An Amish Kitchen, page 19
She blinked a few times, then her heart started pounding in her chest when she realized the mistake she’d made. “Eve, is that you?”
CHAPTER SIX
“IT WAS TERRIBLE, BENNY.” EVE LEANED HER HEAD back against her pillow Saturday evening. “She thought I was her sister, Minnie, and then when I tried to talk to her about it, she walked away. Did you see how quiet she was during supper?”
Benny didn’t say anything as he got underneath the covers.
“I think she must be going crazy.” Eve thought again about what her father said. This must be what he wanted her to know, that her mother was losing her mind. “Because she is surely ab im kopp.”
“Remember, Dr. Knepp said that Parkinson’s disease can cause some mind problems. Didn’t he say that?” Benny propped himself up against his pillow, then stroked his beard. “It wonders me how often this happens.”
“I don’t know. I wish Daed would have told me about this, but I guess he wanted me to find out on my own.” Eve shook her head, frowning. “He said she wasn’t ill-tempered, and that’s true. It’s even worse; she’s losing her mind.”
“Maybe that’s why she wanted you to write all the family recipes down.”
“You’re right. I didn’t even think of that.” Eve thought about the kaffi cake with no sugar in it. She rolled onto her side, her long brown hair cascading past her shoulders. “Do you think Daed is punishing me somehow—that he’s mad at me for not coming around enough, so he wants me to see how bad things are with Mamm?”
“That doesn’t sound like your father. Plus, only our heavenly Father judges us.” Benny leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. “Pray about it. And I will too.”
Eve closed her eyes and said her prayers.
But sleep didn’t come for a while.
Rosemary was glad that worship and the meal afterward had occupied a large part of the day, but she knew that come tomorrow she’d be left alone with Eve again, and her daughter was bound to say something about Rosemary’s bout of insanity.
It had seemed so clear in Rosemary’s mind . . . Minnie screaming and Rosemary comforting her.
She pulled her heavy coat tighter around her, thankful for the windshield on the buggy, but freezing nonetheless. Joseph’s teeth were chattering when she glanced his way, and he kept pushing his glasses back up on his nose. Twisting her neck, she turned to see Eve, Benjamin, and the twins behind them in their own buggy. The Bylers had hosted worship on this frigid Sunday, so Leroy had stayed to be with Lena.
“I want to talk to you about something, Rosie.” She recognized the slow steadiness of Joseph’s voice. He was about to say something important.
She looked his way.
“I want you to let Eve carry you to see Dr. Knepp.”
Rosemary hadn’t mentioned the Minnie episode to Joseph, so Eve must have told him. “What did Eve say?” She faced forward, raising her chin as her own teeth clicked together.
“About what?”
Rosemary turned toward him again. “About me. Did you and Eve have a conversation about me? I don’t want you talking behind mei back like—” She sighed, unable to pick the right word for her rant . . . like I’m a crazy person.
“No one’s talking behind your back, mei lieb, but I want you to get some better medication for your sickness.”
Rosemary thought about the day before and briefly considered it. “Nee.”
“Don’t you want to feel better?” Her husband pushed his glasses up on his nose again.
“I don’t feel bad.” Rosemary gripped her hands together in her lap, hoping Joseph wouldn’t notice the shaking. She’d been praying that she wouldn’t lose her senses anymore, and she’d keep praying about it. As awful as life had been with her own mother, Rosemary still remembered the day her father took her mother to see the Englisch doctors in Lancaster. Mamm never came home.
Joseph slowed the horse to a slow trot. “Rosie . . .” He turned toward her and sighed, then looked back through the plastic shield in front of them. “I know that you think we need to avoid the modern things of the world. And we mostly do. But I want you to think about seeing the Englisch doctor.”
Tears gathered in the corners of her eyes for the second time this week. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d cried, and yet it had almost happened in front of Eve, and now Joseph. She looked down at her hands. The shaking had been getting worse, but more fearful was a trip to see Dr. Knepp.
Elias tossed and turned beneath his covers. He’d spent as much time as he could with Elizabeth after worship service, but now as the moon shone brightly through his window, his mind filled with visions of her. They’d sneaked behind the Bylers’ house twice to kiss, and Elias was sure he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her.
He glanced at Amos on the other side of the room and wished his brother would quit snoring. Usually it didn’t bother him, but tonight he was just jittery in general. This must be part of being in love. He was glad no one could see the thoughts floating through his mind. Turning on his side, he thumped his pillow with his fist until it flattened. He was a frustrated man; he couldn’t sleep, he missed Elizabeth, and work would come early in the morning. He’d be glad when he was back at his job at the market, able to see her every day for lunch.
He folded his hands behind his head and scowled. Every day this past week Daed had sent Amos to the hardware store for something they’d needed for the house. Once it was for more nails, and then yesterday they’d run out of wood putty. It didn’t seem fair that Amos always got to make the run to the store. Elias could have used the opportunity to see Elizabeth, which was probably why his father didn’t assign him the task. Amos was sure taking advantage of his break away from the job site, taking an extra long time every day. He was probably stopping in some bookstore or library to bury his head in a book.
Elias rolled over again. Elizabeth had insisted that Elias not sneak out during the two weeks while he was grounded. She was worried about his health out in the cold, and that he would get caught again and be in even more trouble. He was thankful his parents had not told Elizabeth’s parents that they’d been meeting.
I love her so much. I hope she loves me half as much as I love her.
He flipped onto his other side. And wished Amos would quit snoring.
Rosemary couldn’t sleep. She had been awake when Joseph slipped out of bed to go have a snack, and she was still sleepless as he tried to sneak back under the covers without her knowing. She smiled for a brief moment, but worry filled her heart. She was afraid to go to sleep. What if her mind wasn’t intact when she woke up? She’d been praying about it all night, but maybe this was God’s plan for her.
She watched the clock for almost an hour, and it was nearly eleven when she climbed out of bed to go to the bathroom. As she felt her way through the darkness, a glow outside the window caught her eye. She walked toward the window and leaned her face toward the pane to peer outside, then she walked to the bed and nudged her husband.
“Joseph, wake up.”
He grunted.
Rosemary gave him another gentle push on the shoulder. “Wake up. One of the boys is outside in this weather.”
“Is he coming or going?”
Rosemary went back to the window and peered out. “He’s coming up the walk toward the porch.”
“Gut. Then all is well.”
She turned around and faced her husband. His voice didn’t express one bit of concern. “How can you say that? No kinner should be out this time of night in this wedder.”
“It’s Elias. He goes to see the Lapp girl.”
Rosemary watched out the window as Elias came up the porch steps. “Elizabeth?”
“Ya. That’s her name. Now come back to bed.”
Rosemary waited until she saw Elias safely up the porch steps and heard the gentle click of the door in the living room closing behind him before she went to the bathroom. A few minutes later she shuffled back to bed in her socks, pulled the covers back, and got into bed. She nudged Joseph. “That’s disrespectful, sneaking out.” She shook her head before she slid down onto her pillow. “What next?”
“He’s in lieb. I used to sneak out to meet you too. Now go to sleep.”
Rosemary remembered meeting Joseph at the nearby shanty when she was seventeen. She cringed, recalling the risks she’d taken. But she knew Eve wouldn’t react the way her own mother would have if Rosemary had been caught. “Eve will hear of this in the morning.”
“Let it go, Rosemary. I’ll talk to Elias tomorrow.”
Her eyes rounded in the darkness. “Let it go? I can’t keep this from Eve.”
“I will talk to the boy in the morning.”
“You make him understand that this type of behavior is unacceptable. And in our haus.” She rolled onto her side. “Eve would have never done anything like that.”
“Really?” Joseph chuckled. “I doubt we know half of what Eve did during her rumschpringe. We didn’t give her many freedoms, but kinner that age are going to break the rules, explore.”
“Eve would have never sneaked out of the haus.”
“Ask her, then.”
“I will.”
“Go to sleep.”
Rosemary let out a heavy sigh and closed her eyes.
Elias grunted as he pulled the covers up over his head. “What do you want, Amos? It can’t be time to get up yet.” His brother poked him in the arm for the second time, and Elias eased his head out of the covers. Amos was holding a lantern, and Elias glanced at the clock. “I could have slept thirty more minutes.”
“George is missing.”
Elias bolted up. “What?”
“I must not have closed the latch on his cage good.” Amos held up the lantern and shined it toward the closet, the door wide open. “He ain’t there.”
Elias rubbed his eyes as he stretched the length of the bed.
“Help me look for him.”
“He’s your stupid lizard. And I can smell breakfast cooking.” Elias rolled out of the bed.
“Danki, Elias. I’ll—I’ll remember when you need mei help for something.” Amos dropped to his knees, shined the lantern under each bed, then actually called George by name as if he were calling for a dog.
Elias shook his head but then lit the other lantern. He pulled out the dresser and held the light close, shone the light behind the rocking chair, then held it at arm’s length around the room while Amos did the same thing using the other lantern. “I don’t see him.”
“That’s not gut.” His brother scratched his head as he continued to move the lantern around the room.
Elias pulled on his black work pants and a dark-blue long-sleeved shirt. “Let’s eat breakfast. I’ll help you find him when we get home from work tonight.”
Amos leaned down and stuck his hand inside each of his shoes that were by the bed, then went to his empty duffel bag in the corner and pulled it wide at the zipper. “Nee. Not in here.” He dressed quickly. “Shut the door gut behind us,” Amos said as he left the bedroom in front of Elias. “That way he won’t get out of this room while we’re at work.”
Elias did as Amos asked, but sighed as he glanced behind him at the space between the bottom of the door and the wood floor.
Plenty of room for George to squeeze his way out.
CHAPTER SEVEN
THE NEXT MORNING ROSEMARY WANTED TO TELL EVE about Elias. It seemed the right thing to do despite Joseph’s insistence that he would speak to the boy. Eve should know that her son had been sneaking out. But she looked so peaceful curled up in the recliner writing on the recipe cards. Rosemary stared at her for a few moments, still unable to believe that she’d actually mistaken her own daughter for Minnie. She shook her head, struggling to clear the images.
As she ran a broom across the wooden floor in the living room, she fought the tremble in her right hand and the ache in her back. She paused, straightening for a moment as she put a hand across the small of her back.
“Mamm . . .”
Rosemary turned to Eve. “Ya?”
“Why don’t you take advantage of my being here and let me help with the housework?” Eve laid her pen across the card in her lap.
Rosemary shook her head. She was already taking advantage of Eve being here by having her write down the recipes. Eve didn’t know that Rosemary had referred to them several times already, sneaking a peek when no one was around.
“No . . .” She smiled as she waved a hand in Eve’s direction. “It’s important for you to write the recipes down, and . . .” She paused. “And mei hand trembles too much to do that.” It was easier to admit that than tell her daughter that she couldn’t remember how to make things she’d been cooking for over forty years. She wondered if Eve was going to mention yesterday’s episode. Surely she already suspected that her mother was losing her mind.
Eve twisted her mouth back and forth. “Well, you should at least let me get you something better than that old broom. They make nonelectric sweepers, Mamm, that are very light and easy to use.”
“No need.” Rosemary began pushing the broom across the floor again. “This is the way I’ve always done it.”
“Ya, I know.” Eve’s tongue was thick with sarcasm, and Rosemary’s eyes darted to the right just in time to see Eve rolling hers.
Rosemary held the broom out to her side like a pitchfork and put her other hand on her hip. “Did mei own dochder just roll her eyes at me?”
Eve put the recipe box, cards, and her pen on the end table next to her and leaned forward. “Mamm, I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be disrespectful, but I can’t understand your unwillingness to change. Bishop Smucker allows us certain items that make our lives easier, like better appliances and a new sweeper. It just doesn’t make sense to me.” Eve lifted her hands and shrugged. “So maybe explain it to me.”
Rosemary’s blood was about to boil, but she reminded herself that Eve was of a new generation. Rosemary would have never spoken to her mother in such a way. And for good reason.
“Why is it that you feel the need to change everything about our ways?” Rosemary lifted the broom a few inches off the ground. “I’ve had this broom for years, and it’s cleaned every room in this house just fine without buying an Englisch sweeper. Besides, hard work is gut for the soul.”
“Mamm, God doesn’t distinguish your place in His kingdom based on whether or not you use a broom or a sweeper—which, by the way, isn’t an Englisch sweeper.”
“Well, the good Lord doesn’t want us veering from our simple ways either.” Rosemary put the broom down, turned, and ran it across the floor again. “And I reckon He doesn’t want us giving our kinner all the freedoms that they seem to have nowadays.”
Eve’s eyebrows drew into a frown. “All three of mei boys are in their rumschpringe, Mamm. You know there are certain freedoms that go along with that.” Then Eve mumbled under her breath, “Even though I didn’t have any.”
Rosemary thought about what Joseph had said, and she faced Eve, brushing back a piece of gray hair that had fallen forward. “Did you ever sneak out of our haus in the middle of the night?”
The color drained from Eve’s face. “Why do you ask?”
Well, there; Rosemary had her answer. But if Eve sneaked out because Rosemary and Joseph had not allowed her enough freedom, then why was Elias sneaking out? Those kinner surely had more than enough privileges. Her thoughts were quickly resolved—it was just never enough these days. There was never going to be a return to the times when a hard day’s work and simple pleasures were enough to keep a person satisfied. With each generation the birds wandered farther from the nest, which only set them up to be swallowed by the world around them.
She finally answered Eve. “I was just wondering. Your daed suggested that maybe we didn’t give you enough freedom during your rumschpringe, but if we didn’t, it was only to keep you close, to make sure that you chose correctly—to be baptized into the community.”
Eve smiled, not showing any teeth. “I chose correctly.”
“I hope that your boys will all make the right choices.” Rosemary slowly stooped to push the little bit of dirt she’d gathered into a dustpan.
“They are all gut boys, but they deserve to explore the world so that they know this is what they want. You’re lucky I didn’t . . .”
Rosemary looked up. “What? We’re lucky you didn’t what? End up in the Englisch world? It was surely our biggest fear when you were growing up.”
“I worry about that too, but you can’t criticize the way we raise our sohns.” Eve stood up. “At least they know they are loved.” She turned to go up the stairs. “I’m going to straighten their rooms.”
Know they are loved? Her daughter didn’t know she was loved? Rosemary’s head started buzzing again, and she started to call out, but instead she squeezed her eyes closed.
She put her face in her hands. Dear Lord, please don’t let me have another episode.
Deciding that maybe a nap would help the dizziness she was feeling, she opened her bedroom door, then grabbed her heart. It’s happening again. Another hallucination.
She didn’t move as she eyed the small alligator perched atop her bed. Slowly she backed up two steps and opened her mouth to call for Eve, but stopped herself.
This isn’t real.
She eyed the imaginary reptile for several moments.
Then she shrugged and crawled into bed beside it.
Eve knew she shouldn’t have spoken to her mother that way, but it was getting harder and harder to take the constant criticism about the way she and Benny raised their children and how she continued to move away from the simpler ways she’d been brought up with.
She walked into her mother’s sewing room, which was exactly as Eve remembered. The treadle sewing machine was against the left wall, and the shelves next to it were filled with quilting scraps, bolts of material, and other sewing supplies. On the opposite wall was the yellow-and-blue plaid couch that Mamm had picked up at a mud sale in Bird-in-Hand. She’d said the couch was much too fancy for the living room, but she’d bought it anyway since it folded out into a bed and had only cost her ten dollars.
