wasn’t late as she’d arranged for electronic payments directly out of her checking account. It was one way to repair her crippled credit rating.
There was an envelope from Josh’s school. Progress report? With a sense of dread she drove home, trying to prepare for the worst.
Josh’s grades had slipped over the past quarter. His poor grades, along with his truancy, had been signs that she was losing him. In the week they’d been living with Austin, things had seemed better. Yet maybe it was wishful thinking? A week was only seven days. How much influence could Austin really have made in such a short time?
Entering Austin’s house quietly so she wouldn’t wake him up, she carried the mail into the kitchen. Taking a deep breath, she opened the envelope and read Josh’s progress report.
A heavy weight rolled off her chest. A couple of Cs but more As and Bs than she’d ever seen on his report card before. Much better than the last progress report she’d received.
She was grinning like an idiot when Austin walked into the kitchen, wearing a T-shirt and pair of athletic shorts, his hair damp from a recent shower. He was up earlier than she’d expected and Josh didn’t need to be picked up for another thirty minutes or so.
“Good news?” he asked, as he opened the fridge and poured himself a large glass of orange juice.
“Very good news.” She waved the grades at him. “Josh’s progress report. He’s doing much better in school.”
“Really?” Austin actually looked interested as he reached for the report, shutting the fridge door with his elbow as he scanned it with a quick eye. “Wow. They are good. I’m glad.”
“Me, too.” She knew much of this was a debt she owed to Austin. “You were right, Austin. Temporarily moving in with you and starting him in Tai Kwon Do classes seems to have made a huge difference. Thank you.”
“You don’t have to thank me,” he protested. His compelling green gaze met hers. “I care about you and Josh. I’m happy to help.”
She knew he meant it. If only Sam had felt the same way. At least before their marriage had crumbled. Ridiculous tears threatened, and she changed the subject to prevent from getting maudlin. “Maybe we should go out to dinner tonight to celebrate.”
“Great idea.” He flashed a lopsided smile. “But do we have to let Josh pick the place? We’re likely to end up at some pizza joint if we do.”
She had to laugh at his rueful expression. “Yeah, I know. But they are his grades after all.”
“I guess.” He stared at her and suddenly the kitchen seemed too small. Or maybe it was just the memory of their kiss that made her hyperaware of him.
“Well.” She cleared her throat to cover the awkward moment. “If you’re sure you’re up to a night out, I’ll pick up Josh and meet you back here in a bit.”
“I can do it,” he protested quickly. “You just walked in the door from work. Why don’t you relax? Josh may have some homework to finish first anyway before we’re ready to go.”
His caring attitude was so novel, so nice, she couldn’t refuse. “All right. Thanks.”
“I’ll see if I can talk Josh out of a pizza place on the way home,” he added with a quick grin.
She laughed as he left, thinking how odd it was that Austin, the guy who’d never been married or had children of his own, managed to share the parenting duties more fairly than her husband ever had.
A trait which made him twice as attractive.
Austin hadn’t been able to talk Josh out of a pizza celebration, but he did agree to Josh’s request to bring Tony along for the celebration.
He’d wanted to take Lindsey to a nice restaurant for a change. Instead, they were headed to a popular pizza place with a small arcade attached.
When he saw Lindsey in the kitchen, wearing a gauzy skirt that swept her ankles, paired with a matching spaghetti-strap camisole top, he fought a surge of desire.
She was so beautiful. Sexy, without even trying.
Hell. Maybe it was a good thing they were going to a noisy pizza place. Anything more intimate and he might make a total fool out of himself, claiming her for his own.
The possessive need to have Lindsey belong to him caught him off guard. Since when had his deep physical attraction for her morphed into something more? But ever since he’d overheard her comment about his reputation, the idea wouldn’t leave him alone.
Would she look at him differently if she knew his playboy days were over? Would she be willing to give him a chance if she knew how much he cared for her?
How he was beginning to fall in love with her?
Josh and Tony kept up a steady stream of conversation in the backseat as they headed to the restaurant. Once inside, they placed their order for large pizzas, loaded with everything Josh and Tony liked to eat. Then the boys disappeared into the arcade, leaving the adults alone.
“How was your day?” he asked, when the boys had left.
She shrugged. “It was all right. One of my patients was a drunk driver who’d crashed into a streetlight.”
He levered his brow. “Drinking at noon, huh?”
Lindsey’s smile was strained. “Yeah, well, it seems he was trying to drown his sorrows as his wife had just announced she was leaving him.”
“I see.” Her pensive gaze tugged at him. Something about this particular patient seemed to have gotten to her.
“Austin, have you given up smoke jumping?”
Her abrupt question surprised him. He sipped his soft drink, trying to figure out how to answer her. “I’m not sure. I went back right after our, uh, argument, but all I could think about was how Sam had died. I think I went back too soon.” He lifted one shoulder and grimaced. “To be honest, I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready to go back.”
She frowned, drawing imaginary patterns on the table with her fingertip. “It was my fault, you know.”
Was she talking about Sam’s death? “What? Lindsey, how could you possibly be at fault? You were hundreds of miles away when he died.” He was the one who’d caused Sam’s death, not her.
She stared at the tabletop, her voice so quiet he had to strain to hear. “I’m sure Sam mentioned we were having a few…problems.”
“No, actually, he didn’t.” Austin frowned. Why hadn’t Sam mentioned their problems? Maybe because, like most guys, talking about all that personal stuff wasn’t easy. He tried to reassure her. “Hey, most marriages have their ups and downs, Lindsey. I’m sure your problems were similar to those in many other marriages.”
She sat back, rubbing her hands over her arms as if she were cold, and slowly shook her head. “No. They were more serious than that.”
“Serious?” He didn’t know what to say. Sam had never breathed a word about any problems. “What happened? Did he do something to you? What?”
“No, nothing like that.” Lindsey’s expression turned even more grim. “Sam spent so much time away from home it seemed there was nothing left. No marriage. Nothing.”
He blew out a breath, realizing what she was saying. The competition to become a smoke jumper was fierce. Only the best of the best made the crew. He and Sam had both been honored to be chosen. But the lengthy stints away from home, up to three months at a time, were hell on relationships. And suddenly he was cross with Sam. What had his buddy been thinking, to put a stupid job ahead of his wife and son?
He reached for her, capturing her tiny hands in his. “I understand, Lindsey. It’s not your fault.”
“No, I don’t think you do understand,” she countered, trying to tug her hands from his. “Don’t you see? His death really was my fault. I filed for divorce, Austin. Right before you guys were called up for that fire, I filed for divorce and told Sam he needed to move out.”
CHAPTER SEVEN
AUSTIN’S TIGHTENED HIS GRIP on her hands and leaned forward, his gaze intense. “Lindsey, there’s something you need to know…”
Josh and Tony came running back to their table before he could explain what had really happened the night Sam had died. The details he should have told her a long time ago. “Mom! Tony and I each won a game. Do you have any more quarters? We need to stay long enough for a tiebreaker! Otherwise how will we know who won?”
Lindsey gave another subtle tug on her hands, and this time Austin reluctantly let her go. She seemed flustered as she ran her fingers through her hair. “Maybe later, Josh. Right now, I think they’re bringing our pizzas.”
Sure enough, their server approached their table with two large pizzas and several soft drinks on her tray. She set everything out on the table, the kids barely waiting for her to move out of the way before digging eagerly into the food. Josh seemed happy, considering the way his mouth was stuffed with cheese and gooey pizza sauce.
Austin didn’t mind when the rest of the evening centered around Josh, but he kept hearing Lindsey’s words echoing in his head.
She’d been planning to divorce Sam. She’d asked Sam to move out of the house. The night he’d kissed her in his kitchen, she couldn’t have been pretending he had been Sam if she’d been planning to divorce him.
Could she?
Probably not. Yet she’d clearly told her nurse friend that there was no way she could ever be interested in Austin as more than a friend.
Because of his reputation with women.
He watched her as she laughed at some story Josh was telling and his gut clenched with need. She called to his senses the way no woman ever had. He’d always admired her, but now she was available. More so than he’d realized.
If he could convince her he’d given up his old ways, maybe he’d stand a chance.
He could face anything life threw at him, with Lindsey by his side.
Lindsey couldn’t believe she’d bared her soul to Austin about her plans to divorce Sam.
She’d been carrying the secret for months.
Austin bantered with Josh and Tony as if he were an older brother. The boys seemed to enjoy having his undivided attention. Telling Austin the truth about her relationship with Sam had been cathartic. At least, now he knew that while she grieved over Sam’s death, it wasn’t the same grief she’d have felt if she’d still loved him.
The sad truth was that her love for Sam had died a long time ago.
And why it was so important for Austin to know that was something she didn’t want to examine too closely.
After dinner, she watched with a mother’s indulgence as the boys and Austin played one last tiebreaker video game, before they headed home. They dropped Tony off at his house along the way.
At Austin’s house, Josh scrambled to get ready for bed. To keep busy, she folded a load of towels she’d tossed into the dryer, listening as Austin talked to her son.
“I’m proud of the way you’ve improved your grades and the way you’ve been staying in school,” she heard Austin say. “Keep up the good work, Josh, OK?”
“I will. Actually, now that Tony and I are doing Tai Kwon Do, school doesn’t seem so bad.”
“Maybe it helps to think about something else besides losing your dad, huh?” Austin gave Josh’s shoulder a gentle squeeze.
“Yeah. I still miss him, but I don’t think about it all the time anymore,” Josh agreed.
Lindsey paused in the middle of folding the last towel. She hadn’t realized Josh had skipped school mostly because of missing his dad. Her heart ached for her son and she wished there was something more she could do for him.
But sometimes grief needed to run its course.
She finished folding the last towel and then walked down the hall toward Josh’s bedroom. “All set? Did you brush your teeth?”
“Yep. See?” Josh bared his teeth for her, and then turned to Austin. “Good night, Austin.”
“Good night, Josh.”
She followed her son into his room, waiting until he crawled into bed before sitting on the edge. “I’m proud of you for staying in school, too, you know.”
“Thanks Mom.” Thankfully, he wasn’t too old that he didn’t mind reaching up to give her a hug. “It’s not so bad. I guess I don’t hate school as much as I used to.”
Maybe the worst of his grief was fading. She hoped so, for his sake. “I’m glad.” She returned his hug and pressed a kiss to his forehead, wishing she could ease his pain in some way. He was growing up so fast. “Good night, Josh.”
“G’night.” He yawned and she laughed softly, crossing the room to turn out the light and then closing the door behind her.
It was only nine o’clock, and as she wasn’t quite ready to go to bed herself, she wandered down the hall, looking for Austin. He wasn’t in the kitchen or in the living room, watching TV. The patio doors in the living room were open, leading to the enclosed backyard, and she found him sitting outside on a lounge chair, wearing a T-shirt and swim trunks, using his toe to make waves in the calm water of his pool.
“Bet you’ll have trouble sleeping tonight, huh?” she asked, coming out to stand beside him. “It’s hard to get back on a normal schedule when you’ve pulled an all-night shift.”
“Maybe a little,” he admitted. He gestured to the empty lounge chair beside him. “Have a seat. I was just thinking of going for a swim. Care to join me?”
A swim with Austin sounded like heaven. The cool water looked as if it would soothe her ragged nerves. Yet at the same time she knew that accepting Austin’s offer wouldn’t be the smartest thing she’d ever done.
She liked him far too much already. More so after everything he’d done for Josh.
“I don’t know.” She hesitated, trying to think of a good excuse not to. Difficult to come up with something when she really wanted to join him.
“Please?” He stood, stripped off his T-shirt and jumped into the water, making a huge splash and raining drops of water on her heated skin. Sluicing water off his face, he tossed back his wet hair and grinned. “Swimming alone isn’t much fun. Come on in. The water is awesome.”
She wavered, torn between what she wanted and what was smart. Thinking back to their kiss in the kitchen, she was mortified to realize he’d pulled away from her. Because he was only interested in fun? She’d thought at the time he’d pulled away because she wasn’t his type.
But things had changed since then. They were friends. Surely two friends could hang out together without getting all weird about it. “All right. I’ll get my swimsuit on.”
She thought she heard him mutter, “Don’t bother with a suit on my account,” as she walked away, but figured she must have misheard. Since that heated kiss they’d shared, he’d been nothing but polite. Annoyingly so. She hurried inside, and then dug through her dresser until she found her swimsuit.
It was a modest emerald green one-piece, although when she walked back outside, she felt extremely self-conscious wearing the figure-hugging nylon. Austin was doing laps lengthwise in the pool so she stood at the edge and dipped her toe in, testing the water temperature.
Cool, but not unbearably so. Refreshing in the muggy heat of the night. Before she could lower herself to the edge a hand grabbed her foot and jerked her off balance.
“Yikes!” she squeaked, before plunging into the cool depths of the pool.
When she emerged she heard Austin’s deep chuckle. The sound soothed her ire. She hadn’t heard him laugh much lately. “You’d better watch out, buster,” she threatened. “I don’t get mad, I get even.”
