Ring in the True, page 10
“I love you,” he said quickly, kissing her again.
“Love you.” She turned and walked away without looking back.
He felt heavy in the car, sinking into the back seat like his skin was a weighted blanket. The sun was too bright. The first day of the year was saturated in stunning white sunlight, cool and distant, when Evan wanted dark clouds and ominous skies.
“This was always the hardest part,” Hugh murmured.
Will glanced over as he pulled into traffic. “Oh yeah? When you used to drop me off, you mean?”
“Yes. Driving away, leaving you on your own, knowing I wouldn’t see you for a while. All of it felt…impossible, at the time.”
“Awww. I didn’t know that.”
“You thought I cavalierly drove off and didn’t think about you again?” Hugh sounded amused.
Evan settled deeper in the back seat and watched them: the flash of Will’s smile as he turned his head toward Hugh, Hugh’s answering neck-squeeze. He left his arm draped across the space between them, hand resting at Will’s neck.
“Yeah. I thought you kind of…put me out of your mind. You turned it off. I mean, obviously I don’t think that now, but for a long time, I did.”
“I was no more able to turn off the part of me that missed you than you were able to do the same.”
Will fanned himself. “God. Shut up.”
“Why would I do that?” Hugh glanced back. “Does it feel impossible, Evan? To miss Cait so much?”
He was a little shocked they remembered he was in the car. “Yeah. I feel like she should still…be here. But she isn’t.”
“Exactly. Every time Will leaves me it seems entirely unnatural.”
“Hold up. What, even now?” This time there was nothing light about the way Will looked over. “Even now you feel that? Even when I’m just going home?”
“Of course. How can you possibly be surprised by this?”
Evan cleared his throat. “You two don’t live together?”
“We live close to each other,” Will said. “I mean, relative to when I lived in Santa Barbara. But I don’t—we couldn’t—” He shook his head. “What’s the other alternative? I mean, short of…”
“Yes. Indeed.”
Clearly there was a hell of a lot more going on here than Evan could understand. For a few minutes the two of them were quiet. Then Hugh shifted in his seat and took back his hand.
“I’m really glad you were here for New Year’s, Evan. And I can’t tell you how happy we were to have Cait as well. Please know you’re both welcome back next year.”
“Uh. Thank you.” Probably not, but it was kind of Hugh to offer.
“And you are very, very good for Lucy. Seeing her with you—” Hugh cut himself off, as if deciding not to say whatever he’d been about to say. “In any case, she needs more people she lets see her in different lights, and she lets you. It’s remarkable.”
He wasn’t going to say Thank you, even though it was clearly meant to be a compliment. Still, he wanted to say something. “She saw me. When I didn’t even know how to look at my own reflection. I’ll never forget it.”
Hugh turned until he was facing Evan and smiled, the brightness of the day making him seem almost younger. “Me too. She and Nick. I had no earthly idea who I was, or how to be that person, but the two of them saw me and in their company I became who I am. Not everyone has that gift, but you and I have been lucky, don’t you think?”
Evan swallowed, suddenly choked up. Put it like that, yeah, it was lucky. Lucy could have gone into another coffee shop, or come in at a different time, when he wasn’t working. But she hadn’t.
“Yeah,” he mumbled. “Definitely.”
Hugh nodded and turned back around. “On the subject of the other, Will—”
“Nope. I’ll talk to you when I’m ready. Not a fucking second sooner, so can it, Mr Reynolds.”
Hugh sighed. “Fine. We are ready—eager—whenever you decide to do so.”
“Yeah, I don’t mind that so much. You two eager for me. Ha.”
“Oh, I’ll show you eager when we get home.”
“Looking forward to it.”
Evan closed his eyes and listened to their voices, thinking about home, about what it meant to surround himself with people who saw him. It was powerful. And sometimes scary as hell. And sometimes, like now, it felt very, very right.
Chapter Twelve
The boss’s family would be leaving in the morning, though Jason planned to stick around for a few more days (possibly with Nick and Bernie, though Evan thought they were still deciding). The last night of the big beach house gathering was spent eating all the leftovers and mostly talking in small groups. Evan felt more than usually on the outskirts, as if Cait’s presence had drawn him in, made him more real.
He said goodnight early and went downstairs. Nick caught up with him as he was going into his room.
“Can I come in for a little bit?” Always with a flirtatious spark in his eye.
“I’m not really…” Evan faltered. “I mean, right now isn’t really…” Shit. He bit down on his lip. He’d held it together all goddamn day. He really didn’t want to cry right now.
Nick closed the distance between them and slowly pulled him into a hug. “I’m pretty good at spooning. And you could use a little bit of touch right now, I think, Ev. Right? No strings, not going anywhere.” Lips pressed to his temple. “There’s no scoreboard saying you gotta be strong all the time, or that taking comfort isn’t just another kind of strength.”
Hell. They’d all be gone soon anyway. “Yeah, okay. I just really miss her. I miss being able to…relax a little. Just be myself.”
“Come on. We’ll cuddle and I’ll tell you the story of how Bernie and I hooked up when we were young and stupid, and then stayed apart nine years because I was too fucking scared to be myself.”
Evan looked up. “Nine years?”
“Don’t remind me.”
Cuddling with Nick was awesome. And listening to his voice—alternately self-deprecating and deep with emotion—soothed Evan’s nerves.
Sometime later there was a tap on the door and Nick kissed Evan again, this time on the lips. “That’s my cue. Have a good night.”
“Your cue for what?”
He only grinned, and opened the door, slipping past Lucy. “Goodnight, Luce.”
“Goodnight, Nicky.” Then she was there, in Evan’s arms, snuggling in without asking, as if she needed it just as much as he did.
They breathed together, not speaking, and eventually slept.
* * *
“For fuck’s sake, would someone please close the refrigerator door? Jesus!”
The boss’s shout had an enlivening effect on Evan the next morning. He sought shelter at the coffee pot beside Eddie and Leo.
“Is he always like that?” Leo asked, lips twitching in a smile he seemed to be attempting to contain.
“Listen up, String Bean, you can shove it right up your ass.” Jason slammed the door shut. “There’s no need for all the goddamn drama, since some of us will still be here! Christ!” He stomped off.
“He’s grumpy because Nick and Bernie have to go get their dogs.” Leo shook his head, a parody of sympathy. “And Jase feels like they’re choosing the dogs over him.”
“I can fucking hear you, you little—”
“Can I ask you a question about the size of the eventual bedroom?” Hugh interrupted.
“Dammit. Fine. What?”
Evan leaned in. “He’s usually better with clients.”
“Don’t make me fire you, Derwent!”
He laughed and accepted a cup of coffee from Eddie out of the just-finished pot. “So you guys are leaving soon?”
They glanced at each other.
“Sometime this morning,” Leo said. “Do you work through the weekends?”
“Uh. Well. I mean, I don’t have a crew on the weekends.” Even if his “crew” was two guys who’d come on a recommendation from one of the neighbors, neither of whom liked the other.
“We were thinking maybe you could spend a few days at the house. As a surprise for Lucy.”
“Oh.” A surprise for Lucy. “I mean, uh, yeah. I could probably—I mean, if you’re sure she’d like that.”
Another glance at each other. This time it was Eddie, eyes still lowered, who said, “Mistress would like it.”
Will banged into the kitchen, holding yet another coffee pot. “Dude, I feel like it takes longer to clean every year. And the weird part is we could totally come here, for like no reason at all, but we never do. It’s so bizarre. Like, the boyfriends own the house. And we never come here.” He blinked at them. “Sorry, I’ll shut up, carry on.”
“We’re pretty much done.” Leo actually smiled this time, raising his eyebrows just slightly at Evan. “Anyway, think about it.”
“I will.” Seeing Lucy at home, with her boys? That would be fascinating as hell. And probably really hot.
“I’ll go make sure we’ve brought everything downstairs,” Leo said, touching Eddie’s cheek.
“Yes, Sir.”
Yeah, Evan thought he could spend a lot more time with them. For sure.
The front door opened. Truman stomped his feet on the floor to clear his shoes of debris before making his way over. “Everything going all right in here?”
Will leaned over for a kiss. “Your husband is interrogating Jase again, so that’s fun.”
“Definitely is.” Truman smiled at Evan. “Will you be relieved when everyone’s gone?”
“Well, you’re leaving me with the boss, so…”
The smile widened. “If you ever want to shut him up for any reason, I can tell you some stories about him that would do the trick. Just let me know if you need ammunition. After some of the things he told Will last year, I owe him.”
There was no malice to it, no edge of control or even manipulation. Just an ongoing joke between very old friends.
Evan smiled back. “Yeah, okay. It’s always good to have something to hold over his head.”
“I can fucking hear all of you!” the boss shouted. “I hate this goddamn family.”
Everyone else laughed. Nick’s voice carried from the stairwell, “But we love you, Jase!”
Jason growled.
In the end, Evan helped load up the cars and stood with the boss while they drove away. Hugh and Truman and Will first, with Will waving through the back window until they were down the hill. Then Nick and Bernie, who promised to be back over the weekend, to Jason’s attempted indifference. (Evan didn’t think anyone was fooled by that.) Then Leo and Eddie said goodbye while Lucy lingered, pressing her forehead to his.
He let his hands rest on her hips, not quite sure what to say to the woman who’d seen him, to the woman who’d let him have little glimpses of her.
“When they propose you come visit in secret, you should do it,” she murmured. “Promise me, Evan. Promise me you won’t disappear without fucking me again.”
“I won’t.” Gas money or no gas money.
“Good.” She kissed him, deeply, and the boss muttered, “Jesus Christ” under his breath.
“See you soon, Lucy.”
“Right back at you, kiddo. Keep Jase in line, would you?”
“Uh, probably not.”
She laughed and kissed him again. Then she stepped back, out of his arms, and walked to the car.
They drove off without looking back.
“She’s a fucking handful,” Jason said.
“She just likes people to think she is. I need your help on the dimensions for the doorway. The best place for it is definitely not the most accessible place for it.”
The boss groaned. “Well, I’m gonna have to answer to Ally if I inconvenience her boy, so we better fucking study up.”
They went back inside, slipping in to the safe, comfortable lingo of measurements and dimensions and angles.
What a weird damn week. And at the end of it, Evan couldn’t imagine his New Year’s going any other way.
* * *
If you liked Ring in the True and want to hang out with Davey (and an unlikely new friend) at the next New Year’s, check out Let Every New Year Find You!
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Bits and Bobs
Before anything else, let me rec you a zine. Fucking Trans Women is a marvelous work, and apart from being informative and thought provoking, it also does what zines have always done better than anything else, which is serve as an imperfect, impermanent community space, a resource that asks as well as answers, that offers rather than advises. Fucking fantastic. Go drop five bucks for the PDF.
As always, my thanks to General Wendy for casting her eyes upon this book once or twice (or three times). This book also owes a debt of laughter to the Irregulars on Facebook, who demanded all the porn. Ring in the True is not quite all the porn, but I trust the Irregulars will forgive me.
Among Wendy’s many other contributions to my books, she is often responsible for calling me out about food. This is the first time she suggested a recipe in the margin comments, though, and this looks too fucking good to pass up. This is almost certainly the dish that Evan and Cait eat on Cait’s first night at the beach house. Straight from an index card that’s older than my kids, I present to you:
General Wendy’s “Hot Naked Pasta for Two”
1⁄4 c. olive oil
1 green onion
3 cloves of garlic
Couple slices of garden tomato, diced (or a roma or two)
1⁄4 c. pine nuts
Bay leaf
Thyme, basil, oregano 1⁄4 tsp each
2 cups cooked pasta of choice
Heat olive oil and garlic on medium heat, add nuts and spices. Bloom in oil for a few minutes, then turning heat low add green onion and tomato. Heat until onions are clear. Remove bay leaf. Pour over pasta and serve.
About the Author
Kris Ripper lives in the great state of California and zir pronouns are ze/zir. Kris shares a converted garage with a kid, can do two pull-ups in a row, and can write backwards. (No, really.) Ze has been writing fiction since ze learned how to write, and boring zir stuffed animals with stories long before that.
Ring in the True
Copyright © 2016 Kris Ripper
Cover: AngstyG
All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means without express written permission of the publisher.
All characters and events in this book are fictitious. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead is strictly coincidental.
Kris Ripper, Ring in the True
