Evan shook his head. “I was just going to take a walk.”

  “Fair warning, if Nick sees you, he’ll probably try to get you to take a run.”

  “Okay.” Right, that was enough small talk. Evan slipped off his flip flops and jumped down to the sand.

  “May I make an offer to you? One you can just think about, if you want to. Or not. But Hugh and I were talking about it last night, and I happen to be the one who saw you first.”

  The guy was smiling, and there was nothing in his demeanor that made him seem like a cobra waiting to strike. He is not Dad. He’s just a guy. And the boss loves him, so he’s probably a really nice guy. But people thought Dad was a nice guy, too. That’s how he got you.

  He managed a noncommittal “Uh. Okay?”

  “We know it’s gotta be hard for you to be away from your girlfriend for as long as you have been, and the job’s not done yet. So we wanted you to know that if the thing keeping her in Boston was funds, we’d be more than happy to offer her travel money to fly out for a few days.”

  Shit. Evan couldn’t react. Couldn’t feel anything. It was such a Dad-move, dangling this thing he wanted more than anything in front of his face, when it couldn’t happen. He clenched his fists just to feel the pinch of nails in his palms. “She’s got work.”

  “Even through the holidays?”

  Do not explode, do not explode. “Yeah, even through the holidays. We’re barely making the bills as it is because we live in a decent neighborhood, since we figured it’d be better to pay more than risk—a bad neighborhood. Anyway, yeah, like, she can’t just take time off for fun and fly across the country. Like on a whim.” Like rich people who don’t have any fucking clue what it’s like to be poor.

  Truman shook his head. “I’m so sorry. Of course, that makes perfect sense. We assumed she might have time off at New Year’s, that we could book something last minute, but obviously I understand if she doesn’t—”

  “Yeah, okay. Thanks anyway.” He knew it was kind of a dick move, walking away, but if he kept standing there he was going to start shouting.

  Or crying. Which would be so much worse.

  It was eight thirty in California. He took a chance Cait would still be home and dialed with shaking fingers as he stalked off down the beach.

  “Hey there, Sunshine.”

  Even exhaled, so relieved he could barely speak. “Hey.”

  “What’s wrong? What happened?”

  “Oh god. Nothing. It was nothing. I’m sure it was nothing and I totally overreacted and it totally wasn’t the guy’s fault, but he reminds me so much of my dad that I hate him, even though he’s probably just a nice person—”

  She whistled in his ear. “Maybe he’s secretly evil and you just have really good instincts.”

  Despite vowing not to cry, Evan found himself wiping his eyes. “God. I’m sure he’s not.”

  “You want to tell me the story? I have about thirty minutes before I need to be heading out the door. You can keep me company while I get dressed.”

  “It was really nothing…”

  “It’s definitely something. Even if it’s a projection, it’s something. Anyway, tell me.”

  So he did. Which took ten seconds, because the whole interaction hadn’t even taken five minutes. Then he waited, because Cait liked to process before giving her opinion. He knew if he was home right now he’d be watching her, hands probably still busy with her makeup, or her hair, or her clothes, or packing her bag. But her eyes would be a little distant because she was thinking about his story. For a second he allowed himself the vision: the angle of her elbow as she brushed back her hair until it was black and glossy, the shimmer she liked to add to her eyelids, and the careful touch of the deep plum lipstick she said went best with her complexion.

  God, he missed her so fucking much.

  “You want to hear what I think?” she finally asked.

  Evan kept walking along the wet, packed sand, shoving his non-phone hand in his pocket. “Yeah.”

  “I think he was trying to be nice. And it’s not that outlandish to assume someone’s got New Year’s off. You have New Year’s off. He probably does, too.”

  “I know. It was more an excuse to be pissed at him.”

  “Well, I don’t know about that. On the other hand, the lowest paid jobs are often the jobs that work all the holidays, like restaurant servers, and clerks, and stuff. So it’s not like there wasn’t a class thing going on there.”

  “He’s the boss’s best friend.”

  She huffed in his ear. “I’m pretty sure Jason can handle you being slightly irritated with the guy. But you seem upset more about your irritation than him.”

  “It’s just…I mean, I’d love it if you could come here. For a second I had this total fantasy that you could. And that, added to the fact that this guy totally reads dad to me, made me really kind of sad and ragey at the same time.” He wiped his eyes again. “I miss you so much.”

  “So, not to totally blow your classism smack-down out of the water, but Margo was just saying how she’s trying to pick up extra shifts before the baby comes because she could really use the money. And I definitely don’t need the money that badly. I think you might have played that up a little for effect, there, Ev. We aren’t starving.”

  “I know. I’m a jerk.” When the statement got an offended sound in response, he smiled. “What’re you saying? You could…actually fly to California? In like less than a week?”

  “Well. If you haven’t screwed me out of a charity flight, I could. And if you wanted to go back to this guy who really isn’t your father and ask for his help.”

  “Ugh.” Evan stopped walking. “No, but seriously, are you saying…you want to come out here for New Year’s?”

  “I could really only be gone for like…New Year’s Eve and New Year’s. I’d probably have to be on a plane that night. I’m not sure it’s really worth it.”

  “Oh my god, don’t you dare back out now.” He wiped more tears away and tried to control his voice. “Do you want to? I mean, if it’s not worth it for you—”

  “Someone will need to pick me up at the airport, and drop me off again—”

  “I can do all that!” Screw gas, screw traffic, screw everything. “Cait, come on.”

  “Even though you’ll have to go ask the dude who reminds you of your dad? Because we have rent money, but we don’t have airplane tickets money.”

  “I don’t care. Just, if you can come, I want you to come.”

  “Let me talk to Margo. If she can cover me…yeah. And I definitely want to meet Lucy.”

  He laughed, a little shaky. “Me too. I want you to meet all of these crazy people. I totally want to hear what you think.”

  “I’ll text you from work after I talk to Margo. But I just got kind of excited, Ev.”

  “Me too. Oh my god, me too.” Cait here, on the beach, in the house, drinking coffee in the kitchen, standing out on the desk in the wind where he could wrap his arm around her. He laughed again. “Oh god, I really, really want this to happen now.”

  “Okay, babe. I gotta go catch the bus. I’ll text you the second I find Margo.”

  “I’m seriously going to be staring at my phone for like the next hour.”

  “Tsk, tsk. Be sociable! Go find a distraction. Maybe Lucy will help you with that. Hubba hubba.”

  “Oh be quiet!”

  Cait laughed in his ear, and he couldn’t help but grin. “All right, naughty boy, I’m off. Talk to you later!”

  “Love you.”

  “Love right back at you.”

  He hung up, tingly and unnervingly excited. It still might not happen. And talking to Truman after he’d been a big butthead would sort of suck. But he didn’t care. He really wanted this to work out.

  Evan stayed on the beach until Nick and Jason ran up and prodded him to his feet with promises of coffee back at the house. He almost asked them about how to apologize to Truman, then chickened out.

  Later. He’d do that later. After he found out if this was a sure thing.

  Please, please let it be a sure thing.

  * * *

  He’d taken his lunch outside to eat—the Californians hid from any weather that wasn’t warm, which was pretty much all the weather on the coast—but Will followed him out. Evan assumed just to eat, until Will cleared his throat, huddling deeper into his jacket.

  “Um. So. Like. Not that he needs me to defend him, but Tru totally didn’t mean to come off like a rich asshole.”

  Evan almost choked on his sandwich.

  “Which he thinks he did, even though Hugh and I don’t believe it. Like Hugh? Hugh definitely comes off like a rich asshole sometimes. But Tru’s not from money, he’s from Iowa, so mostly he…doesn’t. Come off. Like that. Um. And it’s none of my business, but anyway, I just sort of wanted to…say that.” Will was blushing and staring down at his plate with concentration.

  “Uh. No, I mean, he didn’t, not really. And anyway, I asked Cait, and she said she could maybe come out. Though I’m not sure the offer still stands. I was kind of a jerk.”

  “Dude. Dude. Could she? Because that would be so fucking cool!”

  Evan smiled, helpless in the face of Will’s enthusiasm. “You don’t even know her.”

  “Nah, but I don’t have to. I like new people. Plus, you like Lucy, and Jase, so your girlfriend must be kickass.”

  “Ha. Is that how it works?”

  “Pretty fucking much. Anyway, yeah, of course the offer still stands. Tru just feels bad he offended you.”

  “Uh, well. That really wasn’t his fault. He sort of reminds me of my dad. In a bad way.”

  Will’s eyes widened. “Oh shit. That sucks. Also, I’m like really glad he doesn’t remind me of my dad. I mean, I like my dad and all? But like…not the way I like Truman. Oh my god, I just made this so fucking weird, sorry.”

  “It’s okay.” Evan shrugged, reaching for anything not too-sharey, but still sort of relevant to say. “Just, my dad’s one of those people other people really like, but when no one’s looking he’s…kind of awful. Or at least he was to me. I don’t know. I guess I keep bracing for that to be true now, too, even though I know it probably isn’t.”

  “Yeah. I mean, I’m obviously not objective, but Truman’s one of the best guys I know. And Jase has some super adorable baby-Tru stories, if you think his, like, early misadventures would be endearing or something. Not that you have to be endeared. Just that it’s gotta be awkward for you around here otherwise.”

  “I don’t really want to not-like someone based on my dad’s a jerk.”

  “Oh yeah. For real. Anyway, you gotta get Cait out here. And you can talk to Hugh if you’d rather. It’s all the same money.” He grinned. “You have no idea how hot that is.”

  “Uh…”

  “Mm hmm. So hot. They share all the money now. Used to be Hugh was super uncomfortable about his money, and Tru was actually worse. But now it’s all theirs.” Will fanned himself. “Sexy as hell.”

  “Uh, that they’re rich?”

  “Nah, they were always rich. Actually, Hugh wasn’t rich for the first few months I knew him, but whatever. The rich part isn’t what’s hot.” He leaned in just a little, and Evan found himself leaning in as well, meeting Will in the middle. “The hot part is it’s all theirs. Everything belongs to both of them. Intimacy turns me on, and them sharing stuff turns me on, and— I can’t explain it. It’s just totally hot. Anyway.”

  Evan studied him for a long moment before deciding a joke was worth the risk. “You get off on weird shit.”

  Will laughed out loud. “Oh fuck yeah, I do. You have no idea. The whole fucking family does. If you ever see Nick with ginger, back away slowly.” He socked Evan in the arm. “Fuck, I’m so excited to meet Cait! Also, I mean, not to be, but like…is that Cait as in—”

  “Don’t say it. Seriously. Never ever bring that up. Cait—my Cait—transitioned like ten years ago. She is royally pissed about the new Cait.” Whom she privately referred to as that upstart. “Plus, they look nothing alike. My Cait has black hair and a darker complexion and also isn’t rich and famous and full of shit. Uh. Anyway, yeah, same spelling, but my Cait had it first.”

  “Oh shit. That must seriously suck for her. And I will spread the word.”

  “It’ll be fine. I mean. You know how it is.” God, now that she was coming he had to make sure he didn’t say anything that would annoy her. She probably wouldn’t want him going around acting like she’d explode.

  But Will had already moved on.

  “And we gotta hit the thrift store to pick up stuff for New Year’s Eve, which is a tradition, so we’ll do that probably tomorrow, and it’s not technically a costume party, but Lucy and Bernie usually try to kick each other’s asses where costumes are concerned, so we’ll see what happens.”

  “Okay.” He had no idea what half of that meant, but okay seemed safe.

  “Sweet. Great. Let’s go tell the boyfriends that Cait wants to come out.”

  “We should probably wait until she texts.”

  Will shrugged. “It’ll take me a while to find the right flights. What’s the harm in starting sooner rather than later?”

  “Uh…” It seemed like it might be wasted effort, except Will was a whirlwind, and Evan allowed himself to be caught up.

  They talked to Hugh, who said of course everything could be arranged, and Will would be more than happy to drive to the airport. When Evan argued with that, Will leaned over and whispered, “It’s the difference between you spending the entire drive actually, like, driving, or sitting in the back cuddling with your lady.”

  “Will speaks from experience of long absences from his girlfriend,” Hugh added.

  Evan, taken totally aback, could only blink.

  “Ha.” Will shook his head. “Never make assumptions. At least not around here.” After a searing, explicit kiss with Hugh, he stood up. “I’ll be right back with my power cord. My phone’s not going to last computing on battery very long. The internet, Mr Reynolds!”

  “Next year.”

  Still somewhat stunned (Will had a girlfriend? How was that even possible?), Evan managed to say, “Actually, cuddling sounds a lot better. Than not cuddling.”

  Hugh smiled. “Excellent decision. I look forward to meeting Cait.”

  “Uh yeah. I’m…definitely looking forward to having her here. Even though it’s for a seriously short time.” His phone buzzed and he checked it, heart kicking up.

  I’m all yours, handsome. Go trade sexual favors for plane tickets, huh? With a heart after all that.

  He sent a heart back so she’d know he got it.

  “Good news?”

  “She can come.” And sure, he didn’t know the guy, and he’d been kind of really rude to the guy’s husband earlier, but he found himself beaming at Hugh like he couldn’t stop. “I just got really really excited.”

  “I’m so happy for both of you. Lucy will be ecstatic.”

  He hadn’t thought about Lucy. What would she say? And god, would this change everything? Because that would be worth it, but sad.

  Then again, this was Lucy. She’d probably ask if she could be their third for the night.

  Evan, blushing, forced his thoughts to measurements and equipment and a mental list of what he’d need to build the new bedroom. Hugh might have been smirking, but his expressions were kind of hard to read.

  So much fucking blushing. Evan was gonna go years without blushing after this fucking week.

  Chapter Five

  The thrift shop was dusty and crammed full of stuff, a smallish street-level room with an almost catacomb-feeling basement.

  Evan, Eddie, and Will were the only ones in the basement. Eddie was just along for fun (Lucy had confided that she and her boys always brought their costumes from home). Nick, Bernie, and Jason were upstairs, and there was some controversy over what the boss was gonna wear, which was pretty amusing.

  “Last year he tried to wear, like, some shirt he’d already worn once, and his jeans. Which Nick pretty much vetoed, like, immediately.” Will’s eyes lit up. “Oh my god. Wedding veil.” He grabbed the veil, which was on a hook over a scarf and two knit hats, and brandished it at Evan. “C’mon, someone’s gotta wear this. You want—”

  Evan backed away so hard he knocked over a rack of prom dresses. “Oh shit.”

  “Uh, so, right, let me just—” Will bent down to help right the rack. “I suck. Sorry.”

  “It’s okay.” It’s okay was what you said even when it fucking wasn’t okay, like your heart was pounding and your skin was crawling and the fucking past was trying to cram you back into the wrong shape—

  “It’s really not okay,” Will mumbled. He was chewing on his lip. “Just, I sort of lost track for a minute. Sorry. If Eddie had been closer, I’d’ve tried to get him to…anyway.”

  Dysphoria crowded into Evan’s head and made him want to turn away, hide somewhere, in a corner, in a non-gendered bathroom with a locking door, anywhere at all that wasn’t here, with these people. It was hard enough when he was hit by it around strangers. That Will actually seemed to understand made everything sharper. Instead of feeling vaguely nauseous, he might actually puke.

  “I dated a guy for a while who was genderqueer.” Will was helping put everything back on the rack, not making eye contact. “Clothes were this whole…thing. With him. He had to have a mix or he didn’t feel right in his head. Like I think that’s really true for everyone, and it just takes different forms. Anyway, I totally fucked up and I’m really sorry, Evan. And I’ll stop, like, nervously talking now.”

  Genderqueer wasn’t the same, and Evan didn’t want a mix, not ever, because it was hard enough passing even when everything he wore was from the men’s department, let alone a damn wedding veil.

  Except if he said all that to Cait, she’d tell him to check his misogynistic bullshit at the door and analyze exactly what the hell scared him so much about a stupid veil. Fuck.

  Most of the time he loved having her voice in his head. Sometimes it was annoying as hell. Cait always said they were at different trans developmental ages, and she usually said that when she was making a point about something he was doing that she thought was both appropriate for his “age”, and also destructive.

 

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