Only You (A Second Chance Romance), page 2
“I thought time would heal me.” I lowered my head. I’d thought tomorrow would be better, but it never was. The pain in my chest was permanent. “I can’t help to think that the something that’s been missing in my life is still him. It’s always been him. And the worst part is that I can never fill that.”
With each passing day, the hole in my heart was growing, and there was no way to stop it. When I looked at Lou, for a brief moment I thought I saw a flash of panic on her face, but then it disappeared. Was it because we were running late, and Lou was never late?
“I’m sorry, Alex. It only means that this is perfect timing for a nice, relaxing trip. You never know who you’ll meet.”
“I know exactly, Lou: nobody.”
“Oh, don’t be so negative. You’re a fun girl. I’m sure there will be a handsome fella there who’s going to sweep you off your feet.”
I laughed. “You know that’s not going to happen.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m married.”
Oh, did I mention that while Lou had loved Jackson, she hated my husband Adam with equal passion? Lou and Adam mixed as well as oil and water, and Lou liked to pretend that Adam didn’t exist, even when the two of them were in the same room together. Even if he was standing beside her.
“Doesn’t change the fact that you haven’t been out on a date with Adam in over a century. Can you even remember the last time you two had a nice evening or a passionate night of sex?” She took a short pause, preventing me from even digging into my brain. Truthfully, I was afraid that I’d have to dig pretty deep if I was going to remember that. “I didn’t think so. Do you even remember what a dick looks like?”
I burst out another laugh. At least she was managing to ease my nerves about flying.
“Number one, I think your timeline is a little bit off with the century count, and number two, I’m not discussing my sex life with you.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry.”
“For what?”
“For the fact that you have no sex life to discuss.”
“Ouch.”
“Don’t worry. I have a feeling that will change on this vacation.” “
“Ha! Are you sure you’re sober enough to drive me to the airport?”
“Facts are facts. I read your horoscope and packed you a few pairs of sexy non-grandma panties. Use them!”
I shook my head.
“If you didn’t get my hint, if you do happen to bump into a nice brawny hunk, please, for the love of your stale vagina, have some fun.”
“I don’t need sex to have fun. And again, married.” I wiggled my ring finger, which at the moment was missing my wedding band.
“Shit, where’s my ring?”
“Where did you put it last?” she asked casually, and I narrowed my brows. I wouldn’t have put it past her to have stashed it somewhere safe just to make me appear single. She’d done it in the past.
“I don’t know. Help me find it.”
Instead of going back upstairs, she dragged me by my arm out the door.
“If you’re going to start looking now, you’ll miss your flight.”
“I know, but last time I forgot my wedding band, Adam was upset.”
“All the more reason not to wear it,” she teased.
“Are you two ever going to get along?”
“Sorry, but that’s not going to happen. There’s no way we’ll ever get along after what he did to me.”
Right. When Adam met me, it just so happened that he met Lou as well, and let’s just say that they didn’t hit it off.
“Whatever happened to forgive and forget?” I asked.
“Forgive and forget? Sorry, but I’m not Jesus and I don’t have Alzheimer’s.”
“You’re overreacting, Lou. You’ve been on thousands of dates, and none of them worked out. That should tell you something.”
“I hate you.”
“You love me and you know it. Your trouble is that you’re looking for a perfect man who doesn’t exist.”
“I’m looking for a man who won’t cheat, a man who on occasion wants to spoil me and will make me breakfast in bed, a man who’ll take me out to the movies on a date and who’ll hold my hair when I’m throwing up after a long night of drinking with my girlfriends. You know, the regular stuff.”
“You’re not looking for a man. You’re looking for an imaginary friend.” I laughed.
“Shut up. My man exists. And if he’s just in my mind for now, so be it. Now let’s go, or you’re going to miss your flight.”
She was right. We should have been at the airport already. Feeling guilt twist my stomach into a knot, I let the ring go and grabbed my purse. Since Adam was still at work, on a golf course mingling with his work buddies, Lou was driving me to the airport. She would have just enough time to return to pick up the kids from their activities and give them dinner, which was steaming in a warming drawer.
“Get in, quick.” She shut the trunk with my suitcase and took the front seat.
“Go, go, go,” I urged.
Lou pressed the gas pedal before I got a chance to buckle my seatbelt.
“So, other than hooking up with a sexy beast, what kind of fun are you planning?” she asked.
“I’m not sure how much time I’ll have, but—”
“Hold on a minute. That translates to I took my computer with me. Please tell me you left that piece of metal and chips at home?”
I kept my lips sealed.
“Damn it, Alex! You can’t stay locked up in your hotel room all day working. That’s not why you’re going away for a week. Besides, I told you, I can handle the business for a week. It’s not like we work at a funeral home and have to be there every day. I’m taking that laptop away from you.”
Was she actually comparing owning a beauty salon to funerals? Was that what my life had come to?
“I can’t be without it. I already feel guilty enough for taking a week off all on my own.”
Owning a beauty salon wasn’t exactly rocket science, but I’d never left the business before. If Lou weren’t my partner, I wasn’t sure I would have been able to leave it at all.
“Sure you can. There’s no emergency that I can’t handle while you’re away, and if there is, I’ll call you.”
Knowing I’d lost this argument before it even began, I sighed. She pulled over, quickly reached for my laptop bag, and put a lock on its zipper.
“Where did you get that?”
“I had a hunch. And you know me, I don’t take chances.”
She put the laptop case between her legs and merged back onto the road.
“You can’t drive like that.”
“Watch me.”
There was no way I was getting it back now. Once something was between Lou’s legs, she wouldn’t let it go — including men. Especially men.
“So, now that we have the evil spawn of technology all taken care of, what are your plans in Orlando?”
“I’ll definitely hit the spa. The place has a spa, right?” Lou was the one who’d booked my trip. She’d been on the computer a lot lately, pretty much between every appointment at the salon, so I knew she’d picked the best for this all-expenses-paid trip. How could I have refused to speak at the conference when the trip included free massages? Yes, I could get one at work, but being away for the first time in… well, ever… felt different.
“Yes, it has a spa. It has an indoor pool, an outdoor pool, a sauna, massage parlor, a beauty salon, mud baths, and romantic getaways.”
“Lou, I don’t need a romantic getaway.”
“You’ll thank me after you meet a single guy.” She winked to the side but kept her attention on the road. Lou was a natural driver. She felt the road, claiming that it was because of all the stick shifts she’d driven. I had a feeling she was referring to men — again.
“I understand that you don’t understand the concept of a spouse or marriage, but I do. Besides, what kind of a guy comes to a spa hotel alone?”
“This is not just any hotel. It’s a palace, Alex. It was renovated last year, and it’s to die for. Besides, a lot of guys go to spas. That’s where you should start. Definitely the spa. You’ll get to see firsthand the way they’re running. Maybe you can get a few ideas for our business. Promise me?”
I laughed at her silly request, but when she turned to me with that serious face, I knew she meant business.
“I guess it won’t hurt, but I’m not looking for a guy. None.”
“Yeah, having lived with Adam for ten years would have definitely fried your brain. I’m not surprised that you forgot what a real man looks or acts like.”
She made sure I didn’t miss the smug grin on her face. My husband might not have won the Husband of the Year award – okay, maybe he would have come second last – but he was still my husband. I had made a vow, and I had no plans of breaking it. I had kids to think about.
“Come on. Adam’s a good man.”
“To other women,” she said quietly.
I didn’t reply. We both knew that she was right. Adam was a flirt; in fact, I’d caught him in a rather risqué position once, in a coat closet with a bombshell redhead, but he’d said she dropped her car keys. Adam’s wet lips and the cut out of her skirt that exposed her leg nearly to her ass implied that she dropped her panties instead of her keys and he’d fed on her like a hungry shark. Adam denied it, though, and I believed him. If there was no trust in a relationship, then what was there?
“You know, maybe this trip will be good for me. I’ll relax, re-focus, and come back rejuvenated, stronger for my family.”
“I know you will. And do yourself a favor, have a glass of wine or two while you’re there. There’s nothing better than some red to help you relax.”
“If I do, I’ll raise a toast to the bestest friend in the world – Nicola.”
“Touché, you asshat!”
Nicola was our butt-kicking personal trainer, but that didn’t change Lou from being my number one friend, even if I teased her.
The closer we got to the airport, the harder my heart was beating. Why was I so nervous? Maybe because I hadn’t been on my own, without the family, ever? Perhaps they were only pre-flight jitters? I had a twisting feeling in my stomach that this vacation was more promising than I could ever anticipate, and it had nothing to do with me giving a motivational speech.
Chapter 2
“You were right,” I told Lou over the phone. “This place is amazing.”
“Okay, so what have you done so far?”
“Well, there was the speech yesterday, so I mingled with a few people there because they all kept coming up to me. I’m telling you, Lou, I’ve never felt this good before. I went to dinner with this woman, another motivational speaker, who actually beat stage four cancer and went on to save countless lives when she was in a bus accident that almost killed her. Can you believe that? To survive cancer and then almost die in a car accident?”
She sighed. “That actually sounds a little boring. Have you done anything for yourself?”
“Ahm, not yet, but—”
“I knew it! You’ve managed to become a workaholic while away from work. You’re thinking about everyone else around you except yourself.”
“Because I have you to do that for me.”
“Exactly. Have you even gone to the spa?”
“Not yet, but—”
“Do you want me to fly over there and show you how to relax and have fun? If you don’t recharge there, you won’t be productive when you return. Also, you need to have a look at their facilities. I was thinking of redesigning the salon, and I was hoping you’d get some ideas.”
Deep inside, I knew that she was right. I should definitely check out the spa, and a little bit of relaxation while spying would do me good.
“How are the kids?” I tried to change the subject.
“They’re great. I don’t think they’ve even noticed that you’re gone.”
“Are they eating junk food?”
“Of course they are. I’m not the bad parent who wants to feed them greens all the time. I’ll leave that job to you.”
“Thanks. And how is Adam?”
“I’m pretty sure he hasn’t noticed that you’re gone either.”
“Lou…”
“What? You want me to lie?”
I heard clicking on the other end of the line but ignored her typing while we chatted. That girl could multitask like an old lady at a casino handling three slot machines at once.
“No, of course not.”
“He’s working late nights.”
The last time Adam worked late nights was when that new blonde intern joined their “team.” Whatever that meant. All I knew was that my husband’s hours had stretched from long to infinite. Maybe it was better to pretend that Adam had no ulterior motives for working late than thinking of the possibilities Lou came up with, like “sucking face,” because I had no time for espionage.
“Ok, you’re booked for a massage in half an hour, so get your butt moving.”
“What?”
“You’re going to ask for Lucas. Now I’m going to hang up the phone. Call me tomorrow after your body’s been abused by his strong hands.”
“You have his picture?” How I wished for my computer now! And why was I suddenly interested in what he looked like?
“You won’t regret it. He’s the best one there. Bye.” She hung up before I had a chance to argue or tell her that I needed to bathe, shave, and jump out of my pajamas, which I’d been sitting in since this morning, watching a nature show where two lions were now humping. At the thought of humping, I felt my stomach tingle and thighs clench, trying to recall the last time I’d been intimate with my husband. I couldn’t remember.
With one minute to spare, I made it to my appointment with Lucas, and he did not disappoint. The deep tissue massage was just what I needed. Lou was right. His hands were made to touch every part of the human body, throwing me into total relaxation mode.
“May I suggest the steam room to maximize the benefits of the massage?” Lucas said. “You may feel sore in a few hours, Mrs. Langs. You had quite a few knots in your neck. A steam room will relax your muscles that much more, detoxify your body, strengthen your immune system, and lower your blood pressure. Highly recommended, and it’s included in your stay.”
After such a fantastic massage, Lucas didn’t need to sell me another one of the spa’s wonderful amenities. I’d never felt this relaxed in my life, and to think that I could feel even better – well, that was an offer I couldn’t refuse. Besides, since Lou had taken away my computer, a few more minutes in heaven was better than working on my phone.
“Thank you. That sounds like a great idea.”
Lou would be so proud of me. Moments later, buck-naked with a towel wrapped around my body, I was sitting in a steam room. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back against the wall, falling prey to complete zen. I traveled back in time to when my kids were born — definitely one of the best days of my life. Then again to my wedding day — that was good too. Last year’s skiing vacation in the Rocky Mountains would top the chart of family outings. We’d taken so many pictures that week, I’d used up all of my phone’s memory.
Photographs.
As soon as I remembered the picture of me and Jackson I’d dropped a few days earlier, my focus shifted.
Jackson…
How different would my life have been without this constant grief in my heart? It would definitely border the line of perfection and unconditional love. My heart fluttered at the idea, and I smiled. Jackson had always known what to say at the right time. He’d had a knack for perfect timing; well, except for opening that door on our wedding day. The day before our wedding that never happened, we’d run through a grassy field, hand in hand, happy and carefree. I tripped and fell that day, scraping my knees.
“Don’t worry, no one will see them under your dress.”
“But our wedding night! It will be ruined.” I felt so broken with two giant bandages on my knees that I couldn’t wrap my head around the idea that my knees would eventually heal and the wedding would go on as planned.
“Believe me, baby. I won’t be concentrating on your knees on our wedding night. I want all of you. All in equal parts. Only you.”
He touched his lips gently to mine and kept them there. I remembered feeling a yearning for him and a need that couldn’t be measured. The smooch turned into a deeper, passionate kiss that made my knees weak. His mouth was my lifeline. It felt like he was the one who made breathing and living possible. He was my lifeline.
My heart beat faster. I got lost in the memory of his hands flowing over my curves, fingers tracing delicate patterns over my belly as he aimed for the button of my shorts. Secure in his arms, I remembered feeling as if we owned the world — as if there were nothing else but us, the blue sky, chirping birds, swaying fields of rye waiting for their harvest, blooming tulips in front of our house in springtime, and our lips. I couldn’t get enough of his lips and tender kisses as my hands searched to memorize his body: every muscle, joint, curve, and bulge. I’d outline the seam of his lips with my thumb, remembering the uneven pattern of the edged ripple. I could probably draw them from memory. Their warmth was soothing. I’d never forgotten their soft yet demanding touch. Our connection broke all rules of the universe. He wanted me and only me for the rest of his life, and at some point, he was my only solace. He fed me love like no one ever had, and I was embarrassed to admit that not even my husband could outshine his mouth.
But Fate had had other plans. He was stolen from me on our wedding day.
A new hiss of steam sounded as the valve in the wall opened, waking me from my thoughts. Fresh white fog filled the room. A pang of guilt hit me in the gut at my thoughts of the past because each time I let my memories drift, I wished he were here. I wished Jackson had never been kidnapped; but that would equate to me wishing that my kids didn’t exist and that my family, which I loved with my whole heart, would be imaginary.
