Love, Again, page 3
“Aubrey, you still there?”
Her voice brought me back, and I shook my head. “Sorry. I was reminiscing about the awards nights. Sometimes it’s hard to believe it all happened.”
Emilia chuckled. “I understand completely. When I watch the movies I’ve been in, I hardly believe it’s me. When I’m on camera, I become someone else. I’m always shocked when I see myself.”
I reached for the bucket of cookies and grabbed one more. “So who won the male lead?”
She groaned. “Mark Isaac. He’s kind of a douche. I saw him at a restaurant awhile back, and he was really rude to the staff.”
I’d watched his audition tape, and was impressed with him, but I wouldn’t have chosen him for the part. High-maintenance crew or cast was a pass for me. “Yeah, I remember you telling me about that.”
“Ever since then, I never really cared for him. Granted, he was a gentleman to me when I met him this morning, but we all know how that goes. He has to put on the charm in front of the director.”
Shaking my head, I ate the last of my cookie. “Hate to hear that. No matter what, you’ll do amazing. Just eat your Funyuns when it’s time for the kissing scenes.”
She burst out laughing. “Don’t think I won’t do it. If I see him being rude to anyone on set, I’ll do it in a heartbeat.”
That was one of the things I loved about her. She was nice to everyone she met. Even though she was an A-list celebrity, and had people following her around all the time, she still managed to keep a smile on her face. It was hard for her, but she didn’t want the reputation of being a bitch.
“Now that I told you my good news, I want to hear everything. You already told me all about Seattle, Banff, and the Irish couple. Did you get sick riding the Ferris wheel at the fair?”
“No.” I laughed. “Although I did throw up my hot dog after riding the Stinger. It was brutal.” The Stinger was a pendulum-type ride that rocked back and forth, and tipped you upside down. I thought I could handle it, but was totally wrong.
Emilia giggled. “Wish I could’ve seen that.”
“No, you don’t. Luckily, an elderly couple was kind enough to get me a cup of water afterward. They sat with me and told me stories about how they’ve been going to the fair ever since they met forty years ago.”
“You did it again. You befriended someone on your adventure. You’re going to need to write a book when you’re all done. The stories you’re telling me are fascinating.”
I laughed. “I might just do that. For now, I’m journaling everything so I can remember it all.”
“Ah,” she squealed. “I can’t wait to read that. So where are you going next?”
I looked down at my list and marked off Banff, Seattle, and the Minnesota State Fair. “I’m going to St. Louis,” I answered, reaching for my laptop. “There’s a restaurant there called The Fountain on Locust that I’ve been dying to eat at. I heard they have an amazing dill pickle soup.” The menu appeared on the screen, and my mouth watered. “Plus, I want to see the arch.”
She groaned. “Oh my God, that soup sounds good. I’d give anything to try it.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll send you a picture,” I said teasingly, closing up my laptop. I grabbed the TV remote off the bedside table and turned it on.
“Gee, thanks. So have you added any more places or things to do on your list?”
Of course, the first thing that popped into my mind was something I’d been trying to suppress. I hadn’t been to Oklahoma or seen Cole in years. The longer I stayed away, the harder it was for me to go back. My heart hurt too much to remember, and yet that had to be my punishment. I was bound to be tormented for the rest of my life, or until I made amends.
“Aubrey, you still there?”
“Yeah,” I answered, voice raspy. I cleared my throat. “Sorry about that. My mind got away from me again. And no, I haven’t added any new things yet.”
“Oh, okay. I figured you would’ve by now. There isn’t a certain someone you wished you could see again?” My heart stopped, and I sucked in a breath. I wasn’t expecting her to guess it. “I heard that!” she exclaimed. “Who is he? You have to tell me everything.”
“Doesn’t matter, Em. It was a long time ago. He’s probably married with a family by now. I can’t just go back.”
“Why not? Who is he?”
Closing my eyes, I clearly could see his face the last time I ever saw him. It would always stay ingrained in my mind. His eyes were a steely gray, like the color of the sky after a storm. There was dirt on his face and in his light brown hair from working on the farm, but he was still sexy as hell, even if he was covered in sweat. I’d relived the moment I broke his heart a million times in my head. He was in the barn, brushing his horse, Blue. I’d never seen him so happy, but I destroyed that the second I told him I wanted to leave.
“His name was Cole Haywood,” I answered, voice thick with emotion. “Our mothers were best friends so we were constantly together. They were even pregnant at the same time with us. He was my best friend growing up, and once we became teenagers things changed. He was my first and only love. We were going to get married, but then I left a month before our wedding date.”
“Wow. Why haven’t you told me this?”
My eyes burned. “Because it was too painful to talk about. I thought I could forget. Unfortunately, it’s been ten years, and no luck with that.”
Her voice softened. “What happened?”
“I made the choice to follow my dreams. I was working as a dental assistant and engaged to Cole. The last time I saw him he was so angry at me. Little did he know that my heart had broken in two as well. I didn’t want to leave him, but I was afraid. There was no way I could pursue Hollywood and marry him. He never was a big-city type of guy. I couldn’t ask him to leave Oklahoma.”
“Did you even try?” she asked.
That was where my regret came in. “No,” I answered. “He offered to come with me, but I told him no. I was afraid he’d resent me if he gave everything up to follow me.”
“Aubrey, seriously? No wonder you haven’t found anyone yet. What if he’s your soulmate?”
Deep down, I always knew he was, but I also had to find my own happiness. “What if he is? It’s too late, Emilia. I haven’t seen him in years.” Before my parents died, my mother made me promise that I’d follow my dreams, even if it meant leaving our small town. She told me not to let anything hold me back. My heart screamed at me to stay, to marry Cole like I’d planned to, but I knew I’d never be fully happy if I didn’t give Hollywood a chance.
“Girl, you need to hop on a plane and go back to that tiny-ass town of yours and find him. I know I would if I were you.”
A part of me wanted to, but I just couldn’t. It was selfish reasoning, really, because I couldn’t bear his rejection. Or admit now to my mistake. I was too afraid. “My mind is made up. It’s not going to happen.”
“Fine. Be that way. But the regret you feel right now isn’t going to get any better. Just saying.”
I laid my head down on the pillow and closed my eyes. “Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’ll keep that in mind.”
We said our goodbyes, and then I buried myself under the blankets after turning up the volume on the TV. I was hoping the sound would distract my thoughts, but it didn’t. Memories of Cole flooded through my mind. There were some nights I hated going to sleep because I knew I’d dream about him. When I did, there were times when I’d dream we were happy with a family of our own. Waking up after those nights made my heart break all over again. Other times when I dreamed about him, he’d be with someone else. It didn’t matter what I dreamed, my heart couldn’t take it. That’s when I knew I made a mistake those years ago having left the only man I’d ever loved. It was easier to work hard, exhaust myself, and try to forget.
My foot knocked against my laptop and I opened my eyes. I sat up quickly and stared at it. What the hell was I doing? Finding him would only cause problems, especially if he was with someone else.
“I can’t believe I’m doing this.”
I reached for my laptop and opened it. I’d tried searching for him several times over the years, but I always held back, not wanting to find out too much. I kept hoping he’d open an account on Facebook, Twitter, or something. There was a strong urge inside of me that always wanted to know he was okay. I logged into my Facebook and searched his name. Several profiles came up, but none of them were his. It didn’t surprise me that he didn’t have an account. I searched every single social media outlet I could think of, but nothing came up. I thought for sure I’d be able to find him somewhere. Then it hit me…his brother. I knew without a doubt that Bennett Haywood would have a Facebook page. I typed in his name, and just as I thought, his profile popped up. He had it set to private, but I could still see some of his profile pictures. There was one that caught my eye. It was Cole and Bennett, smiling at the camera. Most people thought they were twins since they were so close in age, but Cole was eleven months older. Bennett was a surprise baby.
My heart stopped and the air left my lungs. After all these years, I still missed Cole. It was never going to end. Closing my eyes, I slammed the laptop shut. As much as I wanted to stare at his picture, my heart couldn’t take it.
Taking a deep breath, I let it out slow and turned my attention to my list. Grabbing my pen, I pulled the notebook onto my lap and sighed. “Maybe I should find him.” I slowly wrote his name on my bucket list and stared at it. “At least this way I’ll know he’s okay. He doesn’t even have to know I’m around.” Who was I kidding? I didn’t have the courage to face him yet.
I knew it was going to hurt seeing him again, but I had to know if he was okay, one way or another. If he was, I’d leave him be. I just wanted to see him one last time.
Chapter 5
Aubrey
ST. LOUIS, MISSOURI
When I arrived in St. Louis, I went straight to the arch. The little podlike chairs they put you in to take you to the top were kind of frightening, but it was an experience I could mark off my list. The Saint Louis Zoo was another attraction I thoroughly enjoyed. It was the first one I’d ever been to. My parents took me many different places growing up, but the zoo wasn’t one of them. Cole and I always wanted to go to one when we were growing up. He said he was going to take me one day, but we never got the chance. As I walked around and looked at all the animals, all I could think about was if he ever made it to a zoo after I left. Did he take someone with him? The thought of him with a wife and kids plagued me. For so long, he was mine. I couldn’t imagine him with anyone else. I didn’t want to.
Now that I’d seen the zoo, I called an Uber to pick me up. My driver was a middle-aged African American man with a kind smile and wisps of gray in his dark hair. He hopped out of his black sedan and opened the car door for me. “Ms. Aubrey Reynolds, I assume?” he asked. When I nodded, he showed me his identification. “I’m Robert Thompson. I’ll be taking you to The Fountain.”
I shook his hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Robert. Thank you for picking me up.”
He nodded once. “My pleasure, ma’am. I take it you’re not from around here?”
My accent had to have given me away. “No. I’m originally from Oklahoma. St. Louis was the next stop on my bucket list.”
“That’s pretty cool.” He flourished a hand to the backseat. “I’m glad you chose to come here. St. Louis has been my home my entire life.” I got in and he shut the door behind me. His car smelled like peppermints, with a subtle hint of french fries. My stomach growled so loud he could hear it. He laughed and started us on the way. “Don’t worry. I’ll get you to The Fountain quick.”
My cheeks burned. “Thanks. I didn’t eat breakfast this morning because I wanted to be hungry before going to the restaurant. I’ve heard it has some of the best food around.”
His eyes met mine in the rearview mirror. “Yes, ma’am, it does. My wife and I like to go there at least once every couple of weeks. She loves it so I take her there.”
The way he mentioned her sounded so genuine and heartfelt. “That’s really sweet. How long have you been married?”
The smile on his face radiated with love. “Next Wednesday will be thirty years.”
“And still going strong it sounds like,” I added.
He nodded. “Yes. That woman’s had my heart since we were teenagers.” I knew how he felt. I’d given my heart away, but never got it back. We pulled up at a stoplight, and he glanced back at me. “Are you married?”
I tried to plaster on a smile, even though my heart ached inside. “No. I was supposed to get married ten years ago, but I left to follow my dreams. I still think about him every day though. I hope he’s happy.”
His smile turned sad. “I’m sorry to hear that. Something tells me you’re not happy about leaving him.”
I shrugged. “Guess you can say I’ve always wondered about the ‘what-ifs’. Ever since I started on this bucket list journey I’m on, I can’t help but think about him. Everywhere I turn there’s a reminder of him.”
A twinkle sparkled in his eyes. “Sounds like a sign to me.”
A spark of hope ignited within me, but I shook it away. Was it really a sign? It was probably my guilt playing tricks on me. Robert pulled up to the restaurant, and I passed him a tip. “Thanks for the ride, Robert. I really appreciate it.”
He took the money and nodded. “You’re welcome. Good luck with your journey, and I hope you enjoy the rest of your time here.”
“Thank you. I will.” I got out and shut the door. My stomach growled even louder, so I walked inside the restaurant. It was like I’d stepped into a different time and place.
The Fountain on Locust was very eclectic, with its bright blue walls and fancy hand-painted art designs. There was a huge bar in the middle, and off to the left were more private booths with red curtains draped to the side.
The hostess was about to greet me, but one of the waiters—a young guy with glasses—grabbed her wrist. They both glanced over at me, and her eyes widened. I had a feeling I knew why. I’d gotten sideways glances from a few people over my travels the last few days, and even a few pics taken of me, but no one had gotten the courage to talk to me. Maybe they weren’t sure I was who they thought. I had no makeup on, my dark hair was in a ponytail, and I had on a pair of jeans and a plain green tank top.
“Hi,” the hostess announced. She had dirty blond hair pulled back in a low ponytail, and wore a black tank top with trendy denim jeans.
“Hi,” I replied with a smile. “A table for one, please.”
Grinning back, she grabbed a menu, and nodded toward the tables. “Follow me.”
She led me over to one of the private booths. I sat down, and she handed me the menu. “Your waiter will be right over.”
“Thanks,” I said, taking the menu. I thought she’d walk away, but she shifted on her feet and stared nervously at me.
“Forgive me if I’m wrong, but are you Aubrey Reynolds?”
A soft chuckle escaped my lips. “I am. How’d you know?”
She placed a hand over her heart, and gasped. “Well, I’ll be damned. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone famous before. My name’s Chloe.” She pointed over at the waiter who had pulled her aside earlier. “Eric told me, but I had my doubts. We haven’t had anyone like you come in here, or at least not while I’ve been around.”
I held out my hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Chloe.”
She seemed shocked. “Likewise. I’m honored to meet you.” By now, we’d drawn the attention of the people around us. They all stared at me in awe. It was something I’d never gotten used to. When I left Oklahoma to pursue a career in the movie industry, it was never for the fame. It was more personal than something that superficial—it really was solely so I could bring stories to life.
Eric walked over and held out his hand, his eyes lit with wonder. “I am a huge fan of your movies, Ms. Reynolds.” Chloe moved to the side to make room for him.
I shook his hand. “Thanks, Eric.”
He froze, then looked over at the table across from me. “A famous movie director just shook my hand,” he announced excitedly.
I couldn’t help but laugh. If they only knew how normal I was. There really wasn’t anything special about me. Chloe patted his shoulder. “Don’t scare our guest, Eric. I have to go.” She smiled at me again. “Enjoy your dinner, Ms. Reynolds. If you don’t mind, I’d love to have a picture with you before you leave.”
I nodded. “I’d be glad to.”
“And me too?” Eric asked.
“Of course,” I said, nodding again.
Eric pulled out his pen and pad. “Would you like something to drink? We’re famous for our ice cream martinis.”
That and the dill pickle soup was what I came all the way to St. Louis for. “I know,” I replied. “I’ve heard some amazing things about them. That’s why I’m here.”
His mouth dropped. “You came all the way out here from Hollywood for that?”
My grin widened. “I did.” I’d already studied the menu for days, and knew exactly what I wanted. “I’d love to have the Grand Chocolate martini, and a bowl of your dill pickle soup to start off with.”
He wrote it down quickly, then nodded. “I’ll have it right out.”
