Nick laughed. “Sorry. I’m only kind of fucking with you. I’m super sincere about the blowjob, though.”

  “Uh.”

  “And super sincere about you saying no if it’s not your thing.”

  “Uh.” Right, time to say something that wasn’t uh.

  Then Nick, maybe to prove his sincerity, dropped to his knees. Right in front of Evan. And looked up.

  Evan swallowed. “Jesus.” Because Nick was still smiling, sure, but being on his knees opened up just a little bit of vulnerability in his face, and fuck, Evan wanted that. He wanted to pull that tiny thread of exposure and twist it until Nick was entirely his.

  “I mean it.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Bernie will want to be there.”

  “Uhhh.” Focus, focus. “Uh, seriously?”

  “Yeah. He loves me on my knees.”

  “I can see why.” Then, feeling daring as fuck, Evan reached out to touch the side of Nick’s face. He’d planned it as a taking—some misguided thing where he wanted to show this cis guy he wasn’t a lightweight—except the second his fingers made contact, Nick closed his eyes.

  He knew. Evan didn’t have to prove anything.

  The grip transformed into a gentle tug on Nick’s hair. “You gonna blow me right now? We’re in front of the windows. And your pants will get wet.”

  Nick exhaled, lips still curved. When he opened his eyes, Evan was momentarily overwhelmed by how much feeling he saw there. How much depth.

  “Not here. Right now would work for us, if it’d work for you.”

  Shit, shit, shit. “Uh. Yeah. Okay.”

  “Unless you aren’t interested?” The eyebrow raise that accompanied the question was full of bravado, but Evan had decided not to trust Nick’s bravado.

  Another tug, and that eyebrow came right down. “I’m definitely interested. You’re passably hot. For a cis guy.”

  Nick laughed. “Oh shit. That’s the coldest fucking thing I’ve heard in years.”

  “I didn’t mean it.”

  “Because you’re not a total bastard.” Nick paused. “May I stand?”

  Jesus god. He’s serious. “Yeah.”

  “Thanks. And you’re right about the deck maybe not being the best place.” Nick got to his feet and brushed futilely at his pants. “Damn. Oh well.” He held out his hand and waited, as if Evan was welcome not to take it.

  Nothing like the way he treated the boss, hauling him around without asking. This was a request for permission.

  Evan took Nick’s hand. “This…is not the way I expected my morning to go.”

  “Ha. Welcome to the beach house, Ev.”

  Then he and Nick walked through the upstairs, ignoring conversations that stopped around them, and Lucy’s delighted whoop.

  Evan even tried to ignore his own blush, though that was a hell of a lot harder.

  * * *

  “I come bearing fresh meat,” Nick said breezily, entering his room.

  Bernie glanced up from a stack of papers and a tablet set up with a keyboard. “I see that. I’m glad it worked out. Good morning, Evan.”

  “Hi.” This was gonna get real awkward real fast. He stood in the doorway, totally not sure what to do.

  The door to the room next door opened and suddenly the boss was there, beside him, big and looming, like he usually only was when he was pissed. “What’s up?”

  Evan didn’t quite allow himself to shrink, because fuck that, but he had to work at it.

  Bernie stood up in the middle of Nick’s “Hey, Jase” and nodded to the hallway. Jason raised his eyebrows and backed out of the doorway (which was a damn relief, even if Evan didn’t want to admit it).

  Nick grinned and tugged Evan into the room, letting the door shut behind him. “We figured you wouldn’t be so much into this if Jase was hanging out, so Bern’s telling him that we’ll see him later.”

  “Oh god. Uh, yeah. Thanks.”

  “So basically”—Nick’s hands smoothed up Evan’s chest—“once Jase clears out you’re gonna go down the hall to get anything you need. Then you’re gonna come back here and fuck me. Right?”

  Even though Nick showed no special notice of the fact that his hands were smoothing over binder and mashed chest beneath that, Evan was still self-conscious. He’d had sex with cis folks, but they always seemed a little strange about his body, a little tentative, a little fascinated by it. Puzzled, maybe. Even his girlfriends, who’d eventually been comfortable, had always made him feel like the reality of his body broke their suspension of disbelief in some way he couldn’t prevent.

  Nick’s gaze was hot, almost burning, and his hands were anything but tentative. “What kind of touching works for you? You got an interest in any kind of penetration? I’m pretty good with my hands, Ev.”

  The nickname, picked up from the boss, helped for some reason. Evan exhaled. “With Cait I am. Not…usually with other people.” Lucy hadn’t asked. She’d remembered how he shied away from it the last time they met.

  “I’m definitely not Cait. Though for the record I can’t wait to meet her tonight.”

  “God, tonight. That’s so soon.”

  A cheeky grin. “Yep. I’m trying to offer you a distraction here. Burn away some time.”

  “Shit. Sorry. Sometimes this goes pretty wrong for me.” Stop being a mental case.

  “I hear that. So no penetration. I’m gonna use my hands, though, okay? On your skin. Is that all right? I can do it without touching—and if Bern gets involved you might see that—but I like touching a lot. Especially with someone new. Okay, Evan?”

  “Touching is okay. On—on skin. Not inside.”

  “Got it.”

  The door opened and Bernie slipped inside, glancing at Evan. “I just had the pleasure of watching your employer grapple with the idea that you’re about to have sex with someone he’s had sex with.” He smiled, and Bernie’s smile was a little mean. “It was amusing.”

  “You’re a bastard, Bern.” Nick’s hands found grips on Evan’s shoulders. “You gotta hit your room for a minute, right?”

  “Uh. Yeah.” Focus, Derwent. “I’ll be right back.”

  “Sweet. I’ll see how much I can annoy Bern while you’re gone.”

  He left the two of them and walked down the hall, grateful that the boss had cleared out. Er, excuse me, boss, I gotta go get my good strap-on so your friend can blow me. Cough, cough.

  Yeah, no.

  Evan adjusted his harness and suffered a moment of near-paralyzing debate. If he made it as tight as he wanted it, his dick would be…obtrusive. But if he left it loose enough to comfortably walk back down the hall he’d have to tighten it again in front of Nick and Bernie. He should just tighten it. No one was in the hallway. It was probably like ten feet from one door to the other. Or maybe longer. But no one would see him.

  Except he’d feel ridiculous. And that’s not how he wanted to go into this thing.

  More ridiculous than he’d feel tightening it in front of Nick and Bernie? Maybe not. Plus, he’d probably tighten it again, even though the velcro held pretty well.

  He left it just loose enough to tuck into his jeans, and seriously, he could only wear a dildo like this for a damn short stretch, but he sure felt like a fucking stud when he did.

  Ignoring the butterflies flying around his chest cavity like they were desperate and trapped, he pushed through the cracked open door into Nick’s room.

  And damn. Bernie had one of Nick’s nipples in a vice grip, his other hand wrapped around Nick’s head, and was kissing him like he could take everything Nick was in that kiss.

  Evan would have cleared his throat or something except he couldn’t actually breathe.

  They broke apart and Nick sucked in air, hair all fucked up, lips slightly plump. Bernie worked fast.

  “Bern.” The word was soft, like a prayer.

  “Good boy.”

  This time Nick’s exhalation was impatient, maybe even annoyed, but he shook his head. “Mind the rules, you bastard.” He turned, flashing Evan another one of those dazzling smiles that hid his truth so well. “Ev. Damn.”

  “Should I…come back?”

  “Hell no.” Nick advanced, every movement controlled, strength in the way he held himself, in the way he kicked the door shut behind Evan and pressed him against it.

  Total comfort in the way Nick palmed his dick through his jeans.

  “I seriously can’t wait to taste you. You hard for me, Evan?”

  Talk, you jackass. Stop acting like you’ve never had sex before.

  “Yeah.”

  Nick’s eyes bore deeply into his. “You with me?”

  “Shit. Sorry. I’m totally with you. I’m not used to people just…getting it. Seeing me.”

  “I see you, kiddo. You see me?”

  Nick, laughing with the boss, effortlessly leading him. Nick, playing with his friends, joking with them. Nick, under Bernie’s gaze, in his hands, the bravado retreating to some distant corner.

  Nick on his knees, letting Evan see the parts of himself he didn’t show just anyone.

  “I see you.” He reached up, grasping the back of Nick’s neck.

  “Yeah. That’s right. Do it.”

  “I want to see what you can do,” Evan said, voice low, breathing ramping up. He pushed and Nick sank to the floor. “Get me hard, Nick.”

  “Oh fuck yes.”

  Nick’s hands slid under Evan’s shirt, skimming over his abs, not pausing when they hit the bottom of his binder, continuing in a path that ended at his belt loops.

  “Stop, Nicky.”

  Crap, Evan had nearly forgotten about Bernie.

  Nick smiled and rubbed his cheek against Evan’s dick, which was anything but stopping.

  Bernie sighed, but didn’t move from his position across the room. “Anything you don’t like, tell us to stop.”

  Right, Bernie was saying words, important words, words Evan felt certain he could even process, if Nick wasn’t doing—

  He tugged Nick sharply by the hair until he backed off. Nick laughed.

  Bernie cracked a smile. “You okay with me getting involved? I only touch him. And I won’t if you’d rather I didn’t.”

  “Uh. No. That’s…fine. That’s hot. You two are hot.” More than hot. Evan was a little uncomfortable with how much he wanted to see their dynamic, how much he wanted to watch them together.

  Except where he used to worry that it was a betrayal of himself, of everyone trans, to get off on cis people having sex—now it was just hot. A feast of sex and power, and he wanted to taste it, even if he was just a voyeur.

  And Bernie’s smile felt good, felt like acknowledgement. “We’ll show you that later. Right now I’d advise you to use Nick for all he’s worth.”

  “Please,” Nick added. “Pretty fucking please, use me, Ev. Fuck me.” His hand slid up Evan’s dick again. “You’re so goddamn sexy. I want you in my mouth.”

  Evan took a steadying breath. “Get. Me. Hard.”

  “Damn right.”

  He’d imagined stripping off his jeans immediately, attending to the harness, but Nick’s hands owned him, taking liberties over his clothes Evan didn’t think he would have taken otherwise, fingers pressing against him at the base of his dick, making him shudder.

  “Jesus. Fuck. Nick, Jesus—”

  Nick mouthed up the shape of Evan’s erection, and the visual was so fucking intense he futilely bucked up, impossibly held in place by his damn jeans.

  “Dammit, do it, Nick, come on—”

  A dark laugh and Nick was tugging on his button, his zipper, inhaling deeply. “Like the way you smell,” he said, just before closing his lips over the tip of Evan’s dick.

  Evan moaned. The pleasure curled, winding up from his toes, spiraling in his dick, making him want to thrust deeper, harder. Definitely making him wish he’d tightened the fucking harness all the way earlier. “Wait. Shit. Fuck. I have to—”

  “Do it. I need lube.” Nick reached for a bag that was shoved under the bed, and as he rooted around, Evan settled the harness securely. Bernie was still there, still watching, but it didn’t feel as weird as it might have. It felt a lot less weird than Bernie turning away like what he was doing was strange, or unnatural.

  Guys adjusted themselves. Fact of life. Just like this—or close enough.

  Evan took a deep breath and when Nick turned back, he was ready, thrusting in just a little farther than Nick had taken him before. Nick’s eyes flashed, and his hands were immediately on Evan’s hips.

  “Good.” Bernie’s voice twined with the serpentine pleasure, egging him deeper, encouraging him to fuck Nick harder. “You can pull on his hair. He loves that.”

  Oh god. Evan grabbed a handful of Nick’s hair in one hand and his dick in the other, pulling out enough to smear saliva on Nick’s cheek. He wanted to say something, to talk shit, but the tension underlying the openness on Nick’s face stopped him.

  He pushed back in again and Nick took him. And god, it felt incredible, it felt fucking spectacular. He wanted to be in Nick’s mouth for hours, except there was no way he’d last that long because he was already close to coming, which was some kind of miracle.

  Deeper still, until Nick gagged, fingernails digging into Evan’s skin.

  “Oh, that’s good.” Bernie moved in closer. “Use his throat. He needs it hard, Evan.”

  It wasn’t a dare. It wasn’t advice. It was a gift of understanding: he needs it hard, please let him have what he needs. Evan responded in kind, using both hands now to hold Nick’s face in place while Nick’s hands slid down to his ass, pulling him in, gripping him tightly.

  He gagged, eyes watering, lids fluttering shut. Bernie knelt beside him, reaching out to rub his crotch. Nick moaned.

  Bernie, with a glittering, slightly vicious smile, said, “His dick’s in a cage. Everything that feels good is agony. Perfect torture, eh, Nicky?”

  But Nick couldn’t answer, because Evan’s dick was down his throat. Bernie’s touch did something wild and uncontrolled to him, making him buck his pelvis forward even as he pulled in Evan’s grip, forcing himself down harder, his entire body straining for more.

  “Oh fuck,” Evan said, biting his own lips to hold back.

  “Do it. Come down my boy’s throat. Make him feel it.”

  Yes. I want that. Now. This time when Nick gagged, Evan held him, and having this power over such a fucking strong man was enough to make him shudder, coming, dick pulsing hard, body trembling. He couldn’t stop trembling, even as he let go of Nick.

  Nick did not let go of him. Nick pressed damp eyes to his thigh and breathed there, not moving.

  Silence. Nick’s harsh breaths in concert with Evan’s. Bernie silent, watching Nick, no longer teasing him, no longer touching.

  “Are you okay?” Evan didn’t mean for it to be a whisper, but it was.

  “God, honey, you give good fuck.” The claws of Nick’s fingers softened and relaxed, smoothing over skin. “I underestimated you.” A pinch. “Not for any reason other than Lucy. And I shouldn’t have. Because when Lucy bottoms, she always picks someone serious.” He sighed, breath rippling across the hairs on Evan’s skin. “So good. Good for you?”

  “Really good. Yeah.”

  “For a cis guy?”

  Evan twisted fingers into Nick’s hair, slowly, letting it build. Listening to Nick’s breaths as he kept winding, tightening. “I want to see you come.”

  “Tell him.” Nick pressed his eyes into Evan’s thigh again, mouth open, and Evan didn’t release his hair. Not yet.

  He turned to Bernie. “Can I watch you take him? Will you show me what he looks like when he lets you in?”

  Bernie held his gaze for a long moment. “Do you know what you’re asking?”

  “I know Nick hides.” Heart pounding, Evan added, “But not from you.”

  “Let go.”

  He let go, gently extracting his fingers from Nick’s hair, brushing his hair back from his face. “It was really good. Not just for a cis guy. For anyone. Thank you.”

  Nick lifted his face to look up. “Thank you. I’ve been seriously thinking about that since we met, but Lucy’s been monopolizing you.”

  Again, that tricky little internalized transphobe in his head as he pulled up his pants, questioning whether that could possibly be true. Except it was. He could see it in Nick’s face.

  “Evan,” Bernie said.

  Expecting dismissal, he braced and glanced over.

  “You want a boy of your own someday?”

  No. Yes. Or something. “I want more than a taste of it someday. With someone.” Not Cait, but she wanted a lot of things he wasn’t into, too. It was why being open worked so well for them.

  Bernie nodded. “I’m not going to show you my boy when he is flayed open. That’s for me alone. But I’ll let him show you some of that. What he thinks you need to see.”

  Evan swallowed, wondering what they talked about, how they saw their family. How they saw him. “Okay. Thank you.”

  He nodded once. Then, with no perceivable pause, Bernie changed the energy in the room completely.

  “Nicholas.”

  That was it.

  “The mop flogger,” Nick said. “And take it deep.”

  “Get it.”

  Evan had never used a mop flogger, but watching Bernie take it to all available patches of Nick’s skin made him want one. Entirely naked but for the cage, Nick leaned against the bed and gave himself over to Bernie’s throws.

  In the beginning Evan watched the mechanics, the positioning, tried to imagine the feel of Bernie’s muscles as he adjusted for force and distance. He watched Nick’s tension, the flares of color on his skin, the twitches that belied how stoically he was taking it.

  It was hot, undeniably. And the cage had a strange effect on Evan, becoming an almost gendered thing in his head, a cock hidden from view, trapped and confined and imprisoned. He didn’t believe body parts were inherently male or female, but something compelled him about the visual of a man with his dick completely enclosed in metal. He’d been a man who was imprisoned in something from which he couldn’t escape. It wasn’t the same, at all, but he could feel the impact of the cage working its way deeper inside him, and it felt like kinship.

 

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