An Amish Kitchen, page 14
He sipped more coffee and then met her gaze. “Remember when the bishop read from the book of Acts?”
“Ya.” Hannah recited the verses. “I like that passage very much.”
“I don’t feel that it’s true for me.” He took another pretzel from the plate.
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t feel worthy of Jesus’ forgiveness.”
Hannah shook her head. “We all sin and fall short of the glory of God, but Jesus died to save each of us.”
He chewed the pretzel, the heavy moment passing. “Okay, it’s your turn to talk.”
“Ach.” Hannah shrugged. “I don’t have anything to share. I’ve spent my life here on this farm. There’s not much more to tell.”
“I’m certain there’s more.” His eyes probed hers. “Is Jason Glick your boyfriend?”
Hannah considered the question. Although Jason wasn’t her boyfriend, it was apparent by the attention he’d given her that he wanted to be. Hannah was more attracted to Stephen than Jason, but Stephen wasn’t baptized like Jason was. And Stephen offered no promises. “No, Jason isn’t my boyfriend. We’re getting to know each other.”
They talked about their plans for the weekend, and she discussed the guests who were supposed to arrive in the coming weeks.
Soon the pretzels and coffee were gone, and Hannah saw that it was almost eight o’clock. “I didn’t realize that it was so late. Danki for having a snack with me.”
Hannah placed the dishes in the sink. When she turned, she nearly walked into Stephen, who was standing close to her. He cupped his hand to her cheek, and she sucked in a ragged breath. He moved his fingers down her cheekbone, sending shivers dancing down her spine.
“Hannah.” His whisper was a beautiful hymn to her ears. He leaned down to her, and she held her breath. Just as their lips closed in to make contact, the back door opened with a slam, and Hannah jumped backward, colliding with the counter.
Her mother stood by the door with her hands on her hips. “Hannah Mary! What’s going on here?”
“Mamm, what are you doing here?” Hannah gritted her teeth. Her mamm just ruined a perfect moment. When would she treat Hannah as an adult and allow her to live life at her own discretion?
Bishop Smucker stepped into the kitchen behind her mother, and Hannah swallowed a gasp. She smoothed her apron and touched her prayer kapp as her cheeks heated. “Bishop Smucker. What a surprise.”
“Good evening.” The bishop fingered his beard.
Stephen nodded at the bishop and slipped his hands in his pockets.
“The bishop was in the area and stopped by to say hello.” Her mother studied her. “Did we come at a bad time?”
“No, not at all.” Hannah eyed her mamm. “We were having a snack before bed. I made soft pretzels and coffee to thank Stephen for his hard work.”
Her mother and the bishop looked at each other and then back at Stephen and Hannah. Have they been talking about Stephen and me?
“Hannah, may I speak with you alone?” Her mother pointed toward the hallway leading to Hannah’s room. “The bishop would like to talk to Stephen.”
Hannah hesitated.
“Hannah.” Mamm’s voice was urgent. “Let’s go now.”
Hannah nodded at the bishop on her way down the hall.
Her mother followed behind her and closed the bedroom door. “Why are you having a snack and coffee so late? Won’t the caffeine keep you up the rest of the night?”
“This can’t possibly be about the pretzels and coffee.” Hannah sank onto the edge of her bed. “Why are you and the bishop really here?”
“You’re right.” Her mamm sat on a chair across from Hannah. “The bishop came to check on things at the inn. He’s spoken to Stephen at church, and even though he thinks Stephen is a nice young man, he’s heard things.”
“Heard things?” Hannah shook her head. “What do you mean?”
“There have been concerns in the community about Stephen and you being here alone.”
“Why would someone go to the bishop about Stephen?” Hannah stood. “Who would do that?”
“I warned you.”
“I know you did, but there was no reason to warn me.” She studied her mother’s eyes. “Who talked to the bishop about Stephen and me?”
“I don’t know. The bishop only told me that there was some concern, and he wanted to remind Stephen about behaving properly.”
Hannah tried to remember who had stopped by recently. “There were several people who bought eggs during the past few weeks, but I don’t remember anyone making any comments.”
“No matter who it was, you have to be mindful of how your behavior is perceived by others. You’re both unmarried. Don’t you think it’s inappropriate for you to be sharing a late-evening snack alone?” Her mother’s eyes bored into hers. “I know I interrupted something between you two, Hannah Mary. I’m not blind.”
Hannah couldn’t lie. Her mamm had interrupted something—Hannah’s first kiss. And she couldn’t deny that she’d wanted it to happen.
“What about Jason?” Her mamm tilted her head. “Do you forget about Jason when Stephen is around?”
“I don’t know.” A lump swelled in Hannah’s throat. “I’m confused. Jason is kind, and I’ve liked him since I was a child. But Stephen is—”
“Stephen is a stranger. You’ve known Jason your whole life, and we know his family.”
“But I don’t know if I love Jason. He seems overconfident, and I noticed him looking at other girls at church and the singing. I don’t know if I trust him to be more than a friend.”
“Love is a feeling that grows over time. You’re freinden now. You’ll grow to love him as you get to know him better. That’s how it was with your daed and me, and that’s how it should be.”
Hannah considered her mother’s words. She wished that the answer were clearer about which one God had set apart for her. She knew one thing for certain—she’d wanted Stephen to kiss her, and she hadn’t felt that way when she was with Jason.
Her mamm started for the door. “I need to get back home and help your daed get ready for bed.” She looked back at Hannah and smiled. “If your heart is troubled, then pray. The Lord will lead you to the right answer. Gut nacht, Hannah.”
“Gut nacht.” Hannah watched her mother leave the room. Although she was troubled by the bishop’s visit, she was thankful for the opportunity to share her feelings about Jason and Stephen. It was the first time she and her mother had truly talked since her father’s stroke. She was confused by her mixed emotions, but she knew her mother’s advice was right. She had to pray.
She closed her eyes. Please see me through this confusion, Lord, and lead me to the right choice.
Stephen turned to Bishop Smucker. “What would you like to talk about?”
The bishop nodded toward the back door. “Let’s go for a walk.”
Stephen followed the older man outside and toward the barn. His mind reeled with questions while they walked. He didn’t think he’d done anything improper since arriving in Paradise. Yet the disapproval on Rachel’s face warned him that this might not be a friendly visit.
The bishop stopped in front of the barn and faced Stephen. “How are you getting along in Paradise so far?”
“Very well.” Stephen leaned against the barn wall.
“Gut.” The older man folded his arms over his chest. “I wanted to stop in and see how you were doing. A couple of members in the community voiced a concern about your being here.”
“Why were they concerned about me?” Stephen stood up straight.
“Hannah is a sweet maedel, and they were worried about how folks may view her if she’s alone with you at the inn.”
“We’re not alone. There are guests coming to stay all the time. In fact, the inn hasn’t been empty since I arrived.”
“My instincts about folks are normally correct, and you seem like a gut man. However, I’ve known Hannah since she was born. I grew up with her daadi. If your relationship at the inn seems improper, she has to live with the consequences. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
Although frustration struck inside him, Stephen nodded. “I do.”
“There may be guests in the inn, but if you’re seen alone together, it could be damaging to Hannah. You were alone with her tonight, and a scene like that could be misconstrued by others. Rumors can spread like wildfire in a close community.”
Stephen frowned. He knew rumors all too well, since he’d experienced them firsthand after Lillian died. Although the members of the community said they forgave Stephen, he heard whispers about the sin he and Lillian had committed.
“If you know you’re going to be alone with Hannah, you need to find an appropriate chaperone. It would’ve been smarter if you’d shared your snack at Rachel’s haus instead of being alone with Hannah. I’m certain the rules were similar in Sugarcreek.”
“The rules were the same.” Stephen kicked a stone with the toe of his boot.
The bishop frowned. “If you choose not to follow the rules, then I may have to ask you to move out of the inn and stay somewhere else.”
“I understand.”
“Gut.” The older man smiled. “I’m glad we could have this talk, Stephen. Gut nacht.”
Stephen looked toward the inn and wondered how Hannah’s talk with her mother was going. He thought back to the conversation they’d shared earlier, and he hurried over to the buggy. “Bishop, may I ask you a question?”
“Of course.” The bishop dropped the reins and climbed back down. “What’s on your mind?”
“Do you believe we’re completely forgiven if we confess our sins to God and our community?”
“Ya.” The bishop raised his eyebrows. “Why do you ask?”
“What if you confessed, but the sin was still heavy on your heart? How do you overcome that burden?”
The bishop paused as if to collect his thoughts. He then placed his hand on Stephen’s shoulder. “Well, son, I would imagine you’d need to ask God to remove that burden for you. I also think you’d have to find a way to forgive yourself.”
Stephen nodded slowly. “Right.”
“I can tell by your expression that you’re struggling with something. You must trust that God loves you, no matter how terrible you feel your sin is.” The bishop squeezed Stephen’s shoulder. “Jesus died on the cross to forgive our sins. None of us is truly worthy of His love, but we’re saved because of that love. God chose us, not the other way around.”
Stephen mulled over the words, but he still didn’t feel worthy of being forgiven. A long silence fell between them. Stephen’s shoulders slumped with the heavy load of the bishop’s words.
“Why don’t we pray together?” The bishop folded his hands.
Stephen nodded and closed his eyes.
“Heavenly Father, danki for giving Stephen and me the opportunity to talk tonight. We ask that You lay Your healing hand on Stephen’s head and help him to forgive himself for the burdens that are troubling him. You have the power to open our hearts. Please lead Stephen to find peace through Your Son, Jesus Christ, our Lord. Amen.”
“Amen.” Stephen looked up at the bishop. “Danki.”
“Gern gschehne. I better get going.” He climbed into the buggy. “You have a gut night.”
“You too. Drive safely.” Stephen headed back into the house while the buggy wheels crunched on the rock driveway. He contemplated the bishop’s words on his way up to his room. The words made sense, but what did he need to do in order to release the guilt?
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
STEPHEN BREATHED IN THE SWEET SMELL OF THE RIPE apples while picking them from the trees in Hannah’s family’s orchard and dropping them into a bucket below his ladder. Although it had been a couple of weeks since he’d talked to the bishop, the older man’s words still echoed in his mind. He pondered the bishop’s suggestion to forgive himself, and he prayed daily for God to help him find that forgiveness. He was so thankful for the past two months that he’d spent with the King family. He treasured the talks he shared with Hannah, and he hoped their friendship would continue to grow and blossom just as the orchard trees had.
“Hi!” Hannah’s voice rang out as she approached with a large basket. “If you take all of my apples, how am I going to make a pie?”
“Did you say pie?” Stephen climbed down from the ladder. “You can take them all if you make me an apple pie.”
“Who said the pie was for you?” She grinned, and his heart warmed with the possibility that she could like him as more than a friend.
Stephen grabbed an apple from the basket and held it out to her. “If I give you an apple from my pile, would you make the pie for me?”
She took the apple and stared at it while raising an eyebrow. “Shouldn’t I be the one giving you the apple?”
Stephen laughed. “I guess so . . . After all, this is Paradise. But I don’t fancy myself as an Adam.”
Hannah dropped the apple into her basket. “So you like apple pie?”
“There are very few pies I’ve met that I don’t like.” He leaned against the ladder. “I bet you have an appeditlich recipe.”
Hannah frowned. “I want to get my mammi’s recipe, but I can’t convince my mamm to give it to me.”
“Why won’t she share it?”
“My mamm likes to be in control of things, especially my daed. I’m certain you’ve noticed that.”
Stephen nodded. “I have.” He glanced beyond her and spotted Jason heading toward them. His lips formed a taut line.
“Hannah!” Jason walked over to them. “I’ve been looking for you.” He acknowledged Stephen with a slight nod.
“Hi, Jason.” Hannah’s smile didn’t meet her eyes.
Jason looked between Stephen and Hannah and then smiled at Hannah. “I was wondering if you wanted to go for a walk with me.”
“Ach.” Hannah frowned. “No, I don’t think so. Now isn’t a gut time.”
Stephen bit the inside of his mouth to stop his grin.
“Why not?” Jason’s eyebrows pinched up between his eyes. “It’s a schee day, and I came all the way out here to see you.”
“I’m sorry, but I’m busy.” Hannah’s smile was forced. “I’ll see you at church next week.”
Jason’s mouth gaped at her obvious dismissal. “All right, at church, then. Good-bye.” He stomped off toward his buggy.
Stephen felt a surge of confidence. “Would you like to go for a walk with me?”
“Let me think about it.” She tapped her finger on her chin and then smiled up at him. “I would like that.”
Despite the bishop’s warning, Stephen walked beside Hannah through the apple orchard. The blue sky above them was dotted with white, fluffy clouds and the sun was warm against Stephen’s face, a stark contrast to the cool fall breeze.
“I’m hoping that the apple pie tastes like my mammi’s. I’ve gotten my pie to come out close to hers, but I can’t quite get the texture of the filling.”
“I’m certain you’ll figure it out.” He smiled at her. “You’re a wunderbaar baker, and you’re quite sweet too.”
She laughed and swatted his arm. “You’re just saying that.”
“How come you’re walking with me, but you wouldn’t walk with Jason?”
Her smile faded. “Because I’d rather walk with you.” She grabbed his hand and pulled him toward the back of the orchard. “Let me show you my favorite tree that Andrew and I used to climb when we were kids.”
Stephen and Hannah walked back to the tree and reminisced about their childhoods. He couldn’t stop his smile as he shared stories about playing with his brother on his grandfather’s farm. His heart yearned for his family, and he decided he needed to write them and share news about his new home in Paradise.
They walked around the orchard and continued to talk and laugh until they reached their basket and buckets.
“Let me give you the apples I had picked. I was going to bring them to you anyway.” Stephen filled her basket with the apples from his bucket. “I’ll carry it.”
“Danki.”
Stephen fell in step with Hannah as they made their way to the house; it felt as though they were meant to walk together.
Hannah pushed the ties from her prayer covering behind her shoulders. “Fall is my favorite time of year.”
“Mine too.” He followed her into the kitchen and placed the basket on the table.
“Danki for the lovely walk. I’m going to start making the pie now.” Hannah stepped over to the sink and began washing her hands.
Stephen gestured toward the stairs. “And I’m going to go upstairs for a little bit. I think it’s time I wrote to my family and told them how I’m doing.”
She smiled. “That’s a gut idea.”
“I’ll check on my pie later.” He winked at her and then took the stairs two at a time to his bedroom. He pulled out a notepad and pen from a drawer and then sat at the desk and began to write.
Dear Jacob,
Please forgive me for delaying this letter. I’ve wanted to write you for a long time, but I was too prideful to apologize to you. I’m sorry for hurting you and Mamm, but I believed it was the only way for me to escape the pain of Lillian’s death. I never meant to cause you pain, and I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.
I’m living in Paradise, Pennsylvania, now. I have so much to tell you about my life.
Stephen finished the letter by sharing the details of his days and promising to visit Sugarcreek soon. He wrote a similar letter to his parents before sealing the envelopes. He wrote out the addresses and felt some of the burden leave his heart.
Hannah frowned down at the hot apple pie. Yet again, the recipe didn’t turn out the way it was supposed to. Not only had she left it in the oven too long, but the crust didn’t taste right. She folded her arms over her chest and blew out a heavy sigh. One of these days she would get it right, recipe or not.
The screen door slammed shut, and her mother entered the kitchen. “What are you doing?”
“I tried to make an apple pie, but it’s not like Mammi’s.” She pointed toward the pie sitting on the cooling rack. “I thought I had it right this time.”
