The Firefighter and the Single Mum, page 13
“Austin!” she cried, muffling the sound against his shoulder the best she could.
“I love you,” he said on a gasp, when he followed her over the edge.
Breathless and satiated, the haze slowly cleared from her mind as he cuddled her close.
She loved him, too. This time she was convinced she hadn’t confused lust and love. Not when her whole body tingled from Austin’s touch. She hated to admit she loved him more than she’d ever loved Sam. She’d been so young when she’d met Sam. Having become pregnant with Josh had forced them into an earlier marriage than they’d planned.
Austin was different than Sam. In so many ways.
Yet a smidgen of doubt remained. Austin had been playing the field for so long, she found it hard to believe he’d really meant what he’d said.
How was it possible that he’d suddenly fallen in love with her? If so, why? How in the world was she any different from all the other women he’d ever loved and left?
She drifted off in a semisleep state for a while, but when Austin’s breathing slowed and deepened, she knew it was time to return to her own room.
Regretfully, she slid out from under his arm, inching toward the edge of the bed. It wasn’t far because Austin took up more than his share of space.
Lightning fast, he grabbed her wrist, suddenly wideawake. “Don’t go.”
His quickness startled her. “I have to,” she said, pulling the sheet up over her bare breasts. Where in the heck had she left her pajamas? “Josh will wonder where I am. I have to be there when he wakes up in the morning.”
Austin let out a heavy sigh, let her go and tunneled his fingers through his hair and nodded. “I know.”
She saw her pajama pants and tried to grab them with her toes.
“Lindsey, I asked you before and I haven’t changed my mind, so I’m asking you again. Will you marry me?”
She sucked in a harsh breath, her heart pounding in her chest. He might have asked her once out of a misguided sense of wanting to help her, but twice? She didn’t know what to think. “Why? Out of all the women you’ve dated in the past, why do you want to marry me?”
His expression turned uncertain. “So my sisters did say something to upset you. I’m sorry, Lindsey. I can’t lie to you. I haven’t lived the life of a monk. There have been women, but none of them meant anything to me.”
No kidding. That much she’d figured out by his reputation alone. She just couldn’t believe he suddenly felt differently now. “Sam always claimed you never dated the same woman more than once. I think in some ways he was jealous, because he was stuck with me.”
Austin’s gaze darkened. “Is that why you won’t marry me? Because of Sam?”
“Not exactly.” She tugged the sheet higher, overly conscious of her nakedness. If she was honest, she’d admit that her marriage breakdown was a big part of her concern. She couldn’t bear the thought of going from one bad relationship to another. “My marriage with Sam was about to end. I told you, I filed for divorce the day before he left to go on that last smoke jumping mission.” No matter what Austin said, she still felt Sam’s death was partially her fault.
“Lindsey, there’s something you need to know. I should have told you before.” He paused, seeming to search for the right words. “Sam’s death wasn’t your fault. It was mine.”
“Yours?” She didn’t believe him.
“Yeah.” He dragged his gaze to hers, his expression grim. “I’m sorry. I should have told you the truth a long time ago.”
“What?” She didn’t understand what he was talking about. Smoke jumping was dangerous, that much she knew, but Austin wasn’t the reckless sort, not in the way Sam sometimes was.
Truthfully, she would have trusted Austin with her life.
“That day, we were fighting the wildfire under dicey conditions. We were warned going in that the wind might shift, but they were predicting we had a good twelve hours before that happened.”
She made a small sound, urging him to continue.
“We were making headway against the fire. Sam was working north of me when suddenly the wind shifted, coming up from the south. He was farther away in the clear, but I wasn’t. The fire was heading straight toward me. I figured my time was up, but Sam appeared out of nowhere, telling me to run for the river. Even after we got to the river, Sam didn’t quit. He kept on working, lighting a backfire to divert the path of the wildfire. When he finally finished, we both jumped into the water. The fire didn’t get us, but he must have taken in more smoke than I did because suddenly his breathing wasn’t so good.”
She couldn’t speak, the picture he painted was far too real. Good heavens, she’d never realized how close Austin had come to dying, too.
“He’d inhaled too much smoke, but there was nowhere for us to go. I called for the medevac chopper to come and get us, but it was too late.” Austin’s gaze was tortured. “He could have saved himself, Lindsey, but he didn’t. Because he came back for me. And he died for his efforts.”
She didn’t know what to say. After all these months, she had honestly believed Sam had been careless. Had purposefully put his life on the line because she’d filed for divorce and had asked him to leave.
For months she’d built him up in her mind as being the bad guy. Especially after she’d discovered the mountain of debt he’d left. And she’d been angry at the way he’d tossed away his life, as if she and Josh hadn’t been worth the effort.
Now Austin had just told her that in the final moments of his life Sam hadn’t been careless after all.
He’d been a hero.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
LINDSEY STARED AT HIM for a long moment, not sure what to say. Truthfully, she was a little glad to hear that in the end Sam had come through when it had counted.
“Can you forgive me, Lindsey?” Austin’s tone held a note of anxiety. “I know I should have told you sooner, but I didn’t want you to hate me.”
“Of course I don’t hate you, Austin.” She pressed her lips together in a self-deprecating frown. “How odd we’ve both been feeling guilty over the same thing.”
“His last thoughts were of you,” Austin said slowly. “He was worried about both you and Josh.”
What was left of her anger evaporated. Sam may not have been the best husband, but he had cared. “Thanks for telling me.”
The expectant look he gave her made her realize she’d never answered his question about marriage. As much as she wanted to, she just couldn’t. Not yet. Everything was just too confusing.
“I don’t know if I can marry you, Austin,” she finally admitted. “My heart wants to say yes, but my head is telling me I need time.”
His smile was crooked. “So listen to your heart.”
She let out a half-hearted chuckle. “I’ll think about it, OK? I promise I’ll consider your proposal.”
Expecting an argument, she was somewhat surprised when he nodded. “That’s all I’m asking, Lindsey.”
She glanced around, relieved that he wasn’t pushing the issue. “I, um, need my pajamas.”
His sexy, knowing grin was almost enough to entice her to stay. “I’ll get them.”
Ignoring his nakedness, he climbed from the bed and fetched her pajamas. He was beautiful, his hard muscular body very impressive. She was embarrassed to discover her pajama top was on one side of the room, but her bottoms had been flung onto a chair on the opposite side of the room.
Good grief, how had they gotten way over there?
“Thanks,” she murmured, when he handed her the clothing. Trying to preserve her modesty wasn’t easy, but she managed to slip the pajamas back on. At the same time Austin had retrieved his drawstring flannel pants.
He stopped her before she made her way back through the connecting door. “Lindsey?”
“Yes?”
He didn’t answer but pulled her back into his arms for a thorough kiss.
Her head was spinning by the time he let her go. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” he murmured.
“Uh-huh.” After reminding herself she couldn’t stay, no matter how tempted she was, she took a deep breath and sneaked back into the room she was sharing with Josh.
He was still sleeping, thank heavens.
She slipped into her own bed and stared at the ceiling, mulling over Austin’s proposal.
Somehow it was difficult to remember the reasons she’d resisted saying yes.
The next day, Josh was up early. Of course, he’d gotten a full night of sleep, unlike some people in the room.
Stifling a wide yawn, Lindsay padded to the tiny coffeemaker, filled it with water and stared as the carafe slowly filled with freshly brewed coffee.
The stupid machine dripped slower than molasses.
She’d finished two cups before she felt ready to face the day, hence they were later than usual for their normal breakfast routine.
Josh had found Austin’s room and with a guilty start she remembered she hadn’t completely closed the connecting door between their rooms, and she pasted a smile on her face as she walked in. “Good morning. Are we ready for breakfast?”
“Yeah!” Josh was practically bouncing on the bed he had so much energy. “Guess what, Mom? Austin says I’m going to go over to Mrs Moore’s house tonight for dinner.”
“Mrs Moore?” she echoed with a frown, sliding a questioning glance at Austin.
“My sister Alaina is having all the kids over for a pizza dinner,” Austin explained. “I figured you wouldn’t mind.”
She didn’t actually mind, but he could have asked her first.
“This way, you and Austin can go out for a fancy-smantzy dinner.” Josh comically rolled his eyes, making a goofy face, and flopped back on the bed. “No kids allowed.”
“Thanks for letting the cat out of the bag,” Austin muttered.
“Cat?” Josh sat up and frowned. “What cat?”
“Never mind.” So Austin had created this kid dinner just so they could go out? She couldn’t help being impressed at his ingenuity. “Let’s eat, shall we?”
Josh chatted through breakfast, which was a good thing because after spending the night with Austin she was finding it difficult to get back on normal terms. Maybe it was just her imagination, but she was sure he kept sending her smoldering glances that promised more passion.
She swallowed hard and concentrated on her food.
When they’d finished eating, Austin drove them over to the hospital. The plan was to visit for a while, then go back to his parents’ house to help get things ready for Abe to return home.
They chatted in the waiting room with the other family members as there were too many of them to descend on Abe at one time. Lindsey leaned over to Austin.
“You might want to arrange for subs or something for lunch,” she warned, “because otherwise your mother is going to feel as if she needs to feed us all.”
“Good point.” Austin turned to Abby and arranged for a party sub to be ordered and delivered around noon.
Despite his arrhythmia episode the previous evening, Abe looked fine when they made their way up to visit. This time she took Josh with her so he could meet Austin’s father.
“Mr Monroe, this is my son, Josh. Josh, this is Mr Monroe, Austin’s father.”
“You can call me Grandpa Monroe if you like,” Abe confided. He was sitting up in a chair, dressed in a striped hospital gown and robe. “That’s what the other grandkids call me.”
Josh glanced at her and she gave a subtle nod, granting her permission. Easier than using “Mr Monroe” with so many other Mr Monroes around.
“So what grade are you in at school?” Abe asked.
Josh went into a discussion of what was currently happening in the fourth grade, and of course mentioned the Tai Kwon Do classes he and his friend Tony were taking. Which led to a demonstration of his yellow belt “form.”
As Josh moved through his choreographed moves, Lindsey had to admit she was impressed. Maybe Austin was right about the martial arts being all about self-control.
Heck, maybe she should learn some self-control herself.
“You’re not upset about dinner tonight, are you?” Austin asked, after they’d returned to the waiting room.
“No, although I was taken aback at first,” she answered honestly. “But it was sweet of you to make the arrangements.”
Austin’s grin faded a bit. “I’m sorry it took me so long to realize we’d never really been out on a date by ourselves.”
She shrugged. “Dating isn’t easy as a single mom.”
He nodded, but she could tell he was still troubled by the lapse. They made their way over to his parents’ house, where much of the family had already congregated.
Lindsey ended up helping to throw together some ready-made casseroles to make things easier for Austin’s mother, while the guys worked on setting up a room for Abe on the first floor so he wouldn’t have to negotiate the steep staircase leading to the master bedroom on the second floor. The kids were relegated to play in the family room, basically to stay out of everyone’s way.
“Darn it, the kitchen sink is blocked again,” Abby said in exasperation. “Lindsey, will you go and ask Austin to come and look at it?”
“Sure.” Feeling as if there were too many cooks in the kitchen anyway, she was glad to escape. Austin’s family was nice, but they made a simple project into a major production.
She found Abby’s husband, Nick, and Alec in the downstairs bedroom, putting the bed frame together. “Where’s Austin?” she asked.
“Upstairs with Adam.” Alec flashed a grin. “Take a right at the top of the stairs.”
“Thanks.” She followed his simple directions but her steps slowed as she neared the top of the stairs.
Austin’s voice came through the doorway loud and clear.
“Knock it off, Adam. I know what I’m doing. I promised Sam I’d take care of Lindsey and Josh. I can handle a little responsibility.”
She sucked in a harsh breath. Responsibility? Was that really how he viewed her and Josh—as a responsibility?
Because he’d promised Sam he’d take care of them?
Dazed and nauseous, she turned away and stumbled into the nearest room, which just happened to be the bathroom. She sank onto the commode before her knees gave out.
Why hadn’t she put the pieces together before?
Austin had never been in a serious relationship. For years he’d hopped from one woman to the next, leaving a string of broken hearts in his wake.
He could have any woman he wanted.
Why would a serious heartbreaker suddenly decide to settle down with a wife and son?
Because he’d made a promise to his best friend.
Austin was so intent on marrying her because he felt he needed to keep his promise to take care of her and Josh.
It made so much sense now that she put it all together.
And the stark truth made her want to cry.
Lindsey could barely paste a smile on her face for Austin’s family, but the chaos over lunch helped her to hide her feelings.
But she couldn’t stay. Especially not when Austin had planned a special dinner for them. And when he drove off to buy a new elbow pipe for the kitchen sink, she took her chance and ran.
Not literally, but she did manage to call a cab.
“Tell Austin I had to go back to the hotel for a while,” she said to Abby when she wanted to know where they were going. “I’m not feeling well.”
“Is there anything I can do to help?” Abby asked with a worried frown. “I’m sure Alaina wouldn’t mind keeping an eye on Josh if you want to catch a nap.”
“No, we’ll be fine.” The last thing she wanted to do was to leave Josh with Alaina. Not when she had every intention of packing up their belongings and heading out to the airport to catch the first plane to LA. Luckily, Austin had purchased electronic tickets for them to fly standby, so she didn’t need anything from him.
Least of all a marriage proposal because he felt responsible for her.
“Why are we leaving without Austin?” Josh asked, becoming stubborn when she told him to pack his things.
“Because I need to get back home for work.” It was easier to stretch the truth than to explain the personal issues between them.
“You had a fight, didn’t you?” Josh demanded in a petulant tone. “I’m not going. You can’t make me.”
Her temper snapped. “Yes, you are! You’re my son and I’m telling you we’re leaving. Now.”
The shocked expression on his face when she yelled at him haunted her on the sullen ride to the airport.
Her mother had always taken her frustrations about her failed relationships out on her.
She felt sick, knowing she was following in her mother’s footsteps in more ways than one.
Austin swore under his breath as he managed to get the cracked pipe replaced under his mother’s sink. At first it had simply been clogged, but in trying to get the pipe apart to clean it out, he’d cracked the darned thing, requiring a trip to the closest hardware store.
He crawled out from under the sink with a sigh of relief. One project finished. Maybe his brothers had moved all the furniture down from his dad’s room in the hours he’d played plumber.
He cleaned up the mess and looked around for Lindsey. It was later than he’d thought, almost four in the afternoon. She wasn’t in the family room with the kids. And neither was Josh.
After wandering through the various rooms in his parents’ house, he discovered she seemed to have disappeared.
“Abby?” He cornered the sister Lindsey seemed to talk to the most. “Have you seen Lindsey and Josh?”
“Oh, yeah, I was supposed to tell you she went back to the hotel right after lunch. I guess she wasn’t feeling well.”
What? Since when? “How did she get there?” He’d had the rental car to run to the hardware store.
“I think she called a cab.” Abby frowned. “Although now that you mention it, I don’t know why she didn’t just ask for a ride. Any one of us could have taken her back. Is everything all right?”
